Transcript for Sharing Our Grief

This podcast is supported by Evernorth Health Services.

My name is Mary Lahi Kenan. I'm calling because I want you to know my son's name.

Lahi Kenan? Is my only child? Is 25 and diagnosed with brain cancer? They were, it was Cleoplastoma. We were told from the beginning that it would take his life. It felt it went on for a number of years, but he was left with daily seizures. His longtime girlfriends asked too much for her. He planned to marry her. It was just the three of us non-dad and Ian. The time was full of love and laughter, but also terrifying MRIs to see us be other shoes as they put it. Finally dropped.

No more talk of a cure. This meant constantly at the hospital. Ian wanted to stop. I couldn't want to lose him. I talked to them for three weeks. And finally, on Halloween, I asked him to tell me what he really wanted. I want to stay home, Mom. I want to live, not to survive, he said.

He said, okay, I'll tell everyone to stop crawling. No more appointments, no land, no MRIs. My heart was breaking.

You knew that he was my favorite human.

My name is Linda, my dear friend, New exactly. what to say when I called her to tell her our son Matthew had died by suicide at age 24. She said, I will say his name and I will remember and talk about Matthew forever to everyone I know. The worst thing that could ever have happened to us are only child with God. We feared he would be forgotten. My friends let me know with those sweet words that Matthew would continue to be talked about and remembered beyond our memories of him. It was the most beautiful, generous gift, and I will never forget her perfect words.

My name is Sarah. I live just a set of Chicago. My husband and I lost our first baby at about six months, so six months pregnant. One of the things that I have come to understand is that my grief is useful to other people who are in grief. And their grief is useful to me, sort of like driving in a white-out snowstorm if you see that there are headlights. In front of you, it helps you feel like there's a path that you are on and there is space to move forward.

Hi, Anderson. I lost My second child from your back who were really rare genetic conditions and it was completely devastating as you can imagine. He was an infant and I was able to test for it with subsequent children and lost two other pregnancies and also had two more living children after that. So I have three living children right now and I learned a lot from it. I absolutely believe that he was meant to be here. I was meant to be his mother. There's so much love around that. And I'm so glad that I was, you know, able to hold him as he guide. I think that being a witness to the death of someone that you love is, it's amazing, it's an honor. But he's not something that's a taboo subject if he comes up in conversation. I'm talking to somebody if they ask how many kids I have and it feels appropriate. I mentioned it. I feel like making the loss of a loved one where you don't talk about the person. I actually think that that can make living with it more difficult and I feel grateful that my son Jordan has been incorporated into our family as just part of our lives. He was my kids brother. He was my husband's child.

My name is Sarah and my first daughter Clara was born and died unexpectedly at birth on December 28th of 2015. So I have another daughter as well and so People ask, how many children you have is just your only one. And I make a decision right than in their whether or not I'm going to share about Clara. And often I do because she is part of our family. And while I'm often met with silence, his though the person who asked that question didn't even hear me when I say, well, actually I have two, but my first standard. Even though I am often met with that reaction, I continue to share because one of the things that I have found is that the more I share, the more people open up to me and they tell me their stories. There's a lot of connection that can be made and I have met some of the kindest people through my sharing and that has helped me and I hopefully helps others Hi, my name is Mariana Yamati and I just wanted to share one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me in my grief. My father passed away in 2017, my mother passed away in 2018 and I'd be friends with a small group of older women and one day I just started weeping and one of the older women gently asked me, what was she like? What was your mother like? To be honest, I didn't even know how to answer that. I had realized that all the questions that I've been asked in the last two years with my parents passing were, what happened to them? When did they die? How did they die? And here this woman was asking me about my mom as a person. And so every time that I find out that someone's lost them when I really tried to ask them something personal, like, what was their name? What was your favorite memory?

Greath is a human experience and the care we receive should be too. Evernorth behavioral health ensures all members have access to live specialized support in-person or virtually with a 100% follow-up commitment to make sure they get the help they need. There's always a person there, guiding your employees using data-driven risk monitoring tools so bottled up feelings don't turn into further suffering. With Evernorth's wide range of behavioral solutions, care can be personalized, simple and more accessible. Learn more at EverNorth.com slash grief support. All there is with Anderson Cooper is supported by EverNorth Health Services. Grief is a human experience. Shouldn't the care we receive feel human too? That's why EverNorth Behavioral Health ensures all members have access to live, specialized support any time, in person or virtually, with a 100% follow-up commitment to make sure that they get the help that they need. So no matter what stage of grief your employees may be in, there's always a person ready to listen. Stressful times can lead many to bottle-up complex feelings, especially at work. 59% of those suffering say nothing. This can have unexpected and serious mental and physical health implications. And with Evernorth's data-driven risk monitoring tools, they can help spot challenges early and step in to guide individuals to care before they undergo any more suffering. Each person's grief is as unique as they are, which is why Evernorth offers a wide range of personalized behavioral solutions to meet the needs of every member that they serve. Learn more at Evernorth.com slash grief support.

I am 47. And for the past four and a half years, it has been a stage four in terrible breast cancer. And one of the things that I focused on a lot is the loss of The image I had of my future selves, which is just as important to grieve as the loss of loved ones. And at the same time, find the strength to see what gift that loss may coexist besides. So for example, I was considering becoming a mother on my own, which was a lifelong dream of mine to have And I put a hold on that plan, possibly forever, on the heels of three consecutive cancer diagnoses. And yet, at the same time, I am an auntie to free amazing little humans who are almost nine, almost seven, and almost five. And I honestly never knew it could be this magical to be an auntie. So while I grieve the loss of motherhood as I envisioned it, I also welcomed the gift that I have found in the incredible relationships I have with my nephew and he says.

Hi, my name is Kristen. My son's a brain cancer survivor. And there's the child that he was going to be when he was born. And then the thing happened to him and it forever altered him. He was two and a half when he was diagnosed. And then he was three and a half when he relapsed. But in the 30 sessions of radiation takes a toll on the brain and it altered him and he'll be forever altered from it.

I have never said anything like this before but my dad was extremely emotionally abusive to me pretty much every day of my life and there were times I hoped for him to be dead because I knew I deserved to be free, but he was also a very beloved and well-respected doctor in our small community. And when he died, there were hundreds of people at his funeral coming up to me, my mom, my sister, telling us what a wonderful person he was. So there's a difficulty in all the complexity that wrapped up in morning someone who you also need to be free from.

It is perfectly okay to love them, to honor and be grateful for the good things they brought into your life. And the key part for me that I have never heard from anyone in 36 years is acknowledge that your life is easier without them in it. I love my father and my life is easier without him in it. It's been three to three years since he passed and I've never heard anyone say that and it's been my truth all along and I hope that it's helpful for someone. My name is Sarah and I'm from Arkansas. I lost my dad to long cancer in 2006. I was 32. He was a musician and an artist. He was an alcoholic and I grieved him little by little in my life. I'd miss him because he'd be playing a gig more unfortunately on a bender at a bar. We got closer closer to his death when I was 32. And he always told me, Sarah, you have so much moxie. I'm now almost 50 this July and my husband Patrick and I have a daughter.

My dad passed away over 25 years ago, and it was such an ache, such a void. The man loved a good parking place. He loved he kind of stopped flying. It just seemed like my dad was the patron saint of parking, and we called him that. And after he passed away, he said, during this thing, it was such a heartache and void. But over the years, every time we get a good parking place, we all say, thanks, Dad. And it really is we have a giggle. It's a real source of remembering in a moment of of is being back in our lives. And what started as a ache has ended up becoming a family sort of ongoing love and in humor.

My name is Reverend Rachel Hollander. I have an area in my house that started out as what I called the guardian wall. which is I put pictures up of those who I've left and I let them keep an eye on me. And so now there's like a shelf of tokens and souvenirs and items and then all the photographs of everyone. And included in those souvenirs and tokens and items are part of my life that have fallen away. And it helps me feel loved and it Reminds me that I'm never alone that they are always just a breath away. And don't tell anybody, but sometimes I do talk to them and they talk back. I talk to my mom when I was driving. We always lived for a part from each other and so when I would hop in the car, I would give for her call. It was hard when she died because I didn't have to talk in the car anymore. But the other day, I was driving and it just suddenly occurred to me to talk to her anyway.

feels great. That huge empty hole, where I used the talk to her. Now I feel the given with conversations about things that are happening in my life, things like that, and make sounds silly to just be talking to the air, but it's really help, which probably can't tell if something's going to hurt me. But it really has.

I understand, I'm snuggling with my sweet dogs tonight knowing that tomorrow I'm gonna have to say goodbye.

For many people, the loss of a pet is the loneliness kind of grief. They're the witnesses to our lives. Sometimes the only witness, they're the reason to come home. They can be the only tether to the world for some people. And they represent the end of an era of our lives. So the grief can be incredibly lonely and isolating as it's rarely taken as seriously as human loss. So what I've learned is to seek out others who understand the depth of that loss and don't worry about those who don't because your grief is real. And as legitimate as any other grief, rest in peace, mild.

When we are holding on to these things like

That's not them. And when we wait ourselves down with these things, that we slow the transformation process. And we can't become where we are meant to become without that person. Because I don't believe that we are meant to be with our beloved

My name is Aaron and I'm from Michigan. My parents died in March of 2021. My mom had dementia and my dad was overwhelmed with fear and pain in watching her decline. My dad took my mom's life and then took his own. I didn't know how to even begin to understand what had happened until overwhelmed with grief. I received him advice from a friend who had recently lost her husband She told me to simply begin by choosing the next thing that I could do. Small things, like getting a drink of water, are making something to eat, are going for a walk. In the initial days of grief, I found this advice to be a helpful way to help me move through a day that I didn't even know how to get through. Now, over a year and a half later, there are still moments when I just need to decide what's the next thing that I can do. to take care of myself.

My husband passed away several years ago after 13 year battles with cancer. I have two boys in the 13 years For the whole of their childhood, we were 16 and 18 when they're that bad. We could have retreated to our separate corners as we grieve and rage over all that we have no control. But this oblique experience is actually the thing that pulled us together. My boys and I were able to forge a non-sacable relationship that laid the foundation for us to remain connected. So it is the bond with my boys formed in the midst of trauma and heartache that I am most deeply grateful for.

My name is Kristen Paine. It has been Ed died nine years ago coming up on this night anniversary. The single most helpful thing for me and for my son who's now 15 and was six when he died. He's talking about him and talking about the death and his illness before he died to my son and then talking about him all the time. And there's a poem, I don't know if it's really a poem, but it's a statement that was given to me a month or two after my husband died and it is just beautiful. Death is nothing at all. I've only slipped away into the next room.