Transcript for Synced: Kiki vs Bouba

Hi. Are you in a hotel? No. I'm at Heather's place in her guest room. So no bunk bed for me. No bunk bed. Do you miss it?

Did you relax? Did you take the time off? I wasn't sure if you were going to work.

I feel like that's one of our top three topics.

Yes, I've been here for a week. It's been the best. The only thing that rivals me in New York is September, New York. And I think I'd still choose May, although I do love September. But within like a few minutes of getting here, I thought of you. I didn't text you about it because I wanted to tell you on the show. But I had a married man event. Oh my God. Within the first few minutes of just like walking in the streets. What happened? So I'm eating outside. We'll do a shout out. Sweet green. I don't think they need it. But wow, that's not what I expected in New York.

I'm basic, okay? Also, to be clear, I was a sweet green. I was part of the OG group. Like, I like the green for everyone else did when it was just like, there was one shop in the West Village. Anyway, I just needed something fast and quick and I just sat outside and ate my salad. And then this guy walks by, he like, looks at me and I kind of look at him and then he double takes and then I look at him again. And then I'm like, okay, whatever, keep me in my salad. Then he, you turns, comes back. And he's like, hey, are you Liz? And I was like, yeah, he's been following your work. And then we like, are totally flirting. Then at one point he's like, should I sit down? And I was like, yeah, oh my God. What's literally half an hour into this conversation? I notice the ring. not to victim blame, but at this point, I guess I got to like scan the hands. I just assumed based on the vibe that this was like full on. And so then I see the ring, and I'm like so confused, because again, at the beginning, one of the things he said was like, oh, like, I don't drink, and I was like, yeah, I stopped drinking a while ago, like, how do you find dating? I asked him a literal question about dating. He didn't say like, I married. What?

Well, at one point, he was like, let's get breakfast while here. And I was like, you're married, right? And then he's like, yeah, but my wife is a big fan. I've been texting her. I'm with Liz. And then I was like, okay, we're not meeting for breakfast. Thank you, but like, you know, so it ended, you know, jovial matter, but I was left. Just I think I'm just not gonna be open to pod strangers who are my inch.

Not really. Like it was very all over the place and like making jokes about sign-feld episodes that we like. It wasn't like your hot like it wasn't like sexual which would have been weird anyways, but it was definitely like to me flirty, but I guess if you're texting your wife about it, it's fine. Anyway, so yeah, I just legitimately don't I guess it's a thing women will be like check men's hands for rings and I think I don't I just go off a vibe I guess I also feel like a lot of people aren't married or a divorce, so I don't think about it, but I guess I have to.

Yes, it's not, yes, there are other ways of signifying or love to each other than getting married.

Yes, this is cemented the need for me to be a little bit. Yeah, less optimistic. I mean, it was a nice conversation. If I'd known he was married, I probably would have, I mean, anyway, we've already talked about this. But he got so much validation out of it. And I was just like, OK, now I feel worse. Exactly. I don't want to continue this like hang out. But he was like very confused. And I was like, I don't know how else to explain this to you.

That's such a good question. So I know I shouldn't be putting things out there that are bad, but I'm going to put it out there that if I ever get married, there's a 99, like I've already accepted that I will probably lose the right. Oh, it's just gonna happen. I lose really important things. So I identify with, well, maybe it wouldn't be the discomfort as much as the, like, fear that I would lose it or, like, my invisaline, like, to me is like the closest thing to an engagement ring. I lost that a lot of times. You know, you need to put it down and remember where you put it down. And so I don't think I would mind. I guess if I have no inkling that this is because he wants to flirt with people, if the relationship is secure, Right. Like, everything depends on the relationship being secure. Like, there's so many times that I've been so upset about things when I dated one person and then can't imagine being upset over that with another person, right? Like, and when I look back at those relationships, I'm like, it made so much sense in the context of the relationship because the relationship wasn't secure. And so if the relationship was really secure, yeah, I probably wouldn't mind. And I'd be kind of cool. You can get matching tattoos, which kind of is fun. How would you feel?

You becoming a traduant would be the biggest plot twist in American history. No, I kind of want that to happen. This actually is something I've been thinking about. Do you ever think about doing like a full pivot? There's this Republican senator or sorry, he's running for office. I can't remember where, but he wasn't in a pal player was super pro Black Lives Matter was like a huge advocate. And now he's totally done on 180. He recently said that women are becoming too mouthy. That's the

I mean, what the fuck? It's really concerning. Anyway, I was just reading about this guy and he just basically did this 180 where he was very progressive and he's like on Alex Jones like he's full on conspiracy theory like Women have gone too mouthy Republican Senate candidate in Minnesota. Royce White and sorry, he was up. He reformer pro basketball player.

Mouthy is also so coded.

Oh, wow. I mean thumbs up also means fuck you in tech speak. Oh, it does. It's like putting a period at the end of a text.

If you thumbs up a text, you know, if the thumbs up, you can heart attack now. So if you thumbs up something, Rob just thumbs up my last text, if you thumbs up something, it's like no worries with a period. It means like fine.

I'll use it if someone's like, I'll be there in five minutes or like, do you want the low fat yogurt? Then I'll thumbs up it as like a shorthand to yes. But I think if it's like cat, um, boy friend, they live together and cat boyfriend I like done a favor for cat's parents. And so he sent this texting like, hey, I just emptied out your dada dada dada. And then cat's dad like thumbs up to it and cat had to explain to her dad like the difference between a heart and a thumbs up that a thumbs up can come across as like a little bit. not passive-aggressive. It's just like, why aren't you writing something? It feels like, yeah, it feels like you're doing that instead of like engaging with what the person is saying.

Okay, I'm just thinking of like a situation with my roommate. Let's say that I'm like, hey, I accidentally use some of your eggs gonna replace them. If she were to like thumbs up that instead of like, no worries. Yeah, I think I would be like, oh, she's

And I think there's still a tier that like the heart would hurt a little less, but the thumbs up would signal. I think you're right, then some situations putting a heart is like weird or like to intimate.

The heart is intimate, but what do you think is like sending up purple heart versus hearting something.

I just think there's like a heart. There's tears. I feel like there's a conversation about this. Like at first, even if you're dating someone, you don't send a red heart.

Well, not the first date, but if you guys are dating, I think it's fine.

Well, maybe not I love you, but that you're like exclusive. That you're clearly like falling in love. Interesting.

Have you ever sent a red heart?

But dating, do you send red hearts to guys that you're not dating that are your friends? Yeah. Or is that inappropriate?

I would feel a little weird about it. If it happened, I would be like, I should probably choose a different color.

There you go. Wow. See, in the case of Charlie and Eric and all this stuff, your friends of them independently, they're not your friends boyfriend or husband, they're your friend individual relationships. Yeah, Heather's boyfriend, like I would never send her a heart like I'm that would be weird. That's so inappropriate. Who be insane. Oh my god. Nobody would make me, yeah, I would just not do that. It's different if they're your friend versus I mean, it's all these like relationships are so funny. Hold on. I want to check something.

Oh my God. He does not deserve not even a purple heart. He doesn't deserve Memorial Day. He doesn't deserve any heart emoji.

I feel like yellow heart is the least romantic. Okay, very friendly. Yeah, very friendly, unassuming, non-threatening. It's light. I'm not a yellow heart girl.

What do you think is the most popular color of heart, red?

Is there a first second and third?

That's like very, I'll never use green in my life.

I think that these are definitions that are like...

Death is depth. Oh, God, tell me about it. But do you want to talk about death or do you want to keep talking about emojis?

Yeah, you've been using it on me too. Yeah, I like it.

It's really not okay. It's not nice. We do not think about death nearly as much as we should because it would make life very difficult. If you were thinking about the fact that every single person around you or you could die at any moment, like you wouldn't want to go to work. Like you wouldn't want to do the boring things of life. You would just want to enjoy every single moment that you have with a free single person. But it's wild that we don't think about it.

Thinking about death does make you appreciate the present moment. Like weirdly, I feel like turning 37 for whatever reason, the number just feels like closer to 40. I mean, it's the closest to 40 I've ever been. Honestly, but there's something about it where in the last few months, I've been weirdly realizing it's gonna end. 40 is so young and I'm not even 40, but weirdly like I've gone from being quote unquote young or like feeling like whatever. Like you don't think about how much time you'll have to like now I kind of do. And it's kind of nice. It does make me appreciate my life a little bit more. Like when I can sort of connect with that deeper you know, instead of just like, uh, wrinkles or like noticing, I'm getting old in negative ways. I'm like, oh, wow, like, this goes by fast. I like relate to old people now. Like the way that old people talk, where they're like, one day you're going to, it's, you're in a blink and you're going to be, you know, or my parents were in their 70s being like, I still feel like I'm 27. Like, oh, right, I'm going to feel this way. I'm waiting when I'm there. And like, I just relate to aging in a different way, I think. But you're young, you're still 36. Does this allow you to be thankful for life or are you just in the anxiety part?

It's like I felt like the clips did that for me for some weird reason. because you don't think about life while you're living. You just live. It's like you don't think about breathing while you breathe. When you're not able to breathe is when you really think about breathing and that's all you can think about, right? Yeah, I'm like coming back to the time, like, self imposed time, like, but no, you're right, you're right. And so the clips for me was like, I don't think about the fact that we're living in this universe. Like, that's why I don't, this solar system in the universe and like run a floating rock. Like, yeah, you don't, I don't think about that on a daily basis, but the clips kind of forces you to and you're like, what? life is so enchanting and magic.

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It's also, I feel like I've benefited so much from other people being in therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Like I just feel like friends and family and you know, in my relationships, if I know that someone is in therapy or has done therapy, it just, I know it's going to be so much more of a healthier, easier relationship. Yeah, just the world is so much better when more of us are in therapy.

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Yeah, I think having a higher power from my understanding of it, it's actually relinquishing control, realizing that, like, in many ways, the weather system is God. You don't have to, I think, believe in a guy in the sky to believe in God. There are forces that are beyond us, and so it's a way to relinquish, actually. sort of the idea that, yeah, you're in control here, you're the complete master of your own faith, which like I've had to work really hard because it helps me when I think that there's a higher meaning or a higher order and that me trying to do everything I can to reverse that is just making the universe kind of laugh because it's so much more powerful than me, but but I see your point meaning that like you don't even need to create someone right that's like pulling the strings in order to be an awe.

That was the hardest part of doing any 12 step for me was this higher power stuff because I was like I was never raised in that and like it's still as hard for me. Yeah, I'm jealous of people who just do it naturally or like effortlessly or like really believe it whereas I have to really get in the mood.

And so Sanctu said that, because one of my friends just yesterday was talking about how relationships have higher powers. She was like, oh, you don't have to figure out this thing. Like, your relationship with this person has a higher power. And just that, I was like, oh, wow, that's so nice. to like yeah think about yeah I don't have to like do all these things or figure it out or fix it or like write that there's a higher order of things and it'll happen if it's meant to happen and it won't if it doesn't kind of takes away like some of the on my end like neuroticism around it but yeah that's literally what she said and so it's so funny it's very somewhat what you just shared which like is a helpful way to approach like dating and relationship. I mean, any kind of relationship, whatever that means to you, right? I mean, some people, it's like the whole like no free will thing that there's no free will anyways. So I don't have to go down rabbit holes or control everything, right? Because it's already decided in a way. I know.

So it's definitely changed the way I view that it's a great thing to remember that particularly the most important things of your life were totally determined.

I wanted to ask you about the hot road and boyfriend trend. What's that?

I can't wait to come smell smell it. Such a weird thing. Say. Okay, what's hot rodent? Okay, hot rodent boyfriend is we're moving away from Golden Retriever boyfriend, which was the previous ideal of the boyfriend that is very doting and overly interested in pleasing and being of service. And now hot rodent boyfriend summer, it's coming from the Challenger's movie. Apparently there were a lot of memes internet commentary about the fact that the two guys in the movie kind of look like rats.

What? I guess there's a movie with like rats from our childhood or something like that. And like women have been like, oh, I had such a crush on the rat in the movie. Like, do you know how like we definitely all had crushes on cartoon characters? Like, I don't know who your man crush or female crush was or animal crush, which is sounds weird, but when you're kid, I've just never liked animals or cartoons.

Simba's a baby. And most importantly, a lion. I think that. In the order of. Yeah, just like no, actually don't want to be.

Yes. Well, human baby versus animal. I would have to. Yeah. But baby lion, I would focus on the life.

Oh, twist. You like Mufasa even though he's the villain? No, Mufasa's the dad. Oh, scar is the villain. Scar, okay, for a minute, I thought you much scar. And I was like, we got to do a deep dive on that.

Spoiler. Is it your fetish that you would have taken care of him? Well, he was dying. Yeah.

And then they killed him. I mean, Disney movies and killing parents. It is so fucked up. The way they just killed so many parents. Yeah, who's the hottest character? I had a major crush on Thumber. The skunk. What's her name and Bambi? Let me look around. I wanted both of them. But that was a common theme for me as a kid. Like, I was obsessed with couples because I think I was already bisexual. Oh, interesting. I love lowest and Clark. Like, lowest and Clark the explorers. No, no, no, the real with, um, with Lori. What's her name? No, a Tory spelling.

Oh, it's flower. It's such a hot name.

I interviewed him recently and I told him I had such a crush on him. Even though we have vastly different political beliefs on the other end.

Yeah, yeah. They would be an unlikely romance. But I loved cup like I think I just wanted to be enough reason. You know, we all do, right? We're just obsessed with three couples. You know, Benifer, it's very common. Yeah, those were my, but then I also love Prince Eric. I mean, I loved all of it. I dated all of Aladdin and Jasmine both of them were so hot.

Wow, that's interesting. When you did like kids stuff for your little embarrassed, like, we're like, ah, this lot cool like this kid thing.

That's so surprising because I would have thought because it's such a fantasy element to it, right? Of these perfect. I mean, that's what the difference doesn't sure you want to be the girl, but you also want to fall in love like that, right? You want the love and the minor shining armor, but you didn't relate to that.

You still attached to the story or you were still like this in the real.

Right, that your mom is upset.

There's like a version of us in a universe, pointing back to like, I don't think everything's pretty determined, but I think that it's like everything I ever learned once. There's a universe where I, you end up with this person that you ended up rejecting or passing over. And I think there's a version of the universe where we're more stable. And we're totally different. That's kind of fun to think about. We cards full.

Okay, let me. I got the gun. It looks.

Try this again. Okay. Is eight gigs like a small cart?

Me neither. I think that's maybe a Gen Z era like we were really too old. I don't know it either. But yeah, girls had crushes, I guess, on those characters on Roddy St. James. Again, it sounds like a negative, but it's not that they have rat-like features and that this fits in the category of Jeremy White Allen. Jeremy Allen White. Jeremy Allen White. I don't not get it. I'm just not a stand.

Personality is their sweet. Like, but they're a little dirty. Oh, like, sexually? No, I think just they have a scruff. And like, again, golden retriever is preppy coded, you know, and like, proper polo shirts. Exactly. Whereas hot rodent. It's like a shower, mate. I think it's a little more feminine to be honest, but I don't think Jeremiah on white's feminine at all.

I mean, they're pretty skinny, but they're muscular though.

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Have you heard about the whole kiki? Okay, this is the last kiki versus booba.

The hell is that? No, it's like a real thing. It's good. So it's a very hard concept. It's way and on a podcast, but I'm going to try it. Scientists gave people two shapes. And one of them is almost like the electric, like I've got to how to describe it.

Yeah, almost like a boom explosion. Yeah, emoji. And then how would you describe the other one like this one?

It gives a little bit like power power. And so they showed people these images and they said which one is Kiki and which one is Bubba?

And then Bubba.

Right? And so... Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

His jawline. Oh, this is just aesthetic, you mean? Or vibe. It depends. But I think the vibe is that he's perfect and like very chiseled and like his body and like there's not a lot to blob onto, whereas like a pedropascale, a angel garp field, like those are boobas. They're not Kiki's, like, anthropomorphism like Kiki.

For sure. What? Goldenrich River can also be a booba.

You know what it is? It really helps me put into words something that I've never been able to put into words, which is my ideal kind of guy is a booba because it's like I want him to have the kiki spikes, but I want to be able to like hold on to something. Like, you know how I've described one person this way. I was like, he's great and he's handsome and he's nice and funny, but there's nothing for me to like hold on to. Like there's no ridges. That's what Buba feels like to me. That there's like, there's a sensitivity or there's again, a little bit of fat. There's something that doesn't make them perfect in a way to me. Like a Buba is like a less conventional, but more interesting kind of guy. Okay. Wow.

Me too. It's so good. Wow. Okay. You know, right? It's immediate.

Actually when I first hop in I was gonna say when I first hop in it's tits forward because I want to get my face exactly Do you watch your face first? This is so interesting because to me if I'm doing a lot of tits forward I'm going through it like it's your everything shower. No, I think emotionally I'm going through it Oh, there's something wrong with like, or like, I'm going to shower, but I'm a little bit like, oh, where's if I'm asked first, like, we're doing this. It's efficient. We're getting it done. Whereas the moments where I, I'm tits first is when I'm like, maybe reflective or like the water on my face feels good, but I like maybe I'm seeing in for a little too long because I'm not just in and out. Sure. It makes sense that men are nipples forward, or they have to, too, I guess, right? Sure. Some of them. They go forward because for us, the main point of the shower, or like a big part of the shower, if you're doing it, everything shower is your hair. Exactly. Your hair is taking time and like you're doing shampoo, you're doing conditioner, maybe you're doing a third thing. And so the hair is the focus. And so it wouldn't make sense to be forward.

It's that there's so much to do. Maybe I'm shaving.

What's your shower order? Such a good question. If I'm washing my hair, that's what I'm starting with. Because I feel like some of my body is going to get cleaned through the process of just like all of this stuff coming out. Okay, no, in my hair. In a shame, who kind of going down my body? I want that part sorted before I move on to my body and then get everything figured out there and then I'll shave last.

This is controversial. But I was told by a random woman in Montreal. She was like based on your face. You should not be washing your face in the morning. She was like, you should only wash your face once. And it's at night. And I will say I think for some people that is because it strips your skin off again, depending on your skin, but it strips a lot of stuff off of your skin that you need. And so I will wash my face in the shower if it's at night, but otherwise I don't wash. I'll put water on it, but I'm not gonna like wash it. That's very interesting.

That was a different woman. And I have not done it because you have scared me with it. So I feel like the only way I can do it is we do it together.

We should explain to people, okay, tell this means. So I met a woman who is a single listener. We love her lover. And she had the best eyebrows I've ever seen in my life. And so I said, what do you do for your eyebrows? And she looked at me straight in the face. And she said, go really glue. I was like, what? And she said, gorilla glue. Also, it's not her. It came second hand. She went to Sephora. This amazing gay guy at Sephora was working there. And she asked him about brow gels. And he was like, honestly, I do gorilla glue. And like, I highly recommend. Like, yeah, you can spend $40 on a brow gel. But gorilla glue will do a better job. And it'll stay for a few days. And so she did it. And her brows were amazing. So I naturally got girl the glue and then I told you about it, which was the bad idea. And you were like, Liz, anything that touches her eyebrows are going to like peel it off. And so now I'm just, I've been delaying it. But I want to do it. I'll do it. If you feel the inclination, I'll let you guys know I would go. Anyway, what's your order? Sorry. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I hate washing my hair. So I just want to get it over with. I think that's also the element.

I really want to meet a guy who's asked for it. Does it correlate with other things, like pinks that are down, which also a lot of men do.

So it's weird. But when it's women, I don't think I'm trying to think of a I know guys soap. You see more women I guess in the shower. Interesting.

Why do you? No, washing my hair such a chore. And I wish it wasn't.

No, no, no, no, no. Do you? No. Every couple of days, but I will procrastinate watching you. You'll push the limit as long as like, yeah, possibly right now. I definitely should have washed my hair like two days ago, but it's just so annoying. But we have long hair. I wonder if that's part of it because I feel like I didn't use to hate it as much, but maybe my hair is longer.

And also, that's not good for my hair. No. You're not supposed to do that. You're stripping. There's necessary things that our bodies just produce. Agreed.

Okay. Do you shower in silence? Or do you put on a podcast? Or do you put on music?

I do it every time. And then if I'm listening to a podcast, I have to re-listen. Same. I didn't hear anything, but I just hear this annoying noise that I can't make out.

Yeah. But I feel the same way where I'm like, why do I keep doing this? I can't hear it. But if I'm going on a date or like I'm getting ready to go out, I'll put on some fun music because it's like my getting ready music. Okay. I love that. Do you have a song? I usually have a song that I listen to 20 times a day for three weeks and then I can't listen to every again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, are we sure that this professor doesn't know that these videos are?

But why would she post them if they're private? Is she trying to grow her following? Because then maybe this is part of growing her phone. I doubt it. Like, is she trying to be like a drone Peterson? You know, the he was posting his lectures online. I can't attribute intention, but probably to create a following which he got from the lectures.

Oh, public playlist so it's not her in the okay. I think I understand she just has a playlist and it's probably okay.

Yes, I think you need to tell her really I would want to know. This is kind of woman a woman looking out for another woman situation. Or that's how I view it. She could lose her job. And she's not doing anything wrong. She just clearly likes pole dancing. And she's probably like older so she doesn't realize what things, you know what I mean? Like without technology, it was like older women, mentor younger women. But I really think technology is kind of reverse that dynamic where in a lot of ways younger women can be really helpful to older women when it comes to technology and to me, this like falls into that category. I just want to let you know I know that this is confusing by default. Maybe the playlists are public, but I just noticed it and I just want to let you know that it's I would do it in a very caring way and a very like short email like two sentences.

Don't even reference what they are. Just say, like, hey, I noticed you have a lot of playlists and some of them are public and I don't know if that was on purpose. So just letting you know, you know, you can make some private. I would just make it super casual, don't even mention it, what it is, and then she'll go, oh god, because she knows what her players are.

Really? To me, it's like seeing a woman with blood on her pants. Like, well, we've talked about this. It's feminism. I mean, whatever, you can do whatever you want. But to me, it would be like keeping in a sneeze like, I'd be like, I have to tell her.

If that is a risk though, then create a fake email and send her an email. Oh my god. And then you can just say it. Your pull dancing playlist is public. You might want to make it private. Then like she doesn't have to feel ashamed. Again, I would just tell her because I feel like that's the easiest thing, but if you're worried about resribution, you can just send her an anonymous note. If this was 2001, I'd be like right at down a piece of paper and like leave it on her desk.

To me, it's like coming back to the period pants or again, any other woman.

I would tell even if it was my arch enemy. And about arch enemy is easier than teacher. To me, it's even more like, oh my god, like, I don't want you to be humiliated. And again, especially since the idea would be like, she doesn't know. And so again, that there could be men who are seeing this. I know. I think it hurts. Uh, again, that it could have repercussions on her career and to lose her job over this. I would just want a woman to woman. If we were talking about a guy, that would feel a little harder for me. That's uncomfortable. That's a little, yeah, what are the, but for me, like the woman to woman thing override all other hierarchies that exist.

You're not going to go to hell if you don't do it.

I mean, aren't we all? If everyone could see our Google searches and our playlists or our Spotify wraps, my God, I'm so glad those things aren't public. I actually was so jealous of people who are like, can just share them. Like, I'm like, oh, great. You're securely attached and normal. Like, I'm So mentally ill and weird.

Well, it's not that I'm a, it's just, it's not post worthy. I'm not here like bragging about how much Adele I listen to or like how much of once there's some really happy years and then there's some tougher years.

And also like I think that should or like, and it's like super very interesting. Yeah, you shared it's like really interesting artists and I'm like, I'm just so basic to care about what it looks like is so I don't judge myself when I'm listening to it. It's just the idea that I could post it. I think it's more that film. Like, oh, I'm not here.

Well, I could be the spot if I wrapped. I want to see in the world. I could think about adding more variety to. No. No.

Okay, I will share my spot if I wrap this year. No matter what, it's already too late to reverse course. I mean, I guess I could, but we're already deep into the year. I wish they did a halfway. Me too. That'd be kind of fun. We should bring back half anniversary or like I'm 37 and a half.

Thank you. I came here to see you again.