Transcript for Heavyweight Short: Loch

I have a story and I thought that you in particular might be interested in it because it takes place in Canada.

In fact, it's not just about Canada, but it's about going to school in Canada, what you did.

Could you introduce the show in French?

And they're the sounds of sirens to ring us in.

Watch out everybody. I'm Khalil O'Holt and this is Heavyweight. Today is Heavyweight Short. Lock. Right after the break. Hi, is this lock on? Hello, how can you hear me? Despite his lack of confirmation, this is indeed locklin' or lock for short. Hi, it's Kalea LaCalling, how are you? Oh, hi, how are you? Lock is 20 years old. When I ask him what he does, he says he plants trees, but also he's traveling, but also he's kind of a student. He's a disorienting person to talk to. Like, despite the fact that we exchanged multiple emails setting up this call, And in fact, it's Lock's questionable memory that we're here to talk about today, because he's come to me with an improbable story, something he recalls vividly, but that no one else believes actually happened. In revisiting this memory, Lock hopes to expose an injustice to unseat a tyrant, to confront a nemesis he's obsessed over since he was just five years old. Madam Nicole, Locks Kindergarten, French immersion teacher.

Lock describes her as an exact double of Edna Mode from the Incredibles.

But what set her apart from your garden variety, evil French teacher, was one particular habit. According to Locke, Madame Nicole was a thief, a cheese thief. Madame Nicole stole cheese from her five-year-old students.

Can you believe that? I can't really believe it. It seems made up. Like something a cartoon villain would do.

Fighting forest fires being another of locksmithing pursuits.

So for Locke, the frustration isn't simply that this happened, but that no one believes that it happened. Locke has lost not only his cheese, but his credibility. Because the joy of sharing an unbelievable story lies an ultimately convincing your audience that it's true. When you're done, you want them to think, wow, how completely wild? Not, this man is a total liar.

Right.

And so, lock once me to obtain a confession from the thief herself to prove that this really went on. And what's more, he wants me to find out why it went on.

Before I get to what was going on there, I want some reassurance that anything was going on at all. Because if Lock can't even remember scheduling a phone call last week. What are the chances he accurately recall something from when he was five? I don't want to go around falsely accusing this elderly French Canadian woman of larceny. So I asked Lock if he's still in touch with anyone else from that class, who might be able to corroborate his memories.

I start with Lock Slier, friend, who wrestles the phone around as sliers are want to do. And then hangs up on me. But Lock's other friend, Colin, reliable is build. Schedules a time to talk.

In other words, locks a guy who never gives up on some things like apples or bringing cheese thieves to justice.

Colin has no memory of any cheese stealing. What's more, his sister was also in Medott McCulls class, and she doesn't remember either.

I'm not all together surprised by this turn of events, but I am disappointed that the kindergarten cheese burglar seems to be no more than a myth. And like a terrier on the scent of some buried breed, I can't help but dig a little more. As it turns out, there are two other people who were sitting some madame Nicole. Locks older brothers. So I set up some time with his middle brother, Finn. Hello? Hi, Finn.

Colleela.

A family trade, I guess. Finn backs up Colin's characterization of his brother as an untrustworthy fabulous.

Speaking with thin, it seems increasingly foolish for me to put any stock and lock sparrow of lies. Still, like a terrier with a metal working apprenticeship, I forge ahead. When I say it, Madame Nicole, what are your associations?

So Finn, like Locke, remembers the theory, which means Madame Nicole had been stealing cheese for years before Locke even came on the scene.

Owen backs up lock story, too. He tells me in kindergarten he used to save his precious cheese for last, making it's cruel theft, all the more painful.

For our Angle phone listeners, Marcy is the French word for thank you. And with that, I'm ready to get a confession from the Volour herself, or Volour's, I guess, would be the feminine. I haven't taken French in a long time. I'm ready to appreciate Madame Nicole. If only I can find her. When you're looking for something you've lost, people always tell you to retrace your steps. So I retrace lock steps back to his old school. To find out, if Madame Nicole might still be teaching there. No, she's not here. She's retired. Okay. Would you happen to have any contact info for her? If you sent me something, I could send it to her. And so I find myself composing a delicate email. Something vague and accusationless enough not to scare off Madame Nicole. There's an old student of yours, I say. He still thinks about you all the time. He wants to confirm a memory. But maybe I'm not delicate enough because weeks go by and I never hear back. The thief is on the lamb. If Madame Nicole likes cheese half as much as Lock remembers, surely she must be getting her fix somewhere. So with no other leads on how to find her, I try the only thing I can think of. I look up every cheese shop with an attend-mile radius of locksold school and start calling. It's described to me as, at no mode, from the incredibles if you've seen that movie, I'm sorry, you're asking, but it's a tricky customer. Small, big, like, glasses.

I do learn, though, that Madame Nicole isn't the only burglar out there. She's actually part of a grand tradition of cheese theft.

I have not heard the stories, but by now, I'm all in. So when I get off the phone, I go looking for them. According to a report from the consortio del Framagio Parmigiano, 3 million dollars worth of Parmigiano cheese is stolen every year in Italy alone. Time magazine says cheese in general is actually the most stolen food in the world. And after my first 14 YouTube videos on the subject, I let auto play. Like Jesus. Take the wheel.

holes in this case, say cheese. It seems like it's physically impossible for anyone reporting on cheese theft to do so without making some terrible pun. And as someone reporting on this topic myself, I feel an obligation to my fellow journalists to join the cheese pun for I. But jokes like that are just really not my thing. I'd find it physically uncomfortable, too, for example. Characterized pedom Nicole is a monster, or to say that I hope to close the case so. It makes me want to throw up to think of asking something like, did you have an accomplice, or did you work provolone? You wouldn't catch me dead, referring to all that cheese sitting in a locked cabinet as a feda, comply. I'm finally saved from the depths of my despair and cheese video induced badness by two critical pieces of information. The first comes from Locke's family. They find an old report card from that time, and on it is Madame Nicole's full name. The second comes from my network of spies on the street, courtesy of Locke's honest friend, Colin.

She was walking near this big apartment building, Colin says. Maybe she lives there? And when I look up, Madame Nicole's name, together with the address he gave me, I find a phone number.

The O of a man who forgot he'd just get drilled something. It's been a while since Locke and I last spoke. First he was working in Panama for a month and a half, and then he was deep in the Canadian wilderness. So I've been eagerly waiting to tell him how I finally got a hold of Madame Nicole. When I caught her at home, Madame Nicole told me she didn't want to be interviewed for a podcast. She's a private person, she said. And on top of that, she's not a technological person. She quote, hates all the machines. She has never computer or a cell phone. I imagine even hearing the word podcast gave her the feeling of a demon entering her home. She told me that she would, however, be happy to talk to Locke. And for him to relate the conversation back to me, So I am wondering if you would call her and then tell me what happened after the facts.

This is not the reaction I was expecting. I thought luck would be over the moon to hear this news. But he sounds if anything, under the moon.

It's like locks reduced to a scared five-year-old kid again. A afraid of getting in trouble with the teacher. So I offer a security blanket. An idea Madame Nicole has agreed to as well. We could have Mona, who's one of the other producers, listen in on the call, if you need help figuring out what to say.

Selfishly, I also want Mona there as an insurance policy. Someone who can rad on lock if he slips into one of his fantasy lies. Lock and I agreed to figure out the details in the coming days. But the coming days go by. And then the days that come after that. Edlock doesn't respond to any of my messages. When he finally does get in touch, it's with an email that says, a dog ate my phone, I think. I'm starting to see why lock has had conflict with his teachers. But after several more weeks of excuse-making, Lock admits that he'll be free one afternoon for a phone call. So Mona and I dial. Hello. Hello. This time, we catch him waiting in line for his order at Tim Hortens. For our Angle phone listeners, that's Canada's off-brand version of Duncan Donuts.

The plan we remind him is to call Madame Nicole.

I hang up and cross my fingers while Lock and Mona phone. The report back afterwards. For a long half hour, I sit on the floor, wondering what could be going on. And after speaking with Madame Nicole, Lock and Mona call me back. I'm dying to know what happened. It was amazing. Lock tells me how Madame Nicole responded to his accusation right away. And she told him incredibly. Yes. She absolutely stole children's cheese.

According to Madame Nicole, the theory was a teaching tool.

Well, I can appreciate Madame Nicole's willingness to try out of the box teaching methods. Framage does not, to me, seem like that hard of a word to learn. There had to be something else behind it. And it turns out, there was.

They looked stunned, she told Locke, like they'd just been slapped. It was, in her words, fantastic.

So which is like a running joke with herself? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. A joke that made an impression. All these years later, Locke likely wouldn't even remember Madame Nicole, where it not for these cheese shenanigans. So maybe her teaching tool worked after all. Maybe she understood that you tend to remember the negative over the positive. Maybe she needed to keep things lively for herself to be able to pass that energy onto the kids. Or maybe she just saw an easy way to get her hands on some free cheese.

Yeah, I think those are the highlights. How does it feel to have this confirmed directly from her mouth?

Lock did fantasize some of the specific details. Madame Nicole said there was no locked cabinet. She'd eat the cheese right away, and she never thiefed as a punitive measure. But he was right about the basic truth. Indeed, he had a kindergarten teacher who routinely stole her student's cheese. And next time he tells this story, if anyone thinks this man is a total liar, he can point to this episode as proof of the whole thing.

Did she remember you?

Yeah, your opinion really did a 180. Yeah, I really did.

The cartoon villain of Locke's memories has melted into a real person. Speaking with her all these years later, he's able to see his old teacher not the way a five-year-old would, but as another adult.

And in fact, Locke may be doing similar things pretty soon. Because he tells me he's getting tired of his vagabond lifestyle that he's ready to put down some roots. He's thinking about becoming a teacher. And if he does, he wants to be the fun kind. The kind that keeps his students guessing. The teacher they'll remember for years down the road.

This heavyweight short was produced by Phoebe Flanagan, Mohini Mit Gauker, and me, Khalil O'Holt, along with Jonathan Goldstein. Our supervising producer is Phoebe Lane. Special thanks to Pierre Singey, Wendy Zickerman, and extra special thanks to Locke's Mom, Dawn. Editorial guidance from Emily Condon. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Samson. Blue Dot Sessions, Sean Trakobi, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website, gimletmedia.com slash heavyweight. Our theme song is by the weakerlands courtesy of Epitaph Records. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight on Instagram at Heavyweight Podcast or email us at our new address. HeavyweightShow at gmail.com. We'll be back next week with our last episode of the season.