Transcript for #103 - Duncan Trussell

Ladies and gentlemen, this amazing moment in human history, where not only was a Prince Wedd, but a couple days later, an evil warlord was killed. We are in the middle of an awesome movie. That's what's going on. We have a black president. Princes are getting married in front of billions of people. Everyone is happy for them. And we killed the bad guy who was living in squalor in Pakistan. I'll tell you what, I thought a million bucks would buy you a little bit more in Pakistan. I thought for a million bucks you could own Pakistan. I didn't know you'd get that shit whole house. I'm like, this is a song that lads million dollar compound in Afghanistan. Like, what the fuck is it just like the most fertile heroin ground in the world? I mean, what the fuck is it? Why is that house worth a million bucks?

It seems like he would have been... Well, the thing about that dude, I think, is he's got to be around his kind. You know, he's got to be around militants only. Right. You can't know, no moderate people. I'm gonna be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's how some have been locked. Okay. You know, we're not talking about Muhammad here. We're not talking about, you know, the guy that wrote the Quran. We're talking about this guy who's probably the head of a gigantic terrorist organization. And he used to work for the CIA. Ben Laden. Ben Laden was working for the CIA.

Well, there's all sorts of allegations. The bottom line is that the United States, the CIA, the whatever the fucking want to call them, whatever we're under. What they did was they got all these people in Afghanistan to fight against the Soviet Union. and they helped them, they helped the Mujahideen, they helped train them, they helped arm them. And Osama bin Laden was a part of that. And when the Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan and whatever happened overseas that shifted the Taliban and al Qaeda's interest in taking out the United States instead of taking out Russia and sort of defending themselves. When shit got weird with Afghanistan, that's when homeboy came into the picture. And then he basically took over over there. Supposedly. Who the fuck knows? You know, when you start talking about what the CIA did, and you know, and what they're doing, the contours and the Sandinistas, are you sure? Because, you know, they've been lying about everything for so long. Who the fuck knows if Osala bin Laden really, but Alex Jones thinks he's been dead for nine years. They froze him. Nine years ago, froze him, and they're pulling him out right strategically in line for when the new elections are setting up.

Have you seen the bogus birth certificate?

What people need to know, I asked a thread about this last night, and the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop. I put up a threat on the message board, asking Photoshop, Wizards, please check this thing out and tell me what's up. And there's a bunch of, what people don't know is a lot of people are claiming Osama bin or not Osama bin. Is it a weird that the president's name is right next to this evil evel terrorist? Yeah. Do you think he would change his name? Yeah. I mean Kevin James, change his name. His name was Nip thing. Nip thing. Like the K. Nothing wrong with that. Just a complicated name of spell. You didn't want to go the Arnold Schwarzenegger take a chance route. Right. So like Jeff Ross wasn't Jeff Ross like Jeff Litt Schultz or something like that. Right. Red band. That red band. Yeah, there you go. That red band guy. He was like some Nazi name or something like that.

For poor white people, he is such a nightmare because his nickname, his middle name is Hussein. Yeah. It's like he couldn't be more fucked up his name. His name couldn't be more threatening. That is weird. For dumb white people that must be so paralyzing, you know? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Anyway, for people don't know. Supposedly, he faked his birth certificate. and what they did was people took the image that their White House released online and they took the image and they ran it through Photoshop or Adobe Photo Elements and they saw that there were many layers to the photograph and that the photograph wasn't just one flat photograph that things had been added supposedly or that it looked like things had been cut and paced, but the general consensus among people who understand Photoshop seems to be that when you scan something and you put it in Adobe Photoshop, it shows layers automatically.

It's annoying, but you would think that people would ask about this before they would make all these crazy claims that it's definitely fake, because look, it's probably fake anyway. You know, who's saying it's fake? Well, the fucking nose, who cares? It's anti-American to care, okay? What are you saying? You should be able to be American because you somehow are another snuck in first. You're both got in with you weigh in through the channels that we all agreed upon. Did you really agree on those channels? Because I didn't agree on them. I think we could do a lot better in deciding who gets to stay here and who does them. I know a lot of cool people that want to come here and can't. In this country, plenty of them. This episode is brought to you by Robin Hood. You want financial security for you and your family? Well, you gotta make it happen. The world doesn't owe you a living and that's how I've always approached my finances and you can too with Robin Hood. Robin Hood pioneered commission-free stock trading over a decade ago, and they continued to offer innovative products to help you maximize your money's potential. With over 23 million funded customers, Robin Hood is helping people build a better financial future. Robin Hood gives you complete autonomy to make investments to pursue your future goals, whatever they are. Maybe you want to look towards investing for your family's future, investing for retirement, or even a vacation to the Bahamas. We all have some bucket list items to cross off and Robin Hood has tools to help you pursue them. Investing a small amount now could make a big difference 30 years down the road. Take control of your financial future with Robin Hood. Download the app or visit Robinhood.com to learn more. Disclosure, investing involves risk and loss of principle is possible. Returns are not guaranteed. Other fees may apply. Robinhood Financial LLC, member SIPC, is a registered broker dealer. This episode is brought to you by Zippercrooter. Look, patience is good at all. But if you're just sitting around waiting for everything good to come your way, well, you're going to be disappointed. And you're going to miss out on some amazing opportunities like your dream vacation. You have to work. Save that money and actually plan it out. It's never going to happen if you just sit on your couch at home thinking about it. And the same applies to your company. You don't want to miss out on hiring the best people for your team. And luckily there's an easy solution. that you can use. It's Zippercouter. Try it for free right now at zippercouter.com slash rogan. They'll find you qualified people for your role quickly. And once you find someone you like, Zippercouter can help put you at the front of the pack. Just use their pre-written invite to apply message to connect with your favorite candidates ASAP. So, let ZipperCruiter give you the hiring hustle that you need. See why, four out of five employers who post on ZipperCruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to zippercruiter.com slash rogan to try it for free. Again, that zippercruiter.com slash rogan. the hardest way to hire. So who gives a fuck? We're all immigrants. The United States is based on the idea of immigration. Come to some place from somewhere that sucks and let's make this place better. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. That is what the United States is. So when people start fucking tripping about, he wasn't really born here. He's like, you have to be shit out on the right patch of dirt to make you eligible to run it. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Great wisdom. They were dumb as fuck and they had wooden teeth. Okay. And slaves. Yeah.

Well, do you think that people who own like McDonald's, a lot of them will fuck down employees? Sure.

Yeah. If you got someone working for you at McDonald's, they're doing a full-time shift at McDonald's. They can't go anywhere. I mean, they're a fucking slaves.

I think what they, yeah, absolutely. But I think what they realized about slavery, the reason why people were willing to let slavery go since it was, you know, it's such a fucking horrendous idea. And people were willing to impose themselves so much on other people that they literally owned that person. Yeah. But I think, eventually, they realize you don't have to own them. Just get them addicted to things. All right. Get them addicted to working. Get them addicted to things. Well, you need a new car. Look at the shiny car. Yeah, new car. But that kind of 40,000 dollars. I don't need to make 40,000 dollars in a year. Listen, we've got financing. We've got 0% down. You don't have to pay a single payment for three months. By then, you'll be up on your feet. Yeah, fine. Yeah, fine. Actually you know this fucking moron lives in a apartment he can't afford with a quarry can't afford and he's a slave he doesn't know he's a slave but he's a slave right if you go anywhere and fuck off they will literally take away your ability to buy things and or throw you in jail Which is way worse than being a slave they're gonna throw you in a cell with a bunch of guys want to beat you and rape you pay your bills bitch you're a fucking slave

I mean, there's no doubt that the thing is playing on the loop in the background. Do you hear it? Yeah. Do you guys hear it when we're talking? No, I don't hear it at all anymore. I heard drums while I was talking.

Thanks. Oh, sorry. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. My ultra tuned in hearing.

Well, the whole idea of something to trick you and you're doing that, it's okay. It's voluntary, instead of capture you. You know, it's voluntary slavery instead of mental.

I mean, it isn't. It isn't. It is free will and it is a society that's open and you can work there and save up your money and move on to a better gig, you know, and it's just a gig, you know, you can take it until they figure out how to make robots that can do your job. That's really what it's there for. But, you know, people will argue that it's slavery when you see a bunch of people that are super, super rich, and then they have super poor people that work for them. Fuckin' bono.

Oh, yeah, I mean, I'm not saying that McDonald's are slavery. Yeah, because when you're, you know, they kind of are a little, you know, if you, if you got someone working all week for you and you pay them 500 bucks, wow. Could you imagine, and that's like you got to get taxed, too, right? The taxed you. So how much do you get? 350? 350 for the week, for the week, for the week. So you got to live with a bunch of other people. There's no way you can afford, and you don't have time afterwards to go to school, and you get off work. You're fucking exhausted, man. What are you going to do? You've been working on a highlighter hating life for eight hours. You know, the odds are you're not going to put out, put forth your best effort going to a college anyway. You're going to kind of half-ass it. You know, like whenever I've been doing more than one thing at the same time, I never do as well. You know, it's like why fighters can't have full-time jobs. And comics, you can't have full-time jobs either. If you have a full-time job, it's fucking hard for you to write, man. It's hard to really get it and get in the sets that you need to get in. You need to write it in three, four, five a week if you can. You know, at least, right when you write a new material, It's hard to do that if you have kids. It's hard to do that if you're married. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's hard to do that if you work. It's that when we get on a path, whatever it is, be a doctor, you know, be a fucking whatever the fuck you want to be, be a mechanic. Once you're on that path and you're moving, you're like shit, I don't like this path, this path sucks. Fuck that's hard to change man. It is so hard to switch gears and change careers. Well, I might be one of the hardest things to pursue.

The problem is all those commune stories all end up with kids getting raped. You know, I mean, I'm sure some of them don't, but I have friends that grew up on communes. I have a few of them and every one of them there was child abuse.

I don't know. These are the people afraid of the idea of commons. And you know, I said that you know, a new a bunch of kids that had grown up in communes and they'll fucked up, shed a habit to them. It doesn't mean that all of them do, you know, if you grew up in a commune and it was awesome for you, I'm not, you know, I'm not negating your experience or they're saying I know any better, but what is it about communes that are so scary to people? When you hear about people branching off and going out and doing their own thing, like the Waco, DeVidian thing, when you hear about that cult, like when you hear about a commune or a cult or anything that's like really alternative to the standard model, things get really weird. What is that? Why is that weird yout so much?

Like, you... Right, but why do we care what other people want to do it? Is it because we're nervous? Are they going to attack us? They're not going to be on our team? What is it?

It's mostly men. Do you worry about groups of women? I fuck up five women, bro. I'll tell you what. Once I hit one of those pictures, the rest of them are just gonna start running. But five dudes can kill you. Yeah. Five dudes can beat you to death. You gotta be real careful with dudes. Much more than with women. I mean, with some women, you gotta worry about them. Yeah. But obviously, what is it about big groups, though, that we worry. We worry. You know, the government, I mean, if you wanna really kind of trip out of how they handle that wake-o thing watch a there's a documentary called rules of engagement and it's really interesting where it just shows really clearly that they murdered all those people yeah and they wrote over them remember the ATF like drove their shit over the burnt down wreckage yeah they live the houses on fire and drove over the houses with tanks yeah it's really barbaric i mean it was just savage and it was you know this is how they had been operating for the longest time. But the age of VCRs is fairly recent as is the age of the internet is today. We don't realize that there's a mentality of a bunch of people that were in charge many decades before VCRs and the ability to show video to almost anybody at any time. When VCRs came along, I'll send you to watch something again. And you could go, what's going on here? And what's happening there? Where's before they basically picked and choose what they broadcasted on television? Once you had the ability to record things, and then tape started passing around, and then the case of Waco, I think that was the early 90s, wasn't it? Was it early 90s? I think so. So they had all these fucking people living on this one compound. with weapons and the guy was banging all the wives. That's how it always ends, right? The guy's always banging somebody.

What a fucking weird thing. I mean, he made, I mean, he was like a martyr. He like had the self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. He made himself out to be this Jesus character and that they would all, the government would come to attack him and how glorious must have been for him. When the ATF was storming the compound at a gunfight was going on and bullets were going, it's like they're coming for me. Yeah. I'm too powerful. They're coming for me. He must have been like that, right? A crazy asshole. I mean, sure he didn't want to die, but he must have been.

Yeah, this tune in drop out. No, it's not no.

Oh, that's the Timothy. That's um, what's his face? The unibomb was involved in that, right? I didn't know that. I haven't gotten to that part. Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's a different thing, but getting blood gone.

I had a kid in that parent during the basement. So she told me who the fuck that was.

Yeah, that story sounds like something that someone makes up when they work at like a resort.

Yeah, well, that was what I was going to bring up. When you said that, I thought you were talking about Ted Kizinski. You know, the CIA did a bunch of studies in 1962 out of Harvard, and Ted Kizinski volunteered for these studies. And they cooked his fucking brain man. They created the Unibommer. It's very, very likely they created him. When he got out of there, he was absolutely convinced that there was some sort of a war going on between technology and us. and that he had to stop all these people from making technology. So what he did was he got a cabin in the woods in Montana. He worked for like five years as a professor just to save up the money. Maybe three years as a professor just to save up enough money to fund his trip and then he moved and just started this attack on all these professors and innovators and all these people that were involved and and technology, but they cook them, they cook them in Harvard, man. And that's something that it's very, that's not really, really well known, man. There's not, in many people have heard of that story.

Well, if you want to look online, look up the CIA doses French town because there was a town in France where it's been by the Freedom of Information Act. These papers have been released and they found out that they did LSD studies on whole towns in France. They would dose the whole fucking village and watch people commit suicide. Watch all kinds of crazy shit happen. Excuse me. So, you know, they've been doing shit on soldiers. Yeah, it states and Britain, there's these videos of British troops all dosed up on LSD, wandering around. It's fucking weird. It's amazing.

Dude, you know what I saw? That was hilarious. Speaking of old shit, I watched Flash Gordon on the plane, on the plane home from Toronto. There it is. Dude, they have these little, you know, you can pick a TV show or movie. I mean, a flash Gordon episode one, two, and I don't know if there's more. it is amazing how bad it is. I don't know what year that was. Do you know what the year that was? Yeah. Let me look it up real quick because it was incredible. The the the special effects were awesome. They they were so bad that it looks like a show that's trying to fuck around. It looks like a show that like maybe Tim and Eric would do or the guys from South Park.

1936. That's when it is. Do you know how crazy that is? We're talking about 1936 and this is like pre-World War II, man. So they've got this fucking ridiculous spaceship that is got sparklers Like for the July sparklers, behind it, and it's on a string. And it's like swinging a string with the sparklers shooting behind it. And the way it's operated the inside with what they thought a spaceship would be like, it's insane. There's a guy in a seat. He's just sitting in a seat. And he's got like a periscope just like you would have in a submarine because he had submarines back there. There's no monitors there's no no they're going through space and they don't even have monitors they never envisioned monitors but back then you were like buying every single second. Oh yeah, that was surrealist dude. It is awesome and I just looked up on IMDB apparently there's a DVD set you can get I fully recommend a stone session. Get stone as fuck and watch flash Gordon. It's going to be awesome. That's it's amazing. It's amazing to think that that's even real. That this was like this was a show or the movie rather where, you know, they were, they were, this was fucking legit. Yeah. People get fired up. We're going to go see flash Gordon.

Go in there and that's hilarious. By their homemade Coca-Cola.

Yeah, you know what my favorite one is, Burgess Meredith, when it's the last man on earth and he's like in a bookstore, so he gets all these books and he's so excited, because that's all he wanted to do, people just bother him, he really just wanted to read books. And so nuclear bomb hits everybody's dead. He's got all the books in the world of everybody breaks his glasses.

Yeah, that was real. It was the perfect show. It was the perfect show. When that episode was done, I was like, wow. Perfect show. They did a Twilight Zone where a pool, a pool hustler wanted to play the dead guy and when he wins he goes to hell. And so he wins and he's guarding over the pool table waiting for the next guy because he wasted his whole life playing pool. That's his suffering. Those twilight songs were awesome.

I tried to do man. Every subject's been covered a billion times over to be completely and totally original like that. Like, wow, you're talking about, you know, millions and millions of shows. It's fucking how much stuff has been made since 1936 and block Rogers or Flash Gordon.

I love those twilight's on movies too, but then the course that won the John Lannis had a horrible accident with a helicopter crash. It's crazy.

Fuck movies with explosions and helicopters keep that shit away from me. The good news is they don't really have to do that anymore because now they have CGI. They just, you know, fake the whole thing. Yeah, they don't You know, in 2012, nobody really jumped a car over a fucking canyon. You know what I mean? They just had the whole thing was fake. So it's nice. You don't really have to risk your life for some shitty movies.

Oh, dude, the craziest. I worked with those guys for years on Fear Factor. On Fear Factor, I worked with stunt guys. I knew a few guys from Jiu Jitsu. My friend Will, who trained at John Jocs. a new couple of the guys were there. But there are fucking animals. All of them have like, oh, this is metal. I got a fucking fake collarbone and you know, I got 18 stitches and our 18 plates in this hand.

You got to be tough as fuck. Tough is hate.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's a guy might be a little too confident with himself.

A lot of tough broads. I have to get thrown out of the back of trucks.

Yeah. How did that get through? I never watched an episode of Alph. I kind of pride. Really? From that. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Is that how we talked? Yeah. Yeah. I remember it was a reference that hack comedians would do in the 80s for the 90s rather.

He was like, I was like, I was like, what was he supposed to be? Is he supposed to be a computer or something?

It was weird. I was like, no, no, no, you're Max headroom. I can't be some guy in some movie who's like a cop. You know, I think we've got a clue here. I was like a bad cop movie.

Why don't you fucking make the picture, son? Do it. Get that guy together. You know, today with the technology that we have today, you actually could do that if you wanted to. You can just film it on a green screen, green screen of your own, throw it through your laptop. Sure. Super easy.

So come back to this flash Gordon thing, man. If you ever want to fucking, you ever need proof of evolution for knuckleheads, just look at Flash Gordon. Look at that from 1936 and look at us today in 2011. If you can't see that things are changing and moving in a certain direction, the complexity of the dialogue, the simplicity of it, and the Flash Gordon movie is compared to what we're having in this conversation right here, we're totally different human beings. I mean, these people were, I don't know if they were incredibly naive or of just the, if it was that the Cinema was so new and naive that it could be stupid and fake because Noah everyone sort of accepted it You know what I mean like when they saw those old King Kong movies I got love the first I love all the King Kong movies, but the first one was pretty badass, but it's so fake looking It's so bad if you go and watch it now you're like whoa what but back then they knew You know, the new was going to it was good for them. I was like, wow, I can't believe that that's the monster. You know, they didn't have anything to compare it to. Right. They knew it didn't look real, but they were still in press. Like that Jing Kong's a hell of a monster. What a great movie. You know what I mean?

It's kind of weird how it took a long time for 3D made a comeback.

Well, dude, Avatar, in my opinion, it made it come back. Yeah. And I saw it in IMAX 3D. That's like an experience, man. Yeah. It would add a smile on my face that whole movie. And when I heard all these people that were like, oh, the movie's so like the plot was very transparent. Like, oh, my God, shut up. Shut up, stupid. How could you not enjoy that? Oh, you're telling me the big blue aliens aren't real? Well, get out of here.

I wonder how it's recognized. I wonder how it's recognized. I wonder how it's recognized.

I wonder how it's recognized. I wonder how it's recognized. I wonder how it's recognized.

Yeah, but it's probably just a hard drive.

I've got a back you shit up. They're on.

Don't have things back.

I don't know. I use it to slap a fucking one tear by drive on it.

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Anyway, he's talking about him on his right back. It is awesome. I know you're saying that your shit died, but it is awesome. What were you gonna say about that?

I don't think it's going to have to be a mind thing. It's a mind machine thing. I think it's going to have to be, so it's going to be a little stimulate some part of your mind. It gives you sense. Yeah, like maybe you can wear some, maybe everyone's going to have to shave their head like real players. If you know, you're going to have to do like a horizontal Mohawk thing, real plets, I know. Like this dudes with jet. Yeah. It doesn't give a fuck. It goes out the clover. This big stripe shaved on his head. And then you put this thing on skin to skin on your head. Yeah. And it has precise like you line it up on the video game. It'll show you how to line it up with the exact Cortex, exact portion of your brain, and then it sends signals that show you like burning meat smell and show you that.

I wrote something once about maybe the life that we're living, maybe the reason why it seems so fake is because it is fake and what we are in is some sort of a reality simulation of the roaring 20s of the technological age. Like maybe we live in some time where everything is all scented candles and perfectly lit white rooms and no one has a muscle car and no one's getting their dick sucked. And you know, and maybe there's like a simulator that you can run when you run where it's just chaos, but chaos that's entertaining is fuck. It's like every time you turn around there's some new thing, Christina Aguilera, fucking up the national anthem. 2 billion people tuning into the wedding. There's constant shit going on to keep you entertained and you are you are in this biological ride canister Yeah, and you're going through this thing. Yeah, you're in this you're the reportal to this ride is your skin. Yeah flash

And you know, it sounds like you're advocating fantasy. It sounds like you're advocating, well, you know, so you want to look at your life as if it's some sort of assimilation or just live it as a assimilation.

It's very empowering. Yeah, I think the first person ever heard suggest that was McKenna. I think McKenna was talking about, uh, you, how did he say it? He was, and he was quoting someone else, so so I'm doing a third hand quote, but he said, you should view your life as, uh, how did he say it? as a conspiracy or as a view your life, as if the world is run by a select group of people. And that group of people is you and your friends. Yeah. You're somehow another secretly in charge with running the world and running the universe. You're the most important things in the universe. You're you and your friends. Because it's the most empowering way to view the world.

to this theme has been going back and forth with me over the last couple of weeks. I was talking about it even on stage in Canada that I don't think and I think it goes along with the same thing that we were talking about as far as us not being able to process films and movies and that what I was saying with that was that movies for those people who've never heard it before. I think that human beings are set up to imitate their atmosphere and we're set up to find the alpha and follow him because he's the old leader and you know he's the guy with a broad sword that is the most nicks in it and he's experienced things and you can learn from him and so we follow him that we don't we we're set up to imitate our atmosphere but we don't know when our atmosphere is bullshit those same signals all the sudden we're getting them from a hundred foot screen and and we're sitting there in iMac surround sound and the hero every time he comes on screen he says the exact right thing he's got a fucking team of writers and they've worked out for weeks and there's music plays every time he's in the room And you get just drawn into this thing where it's incredibly influential, like almost more so than real life. And I don't think we're set up to process that. I think we're set up to process the natural world. Well, I mean, that this is along the same lines as that, right? I think when you look at the news and there's terrible things going on all the world, I don't think we're set up to process the world. We're set up to process our fucking neighborhood. The universe, the world, is a chaotic fucking place. And the key is when some are sucks, got to get the fuck out of there. That's how people got to America in the first place. That's why people cross the bearing straight when they came over from Asia. We are nomadic for a reason. It's because the world is spinning around a fucking nuclear explosion and sometimes it gets a little too far away and what it does, everything freezes to death. Okay, so you gotta move around. You gotta keep moving. And I think we are supposed to be in a good spot and surround ourselves with a bunch of good people. But we can't be looking at the whole goddamn thing all at once. The whole six to seven billion people all over the world. Yeah, everywhere you go, you're gonna see bombs going off and people get in shot and planes drop and fucking missiles out of the sky into the wrong building and you know you're gonna see that everywhere because they're so fucking many of us you're not supposed to be monitoring the whole time it's a mess is up the uh... paradigm people who are enjoying and in that paradigm is it's own little virtual reality game it's like they you know people live in denial of death they live in denial of the impermanence of everything they live in the denial

But you can hold on to it for a little bit. There are countries because if you go over there, you've got to have a passport. Well, yeah, but those countries.

Right. But they are enforcing them.

I see what you say, but it seems to me this is like an argument of semantics. It's like, what is the definition of the word law? I see what you're saying, but the reality is laws exist. If you go to Turkey and you have heroin strapped here back and they catch you, they put you in a cage. Yeah, I'm saying. No, I don't know. There's social engineering. The real question is, is that social engineering is it valid? You know what I'm saying? Right.

When you agree, they're all social engineering. You don't do heroin because we don't want heroin users.

You see that man, but then you've got to realize the nature of man, man is a violent, fucking crazy animal. And if you want to allow the nature of man to express itself in a truly unfettered way, you have a lot of violence, man.

I agree and I disagree because as individuals know, as individuals most of the day has filled with very little violence in comparison to what life would have been like 10,000 years ago. Life 10,000 years ago, by the time you got to be orange, you were missing a hand or something. It's a fucking arrow holes in you. Yeah. I mean, if you made it through, you had a giant fucking machete mark in your head, you were experiencing violence around every corner just to stay alive. I think, you know, laws and all the things that are in place that a lot of people wouldn't agree with, you know, even some drugs muggling laws. I think you need some sort of regulation on these assholes that want to come in here and sell poising a shit that makes you addicted to.

We're in agreement on that, I think.

And when you say prison industrial complex with a lot of people are not going to understand that statement. So just tell people what the fuck that is.

What people don't know is that a huge percentage of the prisons in this country are private. their own, their companies, and they profit. They make money off of how many people are in prison. I mean, it's to even hear that and think that somehow that got passed and they allowed that. And we were talking about slavery earlier. I mean, how is that any different than owning people? Yeah, they fucked up before they became slaves. But then once they fucked up, they became slaves. And you're making money off of them. You're making money off them being in there. You charge more, you know, based on how many are in there.

Yeah, I read that.

But there's a lot, there's like county prisons and there's, there's different prisons. You know, I don't know what percentage, just not all prisons, all of them. Because they can't even be. But it's a huge number, it's a huge number. And they're making new ones all the time. Look at the, the fucking, when the economy goes south, man, people start going to crime. It's just how it goes. I mean, it's normal. I don't know what the increase in crime has been since the economy went to shit, but it's kind of be a couple of percentors. I mean, it's just what happens. And that to them, that's, that's numbers, doll of doll bills, y'all. Yeah, stuff them in those cages and start raking in the cash.

I can't tell you how much I'm disappointed in Obama as a spokesman, as a representative of us. I don't know what's going on in the world. I don't know exactly what happened. I don't know who knows. Might be for our own benefit. How come this motherfucker, a guy who came from a single mom, how come he can't step up and figure out some way to get people, to put funding into horrible neighborhoods, to try to make the system better, to try to get more cops into those neighborhoods, to try to get more teachers into the schools that are more qualified to pay them more. To set up community outreach programs for kids who don't have fathers and set up like you know, mentoring things, you know, like local clubs where they can play sports and, you know, they can have friends and where they have something a fucking look forward to and you will create an infinitely better country. All right, infinitely better because our number one problem is people who suck and a lot of people who suck just needed love, they needed something, they needed guidance, they needed, and I'm not saying we're supposed to be nanny state in the world, but I am saying there's a certain amount of people that are born in this country for sure are going to be fucked. Why can't we help them? If you really wanted to make this world better, wouldn't that be one of the first things you do? And in comparison to how much fucking money we spend just blowing shit up in a bunch of places where we're never gonna go. Compared to that, the fucking money would be nothing.

It's so wrong. It's true. It's just because the military industrial complex has a huge influence on what happens in this country. It's what Eisenhower warned about when he left office in that famous speech. And that's just the way it goes, man. It is the reality. And that reality despite WikiLeaks, despite anything that gets released about any fucked up thing that happens in the world. It still seems to keep moving in the same direction. Doesn't seem to be any, any, any changing.

Columbus is super friendly.

I think right now, more so than any time in my life, I hear psychedelic discussion more than at any time in my life. This is a big big big big big big big big big big difference between now and say when I started comedy like 1994, people would occasionally joke about doing mushrooms. What is he doing mushrooms? Yeah, but no one was like common calm with trip reports. Chris Marcus, our buddy Chris from the flashlight. He went on a little vacation the other day and was telling me how beautiful it was. And you know, you come back as a better person. And you come back as literally like I said this on stage about the guy who's got those those billboards. This is May 21st, Jesus is coming. I don't know, like a May 20 second. We're going to find that fuck and we're going to force feed him mushrooms. And I'm like, because Jesus is coming. How do you can see Jesus? You can see Jesus and Buddha and Santa Claus. You can see anything that anyone ever thought of ever plus stuff you could have never imagined. You can see Jesus. You literally can see Jesus. Take seven grams. Take seven grams of mushrooms. You'll see Jesus.

Yeah, you know, I also said we're in a second class citizens and they can don't slavery. That's a silly book. You know, everybody would go crazy about the Bible man. The Bible it's in the Bible. I believe my lap by the Bible, but I'm listening. Here's the bottom line about the Bible. You're not even reading the Bible stupid. What you're reading is a version of the Bible that was translated first into Latin, then into Greek. The ancient Hebrew version of the Bible, they don't even know all the words. They only know a certain percentage of the words in ancient Hebrew. Like they literally don't know what the words mean. And part of it's because letters were also numbers in ancient Hebrew. Like the letter A is also the number one. So like there's a certain numerical value towards that we don't understand. You're getting the interpretations, the worst version of the grapevine ever. And on top of that, the oldest version of the Bible, which is the Dead Sea Scrolls, is so fucking crazy that they don't even use it. It's just so filled with these vague stories of trips and UFOs and visitations and all sorts of nutty shit. According to John Marco Allegro, with the Dead Sea Scrolls, there's all about, was them hiding their history of psychedelic mushroom use. And they were trying to hide it from the Romans and stories. And the older you go back and these stories, the more you get to the original version of the story. And that that's what it was all about. These guys were tripping their balls off and it totally makes sense. If you were a bunch of idiots, it was live in 7,000 years ago or whatever the fuck they were. And you're living with your stupid leather shoes, you get all sewn on you, and you got some goofy ass hemp clothing on. You know, you're a dope. You don't know what's going on. You look at the stars every night. You wonder when the gods are going to rain fire from the sky. And then you stumble across some mushrooms and you ate them and ate way too many and had some insane super psychedelic wind tunnel vortex tornado experience with a whole universe. He's like a giant ball of yarn and each strand of the ball is like a hyper segmented with billions of planets and lives and trees and water and you can see that for five or six hours and then come back. You're not going to want the Romans to know about that shit, man. You're going to want to hide all that stuff. That's what the Bible really is. What the Bible is is a trip report. Yeah. That's what the Bible is.

Well, people don't want to accept, but that's where that message comes from. There's a lot of people when you connect something to the idea of it coming from a mushroom or any type of drug. Ayahuasca, whatever, it inherently devalues the experience. Like, I didn't listen to it, but apparently Robert Quiver's from the Howard Stern Show went to Peru. And I heard a lot of talk about it, but when I'm in my car, I never know what episode I'm listening to. I didn't catch that one. But apparently she went to Peru to engage in an Ayahuasca ceremony. And they were given her hard time because she's like a vegan. They're like, what you want to even drink milk and you'll take this fucking shit, which is very funny. But you know, a lot of people, they were poo poo in her experience. And that experience, the Irish experience, the mushroom experience, you know, everybody that is religious wants to believe in God. What I'm telling you is I can show you something that represents God. For sure, you can meet what God is. And I'm not saying it's God you're meeting, but you can meet what God is. What God is is perfect in all knowing and all embracing and loving and wise and constantly around you all the time. Well, when you take mushrooms, that's what you feel. That's what you feel. You really feel God. And I'm not saying that is God that you're communicating with or what God is or what even the concept of God. And you say God, all the sentences, male, hierarchy, point of reference where you think of like one alpha that controls all. But it's not that. It's God is more like everything. This episode is brought to you by SimplySafe. No one deserves to feel unsafe in their own home. Get a piece of mine with SimplySafe. It's advanced home security that puts you first. And these guys are some of the best in the business. They were named US News and world reports best home security system for five years running. And I think part of that is because simply safe has some of the most advanced systems out there with 24-7 professional monitoring and low upfront costs. Believe it or not, they have monitoring plans for less than a dollar a day. Picture this. You've been traveling for days. You come home to see your house has been broken into everything's a mess. They took off a lot of your valuables. And now your home doesn't feel as secure as it did before. With simply safe, that might have been avoided. Their systems and agents could have helped stop the crime in real time. Using this smart alarm, wireless indoor camera, they could have seen, spoken to, and even deterred the burglars while sending the police. and you get to go on with your life knowing that simply safe has you covered. It's time to get the protection that you deserve. Try out simply safe today, risk free. Right now, the listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% discount on a new system with fast-protect monitoring. Just go to simplysafe.com slash rogan. That's simplysafe.com slash rogan. There's no safe like simplysafe. This episode is brought to you by Crash Champions. There's nothing worse than being overwhelmed by an unexpected car accident and not knowing what to do next. But as bad as a situation like that might be, Crash Champions is here to answer the call, turning your bad day around with trusted collision repair. They'll save the day by getting your vehicle back on the road quickly, safely, and looking like the accident never happened. Next time, a wreck ruins your life, remember to trust Crash Champions. They will answer the call and make it right. Ask your auto insurance company about Crash Champions, visit CrashChampions.com to find a location near you.

Here's the devil's advocate point of view. Please, how do you not know that those thoughts, those demons just represent thoughts in your mind and perhaps what that experiences entirely is you contacting your own thoughts and ideas and dreams and hopes and expression without the context of reality attached to them. So without the idea of, you know, what you did that you're embarrassed about that made you weird about your underwear when you were 13, you know, instead of that, maybe it manifested self in almost a living thing. You know, almost, you know, that. Yeah, sure. You're seeing these, when you're saying, there are beings out there that are fucking with you. Maybe those are things that you've let grow in your mind.

You consider that when you were in there when you when you you said you had experience like these are projection mechanisms. But this the yeah that what you're seeing literally is like that thoughts are live their real things. that they have heard the possibility of the discussion rather of the idea that aliens will come through the mind and that they're not going to manifest themselves in a real form and that when you think of the imagination or when you think of dreams and what we have is some weird slippery sort of experience that we can't completely control but what if that dimension of dreams that sleep dimension that you tap into and all your neural chemistry starts flowing between the blood brain barrier while you're in heavy REM sleep. What if that is in fact another dimension? What if that is in fact a world and that is where aliens will contact you through. They will contact you through this spiritual dimension instead of a physical dimension. Well if that's the case and if you think about taking mushrooms and these these elves show up, it is possible that negative things that you've created in your own life shitty choices or bad energy that you've set forth and then nurtured and repressed and put it down and tried to deny it. And all these different things that people do to sort of rationalize creepy things that they're doing their lives. What if those things manifest themselves as living organisms in the free pool of your mind?

I met Carl Young this weekend. I met a crazy guy who took 6.8 grams of mushrooms and told me he was Carl Young. This guy comes, that's me, he goes, I need to talk to you. I have information that I'm sure you don't know about. I go, how can you be sure? And he goes, I just know, I just know, I just know. I tried to talk to Brian Redbant about it, but he replied to my email with some stupid joke. I was like, Brian, I was, I want to give you nothing else for that. And then the whole boy goes, I really, I've been doing psychedelic research. I need to get this information for you. Listen, it's going to sound crazy. I used to be in another life, I was called young. I go, how can you be sure? And he goes, I've seen things that you've never seen. I go, how can you know that? This is ridiculous. I mean, you get to confidence on, get out of here. I can't get to bad at it.

I talked about him on the podcast on the plane with Sam Tripple and did, but that podcast might suck. I'm not even going to release it. I might not release it because we were both hungover and tired and we were talking about stupid shit. So I'm not sure.

Yeah, I got a text from Brian and capital letters. Do not eat Joey Diaz's banana bread.

Unless you have a fucking big hypodermic filled with adrenaline that you can stuff into your chest.

I don't tell anybody ever to take more than a quarter. I hold their hand. I go, dude, listen to me, bro. Listen to me. I love you. Don't take more than a quarter. See, they enjoy the tour. No, and Joey Diaz.

Yeah, he called 911.

Well, what people don't realize is that there's cannabinoid receptors in your mind that are established for two things that come out during like runners high and you're you know and some other things but also they're there to like to receive marijuana they're to receive to receive all the shit that's in marijuana. marijuana easily could be responsible for human behavioral development. We could have a long time ago have had some sort of a symbiotic relationship with marijuana. I mean, you look at the characteristics that it's all about like being loving. It makes people kinder and friendly and sillier and less threatening and more insecure. So it makes you like less cocky. Yeah. It's all like good things for society. You know, and in the human use of it is gone, I was at this, oh God, I gotta tell you about this. I know the history of cannabis because I was at a place in Toronto. They had a, I went to this nutty fucking place. It is Valhalla for put head comedians. It's a head shop and in the back room, they have a comedy club. Dude, it's called Clint, uh, I probably shouldn't say what it's called. I think it's on the D.L. But anyway, you go there and they have this big thing, the history of cannabis. Well, 4,000 years old evidence of cannabis use in China and it goes like throughout human history. How long people have been using marijuana and they're selling bombs and they're selling pipes and shit. And then you go into the back room and they have a comedy club. That's cool. They have a comedy club dude and you go on stage and every I went on stage and sparked up a joint immediately when I got it. It's a full hot box. You can't see the back of it. It's filled with weed smoke and the whole time I was on stage I did like an hour up the whole time I'm up there dudes are hitting a bomb and they're they're passing joints and it's fucking crazy too much like to wait too much my voice that's one of the reasons why I'm coughing today. I think it was I'm just breathing in that Yeah, let's say I'm simply lost his voice almost he's like Yeah, yeah, that motherfucker needs ventilation for sure But my voice was like really hot and red, but didn't affect me the next night when I did the UFC I didn't bother me at all But it was hot and and like I remember getting out there going God I got to go outside and breathe and then the cool air of I mean literally there was no oxygen in the room It was just pot smoke. It was fucking crazy and the way Toronto is right now apparently there's some sort of a situation where I They had a law to make it illegal, but the law was ruled unconstitutional, so that in the 90 days, between the next revision of the law, it's basically in limbo, so it's like pot sort of legal, sort of, you know what I mean? Like they could probably bust your balls if they wanted to and lock you up, and then you'd, you know, who knows?

Yes, yes, and they were like tall.

Yeah, he was a dated two.

What a fool of me. I don't like saying that. Yeah, I don't know. How could people? Why are people so reluctant to admit the positive effects that all these, or the effects that the need that people have for all these different intoxicants? Why is it so mainstream to dismiss it? Is that some Nancy Reagan shit that's left over?

So what's holding you back? Do you think the people that are holding you back? I've always said no one needs pot more than the guy wants pot to be illegal. You know, no one needs acid more than the guy who wants to make acid lead. Sure. No one needs much, you know, a down the line. It's so simple. So how is it still in a situation the way it is in today in 2011 with all the information that we have? It's still never get stopped and there's a feeling of helplessness about.

Yes. Yeah, which I think is a great thing, you know, and I think it's going to be extremely beneficial, especially MDMA. You know, there's a lot of really positive results with that. You know, I think, uh, psilocybin gets a little squirrely, you know, if you've had some horrific experiences abroad, I wouldn't recommend psilocybin.

Especially if you might have done something, you know, not really entirely happy about.

One of the trip is a stamp. I don't know. The speculation about psychedelic trips is that the more people take the psychedelic trip, the more potent the psychedelic is. So that was the thing with ketamine. McKenna always talked about how ketamine seemed like nobody had been there yet. You did this psychedelic experience and you got there, you said described it as like a giant office building, but all the cubicles are empty. You know what I mean? Whereas mushrooms. Right. My space 2011. Whereas mushrooms. It's like you are diving into a giant rich river of human history. And it's all together. All in run gigantic fucking soup. And you're gonna add your trip to this huge pool of trips.

But have they have the experience themselves or are they just sort of a neutered bystander?

To find out what it is. Meanwhile, you know, you could get strict nine and pull it out of a plant and no one's ever going to bat an eye.

Do you think that this idea of a trip, like when you take mushrooms that you're entering into accumulation of trips throughout human history, does that make sense to you? And if that does make sense, then is this the psilocybin that's chemically produced or that's artificially produced? Does that bring you to the same place?

It's probably, yeah, it's probably information, you know, I mean, what when you look at instincts, like a lot of instincts are set up just to protect you. You know, from shit that's happened to people in the past and it's become, you know, a part of the human instinct, like category, or catalog rather than you have in your mind. You're like the reason why people are afraid of monsters. You know, little kids that grow up in cities are scared of monsters. Well, the reason why is because, you know, you were a monk used jaguars used to eat people. That's why you're scared about it night. Why is care to go out of night? Because the predators were fucking hunting you at night. And you got to eat and when they look at like a lot of the early hominid skulls, a lot of them show signs of predation by big cats. That's what we're scared of. So that monster that flash in a child's mind of big teeth and big scary beast That shit's ingrained in the memory man. There's there's something in there from one monkey a billion years ago or whatever that saw another monkey get jacked by a cat, you know?

You know, I think one of the hardest things for us to really grapp our heads around is that we are just one frame in this infinite chapter. And we're all trying to figure it out as it's going along. We're all like trying to stop this ride, slow down. Let me get a map of this. Let me hold on hold on. Who was running the train? Do we know who's running a train? Can we slow the train down? Shit. So I hop off the train and watch it from the outside. And let me stay out a little longer. Where are we going? What time is it? Does anyone have the time? We are all on this wild train ride. And it's going to become someone else's train ride next life. And it's going to keep going. You know, we're living and dying on this ride.

Eventually, you're not going to last. Oh, no way.

Our bodies, this body that you're rocking right now is not going to last. Our body, yeah.

Yeah, everybody says, yeah, I know, but you don't know. You don't know any more than you know that it does. It's a fucking giant guessing game. Well, you know, it's one of the most offensive things about religion is that they pretend that they know something that is impossible to fucking know. just as ridiculous when hippies pretend that when they die, you will go into this interdimensional love. You don't know.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm not necessarily convinced that consciousness is not attached completely to being a biological entity. One of the things about being a biological entity being something with some sort of a You know, you have personal sovereignty of the ability to control your own movement and destiny. That's why consciousness, like the actual thought of consciousness as an entity. That's where it comes from. It comes from the need to keep this one thing alive. When you die and you become the next thing, if there is an next thing, it's very possible there will be no consciousness. It's very possible that the idea of consciousness says some egocentric ridiculous notion that you have to keep the idea of you.

Well, have you ever heard the theory that every timeline, every life is repeated until you get it right? And that what we're dealing with is one timeline of this earth that you are listening to this podcast right now. You are a part of an infinite number of timelines that are all interwoven and that you go through this one and then you come back until you get it right and you keep doing it until you have no shitty thoughts until you have nothing wrong, no personality defect. Until you literally, ultimately, and achieve enlightenment. Oh, can I add something?

No, let me, I mean, you say it is, but not evidence. The evidence states that the universe itself is fractal, okay? And the latest findings about big bang or about black holes, rather, is that inside every black hole, exists the possibility of another universe. That's the ultimate fractal because we know that inside every galaxy is a black hole. And if inside every galaxy, there's a supermassive black hole that's exactly one half of one percent of the mass of the galaxy. And what the theory is is that inside that black hole exists a whole nother universe with hundreds of billions of galaxies. Each with a black hole in the center of them, each has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it. And it never ends. And it literally is the ultimate fractal. If that's the case, I don't think it's that preposterous that you're silly little fucking life can be repeated over and over again. You know, oh, I'm gonna be Bob the postman till I die. No, no, no, you're gonna be a Bob the postman for infinity mother fucker until you get it right. I don't think that's any more ridiculous than the idea that inside every black hole's another fucking universe.

Well, you can live your life without fucking it up.

That seems like a giant leap though. If you can live this life over again, you're telling me that somehow or another, what kind of super order can have every car stop and the exact same spot, every red light be there when you get there, Yeah, okay, so life is just a movie and everything that's ever been done in your life is predetermined.

It is a narcissistic idea and really ultimately it's just one of a million different possibilities. And so to commit to any one of them, you know, it's just like the idea of using the atheist, but like, this is it man, what it's over.

Whoa. The other, the other atheist bogey man is a guy with shoots people at the abortion clinic. Let's see other one.

No shit. They're terrified of that guy, but meanwhile they're not terrified of a vacuum cleaner sucking babies out of pussy all day. to shoot and babies into the great beyond out of a vacuum cleaner. Yeah, that's a specific spot every day. Yeah, that's your job.

Yeah, that's not me sort of stumble on, you know, you fucked this shit. Craigslist, you know, if you get a pregnant ant, you're gonna have to do this.

Yeah, you're going to clean it for it. So this is never happening and we don't have a killed baby.

Oh, God. Well, you know what, man, it takes every kind of people. I'm sure there's been one of those out there, you know? If you, if you can speculate it, the millions and millions of humans on this, and this, and this country alone.

Do you ever toy with the idea that, you know, I mean, you said that everything, you know, there's this possibility that everything exists by plan and then the same life will repeat itself over and over and over again. Do you ever toy with the idea of the human being as, as the, as the caterpillar that will become the butterfly and that, you know, our whole society, the massive, accelerating pace is moving us towards this event.

I think, I told you, I got jacked. They stole my credit card. I started, I get phone calls from American Express. Are you buying $500 worth of a good dive of a chocolate or something? I guess they probably bought a bunch of gift cards. And did you go to Norman Nordstroms and spend $2,000 in even markets? They just went off. These fucking people. Yeah. That sucks, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's creepy. It's weird to know that there's this weird little electronic parasites that click click. They get the number and then, you know, they make a new car to do this sucking numbers.

It's like a whole documentary on hackers. There's this documentary they did about this one area of Soviet block Eastern Europe. I forget what exact country it is, but one Soviet country, one you know, former Soviet country, and they're all hackers like the whole country filled with hackers. Like they went through this city and like everyone's got a Mercedes. They're just fucking everybody. They're just figured these young guys have like figured out a way to fuck the system and steal all this money.

He feels about the guys who buy and sell their characters. What do you think about that? Is that cheating?

Yeah, like if you can't you like build up some sort of character. Are buying gold? Yeah, can you do something like that when your character's got superpowers?

Do you have to have it inside your computer? Do you have to have a CD in there to play it? Or does it a non-line stuff? You have to have it in your computer because like quick live, you download like a client app, but it's all online now.

But what do you get to do that's so cool that you're on it every day? Do you get the shoot people or what do you do kids make?

What's the odds of it might be a dude?

Would you be willing to exchange, uh, pretend love messages to a guy playing a woman?

Well, it's just a personality. It's a mind behind the machine. I've dated a lot of girls that had a dude's mind. You know, might as well have been a dude. I mean, it wasn't, but it might as well have been. You ever dated a girl once a yell at you all the time and argue with you. Oh, oh, oh, you a dude. It's going on here. Why are you acting all dude like an aggressive? Why do you have a dip in your mouth? It's a, oh, you didn't grow a dips.

Now I know we're gonna die. That's a fucking deal breaker right there. I've got buddies that dip and never bothers me. You know, it's good in the cup. It's kind of gross for whatever. But I was dating a chick and she started doing that. The fuck off me. You crazy bitch. Yeah. What's next? You want to peg a motherfucker? Oh, you want to get your peg on? Ah! For those who don't know, no, Peg is one of your own puts on a dildo and straps it on and sticks it in your butt. Apparently you have it so often that there's a name for it. What a fucking weird. Where are we living man? We're in a weird world.

People fucking cheer in at the white. They want to the White House lawn and the fucking dancing thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, he was dead in 1992. I've got the documents right here. 1992 that it's a black ops.

Wasn't that the premise of a movie? Wasn't there a guy who did that who killed people and froze them and then dropped the bodies off and oh, I think he was the iceman. That's it. Wasn't a premise of a movie. It was that guy that that crazy hitman for the mom called the iceman. The iceman crackles on HBO, which of you haven't seen it. They are fucking terrifying to know that this guy existed. Yeah. He was a crazy fuck. You know, that guy used to play pool, and he used to gamble not with people that I know, but with people that I know who know that people. And he as long as you didn't make a fool out of him, he would lose some money. He liked to gamble. So you'd go in and play some pool as long as you didn't rob him and make a fool out of him. You know, long as it was a competitive game, but I guess he got in some sort of an argument with one guy. One of the first guys you ever killed was over a pool game. He used to And apparently had one situation with one guy. He felt like the guy was robbing him. The guy fucking disappeared. Nobody ever saw him again. He killed so many people, man. He killed people over just the guy with step on his toe. He would kill him. He would shoot arsenic in his drink and the guy would never know what hit him.

No, I'd have to listen to it. I can only do accents when I hear them.

his he looks like frosty this no man he got two thousand and two reported he was going through dialysis We've got the papers right here. Yeah, I don't know, man. I used to have that bit about Osama bin Laden being a character in a Batman moving. Yeah. Think about this. He used to work for the good guys with any switched forces and joined the dark side. He's a billionaire who hates us. Right. He lives underground. And we almost capture him and every time they get him, he slips away and leaves behind a threatening tape. I mean, this is an episode of Fuck It Scooby Doo. I mean, this is ridiculous. And the video despite how good video cameras were all over the world was always shit. It was always like one of those first generations cell phone videos when you can only take like 30 seconds of video. You remember those? Remember, that's what the videos have been loud and always look like. It's always like blurry, fucking weird. He's probably been dead forever, man. There was that one fake video. There was a hundred percent fake where they had a couple photos of him on a video of him, but his face was fat or he looked at a different guy. Like a totally different guy. Like they put like, they put transparency of the two of them over each other. But you know, as they get more sophisticated, they just stop releasing videos. And he doesn't have to make videos. Yeah, I'm stopping making videos. Sure. Yeah, the fucking fake bin Laden sucks. Yeah, the guy didn't lose enough weight. Yeah. Yeah. So, I don't know, I don't buy it. It's just, they're all about so much shit.

But she's dead as fuck. Well, I think he's probably dead a long time ago. I just don't think it just happened. I mean, it made him mind of, you know, I mean, look, they said the seal team six killed him. And if that is the case, you know, those guys aren't going to keep their mouth shut. They're not going to pretend that they killed somebody and not. I mean, it sounds like I don't think they would take. I mean, when you deal with like seals, there's like a certain, there's a code that those guys live by. And I don't necessarily think they would pretend that they killed somebody like that. Who's seal team six? They're supposedly like the baddest motherfuckers in the seals. The scariest ones they send into terrible hostile areas to kill bad guys. You know, those are the ones that like, if you read like some of those books to Dick Marchenko, I think that's his name. The rogue warrior, great fucking books. All the nutty shit that he did, like, all throughout the years as a head of one of those seal team six units where they're I would like have long hair and tattoos and they would look like look weird. It was like a fucking goddamn surface just a long movie. It's like the expendables, but it was real, you know, and Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that man fuck that's what they do that's what they do I mean if you watch those you ever watch any of those discovery channels specials on how they like recruit people and you know what you have to go through hell week, you know, and you have to go through we we're trying to have it maybe seal like dude the people that get through that are some extraordinary fuckers those are those are people who would do some crazy shit Yeah, this is a lot of people out there that love and live for the idea of getting a fucking flat-out straight license to be a bad motherfucker killing machine. And if you want to, if you're good enough at killing people and you're willing to pledge your loyalty to the United States government, They'll take in. They'll take in. They'll train you. They'll fucking give you a great attitude and a lot of psychological counseling that they've been working on for decades. They've got it down to a science. They know exactly how to tune your mind so they can send you places to go fuck people up. 2011, baby.

Yeah. Well, there's a whole bunch of them.

I don't think he drinks Thai coke. He's probably drinking whiskey out of a bottle. They're singing.

Band-danners over boat wounds. I'll get it. It's patched up later, boss.

aircraft carrier. The SEAL team six is the SEALs of the SEALs. That's what it is. SEAL team six was a label team six at the time to confuse Soviet intelligence about the number of SEAL teams in operation at the time. There were only two others, but the team six poached the top operatives from all the other SEAL units and trained them even more intensely. So even among proven SEALs, the attrition rate for for team six is half. So half of the bad motherfuckers that become seals, the only half of them can survive to be team six. Yeah, and they sent these psychos over there to kill him. Maybe they did, or maybe he's been dead forever. Who knows? You know, who the fuck knows? Once you hear that Jessica Lynch story, you go, okay, it's all bets are off. They're not doing anything different now, and they were back then. They were just making shit up back then. When they said there was a firefight to rescue, you know, a private Jessica Lynch and, you know, she was just poor little girl from wherever the fuck she was in Nebraska or Kansas or some shit. You know, and then she came out and she was like, listen, nobody rescued me. I was in a hospital. There was no gun fight. You know, I want to just step away from all this. Thank you very much. And then she got death threads and you fucking traitor. You know, she had a hide and fucking scary shit man. The government doesn't tell the truth. If they're telling us this happened, this is not what happened. Something else happened. It's a way, way, way.

Yeah, this is a movie bro. This is gonna be in a movie, right? Yeah. Listen, Nicholas Cage will be in.

I say they cast Nicholas Cage as the hardened veteran who doesn't give a fuck and he goes over there because if you're gonna do a job right, gotta do it yourself.

Remember that movie that he was in with the plane? Was that movie?

Yeah. It's the movie bro. It's Connor. The whole cast of Connor comes back for get bin Laden. Yeah. It was death day. Who's a top seal? Who's his number one killer? Ready? Charlie Sheen. Oh, yeah. That's a great killer. Charlie Sheen was in the movie Navy SEALs, bro. Oh, that's right. He was in Navy SEALs. We can make him the top Navy SEAL. He's also in hotshots. Ooh, there you go, dude. And Major League. Come on, son. He's all American. Yeah. He could be the top of the cop guy. And Dolph Lunger makes it come back as well. But dies before they complete their mission.

You'll seem dads. Yes. They talked to their daughter on the phone and, you know, daddy loves you. Meanwhile, it's like a little bit. We've got to do this. Yeah, and though the ex-wife, they wind up getting back together again, right at the end of the movie. Yeah, Steve Gutenberg to the day kids in a good old Navy seat. Yeah, you remember Steve Gutenberg. I said Alicia Silverstone on a plane. I was like, who the hell is that? How do you remember what happened to that guy? Do you have a kid? What happened to Gutenberg? Went crazy. Yeah, Gutenberg. There's a famous scene of him outside of Phil Hartman's house after the after the shooting after his wife killed him and then killed herself Steve Gert and Gutenberg showed up for the photo op with a suit and tie-on and started doing interviews with the press, pleading with the media to have some class and taste and handle this with dignity and leave the family alone. But the way he was doing it, it was like so clearly him just trying to get attention. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. Because we us as a cast, never remembered Steve Gutenberg coming up from Phil wasn't like my best buds Steve Gutenberg we're going fishing this weekend you know it's like Steve Gutenberg sort of like I'm a neighbor I don't know maybe just like next or neighbor. No, I don't believe he was man and if he was why would you come out and say hi, this is where I was coming right. Yeah, well, it's you know it's that that want to be famous thing man, you know when it goes away there's nothing weirder than someone who used to be famous and isn't anymore and really desperately wants to be again All right. Very strange, man. You know, you ever met a guy that's in a band, the band was big, and now they're not big anymore, and they're all weirded out.

It's weird.

Man, ABC, team sealed six team of life.

Oh, tell you.

Yeah, that's why I want my movies to have aliens in them. That's why I liked Avatar. Yeah, it was simple. Yeah, I saw the whole thing coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew the guy was going to be good in the end. I knew it. However, it was good because there was aliens. And it was fake. It wasn't like some stupid real-life situation that you're trying to recreate. Or, you know, like, that's the one thing that drives me the most nuts is people that want you to go see. It really depressing movies. You know, really depressing dark movies. And you're like, well, I can live that, man. I can see that on Twitter. Oh, yeah. I can, I don't know. When I go to the movies, I just want to be entertained.

Is it American moving? What is it? It's uh, oh, here. I'm looking at it. Wow. Got a lot of stars.

Grieving couple retreats to their cabin in the woods hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage. But nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.

It's 2009. Willem defostars.

Yeah, you're on the ball, son.

So this is depressing. This is going to be sad.

I want a monster will be doing it. I want that nonsense.

Yeah. I'm watching it. Yeah.

I just got done with episode one. I'm gonna do it now. Number two tonight.

Why is that such a prevalent theme, the zombie theme? Why is that so really occurring? I mean, at all the potential monsters, just like the two big ones are vampires and zombies.

You really think that's what it is because the fear is not just to be a zombie. The fear is to get the zombie to eat you. I think the real fear is people afraid of cannibalism and people breaking down and becoming monsters.

It's cool, looks cool in TV.

What's your all-time favorite zombie movie? There's only one answer. Duck well. Correct answer by the way.

until 28 days later. Oh, yeah. That's the best one.

28 days later, you know what I loved? They ran to you. They ran. I'm not into these slow ass zombies. You can just pack off with guns.

Yeah. The evolution of the zombie is it's a disease and they run to you.

What we need to do is send zombies to Libya to overthrow their government. Yeah, it's just the drone attacks aren't working. But we, that's what zombies would do. They would become a new military weapon. They would just send a bunch of zombies in an airplane carrier and just let them lose their guns. Shuffle out.

What the fuck is that about, man? The zombie thing. So well, it's easy. I love them too. People love zombie movies, man. There's a guaranteed core group of humans. You're going to get every zombie movie to make. There's a core audience. You're going to use zombie movie coming out. Boom. You're going to get a certain percentage of people.

Yeah, me too. I can love that shit. You get me for every monster movie. Everything you got, bro. What do you got, dragons? What do you got? What do you got? Yeah, really much. Yeah. Wear Wolves. There's no way I could avoid it. It's impossible. Just check my Wikipedia page. Somebody says right now. Yeah, so when he said that during the Twilight series. Oh, that's right. We've been like saying to people like, you know, I'm not saying, you know, that you should put this on Wikipedia. But if you do, I'm not going to change it. So this says, says I'm on some man shit. It says, by the way, I did a massive haul in Toronto on Friday night, 2,600 podcasts fans. It was like all podcasts. Except, there's one dude who brought us teenage son, apparently I didn't read the signs. I guess he didn't know what he's getting into, like his son probably likes MMA and I don't see the fear of acting. The signs that say, warning the Joe Rogan show will contain the strongest language and material content imaginable. That's what I came up with so that you can't you can't say that I didn't warn you. It says the strongest imaginable and I might be right and apparently during the this one port in my joke where I talk about a fake baby getting his dick sucked and you didn't like it got up at a huff and left. Really? I heard about some people that were in their section. I couldn't have possibly known because the jug was killing and there was thousands and thousands of people that Massey Hall is fucking huge. It's huge. It's so crazy doing like a show like that. Where there's that many people. That's the most I've ever performed for. And I'm glad I'm doing that thing lately where I do like an hour and 10, something like that. It's just a best way to do it. Man, I did an hour and 10 just just stomped it. And it was, I was so amped up for that show. It was the first show in a long time that I was actually kind of nervous for. Like as I was walking, not nervous. Like, oh, I'm scared. But like, like, all day, I was like, oh, I got a big fucking show tonight. You know, when you go on on stage and there's 2,600 people in their screen. and it's super intimate to the way it's set up like because there's three tears and they're like pretty much in your face. They're all in your face, 2,600 of them. Fucking awesome. And Doug Benson was there and Doug Benson was hanging out with his buddy who's his opening act. You know, he was just, I go, I go, what are you doing tonight? He goes, uh, nothing. I go, come down to the show. So he came down, I go, you want to go on stage? He was, yeah. So I just, uh, introduce him at the beginning. We also got Doug Benson. He only went fucking crazy. So he goes out in this 10 minutes and just crushes, crud, triply goes up and crushes. It was insane. The crowd was so fucking cool. I mean, you're always going to get a certain amount of douchebags, like I read a couple of things on Twitter about people getting kicked out for young things. Maybe somebody got kicked out during Sam's act, but that's just the virtue of the fact there's 2,000, 6,000 people. There's getting a certain percentage of shit as you see week in a Canadian GSB. But other than that, man, the fucking crowd was amazing. I mean, it was incredible.

That is the problem. We're talking about like really heavy, trippy shit as you get a certain percentage of people. Like my friend, I thought he was Carl Young who have to come up to you now to talk to you about things and take what you do very, very seriously. It's like, you know, the vast majority of the hardcore Bill Hicks fans are amongst that's You know what I mean, that's the important, like what you say is important, what's going on is important. How about this?

more than willing to look at someone, you know, they say, you know, send me something and says, hey, you know, I think you guys are like a little insensitive. I love the podcast, but here's where I think you're wrong. All right, I can Twitter. Like someone said that about about top gear. Like I was making fun of all these people for criticizing top gear about their comments about Mexico. Until I heard the separate group of comments that everyone was upset about, I had read some shit that wasn't very offensive at all to me was a joke. but then I read and watched the video of the real stuff and I was like, oh, okay. You know, I'm more than willing to be said hit, but the guy who did it was very polite and very cool about it. He didn't, you know, oh, I guess you're just a jackass and a fucking loser on follow. You know, it's a little temper tantrum.

When you do something like that, you don't get a chance to follow me again. I block you because I don't want to deal with children. I don't want to deal with your nonsense. You want to send me something to try to make my feelings hurt for no reason like that. It's not going to work and I'm going to block you. But that's simple.

Most of them are not even that stressed out. There you are the target of the day to distract themselves or fucked up, hoard horrifying shithole of a life that is living. It's not you. It's not what you did. It's so terrible. And you're like, if someone agrees with you or disagrees with you, it's just a thought and an idea, posing thought, an idea to be considered, and either accept it or reject it. But yeah. But when you get all angry about it, you know, that's what you've said and like really fucked up.

That's hard. I mean, that's what I'm sitting in front of a laptop, which you can do if you want. Next time, I'm thinking, getting you a laptop. Oh, that'd be cool. So you like, while you're talking, you have to panic. Oh, let me just look this up. Make sure I get this right.

Yeah. It happens with, uh, with, um, uh, Calvin, Calvin all the time, like, fucks up, and then has to come back. Look, and in that figuring it out, and in that, you know, and looking up those facts is, you know, in message boards and discussions, we all grow. We all find out. Like I said, when I put up that thing about the Photoshop thing about Obama's burst ticket, I'm like, I don't know what's going on. Somebody tell me what's going on. Right. You know, and a lot of people have, like, why would the government do this? That's speculation, shut up. Let's get to the heart of this. What is going on here? Photoshop wise. you know it's it's so important to have this sort of a back and forth exchange with people online you know it's not just throwing something out at them You know, the reason why this podcast really works, honestly, is that it's like people are tuning in to a cool conversation amongst friends and sometimes they contribute. Sometimes, like, it's sometimes tweets contribute. You know, there's a many, many of discussions. Many of the discussions that we've had on this podcast are based on things that someone will send me. You know, someone will send me something on Twitter and I will do, you gotta look at this. Check this out. I'm gonna read you the story. You know, and it's this inter, You know, inner woven network of ideas and people and shit. That's what it's really all about.

Well, what is it? Pull it up. Pull it up. What is it? Well, we'll end and then we'll play this as we're leaving.

Dude, you got to come on this podcast once a month. This is ridiculous. Oh, I want you. I love to do you every, every third week. Great. I love it. Done. I'll put it in my case. I'll put it in my case. Oh, every third week. The conversations we have are my most fun. You're my number one favorite podcast guest. Thank you. Number one. No one's even close. There's a few people that are close. There's a bunch of them. I love all of them in their own little way, but you're my favorite. Thanks, man. They can all go fuck themselves. They want to argue about it. I love all you guys. Duncan's number one. Okay. Stop it. Even more than Joey Diaz. Oh. Joey Diaz will get mad at you sometimes. Duncan never gets mad at you. Let's see, you fucking Momo.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. You got some dubstep, what do you got?

You got that song? All right, um, uh, upcoming. We've got, uh, I, I have a show coming up in San Francisco. I will be at Cops, Comedy Club, and it looks like I'm doing that with Tripoli and Tom Segura. When are we gonna do some more dates, bro? I know you've been busy.

I've been working on your, your pilot, right? Yeah, yeah, I've had a time. Can you tell anybody anything about that?

And you've been super happy about everything. We're going to keep everybody up to date about it. We can't let it too much.

When will you know whether or not you can actually people can watch it?

We'll keep you keep you posted everybody who's interested and followed Duncan on Twitter. It's Duncan Trustle T R U S S E L L and you could also get him. Do you have artistic terrorism.com anymore or you got rid of that?

Yeah, catch them on Twitter. We have shows coming up in San Francisco. That is May 12, 13th and 14th tickets are almost sold out for all the shows. So jump on that shit and we should have a good time. They're my friends and then the next gig are coming up. Well, maybe probably sales comedy hall. I don't know what's going on there. They're doing construction. What's happening there two weeks?

And then June, I got, um, June 10th coming up at the Vogue Theater. And that's in, uh, excuse me, June 9th at the Vogue Theater. And that's in Vancouver. That's on Thursday night at the Vogue Theater in the vlog is supposed to be the shits. I can't wait. And half the tickets were sold out last week. So by now, it's probably like three quarter sold. So if you want to get in, get in bitches. I can't bring Joey Diaz to Canada. I know you're all asking, but it is illegal for Joey to exit and enter into your farm country. He's a fucking criminal. And you fuckers in Canada are awesome. But you won't even allow a DUI. They have a very strict no douchebag rule in Canada. You can't have assaults and batteries and all kinds of stupid shit.

All right, you know, I love your bitches and we will see you. I got stuff to do a week so we probably won't see you again until Friday or Saturday. That'll be the next one. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye.

How high were you when you thought this was good?

The final thing we're going. Let's keep going. I have a good chance. There's still 1600 people listening. Dropping rapidly as they realize how big it's really. Down the 1644 or 41. 1636. People are getting violent right now smashing their keyboard. I love it. I love it. I love it.

Making plans right now to kill you.

This sounds like what would happen if you let a 10-year-old fuck around with a computer or a hit.

This is the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song.

That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song. That's the part of the song.

We're making gay people out there right now.

That's right there. It was on the fence.

Thank you very much for tuning in to the podcast, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you to the fleshlight and if you go to Joe Rogan.net. and click on the link for the flashlight and enter in the code name, Rogan, you will save 15% off of the number one sex toy for men. I'm not going to have one for you if you'd like. Oh sure, that'd be great. Gotcha. New ones. New stuff. What's the style, do you have? The good style? The butthole. Don't worry. Don't worry. I wouldn't steal your wrong dog.

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