Transcript for #1426 - Justin Martindale

Yeah, because it's because it's legal. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. We can't we can't do things that are legal. It's smoke cigarettes in your building, right? No. No. No. Oh, you have a smoke free building. Yeah, health conscious. Why get that kind of if you say no cigarettes, you kind of have to say no weed, too.

I'm like so funny. It's so funny. My wife kind of gets that way. And she smokes weed. It's funny. But when we're the kids, if we go somewhere, she's like, oh, lovely. Like she'll smell it. Like, women are so funny. Like when they have kids, I'll suddenly get like real protective of everything. They want to, that's where it can serve them. Mom, a bear. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I want to protect that den. Oh, great. Yeah. Lovely. Out in public. I was doing an hour ago.

Well, yoga, there's just one dude that I go to yoga with this old fella and he has a van and he parks his van right next to the yoga place and he gets fucking blasted. Blast it. It's like a cheating charm movie opens up that band and climbs in the yoga class. You could see him just whacked out in class. Hot box yoga. You could see him in class just like who's in the middle of doing his yoga.

Yeah. He could be on anything. Yeah. Steaming with the gym is a dangerous area. Like, people are trying to make it and they get weird. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, like, everybody, it's just like, you're just sitting there, right? So people get anxious to get antsy, just sitting there.

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Was it Valentine's Day last time? Yeah. No shit.

Yeah. So sweet. You know, we can't even work. These are the candies. We heard candies, right? Because they only sell them because they're in the heart shape. Yeah. Right. If they were stars, people are like, what the fuck on a bullshit candy is that? Yeah.

I don't think so enjoy. I don't think so because they want to sell more.

Did you see that fucking video of China where they're spraying disinfectant in the streets to try to kill the coronavirus? Jamie, it's on my is that bullshit? But they do that movie in Arkansas.

I don't know. I've seen it a couple different spots.

Let's pretend we're ignorant, and we don't know any better. Watch the video because it's fucking bonkers, man. They're driving through the streets, spraying everything at street level.

By the way, if you've breathed that shit in, if it kills mosquitoes, it'll kill you too. Absolutely. That fucking stuff is off.

Just off. Let me, let's watch this real quick. It's on my Twitter. Oh, yeah. Also, along with my man Eddie Isard is running 28 marathons in 28 days in 28 countries all through the month of February. All in drag. I have socks on my floor. So look at this. Look how crazy this is. Yeah, this is nuts. These fucking people. They're spraying shit at a cars. They're walking on a street spraying buildings. It's all disinfectant. Apparently this coronavirus, they say can live outside of a host for three days. So if you have like coronavirus on your hand, you touch a railing, that shit will exist outside of your body for three days, which is very unusual.

Well, this is what these doctors have been saying forever. The one that died. That's one of them. But the doctors that studied at the CDC, Duncan and I went to the CDC down in Galveston, I think it is. And we were talking with these infectious disease experts and we were all conspiracy theory like we're like, you know, like, we're worried about like, man made viruses and this he goes listen you don't have to worry about man made viruses he goes these motherfuckers are making them that didn't they're mutated he didn't use to turn motherfuckers well right well he wanted to probably dead but he was saying they they make themselves and they happen all the time and we barely can keep up with them and it just takes one big giant one like the Spanish flu the crazy thing in Spanish flu is 1920 yeah this is 2020 so every 100 years

Oh, here's the drones. Jesus. Army of drones deployed across China dispense disinfectants. See, here's why I call that bullshit on that. How much fucking disinfectant can they carry that little bullshit ass drone? They don't get a kill. You know what I mean? They're so little. That ain't going to kill. I can go refill.

Calm down. The thing them driving to the streets freaked me out more than anything.

Go home.

Because everyone's got to be locked down in their houses. Right. So kids are starving to death because they're locked in their houses and their parents are in the hospital.

Yeah, it's it's just a matter of time.

Neither of us have it. I think they say it's supposed to wash your hands a lot, but that was before they realized that it's transmitted through the air. I don't think that happens. What's going on? This is the lady.

She shouldn't walk without wearing a mask. You know, she's a bit of a, don't forget to wash her hands. She's got blue hair roast.

Now a drone is what it could be real.

Is that a high cool? What is this? Stay at home with food and drinks. Why do you always come outside? You can sort it in this sound. This might be bullshit. But it might be real. I'm not feeling good about it. It scares me man. It's like these things absolutely can wipe out millions and millions of people before they can get a handle on it.

Some people did they just don't care. They're just selfish. Yeah. Yeah. They don't even care that other people feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. If some people are there sick, they want you to be sick. They don't, they're not happy malicious. And malignant assholes. I'm worried. Don't be. You know what I've been worried about a lot about lately is glyphosate. I've been waiting to glyphosate.

You can't just glyphosate me. What is round up? It's a chemical that they use for pesticide for agriculture. And I was reading this whole thing about glyphosate and how toxic it is and how many people have gotten cancer from glyphosate and how often they use glyphosate on vegetables. Yeah. I'm like mother fucker.

Here it is, as many as 85,000 glyphosate cancer lawsuit significantly closer to settlement after federal trial suspended. Yeah, there's a lot of mother fuckers that got cancer from this shit. That's the roundup.

Yeah. It kills your weeds. I think it kills pesticide. It's weed. And what does it say there? Scroll down. Scroll back up there. No, the actual image of the plot. Oh, God, damn it. These pop-ups. Does it say it says weed and grass killer? Okay. So it is, it's not a pesticide. It's just, it's just for weeds. Yeah. But when I'm, I bet it kills pests too. Oh, it kills everything. But they apparently, a lot of people that are gardeners and that are working on golf courses, golf courses and apparently get it a lot because, you know, they spray that shit everywhere because they want everything to just be grass.

No, no, it just fucking kills the weeds and doesn't kill the grass. Yeah, that is.

The EPA reaffirms a glyphosate does not cause cancer. Don't worry folks. Just drink it. There was a guy at a press conference who was saying I could drink this glass of glyphosate. It wouldn't do me any harm. Some guy goes drink it. He didn't drink it. Of course it didn't drink it. Yeah, he's full of the talk talk the talk yeah talk talk is cheap you fucking that glyphosate stuff. It's like look you're this we're supposed to be there, man. They're supposed to grow along with everything else. That's how it's supposed to work. You can't decide what shit. Are you going to supposed to pluck those weed?

Yeah, fuck it. Oh, thank God. But if you have a garden, you can plug your weeds. But if you have a gigantic mono crop agriculture farm at 6,000 acres of corn or alfalfa, or some shit, can't really, can't really fuck it. It's spray that bitch. I don't know, man. I just, whenever something happens like this, coronavirus thing, I get worried about all kinds of stuff. I start worrying about all kinds of weird fucking toxins, chemicals, you know? Does that make sense?

You know, this is another yoga guy that I know that teaches yoga and he didn't know that you're not supposed to swim in the ocean right after the rain in Los Angeles apparently it's super dangerous to get in that ocean Yeah, because all the runoff, because the way LA system is, you know, the LA River and all that jazz, which is sort of a fake river, it's not even a river. But it's perfect for LA, calling the LA River the LA River is perfect when you look at it. Like, oh yeah, it's fake.

Yeah. Well, it's like a fucking gross drainage. It's just enormous. Well, when that bitch goes down into the ocean, it carries with it all the garbage, all the chemicals, oil from the streets, needles, needles. Yeah. and it's all in the water and so when you go surfing right after that you get really fucking sick and he was telling me he got deathly ill because he just didn't know any better he was just out there and he's from Argentina I guess where it's not as much of an issue there and he was in that water he got fucked up he said he was he was a wreck for like two weeks

It's just weird that they decided to make the LA River like that. Like, I've never seen anything like that. Look at the LA River.

That was this year? No, it was last year. January 19. Okay. Look at that motherfucker. It's just all condoms and poop.

and fucking gonorrhea.

Well, they say so many people are on anti-depressants and SSRIs and all that jazz that the water supply has a certain amount of it in it because people flush and they flush. And apparently some of the water that we use is actually recycled. They take your piss water and they turn it around.

Drinking so well. You're basically drinking recycled piss water. Yeah. Mmm.

I've seen it in person. It's, it goes through, I think it goes through to home ranch. It's an enormous pipe. Yeah. So what if we learned this Valentine's Day? Everything's trash. It's been a Valentine's Day?

People are just not supposed to live that stacked on top of each other. Ugh. We're supposed to live in small villages in the woods with just enough food.

Yeah. I want them a little mobile.

But I have a lesbian friend.

Let's be in friends are good. Yeah. The ones with those Patagonia vests.

Does she keep food?

You know you're going deep when you have that fucking preacher food. You know that stuff like that Jim Jim Baker was selling. Oh, God.

but he in Jim Baker's show used it as like the base of a table. Like he's like you could use it underneath your table. This is like you could you like your kitchen table and he's got like stacks of this stuff and then they were sitting on it. Like you could use it as a stool. Like so like your house is filled with like survivor food. Yeah. So in case the shit goes down, it's everywhere in your house. You just have to open up one of these buckets. Do you see that video, Jamie? Bucket rule.

Right, who made this smash cut? Fick burger. That's right. That's right. Yeah, it's a Vick burger smash cut. It's fucking hilarious. Because Vick burger makes a bunch of very funny Internet videos as it is. But as you're watching Jim Baker, and this is the same Jim Baker from the old days when Jessica Hawn and he had, they had a fair and a fair. See, these are, this is all this stuff is the shitty selling. This is stack. Look, he's got it all up the stairs and shit.

Look at these guys are like really. So he was bangin' Jessica Haunt and Sam Kinnison won a bangin' Jessica Haunt. And then our- Oh look he's just standing there and he did.

He's coming out of his mouth into the bucket.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's dead now. Yeah.

I think he said she'd strike like a hundred kids a die-coke a day. And she got brain cancer. Southern people love that. Yeah. Look at that. That's what it looks like when it's cut. That will keep you alive just Martin Dale. Keep a look at that. Imagine eating that. And you're fucking mixing all that together. Like, what's in there?

That's like, that's like caso from Texas. You know how they carry you. Like real real real cheesy caso. Mm-hmm. It'll flu- like um. I missed Texas caso. Yeah, it was just there. It's good. I was just in Houston. Where's this is it? Yeah, yeah. Where you went? Yeah, I was there. Two weeks ago. Oh, was there two days ago? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Is there Saturday night for the UFC Friday and Saturday? Oh, right, right. Yeah. But that that kick.

Oh, that was a couple months ago. Oh, what? Yeah. That's Valentina Shivchenko. I'm trying. Yeah. She fought this weekend.

Oh, it's okay.

What is that cheese stuff though that cheese that you know that cheese that's like watery?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's like a, you can scorch it scorches.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it depends on what's coming here. But I'm not, I don't think I'm thinking about that though. There's a type of like liquidy cheese that people would put on nachos and stuff like that. Do you know what I'm talking about?

But it's like, really equity cheese, but that's what that Jim Baker rule looks like. That he was serving up people. But that's a big thing with preachers, right? They always want to prepare you for the apocalypse with food. Yeah, because they're comfortable.

Well, it's like, I don't want to be a prepper, but I think you probably should have some food at your house. Yeah.

Should be ready for a couple of weeks. And they have these things where you fill your bathtub up. It's like a bladder that you put in your bathtub and then you fill your bathtub up with water. So you always have water because if the shit goes down, if it really lasts for a couple of weeks, you're going to need some water. That makes sense. Yeah. It's really going to make sense.

Listen, people used to live off wine. Yeah, yeah, they used to call it travel with it prevent travelers disease because they will everything because if you get water from a lake, right? Like that water's got all kinds of garbage in it, right? like if you get water from a lake you're drinking a bunch of different bacteria and parasites and different I mean even if it's a clear lake you're really not supposed to drink the water unless you're above a certain altitude like I was in Alaska and I was with these guys and we were hunting and they they told us we could drink this water because above you know 8,000 feet or whatever bevers don't live that's it you have to worry about you have to worry about bevers they call a beaver fever It's Jardia. It's a different beaver fever than guys get at clubs. It's a different beaver fever. Or Denise. Yeah. Or Denise. She get that beaver fever. Always. It's just a polished upper patagonia jacket. Put on your best patruly. A little bit of a hundred years. We'll do ya. Little musk. Yeah. God. Why is it that lesbians have never been able to form a proper neighborhood? But gay guys can do it in almost every town.

Yeah, but they never develop like, like, boys town is legendary, right? It's like, it's, it is. It's a gay, five blocks of gay, right?

That's, that's your spot. But if you think about it, there's no lesbian equivalent anywhere on Earth. that I know of. These are like a legitimate lesbian community where it's only lesbians and they get together and do lesbian things and where cowboy hats, these things. Yeah. Yeah.

No. I feel like people would know. They're saying they're like a legit lesbian neighborhood, like girls town.

Yeah, guys. I think that's the problem. That's the thing. I think guys.

Yeah, like I'm in the next store and they just fucking act like to help you with a trash. You want to fuck away from me? Exactly. Are you sure you're good? Come on.

Would it be fair to compare lesbians to cats and gay folks to dogs, gay men to dogs, like dogs like to, no, I'm gonna reverse it. But gay, but dogs like to be impacts.

No, they're not.

I'm so fucking hump your leg, then I'll hump Jamie. Oh, that's true. Yeah, they'll fuck it.

But they don't like to live in like a big pack. Mm-hmm. Like the husbands. This episode is brought to you by Vivo barefoot. Let me tell you something you might not know.

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This makes sense.

By the people who say minute dogs. But dogs are dogs are loyal. They're loyal, but men are loyal. They're just not that loyal sexually. Right. But they're loyal to each other. Good friends. But my best friends are all men. I mean, I have girl friend female friends. But if I need some shit, if I need like, if I'm calling Brian Cowland, if I'm calling a male friend, you know, there's a difference. I think. I feel like

Yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah. The wolves are circling. Yeah.

Wolves eat dogs, you know. Yeah. Do you think lesbians eat, guys?

Have you ever heard of a lesbian and a gay guy getting together and deciding they're both straight?

No, no. Is it any more time?

But it's just weird because those guys that do it, I read an article about this man who went sort of undercover to one of these prey-the-gay away camps, he was talking about this counselor, who was literally sitting behind him, like holding him during this ceremony with a boner. The guy had a press up against his butt. He could feel the guy's boner and he was like, what in the fucking Sam hell? Sam hell. I always want to say that. What's the Sam? It'll shine, Elliot. What?

That's a sad shit, though, man. Yeah. That's still a thing. Well, it would be just for men that aren't gay to understand what it was like. Imagine if there was gay conversion therapy where people were saying, like, the God wants you to be gay. And you got to stop hooking up when all these ladies. And we're going to get together and we're just going to pray that gay into you.

lock the doors and we're gonna get this party started yeah it's fucking it's a ruthless thing man it's a weird thing that for whatever reason society has it's taken so long particularly in this country for people to accept it that this is still up for debate with some people whether Nike people should be allowed to be married oh yeah for sure did you see the woman of the the uh... got it went viral it was a lady who

It's like, did you find that? Can you find that? Can we play it? Or will we get in trouble? You probably can't play it. Why would you get in trouble? We get pulled off of YouTube. There's uh, copyrights on those so that they own the clip and so they want other people to go to their page to have the clip so we put it on our page.

Yeah, what? He's gay.

I didn't even care.

It's disgusting. Yeah. And you made me laugh through that. So I don't talk about that.

It shouldn't. No. I mean, I, you know, I just can't believe that it's still such an issue. Unless we're trying to fuck you, what do you care? Like why do you care? Yeah. The most interesting thing about Pete Buttigieg. is that, but it's not that he's gay. That's the least interesting thing about him.

Yeah, it's just very, but it's like that's what the reason why he's the guy is because he checks a lot of these progressive boxes. Mm-hmm. And he's also got a shitload of people donating to him. Here it is. He's married to him. What? I mean, first of all, I was saying he has the same exact partner.

Yes. She should be concerned about her diabetes. Are you kidding me?

Yeah, eat a lot of shellfish. You imagine if you got all the way up to heaven? No, no. God was like, look, I don't care about guys fucking guys. Look at all that clams. You guys are assholes. It says in the fucking Bible, don't eat clams. Why, why do you eat clams? Did you read what I said?

But also the Bible is clearly seen the hand of the man. I'm sure there was probably some things that people had figured out, whether it's from psychedelic experiences or what have you, that they had, there's some core tenants. We should treat each other as if, you know, these are our brothers and sisters. Do one to others as you would have them do unto you. Don't steal, don't murder, all that stuff. We can keep together and live in peace. And then people got a hold of it. Exactly. They're greasy little mits on it. I think the shellfish and the clothing hoof shit, like with pork, like that, that is in the Torah or the, what a great word, clothing hoof. Yeah, well, you're not an animal with the clothing hoof that eats its cudd. Yeah. Like pork, you're not supposed to eat pork, but that's probably because they had trickin' noses.

And what the fuck happened with Noah? How did Noah? Like what was he doing up there? They would do in the arc? No. I mean, for sure. Yeah, they were all doing drugs. Yeah, they were all doing drugs. I guarantee you. I think that's probably the root of most of these religious experiences. Those guys found mushrooms, they were trippin' balls, they came back with some really loosely put together commandment that they got from God. Like Moses when he came down from the mountain in Jerusalem. Jerusalem scholars now believe that the burning bush that talked to God or talked to Moses? Yeah. was the K-Shitree, which is a tree that's rich in DMT. So they believe this thing of a burning bush was actually them smoking this plant and having these psychedelic experience and talking to it. And talking to God. Word. Makes sense.

Maybe Joe was full of shit. How about that? I would think so. Maybe Joe was like, you know, like a beloved guy. And everybody's like, I don't want to believe he's lying to me.

Oh he's worker.

He had a large family.

That was her fault. Well, how about, I mean, listen, how about Adam and Eve? How about where does that one? And Lilith. That dirty bitch wanted to eat that apple. She did. And, you know, she didn't want to listen.

There's another theory that the Apple is actually the term Apple is actually based on the color red, and that it actually represented the Ammonita Moscaria Mushroom, which was the Mushroom that they believed Christianity was based on in the first place. There's a book called The Sacred Mushroom in the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro who is an ordained minister. Yeah, see that? What? That is an original fresco from some France. See, there is 13th century fresco depicting Adamony in the Tree of Knowledge. So that's mushrooms. And that mushroom is a mushroom called the Ammonita Mascaria. The Ammonita Mascaria is a really cool looking mushroom that you can find. I found one in Colorado recently. What Colorado? Yeah, you can find them growing. Well, are they big like that? Yeah, they're pretty. Well, those obviously are exaggerating.

The sacred mushroom in the cross. Go to the cover of the sacred mushroom in the cross. You can see the image of this mushroom and you realize like, oh, that thing looks a lot like Santa Claus. It's red and white. Yeah. And there's a lot of weird parallels with Santa Claus. The mushroom grows under coniferous trees like pine trees. This is a micro-risal relationship with coniferous trees. And it grows almost instantaneously.

It does. Sure. I mean, it looks like an apple, too. It does. Yeah. So that book is a really weird book. It's hard to follow. It's really complicated. But the book is essentially saying, this guy John Marco Legro, he studied The Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years, and his conclusion after he was one of the people that was on the committee to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls from Aramaic to English. And after 14 years, his conclusion was that the entire Christian religion was a gigantic misunderstanding. And what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.

Yeah. And that he's pagan. Yeah.

We are but we are question Christmas is a pagan holiday Santa move a bunch of the holidays to to coincide with pagan holidays just to get pagan people on board.

It's, when you stop and think about how long people have been telling the story of Jesus and how weird it's gotten over the years and how many times it's been distorted and twisted and changed and turned from ancient Hebrew, I mean the original Bible, the Old Testament, ancient Hebrew, and then they converted to Latin and Greek and English and then the New Testament. And then so hard. And then God's gonna punish you and bring you to hell if you don't follow these words. But they're also screwy. You're supposed to believe in all this nonsense like people coming back from the dead. There's John Macrolego. So the Dead Sea Scrolls were found in this, it's a crazy story because they were found in Kumran, which is in Israel. and they found them in these caves and they were in these clay pots and they were made out of animal skins. They were written on animal skins and they actually had to do DNA tests on the animal skin so they could line up the pieces. with the ones that are from the same animal so they can make this sort of assumption that this always one piece because a lot of it was all broken up so they had to put it all back together again and try to figure out what it all meant and he came up with this one theory that the word Christ It comes from an ancient Sumerian word, which means a mushroom covered in God's semen. What?

It's come. The rain was come. The rain was like God's semen, and that these mushrooms would come out of the ground right after the rain, right? Because you know, you've seen like when it rains. The next day these mushrooms are huge. Yeah, they're massive. Yeah, well they eat them. They trip balls and they think that it's coming from God and so all the stories in the Bible were essentially about them trying to hide these mushroom rituals in allegories and parables and all these different stories You know that that made sense to them, but wouldn't make sense to their conquerors like the Romans Whoa, bro.

Well, you ever talked to Duncan Trustle about when he's live in Asheville? No. When he's delivered Asheville, they'd actually spray things on the manure to keep the mushrooms from growing. Because so many sell aside in mushrooms grew in the manure out there, and they even like added things to the cows diet, and they were trying everything to kill these mushrooms. Because these college kids, Duncan, that could trustle in his buddies would go out to the fields, and they would be fucking mushrooms everywhere. Because Asheville, North Carolina, is like great environment. Yeah. moist and everything's green and lush these cows just fucking lay turds and these mushrooms would grow out of them and they would all these kids would trip balls yeah and Duck and Talks with with great fondness of his college days just going out into the fields and and find the mushrooms and they would all just trip their fucking ball out in the field and do it overnight like it rains and then the next day you go out in the morning and it's like fucking five pounds of mushrooms floating around oh Good times. Good times. That's next. That's next for decriminalization. Washrooms? Yeah. That's next. They're going to make that happen. They're going to make it happen. It's already decriminalized in Colorado. My first shot. Evans was here yesterday. He was talking about it. I think. They're gonna pull that off in California as well. They have to. Just even from microdosing. If you can just get everyone to microdose, the world will be so much better.

A lot of guys in Silicon Valley. That's crazy. Yeah. They think it keeps all their negative chatter at bay. I had a buddy of mine, he was just here the other day, micro doses. He says he takes it every three or four days. That's the thing.

Yeah, they grinded up. They grinded up the mushrooms and he'll take one capsule every three or four days and it keeps, he said, just keeps negativity out of his head, keeps him positive, keeps him healthy. Yeah. It's going to make sense. Yeah, a lot of fighters are into it now.

Especially if you're traveling. Yeah. Joey Diaz is a famous film of we went to Austin, Texas and Joey Diaz used to hide the limit of his balls. And he's on the Alex Jones show, talking about how he hides. We just under his balls.

It's probably stuck there, so I'm very proud for God about it. But he used to, that's what he used to do. He's take a little baggie, put his weed in the baggie, zip it up and tuck it under his balls and it's underwear. God, that's crazy. Yeah, you had to be careful. Yeah. I knew guys that would put it in coffee. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like, that's a vape pen. Oh, okay, cool. They don't check. They don't give it a fuck. They're just looking for bombs. Mm-hmm. And as it spreads across the country, the legality, I think it's legal. State legal in what? Nine states? Something like that. And then medically legal in like 18 or something? How many, let's find out. How many states? Let's change it. Let's try. Siri. I think it's, uh, I'm gonna say nine states legal. I'm gonna go 18 states medical. Okay. Is that right, Jim? Let's find out. I think. Look at that. Oh, shit. All those green. The dark. The dark is illegal. Yeah. And the folly other ones or what? Medical. Yeah. So everything's medical.

The leg Texas. Texas. Texas. Get to Texas. The leg Texas. Get to Texas. The leg is nothing. Medical. CBD oil. CBD. Yeah. Decriminalized. No. Well, we're saying it's CBD. Look, CBD is the gateway, because that shit is so good for you.

Yeah. Medical, yes, medical, no, decriminalized. No. So the light ones are what?

What's Tennessee? It's Tennessee.

What are they? Fully bullshit. Yeah, Tennessee. The light ones are fully bullshit. We get to sneak around in Tennessee. What has up in those green ones up north? That's Maine. What is the squares? The squares. The light ones down. Oh, the yellowish ones. Yeah. What is that? Why? Yoming. No medical. No decriminalized. What is the one next to Yoming? What is that? State. Right next left. Left. I don't know. Yeah, see that's how they keep people out because Colorado man when they made it legal in Colorado fucking everybody move there. Yeah, they did Colorado boom. Of course. They're real estate jumped tremendously. They started making a shitload of money. I think Hawaii's got it like weird, too. This is mixed. Yeah, what does it say? It's reduced penalty. And then Alaska is like free right? Yeah. Legal, powerful friends in Alaska. Yeah, that's crazy. It is crazy. But look, that just what we're looking at there, Massachusetts legal main legal Vermont legal.

New Hampshire still illegal? What is New Hampshire? Man, just an old and every dude. They don't really care. They're just saying they're Austin.

But New Hampshire's weird because that's supposed to be live free. Like, they're bumper stickers. They're, uh, like, free. High-hard? No, just live free or high-hard. Yeah. And Florida is what, medical. Yeah. So there's really only a few backwards states.

Get that cursor off the states. I can count on 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. 12 states fully legal. 12 or legal. So would you say 9?

It's nice. It's nice.

Well, there's a picture of Bert Krisher taking a shirt off in the wine green room. I know crazy. That's nuts. I've never heard of such a thing. But it was the moment that we became legal in California. Bert stripped a shirt off. So I've run around stage. We're doing a end of the world podcast in the green room are in the main room in 2016 when Trump was elected. That was a weird night.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Well, people didn't think it was coming. They had this idea. Well, people have these ideas of what's good and what's not good, what's going to happen and not going to happen. Which brings you back to this Mayor Pete guy. They came up with that guy because they said, look, here he is. He's a young handsome guy. He's gay. He's a mayor. He speaks well. I think he served in the military. Yeah. So like this will be the guy. But he's also backed by all these billionaires. Like it's a fucking, it's a shell game.

They're just trying really hard to keep it for being burning. Really hard. We don't want Bernie Sanders. If he gets in there apparently, you know, he was an independent for so long and he doesn't want to play ball and he doesn't accept any money. He doesn't accept any money. He's just like the cool grandpa.

you know it's like I just I don't know I have hope I hope for somebody just to I have hope for him socially yeah I like I like what he stands for socially but then you look at I don't know if economically it's feasible because I don't understand economics like when when people start talking about When he was on here, he was describing that if they just took a very small amount of money from every transaction that they do, they're like less than one cent. From every transaction that Wall Street does, that it would add up to more than enough money to pay for healthcare and a lot of other things. It was explaining it all. And he was explaining it like very calmly, and it didn't seem like he was bullshitting on sale.

It's something. It's just a, it's such a weird upheaval politically. Like things don't make 100% sense anymore.

It looks like Bernie Sanders is going to be the nominee for his winning in New Hampshire. It looks like you. Are they saying he won an IOR? No, I think Pete did. He pulls shit. He beat him by 6,000 votes. It's so creepy.

Did he get down?

That's right. How about that fake coinflip? They robbed that. Whoever that is, they did that coinflip. Put that kid in the jail, so. You son of a bitch. Did you see that coin? No, I want to see the coin flip. The coin flip is hilarious. Was this an Iowa? Yeah, hilariously rigged. Watch the coin flip. Hold on. Do it from the beginning. Watch this. Watch how bad this coin flip is. Go full screen. Go full screen, please. and do it for the beginning. Watch this, flips it, catches it, look.

Oh, they're all happy. Yeah, it's Mayor Pete. Look, yay. That's what they wanted. They wanted to be Mayor Pete. So this dude rigged this coin flip in front of the whole world. Watch this, pulls it, looks at it. Okay, how shall I flip it? I'll do it like that. Horses shit. That's not how you do a coin flip goddamn all at all. I will learn to coin flip. Imagine if you were betting $100 with that guy. He said, oh, that's your hundred bucks. He said, okay, I'll flip a coin. Oh, I win. What do you mean you win? You fucked. You rigged it. Look at that.

So I'm a cunt. Cunt force. Thieving cunt. Cunt force.

I'm proud of my son. How's that old guy watching right next to me? Hey, you fucked. That's not how you flip a coin. What country you're from? Kind of nonsense is that. That's all you need more of. It's just people calling out bullshit.

Is that how you do it in Greenland? Because that's not how you do it in America. You don't get to look at the coin and flip it over to the other side. You asshole. Look at it. He looked at it and it turned it. Like manipulated it with his hands.

Well, I do know what you do it. Flip that bitch. Let it land on the ground. Yeah. Let it land on the fucker. Everybody back up.

But yeah, this is literally could, could change politics.

This, of course, they did. But this is what they did to Bernie Sanders in 2016. They rigged the DNC rigged the primaries then. They don't want him. And they're doing it now. Because he's, because you can't, he won't work with them. He's not corrupt. They want someone who takes that money. They don't want Tulsi and they don't want Bernie. They push them out. They effectively eliminated them as threats slow, but they can't. Bernie's got too much grass roots behind them.

If he picks Tulsi, he'll be smart. Two of them together will be a dynamic team.

No, she's too young. She's only 28. She can't be president.

You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so.

You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so. You don't think so.

Yeah, she's too young. She's 28. Yeah. Well, that's why she says things that don't totally make sense sometimes. Well, we all do. But one of the things she said, it's impossible to pull yourself up by your bootstraps in this country by the shoelaces. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that. But here's why that's not correct. She used to be a waitress. Now she's a congresswoman. She's literally living proof that you can you can pull yourself up from the She just works hard. She worked hard. I understand what she's saying. She's talking about working families that are really poor and that have multiple jobs and that are struggling and they're never going to be rich. They're never going to be wealthy. They're never going to be middle class. She's right in that regard. There's a lot of people that because of their circumstances, because of their responsibilities, they can't take any chances. They can't do the things that she did. She's young and single. She's right in that way. But this episode is brought to you by SimplySafe. No one deserves to feel unsafe in their own home. Get a piece of mine with SimplySafe. It's advanced home security that puts you first. And these guys are some of the best in the business.

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I don't Yeah, I have a twisted relationship with this whole idea of democratic socialism. I'm 100% in favor, like me personally, paying more taxes if I really felt it was going to make an impact for the better of humanity. If it was going to improve schools for kids that live in bad neighborhoods, if it was going to develop community centers in bad neighborhoods, it was going to You know, provide better health care for people. I'm all in for that. I just don't trust the government. Meaning I don't trust the kind of people that you would give that money to and then they would allocate it however they would the way they'd like to do. I just don't know if they're efficient. I don't know if they're reasonable. I just the most people that work in government. Like, I don't know if they have the capability of change on a large scale or if they're already so compromised in so many different ways that it would just be throwing money away. Right. Right.

That's probably good point. Yeah. Yeah. If you could get money from them.

How tight were you with it? I mean, you had a phone number.

But did you at one point in time? I think so. Yeah.

It's a false cause. When you knew her, she didn't seem like she had the mental health issues.

Yeah, because we're sexist.

No, it's awful, but I think most of what you're seeing with homeless people is people that are severely mentally ill. So you got to wonder like what caused, maybe she was on medication and her, her, you know, her insurance ran out. Yeah. She couldn't full on Joker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that true? It is real. It's fucking real. There's a lot of people out there with giant mental health issues.

insane yeah people that lose it because of their off their medication yeah that's sad situation because you're like you're always gonna be tethered to this thing you were saying use it twice today yeah you said it earlier before we started to use it all the day yeah i just hope it works either Tuesday hashtag tether Tuesday It's, you know, like, what happens to them if the fucking coronavirus hits and they get large doors for six months?

Well, we were talking about this the other day that most of what this is all happened from the Reagan administration during the Reagan administration. They changed the standards of what it means to be mentally ill and they just released people from asylum because they didn't want to pay for it all. And that, look, if LA is a city of 20 plus million people, which is as many people in LA as I think is in all of Australia. So think about that. Think about the amount of money and that they can't make a silence here. Think about how many abandoned buildings there are. How much money would it cost? There's there's currently someone in the neighborhood of 70,000 homeless people.

The thing is though that those folks don't just need a place because they'll fuck that place. Yeah, they'd be real estate. Punch holes in the wall. Shit in there and stop smear it. They're crazy. What they need is help and they need medication and they need counseling and they need I mean, I mean, I'm not a mental health expert. Some of them might not be able to do anything too. Some of them might not. And also, they get so filled with despair. I knew a bunch of guys that were home with back from my pool hall days. There was a bunch of guys that would hang around the pool hall. They would even sleep on the floor and you know, I knew guys who tried to sleep and people's couches, they'd sleep at the bus stops. and then they'd come to the pool hall and try to hustle up enough money to get some drugs. And it was, they were stuck in this place where they could never get past where they were, they were just in a rut and they could never get out of it. And it was just, it's heartbreaking. Yeah, despair.

One, too many auditions blew a few. Yeah, just snap.

Yeah, I dropped them and you just out there.

There are people though that you meet in this town where you meet them early in their journey and they still have hope. Like it's not worked out yet, but it's gonna. I'm gonna make it and then you run in comics.

Why did I say that? I don't know. We're probably all really high. Yeah, probably so. Oh, I didn't know what I was saying when I was saying that.

So you had those moments where you're like, this might not work out. I might go crazy.

Well, it's also, you see so many people that are doing well, right? Like it seems so far out of reach. Like when you're broke and you see some guy driving by in a Mercedes convertible, you're like, You know, you see these people going into those big high-rises off of Lasiana go, you know, dorm in there and everything.

But nobody, have you done any research on this or is this just, I've overheard some things? Well, where the real money is is that will sure stretch.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a the weekend just bought some fucking red donkulous penthouse up there. That makes sense. Yeah. You get some crazy ass view, but there's no weird that that one strip is where all the luxury apartments are will sure. Yeah. Yeah. That one, there's this one.

Like one area around like the Santa Monica area where the fire happened, right? Right. That was the palaces, right? No, that was Wilshire and Brentwood. Yeah, it had a fire in the palaces. Westwood. Westwood? There was a fire in the palaces. There was a fire in this fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's a fire. So what turned it around for you? What made it feel like it's going to be okay?

ever since I've seen you you've been a killer thanks like you're really funny thank you man like I've seen some sets from you in the main room like this motherfuckers you're free you know you're up there you're free yeah you're like you're you're loose and unrestrained you know you're fucking funny thank you I didn't see you when you weren't.

And I remember getting hold of you when you got on stage.

So we didn't start doing the podcast of the ice house until 2009.

No, I don't think we'd start at the ice house until 2011. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think we mostly did it at my house. Yeah, first year.

That's probably when I'm at you. So you, but you already rolling by then. Well, no. I had no idea on stage you were doing well.

Dude, when she passed me, I didn't sleep that night. Really? No. I was lying in bed. I remember thinking I can't believe. I'm a paid regular at the store. I was already on TV. Yeah. Oh, that didn't mean shit to me. Yeah. We meant something to me. It was like, I was a real comic now. It's a stamp of approval. The guy had already been paid. You know, I'm certain of cry.

It's normal. I had already been doing stand-up like for money. You know, I'd done a lot of headlining gigs. I, you know, I tried. I did some road gigs and I did a lot of stuff around New York before I came to LA. You know, and then I was out here in 94 and she made me first, she made me a non-paid regular. And I would go, uh, I'd go on the last every night and I was here every night because I didn't have any friends. I was staying at the Oakwood Garden apartment, so it's pre furnished apartments, and I was on this television show that was terrible, and I was just going to the store every night. I would work all day during the thing, I didn't have any friends, and then I would go to the Comedy Store. And that's where I tried to find a home, a family. So I got these late nights at, and it was like, you know, it was always like five people in the audience, six people in the audience, and then one night passed me. She passed me, I've told the story before, but there was a guy named the Todd, and the Todd, he's eventually, he developed some pretty severe brain issue. He went insane, and it was really sad, because, in fact, then I had seen him before I ever came out here on MTV, on the half-hour comedy hour. He sat down next to Mitchie, while I was on stage and laughed his ass off. Is that the OR in the OR in the OR? And then I came out of stage and she just goes, okay, you're past. That was it. That was it. That was my second audition for the first one. She made me a non-paid regular and I did that for months. And then I became a paid regular. But the Todd pulled me aside and he said, he goes, I sat there and he goes, you're really funny. He goes, what I sat there and I laughed, really fucking hard. And I told him, it's a really funny. And he goes, and you're gonna do that for other people someday.

Yeah, you know, she'd have those moments who she'd be in and out. Mm-hmm.

Right. It's very special.

Yeah, it really is. It's hard to describe for people that don't know, you know? Like I was talking to Bill Maw, and he was telling me he doesn't go to clubs. I'm not going to fucking clubs. I'm like, why when you go to clubs, you don't like going to the clubs? He's like, I graduated from that. I'm a gun with that. Like, I graduated.

It's just like, that's, that's the gym. Yeah, it is the gym. Yeah, I mean it's totally the truth. You're not done learning. Never done. Stand up as never over. It's an endless journey. And especially if you do new specials, right? Because you abandon your material and you're starting from scratch every few years, you're never done like you have to be around. I don't think there's any other way. I've been, I've done it different ways. You know, there was a time where I was gone from the store where it wasn't, I wasn't doing my best work. And I was doing way more gigs for the UFC. wasn't working in the clubs as much and my stand-up just wasn't as sharp, just wasn't as good. There's no way around it. It's like you have to do the work. There's no other way. And it's also there's something about that environment that plays. It's so nurturing. It is, you know?

I tried to talk to people about what it's like to hang out at the store. I people that have never been like, why are you there? So often, like, man, just come with me one day. Just come with me one day when I walked through the building.

I try not to be part of it. It's a couple of gals. It's a couple of gals, don't like each other. That's all I know about. Uh, I know about a couple of gals. Yeah, I don't know about any dudes. Do you know any dude rivalries? Do you? Do you?

You don't have anybody, right? Do you? You might. We don't have to discuss it. Yeah.

Right. But you know, for the most part, it's just all hugs.

It's like an empowering environment, like a nurtures you. Like you get there, you feel great. You know, that's why people come there, you don't have to know how to spot. Like there's a lot of comics around the road, and they don't even want to do a spot, but they want to come to that back bar and hang out. Like I was just in town, I wanted to hang out. Ron White does that shit all the time? Oh yeah, Ron White's always there. Always there. Well, he has a house right. He has a house in Beverly Hills, so he just gets his cars at Fuck it, I'll come on hang out. Yeah, that pack bar is great. Back bar changed everything. Yeah. You know, it gave us a place. Mm-hmm. It gets infiltrated some days by some days.

Because all of a sudden they'll be there asking questions like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This is not what this is for. Yeah. It's not here for you to grill me on how to get started and how do you do this and how do you do it? Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm here with the comedians. Yeah. Just to hang out with my friends.

Did you where's your name on the wall? Get out of here. Well, that's the thing right anybody you up in the belly room if it's one of those weirdo shows. We don't we like the weirdo shows.

I mean, isn't that worth keeping up with the Kardashians? Is that your lead-in? Oh, no. I don't mean my friends in the gym, the other day watching that. I don't know. I walked in. I go, why? Yeah. You're smart. Yeah. You're interesting. What are you doing? Mm-hmm. She likes being distracted by nonsense.

They fucking know how to do it, too. It's like a hypnosis show. They have these smash cuts. They go quickly from one person to the next and they, there's just enough drama and they're like, how are they going to resolve this?

Getting arthritis because my wrist hurts.

I want to take them and swap them out on naked in a frayed. Absolutely. Take them and just drop them off in a jungle. See how they survive.

You know, I mean, have them do something really difficult. Like change a tire or just fucking anything hard. Their life is, I mean, it's really interesting because I made sort of a I don't know what she was saying. Not an oath, but I decided to stop making fun of Kim Kardashian. She started letting people out of prison. Yes. I'm like, that's powerful. She's real. Like that. She's really doing something like genuinely good. So I'm going to stop mocking her.

Yeah. She's going to law school. Yes, she goes there. She do it at home. Did she ever assist in doing it and tell her what the answer is? She gets the cliff notes, yeah. She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually doing it, you know? She's actually bag of bloody clothes. You heard it first. It's what I heard. Oh, man.

Yeah, well, they're not all crying. But they get a look at that one. I mean, it won't keep on walking.

They're security guards. They have overzealous security guards. Oh, yeah. But I mean, I have to actually get kidnapped. Exactly.

Well, not only that. You have pictures of them all over your jacket. I'm a security guard. My think you're fucking insane. By the way, you look insane. Look at that face.

Look at you. That was, yeah. You look at your crazy person. You definitely, you look good though. Thank you. It's not bad. Yeah, represent for a ridiculous jacket. I mean, I wanted it.

So what were you doing there? Were we there for?

What is it like working at ENO? Well, I don't work there anymore. What wasn't that long ago? It seems like an incredibly frivolous pursuit. Well, I didn't really...

Dude.

You have a popular YouTube channel. You can do that. And bonus, no boss.

That's right here. You're on a show with no boss. Wait, you don't have a boss? No boss. Wow. Yeah, you're a boss.

Yeah, so you can do it. 100%. I just try to encourage as many comedians as possible to do it. It's like you can put up content of your own. You can do anything on your own. I mean, so many people like Tim Dylan, perfect example. Oh, by the way. Let me see these. I just got this. Exclusively. Uh, I love Daddy. Tim Dylan, sure.

You did too? I'm Twitter. Yeah. Tim Dylan. Of course he did. Why did you get blocked by her?

Well, she blocked him, Dylan. And he was, who's very excited about it.

She was talking on the phone in a fucking movie.

How did she know that it was you?

That's probably didn't like her either. Yeah, but she didn't fucking her son's probably angry that dirty bitch Get her bad breath over my son's dick God Jesus

You made it. Good. I don't check. Oh my god. You blocked me all day on Twitter. I will never notice.

I don't have no idea. You don't know? You don't care. I stop reading Twitter mentions and all that stuff a long time ago.

I don't think that changes. I don't think that change. People say things all day long doesn't change who you are. I don't think it changes. I think what the real problem is that people have access to your emotions. If it doesn't fuck with you. Right. Then I don't know if you're the one of those people but for most people it fucks with them like Burk Christ you said it best He goes I was looking at Twitter the other day and he goes and then I was thinking why am I risking the fact that something might fuck with my head or hurt my feelings right then I get off of it That's what he said. I was like that's a good point. Yeah, because that's kind of what what it is So we live in toxic times, you know, it's not a good way to talk Okay, because if if someone's in front of you you would rarely be that mean it would it would It would take a lot for something to be that mean in front of you. But on Twitter, there's no real connection. Plus, they don't like the fact that you or the guy who's on TV and they're not.

And people have this weird idea about people who are doing well, that if they're doing well, you're allowed to shit on them. I fucking saw something where someone was talking about Kobe Bryant's wife and they said, with all her money, she'll be fine. Oh my God. Imagine thinking like that. Like, their emotions are attached to the fact that you have money. So you're fine. You're fine. You have money. You fucking daughter and your husband died in a fiery helicopter crash. And these people, this one person was like, with all her money, she's fine. Just some shallow bro.

Yeah.

But it's also this thing where they feel like they're allowed to do that because you are really successful. Right. You know, because in them with you, it's like you're on TV. They're not. So they're allowed to just shed all over you. Yeah. And there's a way that they can do it through Instagram comments or Twitter comments. Fighting. Yeah.

people to, yeah. Well, they just feel like it's a free shot. Look, I would have felt the same way if I was 15. If you gave me a fucking Twitter account when I was 15 and I was frustrated at the world, I would have said the mean issue to everyone in anyone I could have gotten a whole hundred percent. I would have said the mean issue. You know, I feel terrible for kids today. I do too. That their growth and their development is going to, you know, it's going to be permanent record.

Well, friend of mine works at Disneyland and he said they're having a really hard time recruiting young people that know how to communicate. What does that mean? They don't know how to communicate with people. They're stunned it because they spend so much time tweeting to each other and text messaging each other that talking to strangers. They they haven't developed these common courtesy skills and just the ability to talk to people and actually be curious and that they have to tell them put your fucking phone down

They're on their phone. They check their phone like every 5-10 minutes. They're just addicted to checking their phone. And they're addicted to this weird little dopamine rush that you get from looking at your message. What is it? Did someone talk about me? What's going on?

I'll be like hey, so it's not just the text with a photo.

They they send you or they rather call you FaceTime just out of the blue

Yeah, that's weird, right? It's loud and you're talking to the other person loudly. Put your headphones on. You savage. You fucking animal. That's wrong with you.

But the FaceTime thing seems like it's within the last year or two. Guys started just FaceTime and me out of nowhere. FaceTime and you? Yeah, it's my friends. No. And you answer it? Sometimes. How do you feel? A lot of rappers. Well, the FaceTime makes sense. Yeah, they love it. They like FaceTime. Just want to see where you're at. I just think it's just a more fun way of doing or something.

When you would have to have an iPhone max for that. Yeah, the new one. The big ones. You want the big one. You want the small phone for that. I switched over the small phone, so I look at it less. That's how stupid I am. Oh, yeah. If I have a small phone, I'll look at it less.

That's funny. No, no, no.

God in a hundred times a hundred eight megapixel maybe where we get to see each other's pores now is that 100 times zoom on a natural hairs I want to see that the eyelash lies that you're carrying yeah crazy phone Samsung has always raised in the but mean they have to keep up like in order to jump people off of the apple tit they have to make sure that they really provide something exceptional I know You know, I'm so glad that guy was barking about the Apple keyboards the other day. I was typing last night on my Lenovo Thinkpad, which is my preferred method of writing. It's so much better because I have a MacBook the new one too. They look like what we fixed the keyboard. No, you didn't really fix it. You didn't fix it for a writer. It's I can write on and I have written on it.

No, you're right with the keyboard. Oh, God. But the keyboard blows. It just sucks. It's not good. The keyboard and Lenovo is like effortless. It's so much better. It's a little push to it. The little keys have like a little C shape to them. So it's a little dimple where your fit fits your finger fits in perfectly.

Yes. And you just you just gently crest the keys and they cut. How's name? Tai ki wakiti. Tai ki wakiti. What, T.T. Yeah. Savage. Love, apples, month.

I heard Jojo Rabbit's hilarious. It's fun.

Where's he from? I think I'll straight up. Ah, good for him. Yeah. He's right though, but those shitty fucking keyboards, Jamie sent it to me immediately. And I was like, yes, yes, did you say yes?

Well, I don't think it's really causing people pain.

It's not good that the fucking Lenovo's are so much better. Lenovo think pads.

Oh, yeah. Think pad get to think pad X1 carbon. That's what I have. It is the shit. It weighs nothing. It weighs nothing. It's beautiful. It folds completely flat. It's so superior. The thing is that it's just like if you're caught in the Apple ecosystem. Right. And by the way, Windows 10 is not bad. It's excellent. It's never crashed on me. I've had Lenovo keep. I've had three different think pads now for the last three years. And they haven't crashed on me once. That looks sharp. It's fucking so those keys are magical man. Your fingers just glide over those keys. You make so many less mistakes. So many less. So many. So much fewer mistakes. Much fewer mistakes. Much fewer mistakes. Look at all the stars it has. 4.6 stars you fucking twats get you shit together Apple it's just a it is and by the way you can also get it in a touch screen what yeah it's a superior laptop if you write if you like look for me I like to come home from the store I spark a join up and when I'm you know everyone in my house asleep all my kids are asleep my wife's asleep that's when I get my writing done it yeah And that thing is a breeze, man. I just, my fingers just collide over those keys. And I, like, I brought my, um, my MacBook on the road. And I was writing on that. I'm like, this is dog shit.

I think sometimes people just get tired of all the fucking lights, like the all the time she's in the bush.

Yeah. What is? We'll see where you do that. Huh? We'll see where you do that. Yeah. 1930s jazz. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Hey Siri, play some 1930s jazz. Here we go. Here's some 1930s jazz.

Is that sex? No.

Oh, Siri, you don't know what the fuck 1930s jazz is doing.

Hey, Siri, play some John cold train.

Yeah. Mmm. That's 90 terms. That's legit.

Like that lighter, get that spoon out. Prepare the heroin.

Have you tried cocaine? Yes. How dare you? I have. Yeah, and coked up. Am I in the streets? Yeah. Coked up, right? I don't do it.

Nope, fentanyl. Yeah. Well, I had a guy in here. What was the guy's name? Ben, uh, was it Ben Westoff, the writer who fentanyl, wrote that book on fentanyl, he used to be a, um, uh... he was a journalist used to write for uh... l a weekly bent by calling yes offensively and he said they were reviewing all these raves were people are dying and like they're they're dying from mdma and like it's like it didn't make any sense of they did some testing found it's not really fentanyl or it's not really uh... mdma they're dying from it's mdma cut with fentanyl and plus they're not hydrating themselves because that you sweat because those people will do it is not just rave until their heart explodes it's probably a few of those but a lot of it is just overdoses a fentanyl because they're cutting it it's like trust drugs anymore that's why drugs should be legal You know, that's one of the mayor Pete things. He had this weird conversation with one of the journalists, whether he was talking about decriminalizing drugs. And the guy was like, would you, so you would say heroin would be legal. And he goes, no, wouldn't be legal. He goes, well, that's what decriminalizing is. Like, this is weird conversation where they're trying to work out the legal logistics of what's decriminalized and what's not. But it sounds totally counterproductive that if you wanted to have a healthy, happy society, you'd make cocaine and heroin legal. Right. But the problem is if it's not legal, then people are going to get it anyway and they're going to get it from the fucking cartels and they're going to get it and it's going to be spiked. I don't want anybody to do heroin. I don't want anybody to do coke. I don't want anybody to do any of those drugs. The only way you're gonna give them pure versions of that drug is to make sure that it's actually from a reputable source. Reputable. Yeah, it was a reputable. It's a weird way of saying it. Tomato tomato. No. I've done a reputable. I've done a reputable. I was like, weird. People let's say nuclear, nuclear, nuclear, nuclear.

What is ice? I think it's math. Yeah, how was that? Good times?

How do you smoke that of a light bulb?

Yeah, and she's coming out of somewhere.

One time. One addicted. All it takes. Wow. So at the end of it, you're like, oh my god, I'm so wrecked. I just need a little to get me over. And then next, you know, you're doing a little all the time. That's actually, without a roll, by the way. Yeah. That's what Adderall is. It's just a very slow release.

You don't see different different kinds of drugs. They're not in fetemines. Well, right. The amphetamines are a real issue for people that seek productivity. Yeah. Right. That's why you're trying to clean your house and organize and stuff.

That's what happens with housewives. The real housewives, the real actual actual housewives. I want to organize LA housewives, the ticket that take a fucking atterall. Just start putting a smoothie, putting all their books and the shelves and alphabetical order and that kind of shit.

Put both, put both at the same time with a butt plug in. They just, they want a multitask. Yeah, they want a multitask.

A buddy of mine who, uh, you stayed a girl that like to do speed. He said, uh, they're the best girls to have anal sex with because they never eat. So they never shit. And I was like, I didn't need to know that.

He's like he never eats.

Oh, bitch. Yeah.

Yeah. Woo, yeah. You have to plan that, right? You do. You have to do it correctly. You have to time your food intake and make sure you don't drink too much coffee. Mm-hmm. It's a lot going on there.

The one. That's the one area where the good Lord has done a disservice to gay folks. Haven't given him a lot of options.

I'm just like yes Just do a lot squats. No, we know what you want to just too tight Just that's kind of hot though big legs are hot Yeah, but not too big. Like if your butt is so tight, they're like literally, it clamps down. You know, like people get sleep out, man, like football players do, because their neck is so big. They can't. That's all fair pipe. That's real? Yeah, yeah, there's so much muscle in their neck that when they lay back, like they choked to death. Like football players were choked to death falling asleep. You sleep out, man. Just from giant necks. You do that with your butt hole. Makes sense, but then dudes with little dicks would seek you out like a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, I get it, but I don't get it. I do get it.

Don't take whatever they can. Let me speak for my people. What they like is butts. Girls and big butts. Yes, guys with that. It's because it's jeans. It's like the jeans are signaling that this is a healthy woman who will give birth easily.

Why does someone want someone with perfect features? Because you want someone with great genetics. Like there's a bunch of things that are favored, right? Like height, tall men or favored, strong men or favored. Um genetics big dicks. Yeah, it's all it is. It's all like jeans.

Oh, I thought you're talking about like facial surgery. Is that Kylie or Kendall? Which one?

She didn't fill her butt up. She didn't fill her butt up.

So see how the one on the left is natural and the one on the right is the one cheddar face effect.

Yeah good Lord, but Kendall I mean so Kendall has real ones Kendall has I mean those are normal those are normal the ones next to those are balloons So which which ones more attracted to you depends on how hard you are and how drunk you are interesting and who's interested?

I bet you have. Yeah, bet both at the same time, huh?

Jeans are strange, man. They are weird. What attracts people to others. I mean, there's a lot of factors, right? Like mean people are very unattractive. Right. Boring people are very unattractive, stupid people are very unattractive. There's a lot of factors. But then, then it gets down like animal stuff, like shapes, shapes of bodies, size of hogs. Right? Right?

I'm so hungry. I get it. I thought it was like a, oh.

Okay, guys. What am I wondering? Well, who the fuck's buying colon me? I love all the clones you have in your house

Wow. Oh, you're a connoisseur. Yeah. Do you have like different like tonight is the night? Yeah. Do you like pulling out of the hole? No, not this one.

It's like dollar shave club.

You have different. This smells a different time.

You have different smells for different times of the year.

Oh, so you get spicy towards the fall and the winter time. Yeah. Yeah. I go with like a pumpkin. You sort of have a son of a man.

Do you put like a tiny bit tiny bit just a touch just? That's it, but you have ten Yeah, so and they keep sending you more are you worrying you gonna run a space?

sexual? Is that even a word or is it just some asshole? It's some asshole. So let's go attending. This is how you say like when people would say in Spanish. Can you tell me where O is the restaurant? Oh, yeah, sexual.

So it had fhermones in it and every time I would wear it, women would be like, oh, hey, yeah, because they probably took some fat guy and made him run on a treadmill and then they dripped his fucking underwear in the each bottle. Oh, Dipper, Chrysler. Yeah, there he is. I think call your fat bird.

He's thick with juice. No, he's just Google bird is fat.

We call each other fat. The bear case. Same to each other. What is it? The two bears. Yeah. That's a gay term. Tell them she tell them that they should know they probably because they may be stunned to bear is one cave.

Are they technically bears? Yeah. You have to be kind of a little buff to be a bear. No. No. No. Just hairy. Yeah. In fact.

I used to be a twink and now I'm not and now I've what I don't want Harry what changed I grew up Joe Yeah, make sure I felt that's an issue with gay folks right as you get older. Yeah older guys that are straight can get hoes

Yeah. Yeah. I love a good old ho. I know some dudes who are just really old and they have young, hot girlfriends or wives. Oh, yeah. It's hilarious because they got that.

Does it? Yeah. It does for Twinks, right?

It's a 19 year old world. Oh, yeah, like yeah. Oh, yeah. But that's okay in the gay community. Whereas that's disgusting in the straight community. If you see an 80 year old guy with an 18 year old girl, you want to beat him to death. You piece of shit. But if you see an 80 year old gay guy with an 18 year old boy, like, oh, I found himself a fellow. Yeah. but okay you also can look and be like that'll do pig but you know also the other way if you find 80 year old lady just get a 24 year old boy friend like you go girl go bitch you go good for her good for her nobody's matted her yeah if anything you mad at the guy for like playing that old lady and getting her to buy you a corvette see that's why I feel about Britney Spears right now really yeah what's going on with her she's kind of going through a thing

Why said she's hot and Bill Marm said what what are you talking about? And then my wife gave me a ton of shit for saying that Britney Spears is hot. She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Right, but do anything there's a reason for that. If she wasn't, I mean, she, whoa, she doesn't crack down. Yeah.

Who put that photo off? She did. Let me see that. Well, somebody's in her page. Oh my god. Go, go large with that picture. Bro, look at those, she looks completely insane. Oh, well, she's taking her pants off. She's got tattoos right next to her pussy.

Can't wait for spring. What? That's her, that's her cat. All the emojis. You think that's her? Yeah, every emoji's gonna look like a shoe and eggplant. And look at that one there. What's going on? Let's go now with this one. Yeah, play it 20. I will be doing a lot more. Let me hear this, please.

Oh, you just killed my fantasies. Yeah, she looks like a 70-year-old lady.

What? What is this? What's going on? This is acro yoga. She just does that.

Do you know this is true?

It's not. It's out there. Oh, it's out there. It's out there. It's real. Oh, it's real. Yeah. She does look cookie for Coco puffs.

What's going on here? She's in Hawaii. It's my birthday, bitches. How old is she?

What happened to her butt? Where'd it go? Look at that. She's gonna, she's supposed to strike. Yay.

So handsome fellow. He's an elk. What's going on around his neck? He's on a neck pillow for a airplane. Is he just wear that everywhere? Probably. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's That one where she's doing the aqua yoga, that, that will sad.

Yeah, well, she's probably insane. I mean, it wasn't she like 16, she made it. I mean, that's the story with Hollywood.

Kind of sort of who? McColle-Colkan.

That's Quar. He looks good.

Bears and Caves. He's in here. We had a real good conversation. I really enjoyed his company. He's a nice guy. And he realizes McCall called and is not like you. The 39-year-old. Yeah. That's Quar. That's what it is. That's Quar.

He's gone. He knows he's gone through something that you're not supposed to go through. Like he knows. He knows that he did something you're not supposed to do. He developed as a human being in a gigantic population of people. Like everyone knew who he was. Oh, yeah. He's hugely famous when he was a little boy. And that's not good for anybody.

and you can't say no that you're fucking mad at you they want to kick you yeah but pretty spears man like she went when did she make it how old was she thought she made it she's in nineteen ninety nine was her first on that Mickey Mouse club was in the Mickey Mouse club with just a timber lake double she's double triple fucked yeah she's fucked she's crazy She's probably piled up.

He's one of those gold diggers on the male side. We only have two. Him and Tom Arnold. The little ones have made it. Those, we got two up on the board. There are so many women who have made so much money on men and divorces and only two men that I know of. That a really scored well. Well, someone else.

I think so, yeah. Kevin Fennel is all fat now. He's got a giant belly.

Just taste care of the kids. He's got custody too, which is not a good sign. You know, when the X has custody, and it's a guy, that usually means you're a fuck up. Yeah. Or you've got some issues mentally.

Or you don't like kids. Yeah. You know, Gabriel, you can have them. That's what happens.

What do you mean? Oh, you mean going crazy. Yeah, sorry. It's like you go, you go down that route. You start taking a fentanyl. Well, I don't think anybody's supposed to be famous. And I think being famous is probably one of the weirdest fucking things that could happen to a human being. And I think that as it's happening to you, your reality just distorts in a way that you're not, you don't have normal interactions anymore. And so then your foundation of who you are as a person deteriorates. Now if you grow up that way, it's even stranger because then your foundation never existed. You never had a foundation. You were always in this weird strange world and then oftentimes it goes away. Like remember when Gary Coleman was a security guard and people would show up at his job and mock him. He was just trying to get enough money to eat. Well it's like that. Like literally. I mean, when you work in a security guard, you're getting what $15 an hour if you're lucky. You're just trying to eat. That's all you're trying to do.

It looks wrong with a guy trying to make a living.

It's like, no, would you do that to everybody that's out of fucking Trader Joe's? No, you say hi. You say hi. They bag your gross reasons fine, but it's almost worse to have been someone and then not be someone than it is to have never, no, it is worse in people's eyes. But it's that same thing. It's like when people look at you when you're on television and go like, oh, fuck him. You know, like what they were saying, like when people take shots at you, like fuck him, he's on TV. I'll fucking take shots at him. But then when you're not anymore, and then you have a regular job, then it's like they have an extra desire to shit. Oh, yeah. Those same kind of people power. Yes.

Yeah, they're doing better than you. I got my own house. You fucking losing your apartment. ATM card. I got everything. Yeah. You ain't got shit. You used to be on TV, huh? That went away.

I had a guy shit on me once. He was working at the balcony. I was not really. Behind the counter at a CVS and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to do. He's being rude to me. The CVS. He's like, uh, he goes, hey, you're that guy from that show. I go, yep. He goes, what happened to that show, huh? I'm like, what, what fear factor? I go, what do you think happened? It was, I don't know. You tell me what happened to that show. So I mean to me. I go, it got canceled. It's a, yeah. I'm like, bro, you work in fucking CVS. Yeah.

Yeah. And I didn't go after him. I was like, this is so ridiculous. I was like, he was like, I was high. I was like, this is so weird because he was, he was literally trying to insult me. You know, not realizing that I had done things since. I'm okay, but to him, I'm not on TV anymore, so it must be a fucking loser. So he's trying to make me feel bad. What happened to that show? What happened? What happened? I wish I could tell you but it was like a weird like I didn't do anything you man. I just came here to buy gum or whatever the fuck I'm buying yeah, could I have my own longer see it shut up already? He'd be in weird. But he was just a dick behind the counter dick. Yeah, like yeah. Yeah, you used to be on TV. Nothing anymore. BTCD behind the counter deck and do do do do do People are weird with people that are successful. You know that there's a thing where they don't look in general. People don't look to people that are doing well as inspiration. They look at them with envy. That's a natural human instinct.

Yeah. Fuck him. Yeah. Fuck him. Yeah. But they don't realize all that's just gonna come back around and get them. I was gonna come back and bite him in the ass. I'll commit with a side of the potatoes. It feels bad. It just feels bad even when you're doing it. You think you're gonna, like if you say mean shit to people that you don't even know, I can't feel good, it seems like it would feel good. But it does feel good. It's gonna come back around on you. Yeah. It's a weird way, you know, giving people the access to things like social media. It's a weird way to communicate and it's not natural and so many people will use it and abuse it.

All those people being mean to you on your Instagram. If you could find out what the median age and who these people are and what their life was like, you probably be like, oh, I'm in feel bad. Yeah, you're fucking 12. Where are your parents? And you're a 50 year old loser and, you know, where are your parents? Yeah. Yeah. Your parents even know you have an Instagram account, you little fuck.

Well, I don't know. It was just, I mean, it was fucking disturbing. Was it? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I 50. Where's your parents? They're dead. Yeah.

That was myself with his beer bottle. She was young. Oh, yeah. A lot of people are bad parents, bro. They do a terrible job. Do you have anything you didn't adopt kids? No. Good for you. Look at Joel. I got a quick answer. No. No.

Because you could leave town for a weekend with a cat. Just leave a lot of water and a lot of food.

So, where are you doing this tour? And where could people find out about if they want to come see you?

I found out about it from Bert. But we have a group text going on. Hmm. Bert told me

And they pick the song, they have to practice, they have to practice, they have to practice for like a week.

Yeah, yeah.

Ron Funch is the most positive comedian available. Is that nauseating? No, he's great. He's like cultivating being nice and being positive. I know. I know. I really appreciate it.

He's genuinely nice. Yeah. He's such a nice guy. Yeah. We've been like

I mean, it's a cool, like, I love Brad Williams too, but I mean, yeah, I just had to say I love fortune. Yeah, she's great. I don't want to leave Brad out.

Don't find me on Twitter. It's not the fuck up. Yeah, let's do it.

Well, I'm just muted. I know. Well, I'm just talking to the void. Oh.

Thank you, my brother. Pleasure to see you. Yes.

Yeah. You can go gamble your life away. Probably. Okay. Justin mart and deal.com. Justin mart and deal on Twitter. Instagram. Justin mart and deal on Twitter. Justin mart and deal on Instagram.

That was fun. You got it. Yay. Bye, buddy.

If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself.