Transcript for #1973 - Joey Diaz

Good Jamie looking yoke Like a mother fucking hitting balls across the fucking desert.

I should see him out there with the simulator Just what he told me was out in the back of you good for him. What you still wanted a golf ball?

They go every day. You guys go every day.

Tremendous. Tremendous. How long does it take you to do? Twenty-two fucking years. Jesus. And then I hooked up with every McLaren thing, Jimmy's niece, and she put it all together for him. And I'd be like, I didn't got it over with. Nice. I got all that shit off my fucking chest.

Yeah, we're all good to see it. The one thing that's right in it and reading, that did the audio book. Oh, nice. I did the audio. How was that? Good. And everybody said it's gonna suck. I go give me three hours a day. Give me a space in between. And I'll go in there and just knock it. I'll knock it off in two and a half weeks. Nice. But once I read it, like, you know, because it's been on your head for a long time and shit. Once I read it, I only got one thing out of this book. I got my money's worth. When they picked me for a life, I got my money's worth, where there was good a bad, and I'm saying whether it was good a bad, I got my money's worth. Out of this life, if I get hit by a plane tonight, I'm good, and that's what seriously, that's what I came up with. Adventures, fucking stories, I was the biggest loser, I'm the times I started over. If you read that book, I must have started over 60 times. You know, just move, pick up, move and go to another town and rob them blind. And then pick them up and go back. And why was I fucking yo yo, man? Yeah. I was very unsettled.

Well, they had the table with the regular food and I remember that chili. I'll never forget that they had the best chili in the world. I was broke, I was hungry, and I must say ten bowls of it. And then I looked over and there's all these little white dudes with, you know, ah, ah, you know, I'm like, what the fuck? And they had the jumbo shrimp. So I walked right in there, right past them. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show. And I just got it mingling with the great show

I think the first like eight years you were like, I don't know if I can handle this guy.

I did my best. Do you remember it's hand up New York with Sussman when I went off on the owner? You remember that? Oh, yeah. There's an August or the fear fact that we went in there. And he's like, you're not going to get a spot, man. I go out and ask for a fucking spot. U.S. Oh, he just looked at me in Sussman was like, what the fuck, Joey? I don't like that dude. But no, at the beginning, I don't know that you were like shaking your head a little. This guy's not.

It was rough. Those couple years because I would go to meetings and stuff and people go, I don't know. Yeah, you were rough. You were rough. I was like, I don't know. And then I'm in my went to HBO. Somebody got me a meeting at HBO, like in 98. And I had no success at all. Like I wasn't having any success at all, except for the comedy store. And I went to that meeting and something like I went with like actors and agents, you know, proper they are. Yeah. This is an idea about the future of this show. And I could just take up the song and I just went. and I talked about growing up in the funeral parlor picking up bodies going to fucking at JFK and bringing the bodies back and slinging them in the mouth, the guys body, the mouth would open on the body because my friend had a funeral parlor. And they were like, hold on one second. This is stunning. And I just started going off on them and they're like, we want to hear more. Put these together and notes for me. And I was like, OK, and then after a new year, gave me the notes. And I was on fire. I didn't tell anybody about this. Some guy hit botten at me and took me to a meeting. And that was six feet under. So we were on like I was like okay, okay, and they were like we don't know if there's gonna work But then they turned me down they go we like the idea but funeral ideas haven't worked after this one. I'm for like two months and then it six months later fucking six feet on the came out There's took your idea. I don't know. I don't think they took this and I haven't thought I look bad in development But my idea was completely different. It was about two rooms working, if you know a poll. Right. It wasn't about whatever that show turned out.

There's no energy.

Very odd. Now, they say that when you die, you lose. How much power? I don't think that's real. That's 21 grams.

It's just a spirit.

You want me to tell you something, man. I grew up going on a lot of wakes early and when you watch the soprano, they go to a wake every other week. And Jersey, you're going to wake every other week. I've been to, I've been there three years and I've really could have gone to like 18 wakes. I've been to maybe two or three of them. But in three years, that wakes a big. But you look at the whole process of a wake. I would never let my daughter go away now until she's 18, just because the effects it did to me. I don't remember my father's weight, but I'm in my friends' wakes, and grandma's school, and I'm in my mother's wake, and those three wakes fucked me up. To the point where somebody else died when I was like a junior at senior in high school, and I didn't go to that wake. Like I was like, I'm enough for a week. I've had enough of a week. I don't think it's healthy. I don't know. For me, it wasn't. I got exposed to it at a young age, and it just, it wasn't healthy, man. It fucked me for a long time. I watched the exercises that didn't fuck up me as long as those, as much as those caskets fucked me. So when my buddy had the funeral party as late, I volunteered for the job, because I didn't want to have that creepiness between us, and that eliminated. I saw how he responded to it. It was like an everyday thing. It was like you lived in kettlebells. him picking up a dead body putting down, you know, I saw how he, you get numb. You, you're numb to that. Yeah. That's, that's the, you know, but it's so weird now. It's like the number one career to get into and you're getting to think about it. It pays off the bat. Like off the bat if you go to school for the bombing school, whatever they call, it's like a funeral directed whole thing they cover everything. It's like a year if you don't go to college. A year. a year to make $100,000. Think about it, that's not bad. Yeah, if you want to work with dead people, if you want to work with dead people, my friend's funeral Paul had a fireman that did the embami. So he would just come in and do the embami. You know, 400 of body, whatever. I don't know what's done during the embami. It's very sacred. I know they break the spine. They drain the blood. They feel you are from outside and shit. But that whole process, and then you go back and look at like the Aztecs. And how they did, the Chinese, they put you on a boat and they float you away, they celebrate this. And they revikings, didn't it, right? The Vikings, like that one of the fucker on fire. Like the one fire, everybody had their own thing, which is very interesting. Everybody, the Aztecs, this, that everybody had their own way of dealing with it. So we were on the right path. I just don't think of going in there and sitting with a dead body for three hours. and looking at him as healthy. And then I heard stories from Cuba where they had known bombing fluids and you would have to bury your body would die and you would have to wake at your home. Like in the 40s, 20s, they had wakes up people's homes without the bombing fluid. And at one point the fucking hand would pop up. and you'd have to break the arm to put the casket down. Because once that rigger more, that's in that arm. That's a straight, that's fucking straight, straight. You're not, you're not just gonna bend that arm in and do an arm bar or a commora. It's not gonna fucking happen. So they have to break the arm to put the arm down. So when I was a kid, my mother would always go, if you hit your mother, your arm pops up and you're fucking casket. So I just said, I'm not gonna hit my mom. I'm going to walk into fucking hell where you are. I'm up like Hitler. You know, you motherfuck you.

Oh yeah. What do you want to be buried with? What pieces of what do you want the cattle like a casket? How weird is that? I got one with a sun roof. It's, you know, I got everything now.

Yeah. I remember I had that joke just bury me in the yard, my friend. That's how you're almost died. And they want a 15 grand. And I'm like, you got a yard that's huge. Yeah, that was an old joke. I'm like, you know, you got a hard 15 thousand.

Fuck yeah, that fucking show was amazing. We've had numerous conversations. In fact, they took by that, what was the name Michael Bowden? Michael Bowden. But he was retired and they took him back to get the autopsy from him on Epstein.

Isn't that weird, hi, I just went down.

Like that, and we just never questioned it. Yeah. He died. We know he knew we knew it was a fucking mystery man.

That's why I don't fuck with politics. Don't fuck with politics. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. Because at the end of the day, don't matter. I don't give two fucks about you. I just went off at a restaurant Sunday. Some lady, I don't know why people do this. Some couple asked me if I was a fucking Republican. A couple asked you that? Yeah, it was at a restaurant. You know, you had a bar and you're eating. There's a couple next to you and you're talking. You're watching a game. And she goes, uh, are you a Republican or a Democrat? And I looked at like, I'm a fellow. She just shit. She goes, what are you talking about? I go, listen, I don't play that shit. Okay, lady. I go, are you motherfuckers of gotten to political the last 10 years? Everybody's a political analyst. I go, I got hit in 66. I always paid attention to elections and the people said, I always did. And after, by the time I was 18, I realized, you know what? These people come along every four years with the same fucking story and nothing gets done. And so I chose a different path for my life. Instead of focusing on that, call me when the president who says, listen, you don't have to go to work and you're going to get involved like thought day. That's one button for until that fucking time. I could kill life because I still got to get up and be a thief every fucking day. I still got to get up and hustle every fucking day. So what good is it? Every day they're going to lower taxes, they're going to do this, they're going to do that. And I'm still getting up, Boston, my fucking hump, I'm very fucking dead. Well, who gives a fuck?

There was a lot of great presidents.

I saw all that shit. I saw it the last two of three presidents, how much is American that we backed by? When I was a kid, we didn't backed by that much.

That's one of the kinkyest things in our history. Oh my god. Who was happy?

Civil rights, every thing. Every thing. Every thing. Every thing. It's all for a lot of people.

He dropped those big, you know, those Cubans feel like he fucked them. Yes. The Bay of Pigs Cubans feel like he did.

I think they set him up from A to Z. Yes, somebody was given a money letting them know. It's interesting because when listen, you don't want to base yourself on stupid things, but remember that speech that that dude gave Kevin Casner, which one in JFK? Yes. What was the guy's name? He was the guy. Donald Sutherland.

From invasion of the body snatchers. The guy, that motherfucker got offered a deal for Anne Moe House. He would have been like 11 million dollars. He took the $10,000 one payment. Really? Yeah. I read that somewhere. I still loved Donald Sully. Donald Sully was a bad motherfucker. But that speech he gave for someone's dad. Keep for someone's out. They already had information on you. Oh, that guy got shot. And within 10 minutes, they already had a whole background on this guy. And they showed them the newspapers. How could the paper come out and Brussels? But I don't remember the whole thing. But all that made a lot of fucking sense.

And the very interesting thing, I started listening, you know, people tell you to watch a show. Yeah. And you know, I don't want to watch that fucking show. Every day. But people tell you constantly, watch that show, watch that show. I've recently put on a show. I didn't know what to expect, Joe Rogan. Unfucking real. What is it? Godfather. Oh, what's that? Not about everything. Not about what you think. It's that dude that played a fast times of Ridgemont hide the brother that goes after Sean Penn the big dude, Forest Whitaker. Okay. Fucking great act. Yeah. Uh, Nigel.

Yeah. So this show, but it's not what you, I don't want you to think. Oh, Joey showed up here with this show. First of all, the first season, basically by my home, not really in Harlem. How he hooked up with, uh, what's his name? Okay, man. Mm, Malcolm X. And they really told him, listen, you, your name is Muhammad Ali, but we're not going to change it to you when the championship, the title, because you lose the white sponsors, the white devil and all this shit. He was already with them. But not only that story, it talks about civil rights. It goes through when they shot Kennedy, what they saw, like in Chicago, how they knew for sure was the mob and the CIA that killed Kelly, they talked about how when Malcolm Max was going to meet. I didn't know about this. He was going to do a speech at the United Nations with Shagabara. Malcolm Max, really, in 1965, they were going to fucking nuts and it all ties in because they couldn't explain the beginning. You have to tie a gangster in with political because then he blows up that power. Something really interesting. You know I'm a fucking moron. I can't say that. And that's what they try to show you that all these gangsters had something to do with this history. The guy who played that fucking dude that blows his head off in full metal jacket.

Vincent's in all for you. He plays a Vito Genevieve. that you're looking at will blow up. Something completely different. I like how he casted. I like the way he casted. He casted outside the box. Again, like Tony soprano was casting. But Vito, the guy that plays Vito, he's very political in this. And the guy, Giancarlo Esposito, who's a fucking G, he plays a congressman. And he's always meeting with presidents, but bumpy's wife works for him. So it's very interesting.

That's MGM. The first two seasons, and MGM plus the last season. What's MGM plus is like? Is that a new one? It's like Paramount. There's so many of them. There's so many of them. At the end of the week, you pay for so many. But it's an interesting show. That's the most interesting show. You learn something. It's not about shooting and just heroin. It's all this little, you know, the Cuban dude. How? Oh, he wanted battle that dude that we talked about with TJ English. All he wanted, he was selling coke just to take Cuba back. Like that guy was, can you imagine you coming to me going Joey? We're gonna do this, this, this, but the, but the, the fucking final result of this money is me going back to Palermo to take my grandpa's village back. This is what that battle dude was into. He just wanna go back to Cuba. That's it, I don't wanna know problems. I just wanna kill Fidel and go back to Cuba. So they tried to get with the CIA and they show how many times they tried to kill Operation Mongus, the fucking Wetsuits, the fucking cigar that explodes, all those with failed CIA and time. How many times they tried to kill Castro? What's that documentary? 101 times. Remember that motherfucker walking on the subway in New York? When he came to the U.S. And he walked on, that's what they show in that. He walked on the subway in New York. And he got a bulletproof vest and he lowers it. He goes, I got nothing on it. A hundred and one way to kill Castro. Wasn't that the name of documentary? I don't know.

Yes.

Yes. Six hundred and thirty eight.

Forest Whitaker's played some fucking good roles too. What I'm the last king of Scotland. I don't know.

Yeah. Great.

That guy's been around. He can't even get that ass off. Doggy plays a good man. And then not like, oh, no.

No, I saw you went to the bathroom and I like, I should go, I hold it. Fuck you, you got to hold it. Those holding days are over with. I got to go, Jen. I got to bottle in my fucking car. You got to bottle your pee in. The one from surgery from my knee surgery career. I just took an all the left on the back seat. That new jersey term pack, fuck the view. I go to the gym at 10. Yeah. You go to the gym, you're drinking. And then I go along, let me go up north to some to the meeting or something. Oh, I got to pull over like three times. I was like, I was just pissing that thing out of light. I got it down to a science after the Cuban egg roll on the bottom. I pissed in there. I put in the drink holder. I just drive like a mile. And I can make the brakes. Oh, no, I don't. Yo, you know, man, I popped the door open. I dumped the little piss. I put paper towel in that way. But that takes in the back filled with water. And that keeps me going. That turnpikes are motherfuckers. Yeah, that traffic is insane.

No. That shit that we left in LA had as moments too. Yeah, that's the time to go through a 405, a 430. That was the worst.

You would leave at one. I would leave at six and do nine the on the show that a whole way because if you left at one it was still for hours. So if you had to leave it six, or you had to leave it at like six in the morning, or you had to leave it like six o'clock at night, which would give you a two hour window. And I was featuring, and I would fucking make it all the time, go with the Tom to go long, and you get down there. And then I look, do you remember used to make it back from San Diego, and I think like an hour?

I would make it. I would leave San Diego, La Jolla, at a quarter of the 12, and I would make it to my Coke dealers house by one AM.

OK, I would get on the 5. OK, this is it. Get on the 5, do 75. Once you're like five miles away from immigration, where they ask you to stop for fruit, I would kick it to 100. 118. I would kick it to 100, and then once I'd pass the fruit, I'd slow down to the speed limit, and from there to Irvine, I'd do 100. And the next thing you knew, it said LA 29 miles. I used to fucking, I remember I got stopped a few times. And the cops pulled me over, and I'll fast you go on, but because I wasn't drinking. Fridays and Saturday nights where you drinking, not at all, but I'm better than that. Okay. Slow down next time. Fuck you. I got a coke guy to meet by one o'clock. I got shit to do. My coke dude will close at one.

This is why I only think about anything I get from who I know. I'm to a point now where I just deal with laughing gas. That's it. I hate that mushrooms. Anything from them because I know where I'm getting it from. I feel a lot safer. And now I know you got to be really careful with anything you touch. Even if it's prescription, you got to be fucking careful. Well, I heard that people were buying testing kits. But cocaine.

You don't have to do anything. Why not cook? You know, snort and coke was always a fucking roast russian roulette, right? Right, but now it's even more Russian, right? Now you're gonna die of a fucking heart attack or a phantom Yeah, you know, so now and that goes for everything that's heroin that's prescription pills That's fucking referred to putting the nettables in LA That's everything. Look at then somebody just die again from fentanyl coolio or something just clear that you know this just an end so you got a really if you You really got to be careful what you're putting in you now. Yeah. Thank God. I wasn't going to let that shit now. Thank God. Because yeah, you're going to die. It's very scary. They're putting that shit into this country. I mean, that's all you read about. And how much went the most coming in. And how many people died from that shit? So, but didn't they say now they're giving you Narcan at home? You can buy that CVS or something like that?

Tom Petty died from that too. Yep. Prints. Tom Petty.

And I got to say something. I learned a very valuable lesson from those pills with my last surgery. I learned a very valuable lesson. The lesson is I learned that I think those fucking oxycontons promote more pain. I really do, I really fucking do. I could tell you this now after the surgery, because I had, when I had the right knee surgery, okay, number one, I got to give it to New Jersey. New Jersey, listen, I know our pharmacist, and she tells me that she used to work in Staten Island. When somebody goes in there for pain pills in Staten Island, they get my hundred. Jesus, if somebody they give you in Jersey, how much? 19. Hmm, they would give me 19 for the week. If you're going to take them for pain every six hours, that don't add up. They didn't give you enough from the beginning. New Jersey, those not fuck around.

went into Jersey and you can't get none of it. And you know I know everybody. You can't get shit in Jersey. Shit, not the way it was. And I like, but standing out, it's open. Yeah, because New York State is different description thing. So when a doctor prescribes your oxy cotton and New York or statin, I don't know, for the five burrows, they gave you like 90. You know, and New Jersey, they gave you 19. Don't get that the pharmacy was robbed of me. Like I would get home and go, what all the pills go? And I would sit there and then I take, no, I just got him. My wife would give me that lot of fuckingness. They don't give them to you to drive me crazy no more. But I had one prescription. And then it took me three days to get another one. I'd just soft it. And then I took another prescription. And by the end of that week, the pain had gotten worse. And it got into a point one day where it was that bone by my ankle. I guess they screwed something in there. I don't fucking know. And I said, you know what? I got the prescription. I threw them away. And the pain went away. So I think the pain was promoting. The pill was promoting my pain because once I grew the pain pills away, I didn't know what was the decision and throw the pain pills away.

You know, listen, you want to dentist. I'm happy for two hours. day to give you a bike and in the sun, I can live off a bike and I go a little dodger game or smoke a join, I'm good. If I want to do that, it's when you do all things every day, like when you get our surgery and they give you those things every day, that's when I think it's a problem because when I took the fat ball out of my thing, that was horrible at the end of that prescription and I was a full junkie then. I did not feel good, Papa. I did not fucking feel good. It took me a couple of weeks and it wasn't, you know, not the beginning. You do the probiotics. You do all that shit. Now let's take it back to the Zanix. When I was on the Zanix, it was basically during the pandemic. I had 10,000 of those things at the house. 10,000. Because he was sending me 90 a month from 2012 on automatic monthly. I was just talking about them. They were just going to the closet. They were just going to the fuck. When did you take it? 2012 was when I got up ascribed. When I had my little situation at the Comedy Store that we goofed about, that was none of them. That was not good. There's no way I should be understanding walking time count. That's what that was that night. When I had a follow Morgan Murphy, a standing walking time count. I told you the story and then we laughed about it. But now thinking about it, I should have done something. I went to the comedy store. I'm in the back. You weren't there. I think you were coming in later. Yes, you were coming in later. Because on Saturdays, I used to do the clothes, the original room. Uh-huh. Talking bullshit with Pauli, everybody's in the back. No refurb, maybe a joint before I got there. You know, Saturday night, just look at the girls. I get there. They take Joey Europe next. I walk to the thing. And as I'm walking, I walk up the steps to the original and Morgan's on stage and Pauli stand out laughing at it. And I walk up and I'm like, damn, I don't fucking feel good. Like this is not working. I was starting to get anxiety. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. But I went to look at that window for years whenever I had anxiety in the original room. I had a window. When I'm on stage, I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run. I don't want to run So I was waiting for Morgan to get off and also I got to say anxiety joy come breathe. I couldn't fucking breathe. So I walked down the stairs just to look at the door. The guy and I got worse. I got worse. I couldn't breathe. I thought it was going to fucking have a heart attack. I go poorly. I can't get on a stage. I'm having a horrible anxiety attack. He goes, I just went up dude. And I walked up there and I told you. But I didn't explain to you correctly because I was cracking a joke. I woke up at the 12 minute mark. Hmm, I remember walking past Paulie, and that's it, Joe. That's it. And then I remember waking up on stage and people laughing, and I was probably an automatic pilot. I had a bit that it was on automatic pilot. That was just when you got on Sanix. No, it was a couple weeks after I went to the doctor and he goes, well, what was that? I kept having these little panic attacks. I was okay. I wasn't going to go to a psychiatrist. We were working our asses all. We didn't know what the fuck was going on. So I started taking this antics. And it would help in a little bit. I would take it on the road if I'd want to play in a something like that. What does it do for you? You got to remember, too. It was your walking contradiction. I'm talking about myself because you said it best. I mean 2,000 milligrams of THC and scary in the fuck out of myself, right? You're walking around, fucking scary. Then the zanx, I would take the zanx to calm me down. What the exactly? Come on, man.

I think the shit's the poll of your brain. You know, I brought some water. But now I eat them more to sleep. I got them on my big prom. Joe is still to this day of sleep. So now two nights, three nights a week, I drink a bodybuilder sleeping thing.

till 9.30. And I look, come on man, the comedy timing. I don't want to go to bed at 9.30. If you don't say it, I never want to go to bed at 8.00. That's when you know you're almost done. I want to bed at 8.00. Fuck you man. I'm not looking to stay up to 4, but I'm not going to bed at 9.30. So I'm tired about 9, but I pushed the envelope a little bit. I like to read, maybe listen to music. 11, 11, 30, how might you? I like to read shit on the computer 11, 11, 30, I try to read it, man, I turned the TV off once I go up there bro I'm thinking about the guy who came to my house who asked me if he could take an orange. But he took nine. He took nine instead. Yeah, you're like that was 11 years ago, Joey. I think about the time I bumped in the original room following down my railroad like doesn't matter. I think about the time I ate a bucket of dicks in North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Does it matter? Does it really matter that you ate a bag of dicks? You know, I think a stupid shit. Yeah. And I fall asleep eventually. I'll tell you what help. I got the hoop watch to help me with recovery, because I was lifting and going to the digital, my back would hurt. So I want to figure out what kind of calories I could do, and I won't go over those. If I could do those five days a week, that's fine. But I can't go in there burn 800 fucking calories in the digital and expect to deadlift the next day. I don't have that. So I got the hoop watch. The hoop watch put me on to sleep. It's helped me sleep better, because I finally realized, oh, you slept four hours last night. I wonder you feel like shit. Right. So now I'm in contests with boobs. So I got it up from four and a half hours of sleep. The eight hours pretty much. Last night I only slept like five because of the flight. But I'm sleeping eight hours now. That's great. Yeah. Now I'm sleeping 11 30 to eight. Don't get me wrong. Once every two weeks, I have a little hiccup. I go upstairs. I think to something. I go back down. I smoke some pot and I read and I go back up and I'm all right. But when I was doing comedy, there was no sleep job. Yeah. Do you want me to tell you why? Why? A cups of espresso a day. You know, I really thought I would leave the store because I was going to do something bad. You know, I was leaving the store before midnight. Dick. Why? Cause Starbucks has opened til midnight in studio city. And God forbid I'd catch my flat white before midnight. God forbid I'd catch my grunday flat white before midnight. And then I'll call you tomorrow and tell you how I didn't sleep last night.

Yeah, no. Now I haven't expressed what's five and I'm not sleeping. That's so weird. I can sleep right after having one. I loved it because in my world it takes you up. Yeah. So you catching on the way down. I eat a chalk with something. I can't focus sleep that night now. Really? I really focused on my sleep the last couple of years. You know, especially since I got this poop about 16, 17 months ago, that's what's really improved in my life is asleep. And I've been taking naps, too. If I go to Jijitsu, I do a blue bug class, I need a nap check. I need a little nap from five to six, you know. That's why I have. But when I started popping the Zanix, the pie point was maybe made of during the pandemic. Like I couldn't leave the house without popping the Zanix and then when I get in the car, I pop another one. And it would stay in your system. Thank God I wasn't drinking. And what was that doing for you, though? And what's the feeling like? Coming me down. I can't take sleeping pills when I can't take the strong Zanix. So I have to take the little footballs. But I was taking eight to ten of those motherfuckers a day. Jesus. And then when I landed in Jersey, what had happened was, you know, you and Tom had that conversation about my tolerance. Yeah. Okay. That tolerance. Doug, I think I, as you could tell, I think a lot about this shit. Yeah. You had a conversation with a couple of years ago about your Romero getting punched in the face and his eye socket. And when he got into the green room, into the, uh, when he wanted to doctor saw him after the fight, his eye socket was healed. It was healing. Healing. Okay. I think about what you were talking about my tolerance with the animals and stuff. Now let's get back to early Joe Diaz. When I was a child, the doctor would have to come to my house two days in a row. For years, they'd have to shoot me a penicillin on Monday and then come back on Tuesday and shoot me again because I would never take the penicillin. You know, I had a lot of problems with my throat as a kid. But I have a fucking tonsils in shit. So I was always in the hospital as a kid. I was a sickly kid. I was about eight. All those years, Joe, they would always have to shoot me two or three times with penicillin. The same penicillin that would give you one shot of that app to shoot me. So I don't see boys out of high talent.

Except for alcohol. And even alcohol. Because I could drink something with Jamie right now. And I won't fall over. I don't want to do it. But that's what's always pissed me off about alcohol. But I could drink a few alcohol shots. feel okay, but then if I push the envelope, that's when I feel shitty. But my tolerance would alcohol, and would cocaine and alcohol, shit. I think it took a case of Budweiser, you know, cans.

So he was trying to like 20, 20, two beers, and it would calm you down. So when the Zanix finally What I realized when I got to Jersey, I got to Jersey August 9th of some on your birthday. August something, two days after I got to Jersey, I had something like a weird, mild heart attack. My heart didn't stop pounding. And that was because the Zanix turned on me. I didn't realize that plan went to the knee surgery. And one of the assistants caught it because I couldn't sleep when they tried to give me some of the sleep and they checked those, you're a withdrawing. Oh, from Benzo. She says, you're withdrawing naturally. That's why your heart beats going up. That's why you fucked up. It's very dangerous for then. She told me you have to flip it. So I had to read a journal about this, about transitioning. You just can't quit. You can't go out all and you can't quit Benzo's. Yeah. That, you know, you could die. So what I had to do was take whatever I was eaten, which was aid those things a day, and work myself backwards.

Six months. Why? Work myself backwards. But Jordan Peterson was fucked up for a year. Dog. It fucks with your central nervous system. You know, I have no idea what life is to your central nervous system is fucked with. Forget cocaine. Forget all that shit.

How's the fuck with you? Your heart constantly beats. I'm talking constantly. You could be watching TV and you could see it. Do you know what scary that is?

Freakin' out. I had to go and come support. I had to fucking change my diet.

Oh, really? Because I had to break them into two parts, to Zanix. So I would get up in the morning, eat breakfast, work out, and then pop a Zanix. And then go the whole day. I'm gonna tell you why I did six months. I would go the whole day without a Zanix, and then pop one at night. And deal with. Just tell me, go to sleep. But that whole time I would go to a pool every day, I would put my feet in the grass and try to, you know, just get me back because it was central nervous system shit. A lot of tea, I just fell off.

I wasn't doing comedy, the pandemic. I was just getting back into it. It was just starting to open up. I went and did a parking lot. I did it like a I was out to a comedy yeah rich voss told me to go fucking do a park on that me him and Jimmy oh my god that were fucking bats right when

There's little stage and you can see the bats flap in behind the comic station. And I told Rich the next way. Rich, what's with all those bats? He goes, fuck that. I didn't get last week. There was a bear behind this. He goes, I jumped right off the fucking stage.

So when I was going through all this, it was, I should just sit on my bed on my hands and look straight. That's all I could do all day. You couldn't really keep a conversation. I remember already came that long. I couldn't wait for him to fucking leave. That's normal, all right? No, that's my brother. That's my brother. I was happy he brought the dog and the girlfriend, of course. I took it in Chinese food. It was great, but I couldn't. I couldn't keep my contact. I couldn't fucking do much. And I always noticed that after I took the pill, that feeling would start again. So what I went to the gym in the morning, And did all that shit I was fine. Once I took that Xanix, I felt like shit. And when I took that night time Xanix, I felt like shit. And I cut down, what's that called when you cut back?

I forget. You have to cut off. You have to shave. I know what it is. Yes. I mean, I can't this week. You have to shave the pill a little bit.

And then I realized one day tapering tapering. I got myself. I got myself. What's not it? What's the doctor under the doctor? And there's now that a doctor they call him something. Whatever. They can give you prescriptions, but they're not really a doctor. Okay. I signed up with one of those and she put me on this plan like just what to eat and do all that stuff. And one day I called and I said listen man, I got a funny feeling that I would tell my take these pills and make me feel worse. And she goes, why I go because when I go to the gym I feel great. I go and then I'm talking with people and feeling great. And she goes, what are you saying? I go, I'm going to stop taking them. Because I take clonidine already for blood pressure. And that stops strokes. So I go, I'm just going to stop doing it. And I stop. And I never took a Xanix again. Wow. That was it. But I'll dog. I will never, the withdrawal. The withdrawal was horrible, Joe. I won't wish that anybody.

You have no idea. Listen, if I was buying this shit on the street from some kind name fucking Pedro or something, then I would have a pro. When your doctor gives it to you, you think it's normal. I did the study. Zanix is only prescribed for two weeks. That's it. It's for short periods of time until they figure out what to give you.

I don't know, Joe. I was living through hell.

You know, there's a medication that people kill themselves. You know, I don't know. I don't know if it's even real. I don't know if it's true.

I just didn't want to feel like this ever again. And, you know, I stopped drinking. Like, I had never really drank, but when I moved to Jersey, I would drink in San Greas when I went out. And one night thought I was bad Joe Rogan. I got an Italian old fashioned. Oh my god Joe. That set me back. Fucking. That was it. I was dumb without Paul after that.

You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I

You know, I grew up in the 70s. I know, where you walked into somebody's house and people just gave you a drink. Hi, Joe. Do you want a drink? Yeah. They don't know. In the 70s, they didn't. It took two cubes. How cool were those tables? Yeah. Like, so not sure. Yeah. Dean, what's his name?

I'm bringing it to the green room.

I'm keeping it in there. You got your own bag with the Joe Rogan experience. Thank you. A beautiful little bag. I got you so fucking.

I'm so broke. I've heard this fucking. I have people that are non-comers.

I'm trying to figure out what's next. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see.

Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see.

Let's see. Let's see.

If I haven't died from it, ain't nobody going to die from marijuana. Okay, not going to fuck off.

The more stuff you can't believe it, right? What's up? You don't gamble either, right, Jamie? There's some gambling here, right?

Just lost. When you see them and they have their wheelchairs, they got the oxygen mess. And they're still smoking casino. You're like, wow. You see a lot of those. Different strokes were different folks.

How about the chick last week that was winning so much money? She just started pissing out the casino.

She looks hot from the side.

I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. Well, if you're peeing your pants, you gotta leave that shit on.

You can tell me you're going to shit the diaper sitting that for too long.

I think I'd get even better.

You want to tell me something really interesting. When you said that, your biggest fear was turning old. You didn't want to. You wanted to be in good shape. And my biggest fear, all these years, honest to God, was not dying or anything. It was not being, I hate to say this to you. And you're going to understand what I'm saying right off the bat. People at home might not. I didn't want to become one of the comics at the store when we got there. I know what you mean. I'd rather shoot myself. I didn't want to call you when I was 60 and go. The dog I'm taking this cruise, I need to come on the podcast to change my life as we both heard from people. Yeah. I did not want to be one of those guys and that is what I'm proud of so the most. I'm proud that I put a book together, I'm very proud that I found alternatives, that I have to keep bothering people at clubs to put me on. We'll Joe Rogan's socks, Mitchie's show, and ever gave me the love I needed. I blew off Kenneth and I don't want to hear that shit.

I'm going to go back where you were talking about that way, where your liberal friends asked me, that's a good topic you brought up because I always feel that the beginning of my downfall with the fear just wasn't the pandemic. I'm not scared to fucking die from a fucking cold. It wasn't the pandemic, but the pandemic was fuck on me. The thing that thought of me the most was what my neighborhood had become. You know, and not from you telling me, you know, people tell you you're sharing, you know, what I saw. And once I see something, that's it. I don't give a fuck when I made a thousand. I saw a guy get hit by a four by four. And at the bus station, I'm not Hollywood. We drove by a thousand times. I saw a guy hitting people with a four by four. Not a two by four. Who leaves the house with a four by four? Jesus Christ. Okay. I saw a fucking CVS studio city. I saw a white guy and an African American hooker fighting at CVS at 10 in the morning in studio setting. I've been going to have a fucking thing for five years at CVS. That's why I got all my prescriptions and shit. I saw like three or four things. Then I had the glass door in my house. So I kept feeling that they were gonna kick the front door. So I went right to the Armenian, and I'm like, dog, I need a gun. We ain't got time to stand online and burn back. And he brought me like a fucking 45 with a bazooka and shit. And I gave him like two grand. I go, don't come back without a gun. Wow. This motherfucker came back three days later with like a fucking AR-50. In a suitcase with a violin. I'm like, oh my God, so now one thing I don't like, I do not like weapons. I'll shoot you. I don't want to have a weapon.

You messed around weapons for years. You know, I got in trouble with a weapon. And I always said that when I put weapons on, I met more people that had weapons on. Do you follow me saying to you, when I was a civilian, I'll give people, I never felt the weapon. When I put a weapon on in 86, the three years after I've got arrested, most people I dealt with had a weapon. So I considered a magnet. It was for me and my mind felt like a magnet. I was fucking bad shit. Those two guns I had in the house didn't feel right with me. You weren't going to bust into my house and hurt my daughter or my wife. But they'll have in those two weapons in the house did not feel good California's very creepy laws when it comes to that too I didn't give a very creepy fuck about the laws I will Get rid of that gun before the cops even get that trust me. I had ten neighbors that were foolish shit Take it like I like I'll hold you with when O.J. ship you go to you got neighbors. Yeah, you got neighbors. I killed the bitch. I had the fucking shirt whatever I just didn't like it. I didn't like having that weapon. I didn't like having it at a 45 in my car. And then on the day, I flew back to you. I'll never forget that I had that. I gave him back the air. And I had the night and milling the 45. And the people call me and they're like, are you bringing a weapon with you on the plane? Because I flew on a private plane. I'm doing COVID. I had the cats in shit. So I go, yeah, I'm going to bring the gun with me. And that night, I said, no. And I gave it the breath. Hmm, I called him next month. I'll come pick up this fucking 45 from mix. He still has it. He's holding it for me. I don't want it. That's how, I didn't like that fear. Yeah, I read when I saw Latin kings spray paint on my daughter's school co-fax elementary same school birth centers kids. That wasn't good. I just thought a lot of shit up there that I would never saw in the valley. You see it in Hollywood, you know, shit like that. So that's good that you brought that up because I forgot how scary it was. It was scary for a few weeks.

You will go to a fucking club like a club, and they're playing like disco music, and also some fat fuck like me. I was put on Skinner and nobody listens like people like that idiot. When I heard the term, the punk the police, that's what I felt like.

Defund the police, put on Skinner. Yeah. I'm told people started saying, that's a great idea. What the fuck? And that's what was going on. Too many people were yelling, put on skinned with different ideas at that point. Yeah. And you're like, what do you mean? God, listen, let's get some straight. You're gonna hear this from me one fucking time. I was born a nice kid somewhere along the line. I lost my fucking way. Somewhere along the line. When you suffer a traumatic experience, when you're young man, you stay stuck for a few years or a young woman. You stay stuck. That's why women become, you know, they become, what is that word pro? No. When you, when you like the fuck, the proximity, whatever that fucking word. And if oh, man, yes? No, that's not the premise for miscuses. So, you know, when you suffer a dad or a mom or grandma that you would tie it with, you get stalled for a couple years. I'm not making excuses. It's, it's, these are all proven things. You've got to read this shit. You just don't grow. Until the reality comes to you of what happened. You're still in shock when your mom dies, or your father dies, and some more on the line, I'm on the rails. And I'm sorry for that. I never disrespect the cocktail. And all the stories I'd tell you, you never any disrespect of a police officer. Never. Well, you knew cops at the fuck that. That's part of it, too. You know, raise me when I was a young kid, PAL. PAL. Believe that's led off league on 88 street, man's a damn. I grew up in that. That's why I learned how to shoot pool. That's why I learned how to shoot guns. They took you to the 25th prison and you shot a target. They took you to the park. I was a big PL guy. Then I moved to Jersey. Fuckin' baddest P.A.L. boxing coach, Cuban coach, Mr. Gamio. I didn't betray him. I didn't like me. But, yeah, I know his son's and his kids, you know. But, P.A.L. Mr. Marina, I'd do used to drive us everywhere. Again, he didn't like me too much. Why did he like you? Because I was like, you know, something. I don't know. And once I got to Jersey, I don't know what a rough crew was something at that age that didn't like me and Billy basketball, so I didn't play in the city. But I always had respect to the PAL. And although she is, I always knew they had a job to do. And I was trying to be a criminal. I can't take it out on them. Right. I've never, you never heard me say bad shit about cops. In fact, in 60 years, the only cop, the only cop I've had, a problem with is one of the guys that arrested me involved. In fact, the other dude, I just wish them a happy birthday. James Kohler was his birthday on Wednesday. What Tuesday on Facebook? I follow with friends on Facebook. That's hilarious. So that was the only cops. So for a guy like me, don't they have prom, one real cop, and all those years kind of tell you something. So when I heard that they want to fucking cut the fund. Go fuck yourself. You're the same motherfuckers that are going to be crying for the same cops to come to the house in five years. 100%. And then they were talking about having people come over to the house and just talking to you, like during, you know, two safety officers, And now they shit that they're doing with bells.

This is like something that you hear. Yeah, we're gonna have bell reform. You're like, okay, y'all put on skin it again. Yeah, bell reform. So what you're telling me is right now they have a huge problem in New Jersey with stolen cars. And these motherfuckers got it down to a science. They're stealing them. And they take them right through the port and knew it. There's no more middlemen. No, no, they got the Armenian shopping up card. They just take them right to the port. You could see it on the GPS and your car. They take them right to Newark. They're waiting for the car. They know where you live. They know it's a half out of Newark. The ship is there. And where do they bring them? They take them to whatever Brazil to start a new currency. I don't know what a fuck they take them. But my point is that when they guys get arrested, they're out the next day. Yeah. And half of the shit that's going on people are out the next day.

That's the dumbest approach it. Punishment? It's so fucking important. Yeah. I understand the slap in the wrist. I got a ton of them. And what did that do? Nothing. What did that do? Well, although it's slap on the wrist, I was cool. Right. Basia, little redder. What did they do? What did they do? They let me run a muck from 1983 to 1988 when I got busted. I wish I would have got arrested blunts and for all, but all those stupidity things, you know, that I was doing, whether it was in San Francisco, I got arrested in all those places. But they were dumb enough to let me out. When did you get arrested for? It doesn't matter, you know, stupid shit, theft of over $200 possession of stolen tools, possession of this, you know, only one weed possession. That was my first, that was my second arrest was weed and I got a six month probation, which had half an ounce on me. I get it. I paid a fine, a buck and a quarter or something like that. Did it defray me for, did it deter me from getting high? No, no. You know, I wish they nailed you. And that sentence, that that judge gave me, that's a sentence they gotta give people. Zero to four years, reconsideration after a year. If you really do it, just to show you the bowels of what it is. If after a year I don't reconsider you, pretty much you're gonna be in there for the rest of your fucking life. You take somebody you punish him a heavy the first time and then you see what direction they go. One thing when I walked out of that prison cell, I knew I was going to still do coke and chill. I knew I was still going to steal. I just knew I had to change my ways a little bit. I knew I wasn't going back and there. This goes back to shoplifting. When you shoplift, they have theft over 200 and theft under 200. and in different states, different counties, it's all different. I don't know what it is.

Exactly. Exactly. So it used to be that I could go to a place, a supermarket and try to rob a fucking lobster tap for a hundred dollars and they give me a ticket. A ticket. I'll live with a ticket all day long. I'll take that ticket and shove it up my ass. It's me going on to the station, getting processed, fingerprinted. That's what deters you. That's to shit that deters you, Joe. And that's what they're not understanding. They don't have enough programs for people. Listen, when you go to prison in this country, all you're doing is warehouse, and me, and put me back out. You warehouse me with guys that are smarter than me, and now gave me new ways to make money. To steal them. If I was stealing what a gun before, and I thought me how to steal what a computer. What do you think's gonna happen? There's no programs in that. They don't talk to you. They don't give a fuck. It's up to you to give a fuck. There's no Chinese food in prison. There's no fucking tons of things in prison so I didn't belong there. So I didn't, I know I wasn't gonna go back and knock on wood. I stayed out. But think about the people who weren't as lucky as me, the percentages, the percentages are horrible.

I just stacked the guy in what happens when you do get convicted with that felony. I can't do nothing. Still, till this day, I can't do anything, Joe. I can't go get a retirement job at Costco. I can't volunteer Costco. I can't get a volunteer job at a fucking rec center. Maybe help taking old people out to a movie or something like that just to get back to the community. I can't do that. I can't do that. That liquidated me from anything. I found out the last three years how worthless I really was. That's why I saw a week. The last three years, why I saw the last three years. Because I was always looking for options. Like, what else can I do in my life that would maybe You know, whatever. Just what can I do? Maybe go back to school. What anything? I don't know. I'm always interested in learning more. I fucking don't remember any history.

Yeah. Maybe go back to school or something. Take online classes. Something. I need, I love to fucking learn all this shit I blew away the last 30 years. You know, I didn't read what I used to read as a child. I didn't read geography, I didn't read history, I read books, you know, fucking stupid books. So I'd love to take classes again or something like that. But anything, I have no options. I can never do anything with that felony. Is that the fucking thing you should be sending?

Now, let me explain something to you. In my world, to me to get to where I got, when I walked out of that prison cell, I became a regular member of society.

I was 25. Yeah. I was 25. Yeah. nineteen eighty seven I'm twenty four nineteen eighty eight I'm twenty five Joe yeah I got out when I was twenty seven twenty twenty seven and a half maybe and got thank God I could sell thank God I could fucking sell I used to a fucking ask him oh you know thank God you have that skill at least you could sell cars or insurance or whatever I can't get registered I can't work at the stocks I could always be like, you're a stock broker. I could always make coal calls for you to shit like that. But in my world, I didn't want to go bad. What was I going to do? What are you going to do?

Exactly. People give up. Well, I found that that didn't do background checks at comedy clubs. How fucking happy was I? And that was still skeptical. And then it was one guy that saved my life. Tim Allen. Tim Allen, I was just gonna say that. When I heard the Tim Allen did boom. Boom, I'm like, okay. And the middle motherfucker got on Disney. And I'm like, okay. I just want to get to the comedy store. I don't want to get on Disney. I don't want to go on NBC.

Bro, you got punched in the face one too many times. And after one punch, you go, that's it. I'm not doing this, and I just want to tell you something because I talked to Hurry about this. If, well, I'm definitely going to do 10 minutes tonight to fuck around with you. I have a plan, Joe. If you know anything about me, you know I always got a plan. You got plans. I always got a plan. For me to do stand up again. I don't want to travel. I'll come down here. to a residency now in here for you. Whenever the fuck you want a story, tell them whatever you want. I got no problem with that. I don't want to hang dates all over me. That gives me a lot of anxiety. And I don't want to be doing anything else for the first time. If I go back to common, I told Iris, I go, Ari, because I'm obviously, you might not do a podcast no more. And I go, you're done. I go, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Just focus on standard for the next 5 years. He's about to turn 48 this. I go, just to stand up for the next 5 years. Nothing else, right? No podcasting, no films, no, you have to worry about anything. And he goes, you know, you got a good point because I wrote the new special when I couldn't edit no more. That fucking, this is not happening. You know, you've always spoken about this. Just to stand up. Yeah. When I got to LA, I was dead just to do stand up. But then everybody started throwing all these things at me and I got confused. And then I realized I'm at the store, I came here to do stand up. And that's what we are. I think even now, to stand up comic is too, we're all over the place now. We should just do stand up. We should just do stand up. They got comics doing everything now. It's great. But it takes away from who the fuck we really are.

Well, at least you did that. Think of all the guys that came to our way as good standups got a job in a TV show and say, fuck, stand up, fuck, stand up. Yeah. And they got caught up in a TV show and they never did stand up again. And that's one thing I always really respected about you. And I told people all the time, I know. In the height of this game, this motherfucker would still do his 10.45 on a Friday night. I have to e just grab the huge paycheck all week on some TV show that was news radio or the other one. You'd never be late for your Friday night spot and that's character. That built a lot of that made me It inspired me, like this guy doesn't give a fuck, because nine out of 10 comics don't tell you how much they love comedy, what's the gotta TV show? It's over. Then I come and down there again. And I get it. I get it. But you didn't really love comedy the whole time. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You've always, that that's what I like about stand up. I don't have to travel, Joe. I could just shoot into the stand three nights a week do 15 and you know how you prove it.

I enjoyed being yes. It was accepting I was accepted. Yeah, I was being broke. You accept being broke for the fucking honor to come here on two five nights a week. That's what you switch. You give away that to take that. And when think about for people watching this right now, how much a stand-up mean to you? I didn't care where I slept when I was going to road. Wait, think I had a fucking, you know, who shows to an open mic on a Lamborghini? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Nobody, right? Nobody's funny. You know, no, nobody shows up to a lamp on an open mic on a Lamborghini. Nobody. One kid, when I started with he had a rich, what he called those rich hot momma's he had. Oh yeah, sugar momma? Yeah, he had a sugar momma. This kid was horrible. He didn't impersonation, but it was all one. His resume, you opened it up. His bio was a living 3D resume. Well, she had made like a hundred copies of this fucking book that came out. There was him as Tony Montana. And him is like Charlie Chan and all this. And that was his name. He's probably even not in the business anymore. But his name, it was like, think that the man of a thousand voices. But in Denver, they said, but you only heard one. And I still remember him going down to the comedy works. I'm going to best clubs in the country at that time. This 94. And him doing an open mic and me doing an open mic and me like doing okay. But he just going bomb. And he would come off the stage. This is how crazy comedy is. And he would have his tape recorder, the old ones. And he would be pounded in it. And I go, what's the matter? He goes, this fucking tape recorder don't pick up the laughter.

The only times this guy would call me up after that. Well, I left, I was living in Seattle. And he'd go, I got to ask you a question. He goes, I just got down to coconuts. He booked me as a headliner. And then after the first night, he booked me to a feature. He demoted me. Now I'm the MC and I'm sitting people. Should I stay? Because in coconuts, you had to seat people if you were the MC. You didn't know that? No. Those chains in Florida, I don't even think they're still open. This how far long ago was. So when you worked at Coconut's, if you were the MC, you had to see people. He got hired as a headline. When he got there on Tuesday, he was the headline. He ate such a bag of shit on Tuesday. They made him the fucking feature on Wednesday. He ate such a bag of shit on Wednesday. They made him the MC on. That's how bad this guy was. But he was filthy rich to check with got him suits and lights and unbelievable. he had a fucking he had a guy on stage already has an open micre he already had a sound guy But people you fucking meet in this trouble, my friend.

The open mic world is a fucking fantastic world. And it's funny as shit.

Come on. Look, let's just talk about the Sunday nights at the storm we would have. When I used to host the seven o'clock, the nine, the open mic. Yeah. Yeah. And I quit because it's too much walking up and down the stairs. three fucking minutes I'm up and down in front of eight thousand calories so she gave me ten to twelve but that helped you a lot too because you got loose like fucking around in between the axe and you know making fun of things and well right that was work I'm really close with Mitchie and Mitchie was a confidence built up you know that yeah just she didn't have to give you a note If you went up on her and killed, you got better. Yeah, because the first couple times in front of Mitzi, you always like, Hannah Gawkey. Yeah. So the more you go up in front of Mitzi, I'm gonna send it, the more confidence you get. And I still remember going somewhere like 2002. Like, uh, in the end, uh, no-to-date. And in the end, they used to have a comedy club there, a funny ball. And I was dating that crazy chick from Mr. Walker, from Michigan. And I'll never forget like 2,000, maybe like 2,000. And I'll never forget that I went there for a fucking showcase. And I'm not the type of guy that would open his mouth like that. He told me, come on Sunday and do 10. And if you're funny, I'll bring you back. I'm like, okay, and I went down and after I did great, I did great. But after when he was like, well, I don't like, I'm gonna stop them. I go stop them. I don't mean any disrespect. I perform in front of Mitchie Short, fucking three times a week, shut the fuck up. You ain't gonna give me no fucking no Tarzan. You're in no today. I mean, I know dick about dick. I really did. He was a great guy. We both laughed about it. But in my mind, I had that confidence in my heart. Right. Save a bitch. I'm a front and mittie. Yeah. Save, go fuck yourself. She was the ultimate mentor. She was. And that she gave me that. That was the other thing. Like she just, you know, when you're in front of her a lot and she don't have to say nothing to you. Just you killing him from her. That's it. I'm wearing my dick on my fucking shirt. I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, with all of us. She would put me after I rara, or that fucking dude. I've told you a thousand times. I still have nightmares about that dude. What's that, is that? The brother with the dreads. God damn it. I just, God, I still have nightmares.

We'll figure it out. I can't even figure out what that told Jamie to find him.

I just threw out for brains. I'll fucking pull his name out. I just saw TK Kirkland. Oh shit. On a podcast with uh... I was dying alive to with that motherfucker. God free. Oh God free and T.K. Kirk. Like I remember T.K. Kirkman from the store early days.

He was always talking about him. Yeah, I like them a lot. I like him.

What's last time he saw Eddie? I see him online. I haven't seen him in forever.

I want to see him in forever.

I want to see him in forever. I want to see him in forever. I want to see him in forever. I want to see him in forever. I want to see him in forever. I want to see him in forever.

I think, come on. Doug, how about the night we're behind the comedy? So tell these motherfuckers what he said to you. I'm much more Bruce Lee for a thousand days.

He was one guy and he hit him with a punch. Because I still remember that speech. It was three in the morning.

Let me tell you about Eddie Griffith. Eddie Griffith was there. I introduced myself to Eddie Griffith. The first night I walked into here, the first time I ever walked into the store was a Monday. And Eddie was there with two bucks, not two bucks. Tumak, the kid who was... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, last dragon. Okay, I'm just showered on a Harlem man. He was in there with him. There was eight people in here. Bruce Lee Roy, Dom Barris was hosting. Wheels was there. And that was in on the Monday night. And I want Dom Barris put me up out of a favor to nobody to himself. And Eddie saw me. Didn't say none to me, but then I got a showcase. And Eddie was there and he told me that now I'm gonna sit next to Matthew. He's a good dude. He sat next to Matthew when I was on the stage. So no matter what the fuck is the talk to her.

He was good to me. And then I bumped him to play a long time. This is before 9-11. You could do whatever fucking you want to play. And I moved up the first class with him. Hey, let's just sit here. Stay here with me. And that was how I met Eddie. And I gave a picture of his grave. I had taken. And I was just that we just headed off. And he would always draw me little bones. And he would bump me for fucking six hours. But I never really got mad at him for that.

Do you remember that? I was saying the Grand Bell invented the... What was the tough one? Why? Because he was doing Coke. Yeah.

You know, I study a lot. Well, I was a fan of when I first met the comedy. And I'm a fan of them still to this dad. Just so he's doing his show to brothers from St. Louis. The Wayne's Bros? No, the other brothers. Your friends with the young. Oh, the Tories. The Tories. Guy and Joe. Oh, my God. Oh, they're great. Joe was the woman, but that's him.

That's crazy.

No, I thought he was a little younger than that, right? How old is he? I don't know. I've known him forever.

So there you go.

Dog, I still remember one of his bits. Or Joe Torrey. Joe Torrey. Joe Torrey. When he warmed up him, fucking Martin Lawrence. That was a hell of a lineup too.

And I'm gonna tell you who the best performance of this show. I'm gonna tell you the best performance ever on fucking death champ. DO Hugely as a host. When he got a standing ovation, I never saw anything like that in my life. Yeah, how about as a host? Got a standing, oh, I mean, rip the fucking room apart. I will never forget that. Jotor, he ready for Jotor, yeah. I got a brother who's one of those saved the whale motherfuckers. But I'm thinking about getting a gun. I'm dying to shoot him by the fucking man. I could see me with a gun hanging outside. A ATM machine with a texido on. Come out of the bushes. I'm going to shoot you. Some about a fucking buying a gun. And he wanted to shoot somebody. So he would hang out at a ATM with a texido on every night. I fucking loved that joke. And when they said to him, he's like, man, I haven't heard that in years. That's great. He just reminded me.

People change. People see things that I don't want to do. Cory Miller was one of those guys. What happened with him? Zoo. Little Zoo, remember? Yeah, but what happened with him? He just went back to raise his kid. And Atlanta, he still does comedy. Still does comedy Atlanta. I know somebody slumbered a college and he said to say hello to me. People just change their priorities man. It happens all the fucking time. You know, you think about the two dudes who were in guns and roses. The one guy is he. that just left. What does he feel like today? Hmm. You know, didn't you have a guy out from Soundguard in here?

Jason Everman.

They just honored the guy from the original bass player from Soundguard. And he was like on the first two hours. I always wondered what happened to that fucking dude and how they feel now that they were in had an opportunity to be in this monster revamp.

He's a really fucking spoon man.

And I still remember the night you came up to me out of the cold. There you go. How can somebody listen to the Beatles after they listen to blow up the outside world? by soundguard, you're like, and I said, I go, you know what's crazy, that you could tell Chris was a beetle fan when you hear that jam, but I get what you were saying that day, like, it was such, I changed my perceptions on that.

It's crazy how I had views. I hated the Beatles because he made me some of that.

I like it towards the end when they do the drum thing and he says that he holds that one note. Oh my god keep it going Jamie keep it going

Now, talking to the Beatles after we didn't have appreciation for the Beatles growing up. Not because I didn't like them because everybody was broken my balls and I'm good they were. And I told the story before. I love John Lennon, but the day John Lennon got shot, it was the happiest day of my life. Because I won the argument now, because every time you couldn't fucking say nothing would beat a people. Every time you said, like, oh my God, I want to see the stones last night. What a great hour, shattered. What a great hour, mystery was. Some motherfuck would say, yeah, it's a great hour, but wait for the Beatles get back together. Fucking stay with Heavens, a great song, yeah, it's great, but wait for the Beatles get back together. They always had me. I always lost that argument. You had to walk away like, yeah, he got a point. The day trial and the guy shut that argument one out of the window, bitch, they ain't getting back together. So shut the fuck up now, okay? It's Led Zeppelin who's running things. In fact, they had a beetle mirror at my high school, so let me put an extra John Lennon on the day after he got shot, because we didn't want to hear that argument, no more. Everybody got sick of that fucking argument, all right. And I love John. I don't want people, you know, I love all those albums. Fuckin' shave, fishin' all that stuff. Why am I guitar gently? Oh, I love all that shit.

I love the beetles from Rev. Rev. on. Once they did the ass and started smoking dope, I like all that shit. That's really good stuff. Before that, she loves you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. I get it. But no. It was a different time.

When they went to India and spoke with that Maharishi and started playing all that shit and opened up their horizons, they were good.

So much good music. It's so like you get caught up with one thing. During the pandemic, I got back into music. And I put on, I bought vinyl. I got into vinyl again. I love it, you know. And it's so weird how. an album will take you back like I got an album now and it'll take me back for a week like I'll play the album when I'm writing what I'm doing shit taking back to those days I just but you also hear things that's why I don't like doing music reviews and shit because I learn more about the music the more I listen to it like every time I put on like I don't put on Led Zeppermobile but you're in your car you had to back you crank it up you always hear something you haven't heard and go wow

Zeppelin' who is very interesting because it's dirty.

I'll shoot a load.

Well, what's that taping call that style of recording? Because that's how I'm that out. because even when you listen to people who were kid and you had two sets of speakers, that's what it's just saying.

Like thinking that you were going to do acid, like pink Floyd, I know recorded thinking that you were going to be tripping.

They fought with you like that, you know?

What was the name of the kids speaking of it? When you got to LA, you bought a nice car. And then you didn't want it no more. Who did you sell that super took?

Look, if we get his name.

This song makes me smoke popcorn. This one here? Now we're chill.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh And they'll never ever be anything like this, ever again.

This is the second fucking out. I'm hooked on the fifth out now. I've been listening to Presence lately. Killy's last name for the ocean for your life. That was the holy that was the second out. That will be over the top. That A to Z dancing day. Oh my god.

No court listen. I was such a fucking half a little fat when I was a kid that when I first got led up until I would play dancing days. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you don't have to go. Then it's supposed to be no quarter and then the ocean. I would skip over no quarter. Scary as fuck and so on that I don't do listen to it. Well, I got a little old. I was like, okay, I'm ready for this. I love the immigrant song. The immigrants song on three. And that's what really shows you every album they kind of changed with that. They got a hillbilly song. called fucking gallows pole.

Yeah, can you as Jamie put on this at the beginning of this chat? Yeah. And it just picks up. I used to eat quailus for this. Me too. Me too. We used to eat quailus with a bottle of poop off. And what's the poop off? poop off fuck. P.O.P.O.V. that fucking liquid. And we were fucking over and over. And in fact, I still got a busted, I think, a vein from the quailus.

We love a little Jamie getting broken and here we go.

Oh, sorry, the different beautiful. I used to get fucked and this album's got immigrants on this and the best leds up on the song after all those songs Jimmy Page's best work since I've been loving you. Oh, yeah I'm telling you, they came up with something different every fucking album. I love music today. I can't also believe I just saw that picture for the first time at James Brown's mug shot. Is that from the rest of 91? Yeah, that was 91. He hit her and they chased him in the truck and shit.

My brother, you know it next week?

God knows what else is in this fucking system. Oh, look at him.

Look at them. He's fucking trenched. Oh my god. Yeah. That's the one with the cape.

You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You want to bite? You He has history. Boy, he did something. He saved. He stopped the riot. Today, when we... Oh, he performed. After a cop shot a black kid and the city was on a riot and they told him not to perform. He was on perform and something. He did something.

These guys, I don't know. These guys were different era, different world pioneers, real pioneers. You know, they were running against a different I watched that fucking thing again a couple weeks ago, the green mile, whatever the green book. You know, that dude's in the south. He fucked a lot of the girls staying in the south. They wouldn't let them fucking, they wouldn't put them in the green room. They wouldn't let them perform in the eating a dining room with other people. That was a different fucking world, man. And these guys had so much courage, Jackie Robinson, the face that I was bold.

Fucking crazy. It's crazy. She really got a nod to these guys, cause man. They came up in a tough time. I always see those pictures like him, Jim Brown, and Mama Ali, and they all got together. It's pretty impressive, man. Different type of savages.

I saw a lot of shit when I came from, I'd learned a lot, man. And that shit has always stuck with me. The stuff I saw, you know.

You could order it now on Amazon, like pre-order it.

Nice. Fucking tough the right man. I'm sure. You know how it is with these fucking things.

Yeah, no. While I was doing it, I was fucked up as hell. That's why I figured I'd do it then. You did it while you were getting off the bends. Yeah. Well, I was just moved. I did the knee surgery. It was like a thousand thing. I didn't even know I was withdrawing. Like I said. until I went to, I did the knee surgery and some happened with my heart. I wanted to doctor this came in and we started talking and he kept looking at me weird. He was a Spanish dude and I fucking gave me his card and I called him when I got out and he goes, come see me. Something wasn't right that night. He did a physical and I went back to see him blood that type of shit and he goes down. Everything was right, you know, everything was okay. I don't know where he put me on a heart monitor and he goes, y'all, it's fine. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And his assistant said, are you still taking the Zanix? And I go, yeah, and she goes, that's what's going on with you. Look at the church, Doc. He's been on them from 2012, and I go, no, I just been using them since the pandemic started. And that's when she goes, no, you gotta stop with John. I didn't even know. I just had a horrible fucking feeling.

weeks maybe really well I didn't see I would take them and then forget about them I would put them in my top pocket and then go to the store and not take them and then I would just wash them there was a lot of times I would take them I would bring it with me in case I got like a little fucking you know but Joe the funny thing about this if I tell you this goes back to when I was a kid in the simplest way you ready for this I was a little fucking fruitcake when I came from Cuba. You know, I stuck the pacifier, I was six. So after, like, I was three, they took them away from you, but I'd hide them as strategic places. And whenever shit got danged, I'd go over a socket, put it down, and I'd fucking go back to what was going on here. So when I lived in 88 Street in New York City, my mom had a jukebox at the bar. So every week the guy comes in and he gives you the old 45s. Is that what they call 45s? So I don't know what they were. They were all different type Spanish music, black music, rock music. I remember they had a great taste in the jukebox. So I would have fucking boxes of singles. I lived on the third floor. And if you go to 205, 205 Wednesday, even today, you pull up to it. You'll see where I live, where I grew up right now in the third floor, but you see that there's a parking garage there. They never really, it's like an old building now, which we've done again. They did something. When we were kids, we played back there. So whenever I had anxiety, I would go upstairs to suck on the pacifier. I didn't, I didn't, I was in cool enough to put them on the street yet. I would later in time I would put them on the street and I would suck on them when I was playing basketball or something. If things that they call the foul on me and I would panic, I would go upstairs and I had a window that they couldn't see from below because it was the back of the building. So it's like an indentation and all our windows. You can't see that from there. So I would take those 45s and I would whip them. They're like fucking boomerangs. I would just sit there for 10 minutes and just whip them, whip them, whip them, and I'd hear people down stairs, what the fuck! Stop it, you fucking scumbag! What's going on? And then I run downstairs, and all these kids would be old-nont of their heads and shit, to like, where'd you go? And I go, I want upstairs to go to the bathroom. You missed it, the crazy guy's throwing records at us. Do you know how long I did that for?

They never knew. It was meat, but back to it. That's how I started going upstairs to suck on the pacifier. So I always had something.

It's something to help you out. I always had something to smoothen the hums and the bumps. I didn't know that should exist. I ate those when you did Coke. When you do Coke, that's when people give you those things. Oh, you didn't have a hard time. Take two of these and you'll get a hard time. You'll fall asleep. I never knew there were treated for anxiety or what a fuck. Gives a fuck. when you're on the street doing drugs, what they treated for.

No, man, because now I deal with it so far. No, I'm talking about withdrawal. The shit you went through all the withdrawals are horrible, but it's funny now when I do shit. I always remember like I had to do something in the city a couple of weeks ago. I think I'll go for an audition. As I was putting down my suit, I go. and certain Zanix now. This is when I would be putting a Zanix. I would, my anxiety would start creeping up on me. I lose my breath, like my breath will go away from me. And once I had started panic and figured, I even had to take, I would take a Zanix to go to your Gitu for a while. Jesus. because of my anxiety in jujitsu. Now I have no anxiety in jujitsu. Now I go to jujitsu, I just get beat up. That's it. It's great. I go in and I breathe. It's fantastic. So you have to work in anxiety. You have to really breathe. I do a lot of breath work. I slept a lot. I went back to my bolder roots and I meditated a little bit, which helps. I don't get on the computer in the morning anymore. That helps a lot. I fucking get a cup of coffee and I sit on my balcony and look at the mountains. But 20-30 minutes. We're in no rush. We got nowhere to be. I do a little grateful shit, but I'm grateful for all of them. I pray for you, I pray for my friends, you know, I don't pray, but I don't. I don't know how many things are right now. You know, I'm Cuban, I got my little thoughts, but I'm still like that ball to bullish it, as always. I can't crop to being a Buddhist, but sometimes I think about it, you know? So, so before I do anything, I make sure I'm good in the morning, so I'm grounded. I used to get up and go around and I fucking computer stuff and bang it. That ain't gonna do nothing to me. Come on, man. Come on, man. You can't do that shit. You can't do it. And this is what you were saying before, as you get older, you start learning. You learn more about your works and you try to share it with people. Listen, man. Don't get up anymore and put that TV on. And don't get up and open that fucking computer. Save yourself. I realize something else. For the last year, I've been in the fruit ball for breakfast. Every morning, raspberries bananas, pears, cherries, whatever. Whatever I could get on. Guess what, man? I don't need sugar at night. Is that the weirdest thing? Even when I get, I can smoke 15 joints. I don't need sugar at night, no more. Because I got rid of that sugar craving the morning, I think.

Yeah, fruit. It's great. Listen, if you take 22 askments a day, you're going to die. You want to ask, but ain't going to fucking kill you. Yeah. Two apples ain't going to fucking kill you, you know. And now you got to wrap it up.

We've got a dinner. We just got it. No, it's 30, 40. It's 40. Yeah. That's it.

Okay. Who's coming tonight? I was doing this show with us.

Ryan White.

Yeah. Duncan called Duncan. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I want to thank laughing guys. They send you a bag. Oh, Christina's coming down tonight too. Christina's coming down. Good to see you. What do you call her? Christina P. Okay. I'll call her Christine.

I know it's one of those that you get pissed off at.

Yeah. She's only like, okay. I love you.

Pre-order Amazon bonds and nobles. Thrip.com. And you saved no delivery charge. I don't know if you're on. Thrip. Book is not commissar. All right. Bye. I love you. I love you too. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Thank you. I find that. Bye.