Transcript for #258 - Bryan Callen

I was a shambler.

And I start breaking down your body. You might have, like, the worst sense of beat and rhythm ever.

Why are you thinking about my body when you buy yourself?

I can't go north to south so I go east to west. I meant to be carrying bricks.

Well, my legs aren't even short. My upper body short.

Yeah, it's still in stone mason.

Well, that's one of the things that I think I like about kettlebells. I feel like I'm working hard. It's like you're, you know, you're really going to war. You're really fighting something. It's not just like doing a bench.

I'll dare you. You're in my house.

Before I feed you the grass fed sticks that I got.

I'm too high right now, but we'll do it after a little too high to work out. It's the best time to work out. Does it? Fuck yeah. You don't smoke enough weed. That's the problem. You gotta get comfortable with the waves. It's like if you don't know how to surf and you get on a board in the wave hits you, you're gonna fall in your ass. Why? You're like, I can't handle the wave. No, no, no, you just don't know how to handle the wave yet. You gotta learn how to ride the weed waves. Someone's when someone's high all the time, they can just handle being high. They can handle being high, talking to a cop. They're doing the being high, buying tickets at the movie theater. They're used to the boat. They used to the front of the waves, man. They used to have experience. You lift weights from your high. You feel your muscles, man. You feel your tissue.

You're everything pops stretches better. It feels great when you stretch high. Stretching high is like one in your whole great pleasures. Oh yeah, I do jujitsu high all the time.

Yeah, Sativa. It's called Sage.

Yeah, it's a sativa. It's a it's all positive and energetic.

Yes, you have we got your high ones.

You should have been high before every show man for real.

What are you doing this weekend? You got gigs?

They're better. They're better than us. They are better than us. They're real people. They have to deal with this winter.

We're softer on the belly.

Those aren't the smart ones. The Russians are the smart ones.

The Russians don't know. Yeah, the Russians and the Chinese keep their fucking mouse clothes. The Italians start reality shows. Yeah. Like mob-wines. You imagine a Russian chick trying to start a mob-wives show? They would kill that bitch. But these weak ass guennies are letting these fucking dumb rods go on TV and spout all their nonsense. Basically, in dieting them, an entire life of crime. You know what you get into when you're entering this life. Oh, really? So you admitting your husband's a fucking criminal on TV. You dumb cunt. Is that what you're doing?

If you are in a criminal empire, okay? If you're involved in something like that, you can't go on a reality show and just make light of it. Like it's no big deal to be a fucking mob wife. Because I guarantee you there's some shit in that guy's past that he's denied. And then he would say no, no, no, no, I'm not a lifetime criminal. You got your wife on TV.

When they had that whole gody thing going on in New York, I remember going, what is going on? They can't arrest them off. You guy, like this main moth. You have to run the teflon down. Where's this?

No, I'm a bro's buffered. No, I'm a bro's buffered. No, I'm a bro's buffered.

Raven, Raven Knight, so... Raven Knight shows the show up.

Yeah, because the cops are going to come and then they're going to grow. Those guys are going to wait. They're going to come back. That's right. They're going to, that's what their job is to get that done.

Yeah, it's a very scary thing to have organized crime.

The Ravenite Social Club is now a shoe store.

Well, she was like so, like turned on by the fucking scandal.

And a sexual patriot is a new distinction.

It's like my my my my buddy was like your number 13 dude on iTunes I have you ever seen the YouTube comments whenever we request people go look at a video. No It's hilarious like whatever it like I've just recommended like an almond brother song the other day and you go to the song now and for the first three pages it just says like powerful Joe Rogan all garden but whole awesome Yeah, it's hilarious. Joe Rogan sent me. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Well, you were willing to tolerate some really ridiculous people in your life. And I loved you. And I'd be hanging around with you and I'd see all these problems in your life. And it drove me crazy. Because it wasn't just that I didn't like this guy. I was mad that this guy was wasting your time with nonsense. idiots and liars and frauds and dummies and you didn't want to hurt their feelings so you accommodated them and I was offended I was offended by them I was offended by them for being so weak to run this weak game and then you were accepting this weak game so they didn't grow

It's not good for them either. If you let a fool be a fool, they have to be a fool. By saying that that's who they are, you just accept that. They're never going to grow. And I don't know if they can grow. I don't know what their potential for growth is. But we're not going to fucking find out if you tolerate them.

Yeah, well, there's a lot of people in this country that feel like it's okay to be angry because you're successful. There's a lot of people that will say, like, go fucking rich asshole.

That's all well and good as an ideal, but the real problem has nothing to do with America as an ideal. The real problem has to do with weakness of character and people not liking people who are successful. Yes. You know, I had a friend who will remain nameless, but he's a very nice guy and he's a comedian and he's sort of a bit of the self-hating, never she type. And he said, God, you're always doing this with your body. Why have all these muscles? Why? Why be in shape? Why are you so concentrated on that? Like for real? I go, if I game you a pill. And in that pill, all you can do is you take this pill and you all the sudden you're super athlete. You're a person who's unlike 99.9% of the people you run a street. You're a martial arts expert. You could choke people. You could kick the shit out of them if you wanted to. You can defend yourself. Wouldn't you take that pill? And it goes, yeah, I would. I go, well, that pill is just hard work.

If you do hard work, you become that.

So it's the same thing. There's nothing wrong with being in shape. The only thing that's wrong with being in shape is if you're not in shape and you see a guy is in shape and you see a woman reacted that guy in shape in a very sexually attracted way. It makes you feel uncomfortable. So you want to pull the go post back. You want to make the game easier. You want, you don't want to compete with this guy, you know?

When you show up to you develop momentum. That's it. When you start developing momentum, the human being relies a lot on momentum. It's a weird inhabitant. We're a abusive habit in momentum. And when you have a habit of working out all the time, if I don't work out for a few days, I feel super uncomfortable. I don't feel good. You have to. You have to exercise on a regular regular basis. And when you do that, you develop momentum. When I write a lot, I'm writing, I get on a momentous sort of a wave, and I feel good about it, and it becomes a part of my habit. That's y'all you have to do is make give yourself positive habits.

Be successful. Yeah, be proud of getting work done. Be happy that you're getting work done. I mean, that is what you do.

Well, one of the reasons why you and I were such good friends when I met you. It's like, you were first of all, you were the closest guy to me I've ever met in my life. I was like, holy shit. Here's this guy who's like exactly like me. And you required nothing. You had no, like what man? You're not going to come to my birthday party. You were there was not no creepy dummy shit in there. And I just gotten out of a friendship where I had a kick a guy out of my life. because I was friends with him when I was broke and then once I got on television he got really fucking jealous. He said a lot of dumb shit. I asked him not to give away my phone number. I said I have two phone numbers because I've always had like a media phone and a regular phone because when you do media like you do radio shows they have to call you back and I want to have a phone where if I pull it out of the wall, I don't give a fuck who calls. So I have that phone. So I said, just do me a favor. Your friend, who, by the way, just got out of a mental institution, would you do me a favor and just give him my other phone? It doesn't fucking care about you, man. Just because you're on TV, your friend just got out of a mental institution. He's fucking crazy. All I'm asking is if you're going to bring this crazy guy into my life by connection, given the media phone. That's all. And he went in this, whoa, you think you're such a fucking badass because you're on TV. What is this? What are you even talking about, man? I'm asking you not to give your crazy friend my number. That's it. Yeah. That's it. And all of a sudden it has to become some attack on, you know, and I'm on my success. And it was, what's even a big success. It was just a, oh, yeah.

All they're thinking about is themselves. They're not looking at us as giant picture of resources. All they're doing is just like being a baby. All they're saying is, what about me? I had a friend who got a part, and as he got a part in a sitcom, his girlfriend started crying. I'm never gonna get anything What about me like this guy just got apart and a sick off he was so happy it's like I can't believe I got it I nailed the audition I got it. I worked that's my acting

Yeah, you learn, you know, you don't want to do it, but it's as fucked up as you are. That's very important. I don't want to do it. I can manage my fucked up in this. I don't want to introduce yours.

It's good. They're supposed to like girls.

They're not gonna look up to that dummy. It's real set. If you don't fuck your kids up, if you raise them like their friends and you talk to them and communicate with them, they're not going to be attracted to something stupid as a life of Kim Kardashian. I'm not watching you. It's just you and that.

We play, you know, I play with my kids, but I talk to them and I think kids know a lot more than you think they know. You know, I mean, I'm down to play princess. I'm down to pretend Santa Claus is real. I'm down for pretend. But when it comes to emotions, one of the first things I do, whenever I catch them doing something wrong. Like, they hate each other or yell at each other. I always tell them that I did the same thing. Always. Like, one of them bit her sister the other day. I go a bit a little girl when I was five. Couldn't travel a bit some girl in her hand. You know, she was sticking her hand on my mouth. I'm like, fuck you bitch, I better hand. So I told, you know, her, how about I do that?

Watching her little four-year-old eyes, like, look at me and realize that I used to be dumb and did a lot of, like, it wasn't just her daddy. It wasn't just an adult. At one point in time, I was a little child as well, just like her. I was telling her, like, I very, remember biting this girl. It was very traumatic. I shouldn't have done it and the girl was mad and her mom was mad and I felt like an idiot. You know, and her mom was like, why didn't you just slug her? You didn't have to bite her. And I'm like, I'm sorry. It was just falling into the fuckers. I mean, I didn't even break scared or anything. It was just so dumb.

Many time there's any sort of an issue. I think that's one of the most important things. The same with my stepdaughter. She used to hold all the other. I've always done the same thing with her. She's not. I mean, say stepdaughter. She's my daughter. And when, well, that's why I can communicate. Yeah, so what, but what I communicate with her, it's, it's odd. This is the same thing. It's always got to be that they're human beings.

Yes, exactly. And when you bring them into your world like that, and you communicate with them, then they'll bring you into their thoughts as well. It's amazing how much my four-year-old just opens up and talks to me about how she feels about things or what bothers her.

No. Join myself. I think this is a journey. I just think this is a ride. Absolutely. It's, look, it is. It's temporary. It's not going to last. I just want to enjoy myself. I want to be amongst friends and have a good time. Have a good time doing my stand up, doing my work. Have a good time doing Jiu Jitsu, hanging out my boys at 10th planet. And John John Machados, having a good time driving around listening to music, being nice to people.

Well, it's not, there's no benefit in it. There's no benefit in self-granger. The benefit is in friendship. The benefit is in fun laughter. I'm so psyched about you coming over here. We talked about this. Our families are together. Brian's wife's here. We have the kids here. We've got stakes. We're going to play some music. Listen to some music and drink some wine. That's what life's about.

That's what it's about stand-up, and I were on the phone the other day and he was drunk and he was like, you know, I could quit stand-up, but I couldn't quit stand-ups. He goes, I don't need to do comedy anymore. He goes, I never want to stop hanging out with comics. He and I were just on the phone. We were just laughing and talking shit and laughing and laughing. He called me. He was listening to the Jamie podcast Jamie Killstein podcast in a in a in a van filled with other people like he was on a on tour and he called me it sounded like a comedy club. He goes I just want to tell you we're listening to you right now and everybody has something to say to you and then you like he holds up the phone and all the comics in the van are screaming and cheering and applauding Cory's Jamie Kills teen had said some crazy shit about Tosh shouldn't have said that rape joke and it was like he went Captain Feminist on people so stand up call and then I call them back and we're just laughing and he's he's just like he's so fun. Yeah, that's the kind of human beings you're supposed to be in contact with Joey Diaz

We'll do it in the end of the world show with Joey Diaz, Doug Stanhope, me and my god and a band called Honey Honey. I'll be in the body, I'll tell you that. December 21st, 2012. I'll be there. In Hollywood and it's gonna be at the Wiltering Theater.

Well, Stan hope is also coming to the ice house this Friday night. So if you're coming to the ice house, we got shows of the ice house. It's me Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir tonight and tomorrow and tonight of Doug Stan hopes or not tonight tomorrow. What am I retarded today's Wednesday? I didn't even know what day it is. Friday night and Saturday night, sorry, at the ice house and Friday night stand hopes going to be here.

Yeah. I love the mediums of great guy. He's the best. I'm so important. He's so important to me. He's like, he's a real guy.

He's refreshing. Yeah. And he's a hundred percent legit. He's a one hundred percent legit hilarious headliner. comedian who's just really into continuing to do that. I'll be occasionally reluctantly. He's his little real deal.

If people still want to listen, I'll still be doing it. And when they don't want to listen anymore, when you're doing like half-filled shows and people are barely doing it.

Oh, yeah. Well, it could be for sure. I mean, you know, it could be that. It could be a lapse, but for some people at the end. You know, there's a lot of people that get fat. Let's get fat in the brain.

I think what people have to really the reason why that's shocking to people is most people feel like there's a destination. Well, I'm going to reach retirement. When I reach retirement, then I'm going to change. There is no, there is just now. There is just life. And you should think about the future, but your primary concern should be now. It should be life. And what do you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy learning things? Do you enjoy reading? Do you enjoy isolation tanks or fucking hikes or working stuff.

We all know this. Some people get really lucky and they get an easy ride in this life. That doesn't usually last. Most of people get an easy ride. If they don't earn it, they wind up fucking it up. Almost always. That's very true. And your ride is different than anybody else's ride. As my ride is different from anybody else's ride. But you gotta accept that. Instead of being mad at other people's rides, you gotta only look at what you're dealt. What is the hand your dealt? Move from there.

If you concentrate on him and hate on him, that is wasted resources. When you should be concentrating on his what hand were you dealt? You know, well, I'm not so good at math, but you know what, I think I want to be a rapper.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's people just get scared about long-term goals and long-term commitments. It's like just keep working. You're going to keep working anyway on something, right? Are you just going to stop moving? You're going to work on feeding yourself. You're going to fucking move forward.

I don't set any goals. Never. Never set goals. I set objectives, like as far as I want to get done in days, during the day. But my goal is to be doing what I want to do. And I'm already doing that.

That's you. Well, I grew up completely obsessed with martial arts. And that mindset of the practice of martial arts, which was defining for me, which made me a human being. It was the first thing I was ever really good at. That became the way I live my whole life. Live life like you're about to, you know, you're about to do the most dangerous thing you could ever possibly imagine. So you have to be obsessed with it to get really good at it. Yeah, I can't not, I can't like half ass out there, you're crazy.

I didn't either. I had a very specific idea that the only people that laughed at me were the people that were the sick fucks that I trained with. Because those are the people that taught my friend Ed Shorter and my friend Steve Graham. Steve Graham was still one of my best friends this day. When I was a little kid, I used to make everybody laugh at the time when no school. I would do these impressions of my instructor having sex with one of the students. I never did anything that. I would do it like, you know, in the voice and with their accent and shit and it would be like one of our friends. Which you're going to work.

Yeah, well, it wasn't my act guy. It was another guy that actually made fun of who was like more of an assistant.

That's we definitely have that in common that we used to do impressions of people that we knew. Yeah, that's what's like the first kind of humor. You recognize something goofy that someone does. And so you repeat it and I'm going to put in my ridiculous scenarios. But my first comedy came from high school. When I was in high school, I was not a funny kid. I was a much more troubled kid than I was funny. But when I was an artist and when no one was around, I would go into Mr. Holman's class. Mr. Holman was this really wacky science teacher. He's really fucking crazy. And I knew how to draw.

I always forget that. Oh, yeah. I wanted to be a cartoon artist. I mean, a comic book artist. I just dedicated a lot of time. And it was one high school teacher that sucked that completely turned me off to it. I was like, I can't do it.

Yeah, thank God for that. I mean, I wouldn't have enjoyed being an artist.

I don't know. I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed illustrations. What was my point?

Oh. OK, I'm sorry. I just have to remember this. So what I would do, my first stab at humor was I would draw pictures of this dude on the board, like pictures of him but fucking other students or, and then there was a guy named Mr. White who was this really short dude who just got back from Vietnam and he was fucking crazy. And Mr. White, I always drew him standing on a chair or standing on a stool. I always drew him standing on top of something. And it was always screaming about NOM, you know, and people would fucking ow, and I would put it on the chalkboard. I got suspended because I drew the Spanish teachers, Spanish teacher, more like a ton of makeup. like unbelievable amounts of makeup like like a clown. And then I drew her like her face with all the makeup and then I drew a wear wolf. This is her without makeup and it's fucking, it was really good.

Can I pull your balls anywhere? I can't do any movement with my balls. No, you can't do that. You have to push him in. You never tried tantrum. You have a tried like squeezing your your your strengthening your your con muscles so you don't let any come out. Is that work?

Isn't there some sort of a physiological benefit to not orgasming and letting your body like assimilate the context?

I wouldn't do that.

They actually just that they actually have tested different scientific fight sciences not the fuck they're talking they don't have shown there's a physiological difference but it's only lasts for seven days after seven days it normalizes but for seven days you get a higher level of testosterone it's like your body's like come on last chance and not be a pussy let's go get some Come on, come on, let's go get something, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on or Boston.

I talked to Renella about a knee if I can hates that show Steve Renella who's the guy who's the host of meat eater.

I mean, he's what he does is everything he does is like stalking. He stalks his prey doesn't wait and tree stand with a pile of food land. And then blow it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, you got to go. He's a great guy to a very intelligent guy. He's not like you typical, you know, oh, just luck. He's a guy who it's very sacred to him. The whole like he went to a ranch once and they put him in a tree stand and then he said, well, it's 6 a.m. The deer come around because that's when the feeders open up. And he realized there was electronic feeders to think I can't do this. He wouldn't do it. Whereas like Ted Newt just fucking launches arrows through those

Well, the pig man shows different.

Yeah, they have a real problem.

Yes, they give them eat the needy families and it's good meat. It's good. Well, it's wild pork. It's delicious, but the pigs are a huge problem. They destroy crops. They spread disease and when they plant the seeds, they go in, they root, they pull the seeds out of the ground and eat the seeds. Pigs will eat anything and they're fucking huge so they have to eradicate them. So in Texas, it's legal to hunt them from a

They just take in these fucking pigs out while the pigs are running. They're blowing their brains out and the pigs do flips. They kill 200 pigs plus and 10 coyotes on one show.

Why would you like coyotes? Could you imagine if your baby was outside by itself and the coyote came along?

How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work?

How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work? How do you think that would work?

Leave a baby alone or coyotes.

That would be a satisfying show if you just left a baby in a pen in the middle of a street and the coyotes just come around and you pick them off with sniper rifles. Like they deserve it. His mother fuck was gonna eat the baby.

Yeah, I'm not in the coyotes, man. I look that when your dog gets eaten by a mountain line you have a it's you have a different perspective. I mean hit get a bit. Oh, I haven't had those before. Yeah, people's are great. How do when you come home and one of them killed the other one? God. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. My living room was a puddle of blood.

Yeah, she was with Taylor coffee table with tea. She was a crocodile with a would foot long legs.

And you were like I'm taking her that dog loved me That was a problem. She loved me and she didn't want the other dogs around because they would get some my love She was devastating too. How much fight oh she would fight to the death she was ready to fight to the death over you petting did you have a dog Frank?

They bumped it. Yeah, it's bad. It was bad. I had to put them both down. Yeah, I put Frank down too.

They both tried to kill each other. It was horrible. And I couldn't trust them. Frank was like devastated after it was over. She won. She beat the male. She did. Yep. Yeah, left him for dead. He was all fucked up. Oh, really? It was in the hospital for weeks. Yeah. I never thought that they would fight. I never thought the male in the field. I would celebrate the females, but I never thought the male would fight with the female. And they fought, you know, what they fought over, the pool guy. Pool guy came over to clean the pool. And they started fighting. They're putting the pool guy pet one of them. And she would fight Frank if she wasn't getting pet. Yeah, well she got fucked up man when she was in that pen or in the the pound for a while. She was fucked up because it was one of those shelters where they didn't kill the animal. They kept the animal around and she was a fighting dog before that. So she's a fighting dog and then all of a sudden she's in the pound and then all of a sudden she's at this house and this guy's super sweet to her and loves her and pets her and feeds her food and she's with these other dogs. You better get the fuck away.

Yeah, and it was I should have been a great pet on by her own.

Because you what you're saying is they will swell up.

Dude, what separates them?

It didn't matter because they'd be holding on to you. Remember when we went to that guy's house? He raised fighting pit bulls.

It was really weird. It was a small dog. Yeah So anyway, Brian can't take this dog. He has the dog for a little while, but it's just too much work. He's really irresponsible. It doesn't. So he gives it dog to his friend on the farm. And then what does dog do?

Yeah, you have to, you have a real responsibility when you have a dog like that. Those dogs, they have to, too much of a history of a bloodlust. It's too hard for them to break gray with people.

They're gray with people, you just, if you have a dog like that, you have to have an insecure yard and you have to be with it all the time, because otherwise you got a monster.

By the way, that's also a pigman. You ever see when they hunt them that way, they hold them down with the dogs and then they cut the things. It's not as crazy as they're watching the helicopter shit. The helicopter thing was insane. It's a whole shell, too. It's a whole half arm.

When they hit the pigs and the pigs were running and then they would do the summer salts. When they would like brain up and the pigs would go face down to the mud, flip. It's pretty fucking nuts man one pig. They get this one pig. There's a giant bore and he fucking turns stops running and faces the helicopter like face down the helicopter. I thought I'd look at this motherfucker now way they opened up on them. They got him in the water some of them went in the water. You see their heads explode in the water like this is the most carnage I have ever seen on television and this is fucking crazy to watch You know, and they're they're fucking rednacks So they're hooting in the holler and while they're you know, and there's it was like people things you should be illegal It should be illegal not to do it.

You don't kill a hundred pigs before breakfast. You're a communist just fucking shooting shooting at the matter. He was having a great time. Yeah, he was like, if I was too many bullets, Mrs. Nuju will divorce me.

Well, they do on every now and then. Yeah, they do. The last one when the guy had the heart to his eye.

You've seen the horn with the horn goes through the guys on.

It's an amazing book. One guy had it through his mouth, through his lower jaw and coming out of his mouth.

It's not a sport. It's a crazy custom. It's a custom. It's one of those things like circumcision. Well, you could invent it today.

Yeah, that's important. You don't want to have that an even fight.

He fell out of the truck.

I wonder who it would win, now the funeral bull.

Well, what's really smart about them is the memory. They can see another elephant, which all looks the same to us, but they don't see it for 10 years, and they run into it. They run towards each other and hug each other.

Is there a it's got to be yeah, there's no it's not put elephant I think flipping Mac truckers.

Oh really? Yeah, well, what is it like it's him at the DVD What is a true TV?

Yeah, TV's on the way out. Oh, those silly shows are on the way out. Well, what do you think is going to replace the internet? Yeah.

Man thoughts. He changed it from the right.

Oh, we couldn't label it.

How about just a little tiny Cox all right. There you go. A little tiny one. A sea about an image, an image really cool, an image, an image of Ronald Reagan, but it's all made out of Cox.

Dick. But doesn't, um, someone has Dick House or something like that.

You can get away with that. It's weird. I watched CNN the other day. And there was a band in Russia called Pussy Riot.

And Pussy Riot broke into a church.

They got arrested. Two years ago. And yeah, they got sentenced to like two years in jail. And so everybody was having a demonstration and they had these giant signs that say, free Pussy Riot. And here CNN is showing this on CNN. And I'm sitting in front of the TV and these giant science say free pussy riot. And I'm like, wow, that's hilarious. Like what a weird loophole. By the way, they because they called it pussy riot, they have to, they have to show what these guys are. That's blatantly obscene. Yeah. But it's on the news.

It's like too many fucking laws. There's too too much ridiculous.

Listen at the thing about bills that they'll sneak shit in that has almost nothing to do with the name of the bill just so that they can get it in stuff they've been trying to get in before.

The real problem is you can't untangle it now. It's so far.

Yeah, of course. Well, that's what we were talking about before the podcast when it came to our our hemp force protein It's we have to buy all of our hemp Canada because the pharmaceutical companies have bribed and these fucking corrupt politicians and make sure that it's illegal, the federal federal government. By the way, the state government is voted for it and the whole thing is supposed to be that states are allowed to make their own laws that the federal government is not supposed to interfere with things along these lines and they don't give a fuck. They'll put you in jail if you just grow hemp, which is a cousin of marijuana.

The real problem is that nobody calls them on it. That's right.

The real problem is how do you untangle it? I mean, there's so much money invested in keeping government.

Yeah, it is a problem when you create a bunch of different government jobs. Like, you know, there's a lot of people that rally to keep drugs illegal and one of them is the unions that control guards prison guardians and they spend a lot of money from their dues if they get from their workers in order to keep drug laws the same because that's what keeps them working.

It is self-interest. Yes, absolutely self-interest. And it's scary that that works. It's scary that that would be allowed. It's scary that that doesn't prompt. I mean, if you were an insider trading guy and you just knew that some company was about to go under and you got rid of your stock, you go to fucking jail for that. How come you can't go to jail for that? How come you can't go to jail? You're working to keep drug laws, which everybody has shown are ridiculous, and most people believe are completely ridiculous despite the massive amount of propaganda.

Yeah. The no-win is anymore. I mean, Obama's not even represented.

He's to cancel each other out and not. Yeah, him as a human, he's not represented. I don't think that guy is any say. What the fuck happens. I really don't. I think the whole thing is completely ridiculous.

Yeah, but he's don't don't chew in front of a camera bro. That's disgusting.

You can't do that. You can't chew in a microphone. The United States won't tell you that. It's probably the United States. This William Bini is the guy who's the NSA mathematician that I was telling you about earlier. I've been obsessed with this guy since we have David Seaman on Monday who's a congressional candidate in Florida. And this former NSA director, after 9-11, this guy is a mathematician, you know, one of the world's renowned mathematicians. And what he did was create a method for the government to track dangerous individuals and track people. And but it turned out that the government just used it openly on everyone. And so he had to leave. What a surprise. They just decided to just literally every phone call that you make. This guy's correct. And he is the guy who fucking coded this shit. If every phone call that you make, every text message you make, every email you make goes into a database. And the government is in Utah building a gigantic structure that will literally house everything you do, say, watch online on your internet history, all that shit will be stored. So if they ever want to just anything they want to know about you anything all they have to do is just pull that shit up guys if you want if you want to see somebody who really sat around and thought about this stuff and made the argument for why that's not good just YouTube Milton Friedman well let's before that before that let's not get people confused let's let's have people just check out this story and the guy's name is Benny b-i-n-n-e-y and just go and read up on this because just this alone is gonna fuck with your head and What are they doing? That's important. Chopping wood? No. They're here that banging. It's like someone's gonna drum. Fucking wise. Don't you think they could keep the kids from banging on the drum in the hallway? No, that's past some aggressive shit right there, buddy. That's what that is. They don't like the fact that we're in here having fun.

Yeah, always. They love doing that. They love it. They love like changing things.

Yeah, exactly. It's different. Like you could you could live in a log cabin easy, right?

Folks so this Benny guy you gotta you gotta this there's YouTube videos if you don't want to to sit and read something National Security Agency whistleblower William Benny

I would think that that generation had already moved out of business. I hate to think that the generation coming up is going to go business as usual because in my mind this generation, the generation of age of adult age now, grew up with the internet, and that generation is a different group of human beings vastly, vastly different than anybody the group in the 60s or 70s to put a different animal.

But nobody saw this coming. Nobody saw the ability to do this.

I saw them monitoring their DNA and say had math.

But the fact that it's already going on unless William Benny had stepped out. By the way, they broke into his house and stuck a fucking gun on his face, too. The FBI came into his house and raided. He never did anything wrong. Didn't do anything wrong. It's the whole thing is crazy.

And with this new, the new transparency that exists because the internet, you're going to be able to still run things, but you can't run things as corrupt as they've been running forever. And everybody just wants to keep doing it. We were talking about circumcision or bullfighting or anything that's ridiculous, it's old.

Yeah, but is there a way to pull it back? That's the question.

There's a way to run things. There's a way where people pay a fair amount. There's a way where we keep a real military that keeps us from, you know, ever being at the mercy of an evil dictator or an evil country. Is there a way to do that and still be a good country and still not be completely and totally corrupt?

And you, and you get informed, you get, and you stop with the educate yourself. That's not going to stop them for willing over you.

You've got a vote for, you've got a, you've got a noise. Is voting real? Well, if it is, why did Ron Paul, I mean, why did he lose two states that he clearly won? Do you know that there's, uh, there's plenty of evidence online in this plenty of videos and show, that show in Maine and there was one other state where Ron Paul should have won. And they, they, they hit it. They covered it.

For compared to most parts of the world, did you see hacking democracy? Hacking democracy makes a very strong argument that the Bush carry election was bought. If you watch it, it's a documentary on HBO when they show that they engineered in a third-party entrance into these voting machines. And the guy on the show, the die-bould had to change their name, and a die-bould anymore, there's something else. The guy on the show showed how he can alter the results of any election. Doesn't surprise me. So what do we do? That's a good question. The internet. That's what I think. I think the only thing that's going to save us is the young people coming up know that this is a different world. Know that this is a world that if you're going to be a politician and you're going to be completely, you've got to be transparent. Everything's going to be transparent. Every move you make and you can't get away with doing things that we've done for decades and decades before. It's a totally new game. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. You know, the idea of overthrowing the government like that is that really fucking necessary like everybody's getting bogged is about that over through the government first of all.

Well, it's also people recognize in this country especially that we are the cops. We are the military. It's not the actual elite is these creepy bankers and there's only a fucking small handful of them. And if the military doesn't listen, and if the government doesn't listen, then take your phone away from the tail, please. Take your phone. Yeah. It's making that. If that's, if we do that. Yeah. So the phones, especially CDMA phones or GSM phones, they, there's a signal that picks up. It does it in your car sometimes they're redoing your car in your stereo. Yeah. It's your phone. It's AT&T phones. If you had Verizon, it wouldn't do it as easily. It's sort of a different frequency. CDMA is an older frequency. The frequency that Verizon uses, but apparently it's different in that it's more robust. It goes deeper into buildings, but more countries have GSM. My iPhone has both. So if I go on the road, it's Verizon phones. So if I go on the road, if I'm in England, it'll work in England because they only have GSM. They gave up on our stupid CDMA. Yeah. Yeah. But I just, when it comes to these fucking conversations, they always seem so circular. They never want to go anywhere.

The real question is just, does voting really work anymore? And if voting doesn't really work, we got a real fucking problem.

I didn't have the amount of movement that we have today. They didn't have the ability to do things. Organize, look, governments were taking down with Facebook.

Yeah, there's no way. There's no way to stop that. Once it gets to a certain size, it's not manageable.

How gross was that Obama statement? If you have a small business, you didn't build that by yourself.

He's a creep. He's a fucking Mormon. He's a Mormon. He's an old creep. He's a creep. His wife has made out of plastic. His whole family lives in the dark. They're crazy. And he's just gonna do whatever the fuck they tell him. I always tell people if you want to know about Mitt Romney. There's a video online where he gets confronted by a guy in a wheelchair who needs medical marijuana and Mitt Romney shrugs this guy off like he does.

But I don't want a federal level. I don't think you get that kind of deal. I think you can really be a real governor. I don't think you can be a real president. I just think when it gets to that level when it comes to, especially when things like war, governments don't have to do state governments don't have to worry about war. when you get to a federal level and you're dealing with multi-billion dollar contracts and you're dealing with, you know, the pull out of the demand.

You're like, yeah, we talked about this before. How much corruption, how much waste there is. And we've all heard of the $500 hammer. It's all a stupid shit that was on no accountability, man. Yeah, no accountability. It's government. You know, the idea that it's all tax money and what I was doing with the banking industry.

Yeah. Well, Benny was talking the mathematician who the NSA guy was talking about other things that the NSA had funded to try to do the same thing that didn't work that they spent billions of dollars on billions of dollars of your dollars by the way that they're don't that's the craziest thing about your taxes you pay whatever you pay 20% you don't know what you don't even fucking get you can't even request it you can't say hey I would like to know you know what how much my money you spend in it is there a website I could go to like maybe they don't send it to you, but you could go oh hey Mr. Cowan Yeah, well you paid $70,000 and taxes last year and your money went to you know, no, yeah, go fuck yourself. They don't even make it up for you.

Yeah, it's kids weird when you go conservative or liberal because people like to attach themselves to ideologies. And they will find like an area where they can operate in, they feel more comfortable being a liberal, they feel more comfortable being a conservative. And they just, they, they're, they don't have no open mindedness. Like teams, they're on a team.

Exactly. They just lock on to team Mac. I'm on Team PC. I like Android phones. I'm a Windows man myself. I don't Windows phones.

Isn't it weird that that fucking shit works that can the conservative liberal shit works? Look, it works, by the way, with liberals just as bad as for conservatives. There's nothing drives me fucking nutty more than hypocritical liberals who talk about Republicans being prejudiced and then they're completely prejudiced. This is my anybody who has any ideas remotely different from theirs. It's so weird that whole like artificial sensitivity, you know, like you've you've you've you've adopted what is like a chic style, a cool style of thinking, you know, this is the this is the aggressive style.

The only thing that I could think is you got to change young people and you got to have the people that are going into it like this guy that we had David Seaman who was on Monday, June is 20, 26 years old. That's the kind of guy and very articulate, very bright. That's the kind of guys you need. You need young kids that are coming out of college. And they understand the way the world works a million times better than some fucking dummy who grew up in the land of books and crayons.

And it's being jacked.

Obama has done more to harm the Constitution than any president before him. What he's done by past the National Defense Authorization Act is nothing short of what you should have considered as treasonous. What someone in the past would consider as treason. So the ability to detain people, with no warrant, the ability to hold them with no recourse whatsoever. They don't have the right to a trial. They don't have anything that we're supposed to be standing for a minute. No, no, no, no, no. No. No, it's for anyone that they deemed to be an enemy of the state. Wow. National, we were allowed to use that he is now rather allowed to use the military to quail any, any descent inside our British. Yes, this is a possible try this done. He's trying to get it through. No, it's passed. National defense authorization ass everybody passed it Obama said he was gonna veto it didn't veto it no one vetoed it no one pass it I don't think they get a say I really don't I think when you got a company like halberd and then has fucking billions of dollars and they're they're profiting in mad crazy ways from this fucking war I don't think anybody gets to say I think that influence the influence of that money. It's so strong and so sharp. They can't avoid it. I hope you're wrong. I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong.

Yeah, that's how you, but listen man, you can give your kid food, okay? That's a terrible thing, and everything, what your kid's fed at school, you can bring a lunch, that's not as bad as what the fuck is happening. The ability to have people arrested with no recourse, man. We are literally in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, Well, they're trying to pull this guy out of the Ecuadorian embassy in London. They're there letting everybody know that the rules are fake. Like, well, that rule.

Sweden's just not one of the sexual assaults. Don't say that. He's wanted for sexual assaults. Sexual assaults. Surprise sex. Surprise sex is. Yeah. He's son of a bitch. Shut it off.

Oh, surprise sex is what he's wanted for.

Apparently it sucks to the chick with a condom on and they were sleeping in bed together and with no condom you slipped it in. And this photos of her hanging out with him two days later like all piling around. Like what he did was kind of creepy. But guess what? You're not supposed to sleep naked with a guy. If you don't want him stick his bone around. That's just what dudes do. We're gross.

Just the tip. All the dice. Well, that's what he did. He's a scumbag. Sex gambling. But a lot of guys are. There's a video of him dancing. Skye, I mean a guy. Yeah, guy. Just regular guy. There's a video of him dancing by himself. It's just him on a dance floor getting his groove on and it's so darky and creepy. You watch and it's just like, oh, she's look at this guy.

We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird. We're so weird.

We're so weird.

Oh, he's Australian. That's Australia. I knew he had something to say. I might as well be America.

Have you been on stress? Love it. You do. Yeah. I'm in the Sydney. They're fucking, they have, Australia is, uh, they're like a little more relaxed than us, a little more down the party. Little, you know, they're fun people.

I have two friends that are really famous in Australia and not famous here. Arge Barker, who's like, Kina does well here. But Eddie F. Yeah, and both of them are fucking, especially Arge. Arge is gigantic in Australia. Yeah, man. He's like fucking Justin Bieber over there. I can't walk down the street. in Australia. Yeah, and they love them in Australia. But in America, it's like barely hanging on. You know, it comes over here and it's fucking half filled crowds and shit doesn't make any sense. He goes over there, it fills out all the torrents every night. Really? Yeah, he sold out some crazy shit like 18 nights in a row and a theater there.

That's at least. I'll do that. Yeah, I might be more than a million, by the way, 18 nights. Australia, I'm coming. It's like two minutes.

Fuck you. That budget, well, that's a $25,000 fucking ticket for the class. That's why they put you on one of those A380s. And you get like a little apartment. Yeah. That's what first class is. But if you don't do that, then you're stuck in a cramped spot for 16 hours.

Yeah, and you feel like shit for days. You know, they say that the radiation from those planes when you're flying and high altitude, the radiation is way worse than the radiation you're getting when you go into the metal deck.

Shit. Shit air. Yeah. And you got to drink a lot of water. I do. Because that a lot of the hangover feeling the people get. Yeah, dehydration. Drink a lot of water eat something very nutritious. Alpha brain helps a lot. It's fantastic for jet lag.

Yeah, fantastic for jet lag and fantastic for when you don't get enough sleep because that's one of the one of the main reasons that you have that sort of like a foggy Miss firing sort of a brain when you're hung over or when you jet lagged Yeah, so you're your neurotransmitter Mike Young said he goes you and Rogan I've been with you guys in the road you guys don't need any sleep on how you do it

When you got sold out shows and you're going to do a big giant fucking crowds waiting to see you get fired up man. I don't care if you're tired.

Yeah, you feel better. Yeah, it's no one is ever going to understand that feeling well. They've actually done it, but there's a

Yeah, we need to tell people what we're talking about. We, we pumped the crowd and Brian went on. We said, ladies and, and Joey Diaz brought me up, but Brian went on stage instead. So it was, it was, I recorded it actually. It was really funny though. It was, it was hilarious because it like, they went out for a little while, but then they were like, hey, what the fuck is going on here?

I love it Yeah, this is you You see how long it takes for them realizes not me And this is Joey Diaz about to bring me on.

Does Joe have rickets? They're still he's still on stage and now I got on stage and then I was like

They were they were literally all that they were I couldn't get out of for you when you hadn't seen it before and I told I remember telling you I'm like wait till Joey Joey Diaz goes on stage. You're gonna see something that you've never seen before and I remember the look on your face you were like holy shit. This is crazy. It's it's it's on a it's on a completely different level.

I don't know. People are connecting with it. What are they connected with? I am being as honest as humanly possible and I got a lot of interests. I'm fascinated by things and I think people get to be fascinated along with me. on this podcast, and they know that if I'm telling you something, whether I'm right or wrong, it's because I truly honestly believe it. It's because I've looked at it, I studied it, even if it doesn't make any sense, like big foot, like big foot talk. I'm not willing to say that big foot's not real. For a lot of people, as soon as you start saying shit, like that, you become an idiot. As soon as you start saying things like, you think maybe there might be intelligent life that's visited this planet thousands of years ago, and actually made people out of monkeys. Fuck outta here. I don't know. You don't know. You really don't just affect it. People exist alone is bizarre enough to me to leave open a billion different possibilities for how life is seated throughout the universe, including life on earth. But I'm not afraid of looking like a retard. I'm just, I'm not scared.

Well, a lot of young men are demonized and we got a real parking problem in this country where we're suppressing masculinity. We're not accepting the fact that men like manly shit. We like we like V8s. We like stakes. We like Leonard Skinner. We like hunting and fishing and MMA and guess what? You being prejudiced about that. is just as bad as a man being sexist, it's just as bad as a person being racist, it's about you're judging and making people, you know, me times I felt bad for for what I look like or who I am or what I like when I was a young man, especially women, intellectuals, all these different people would like look down on you as if there was something wrong with you that you legitimately enjoyed what you enjoyed

Well, we're not represented. We're not represented. Because men when they reach a certain point time, they have to put on a fucking tie and some stupid shoes with slippery bottoms and go to some job that sucks. That's the majority of men. And so they're not really represented. You know, when a guy gets buck wild and lives like Mike Tyson, he's not celebrated. Oh, that's going to crash.

Yeah, it's a grand game.

You learn more. You listen. It's all relative, but what's important in this life is embrace what you enjoy. And most men are not taught that. Most men are, they, they're made to feel terrible about liking certain things.

Well, I just think, not even masculinity, that's not even the word. It's really honesty. Because I get a lot of positive messages from women. It's like, you're allowed to be yourself. Women should be into my wife's and all kinds of girlyship. I don't even try to understand it. I don't understand. I don't pretend. But I don't judge her. I mean, she's genuinely likes it. There's people who genuinely like country music. They genuinely like it. They love it. They want to hear it. It's nothing wrong with that, man. And the problem with a lot of people and a lot of liberals, especially, is that they will mock what you love. If you don't like what they like, they will try to marginalize your opinion. You know, and, you know, they'll marginalize your opinion.

Well, might not even be that. It might be that you haven't even thought about it. And they've been working on this argument against who you are as a human being, where most of their life, because you're the type of person who's always rejected them, You're the type of person that didn't think they were sexually attractive, so it made them feel bad. So now they've decided that these hyper-masculine men who are not attracted to me are asshole ruining this earth. Meanwhile, if that guy thought you were sexy and he liked to fuck you and you would like to fuck him and you were into like this hyper-masculine guy sticking his big cock inside of you, then it would have a different thing. Well, we think differently, but as long as you respect my space, I'll suck his cock. But no, he doesn't want to fuck you. So he's an enemy because he gives to you a bad feeling, a feeling of you not being attractive, a feeling of you being rejected. It's the same thing with ugly men who become woman haters. Their whole life they've been rejected by women over and over and over again. So they develop this fuck these bitches, fuck these holes. They have this attitude towards women, fucking lesbian. That, that, that attitude is not much different. than the really homely, ultra, you know, aggressive feminist woman who wants to attack everything that men are into, hyper-masculine rape supporters, rape culture. It's really a lot of the same thing. It's finding someone who's different than you and conveniently putting them in a box so that anything that they enjoy, whether you enjoy it or not, anything that they enjoy becomes fodder, anything that they enjoy becomes something that you can use to dismiss them.

When you have to be able to look at yourself and your own nonsense and you also have to be able to look at how other people are going to view your own nonsense. And just because you don't like something doesn't mean something is bad. It just means it's not for you. And you can't marginalize someone based on what they like or what they don't like. There's some brilliant people that like fucking pop music. They are brilliant, but they like to get in their car and listen to stupid ass fucking songs and sing along. It's fun for them and it doesn't make them less of a human. That's right. We got a real fucking problem in this country of looking for fault in other folks and instead of first doing our own goddamn personal inventory first.

Well, you also get to a point where you stop trying to be someone else. That's huge. That's so huge.

Don't listen. It's going to be painful as fuck. Be very critical yourself. You're not going to get anywhere.

But you know what, in both of our credit, whatever you've done to me, whenever I've done that to you, you're always like, yep, you're right.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, it's just hard to find like-minded folks. It's hard to find people that also have their shit together or want to get their shit together. It's hard to find people who are also, like, on the right track and not trying to sabotage themselves all the time.

Well that's why when you and I first met I would get I would get mad these fucking idiots you would hang it out with and there was a difference between you and I say you would suffer all these fools and I would come along especially when I was young when I was even Matt were in our twenties I was savage you were a ball you were a ball of hate energy I just wasn't into no one's nonsense. If you were trying to watch some nonsense on me. No, sorry, dude.

I'm like, this guy's a problem.

This guy's just nonsense. Just talking nonsense. He wants too much attention. You're gonna hang out with him because I'm getting out of here. Yep. And that's the only way to live.

Dude, you had guys around you that were stray con men. It was really unfortunate to see. Imposters. Yeah, I would be around you and you would bring these guys over like a party at your house or something like that.

It's fun. Look at this male hustler. He has hanging out at his house. Like, this guy could be doing anything. You could be a fake psychic. He's fucking completely full of shit. He's just decided that this is gonna be his thing.

Well, you think about what California is. It's two things that are weird about it. One, it's people that weren't satisfied with the East Coast. Everybody landed on the East Coast. And then here to reinvent themselves. They kept going. They were willing to cross the fucking Rocky Mountains. So just that, the beginning is just crazy. The fact that anybody knew that it was anything cool over here is crazy to begin with, that the 20s they started doing. I might just say, oh, man, I'll take it. I don't want it anymore. I want some rain. I think I like the winter here the best because the winter it rains all the time. It rains like once a week. And that's what we fucking need, man. It's not natural to be living in a place where it doesn't rain. And when you really realize that it's when there's fires. I mean, there's all these fucking brush fires in California every every couple years or so. There's a brush fire.

Dude, I'm down. But Colorado just had massive fires as well.

Well, the pigs really can get out of hand when they're feral.

Oh, he's one of the assistant.

No, Shane Carwin of course, right. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, uh, calling in big country eventually gonna fight. Man, the poor guys had a lot of bad luck. He just keeps getting his operations. You know, he's getting injured. Yeah, back operation is how to get his nose reconstructed and then he broke it in the next fight. You fucked it up again.

Well, Juniors the Champ. Until anybody beats Juniors, you look at what Juniors did to Kane Velasquez, and we could Juniors did to Frank Meere. Juniors are proud of Motherfucker. He's a really good boxer. He's really hard to take down, and he's a really good MMA boxer. And the difference between MMA boxing and boxing with big gloves is that you can't You can't protect yourself the same way with just like a high guard and blocking things because the gloves are small and they can slip through openings and catch your chin or catch your temple. Whereas like you have the big gloves on, you can pack off a lot more shots. And also an MMA boxing, of course, you have to realize it with the smaller gloves. They can hit you and do more damage as well. There's less padding on the glove. So you can't take a shot that you might be able to take with a bigger glove.

So Junior's the best MMA boxer. You know, he's the best MMA boxing where it's like, you know, Vladimir Klitschko would probably fuck him up with regular boxing. It's a different style. And also, you know, thank you.

Did you think you won that fight?

They said that they should decisively take it away. Well, he, you know, he means Frankie will lost to him.

He's a fucking bad mother. Killers. Everyone in these weight classes, like the 55, 45 and the 70. They're just killers, man.

Yeah. Well, that's what the whole sport is now. What it's getting to be now is like all these guys who have no weaknesses. They have great take down the fence. They have great stand up. They have great, I mean, all those world class and jiu-jitsu. That's a word that gets tossed around a lot. He's world class. I don't know that. Yeah, he's on very high. I think he'd be co-brainer. He's beaten like really big name, jiu-jitsu guys in straight jiu-jitsu competitions. And his fucking stand-up game is with everybody scared of. I mean, it's amazing. Like when he got Mike Brown, he got Mike Brown when he won the title. He got Mike Brown on the ground and got his back in a heartbeat and just battered him from that position. But the way he got his back was like that is some high level shit. Mike Brown is good.

Yeah, he's strongest fucking. Although, took his back like a ghost.

Well, a thing that a lot of people are concentrating on is soccer players. That there's another facet of, of, of, like, everyone that always said, well, wrestlers that support the, you know, wrestlers is a great base and You know, some people's a kickboxing, that's a great base, but lately soccer players. A lot of people are looking at soccer players that eventually get into jiu-jitsu and kickboxing because they have so much better movement. They're movement like forward and backward. Their whole game is about jumping through the air and running across a field and dodging to the left and dodging to the right and kicking a ball before anybody else can kick it.

It's crazy. And they know how to place it. Yeah. So they developed this leg dexterity. Yeah. That's why Aldo has that wicked leg kick. His leg kick is so powerful, man. He just whips it around and slams that fucking shin bone into your leg.

Yeah, that's another new sort of an entry point to MMA. It's professional level soccer players, which Aldo was. Aldo was like ready to go professional.

Yeah, but you also have to take down defense.

Well, you know, a lot of the wrestlers, they develop, you know, insane punching power, too, because they learn how to throw themselves into a punch the way they would throw themselves into a power double. You know, like look at Dan Henderson, like Dan Henderson, who's more of a Greco wrestler or King Mo, King Mo's a good example. That motherfucker can punch. And one of the reasons why I could punch, because he knows how to throw his body into things. You know, he's used to like putting some serious horsepower into his double legs. And he puts that into his right hand now. He just drops that shit on you.

Well, they're first of all, John's very physically gifted.

The distance of his limbs. How tall is him? He's six three, but his limbs are he's got longer arm maybe six four, but he's got longer arms than semi-shilt. who's a heavyweight. It was the K-1 Heavyweight Grand Prix multiple-time champion because no one could get in on Sammy. Sammy's arms and legs are so long that everybody got fucked up trying to get something. Including guys like Bauder Hari, and he dropped them with like front kicks of the body and shake. Sammy's seven feet tall. Well, John has longer arms than him and he's six foot four. He's got crazy large arms and legs. And the reach, when we measure reach in MMA, we only measure from the shoulder to the hands. You know, it's like the fingertips like how far you can touch, but that's not real reeds for him and maybe because you got a factor in the legs and John's legs are so fucking long he can kick you from a place where you can't even touch him.

You're end by the way, he's only been striking for four years. Showgun is, you know, a long time MMA champion. Is this crazy gifted? He's very gifted. He's a super athlete. He's just one of those guys that, and it's the perfect storm of being a smart guy, being a guy works hard, who has good coaching, and is a great athlete, all of them together, and with crazy physical attributes. You know, John every time you see him is better. You know, you see him six months later. He's a way better fighter than he was six months ago.

No, if that's the truth, we should have taken that chance on and fight next weekend. He passed on that fight on eight days known as such. I thought, I could see his point of view, but if I was in his corner, I would have said, you're going to beat this guy. This guy is coming up from 85. You're way better fighter than him than him. And you're going to make it look like you're here or that you accept this fight on short notice. And you get the silence, chill, son, and he's talking a lot of shit about you. You just shut him down, beat his ass, and that's all done. And it's an opportunity to make some money. But he felt like it was too big of a change to change up with eight days. And it could have been also that jail had been taunting him.

Yeah, but if he wins, it's still big. He just still establishes himself as a bad mother fucker in a scary dude. It's just what he is. You know, the way he shut down rampaged, the way he shut down or shot, the way he choked out Machita, I mean, I just don't see the jail son and being able to deal with that skill set. I think jail if he had a full camp and really got a chance to really bulk up to 205 for legit, where he's, you know, then it would be a different story.

And all that remains. That's close. So you have a rematch clause. So if Chale submits something like that, he's got a rematch clause and the rematch is even bigger. It'd be fucking gigantic.

I don't think they can. I think with fuel TV with the response. There's more than fx. Yeah, there's more demand.

Good point. But there is more, there's not just obligations because of the contract, the obligations for the amount of fighters that are under contract for the UFC that you have to keep working. You can't have a guy under contract and not have them work for once a year. How's he gonna survive you know fighters have to fight at least two three times a year I mean and you don't you can't do that unless you put on a lot of events Yeah, the UFC has more than 250 fighters under contract and I think it's more than that a lot that's a big responsibility you know people knocked in a wide and stuff like that But that's a big responsibility he has to all those fighters and And now the WEC doesn't exist anymore. So because the WEC doesn't exist anymore. Now we have all the 35s, all the 45s. All right. The 55s have already been assimilated.

No, they just figured it didn't make any sense to keep the two of them together. When you have guys like Donald Seroni, you have guys like Benson Henderson, he's great fighters that we're fighting the WEC. Now look, Benson's the UFC champion now. Obviously, these guys weren't getting a shot at the top. Can you see what Benson did when he got there? You won the whole thing. So, Benson being the WEC champion and now being the UFC champion really lends credence to the fact that, you know, it was a good move to bring those guys in. There's some really good fighters over there. Mike Chandler's really good. He's the lightweight fighter. He's, uh, he'd be Eddie Alvarez. There's also really fucking good. Those two guys are both world class.

Yeah. Yeah, had to long bar. He was apparently, he was hurt. Apparently, he had a crack sternum. Oh, wow. Yeah. And he fought anyway. He just, he just didn't have anything in the sternum.

Yeah, apparently he just didn't have anything in the gas tank. I'll tell you what though. He's fucking takedowns or ridiculous and his takedown defense was ridiculous. And they say he's five ten. He's five eight. He's five eight.

A ball of hard rope.

Lombard is so ridiculous. His judo skills are so sick that he'll take down the fence or ridiculous. Tim Boach grabbed the hole and he's like, nope. I mean, Bosh is a big guy coming down from 205. He's a big 185er and you know, when when when Lumbard wanted to take him down, he took him down grabbed him clamped his arms together up in the air boom. But he just didn't do enough, didn't do enough in loss of decision. But he's still a scary fuck. And I think his next fight, he's gonna open up a can on somebody. And Anderson's next fight is... Who knows? He actually offered to step in and fight before he knew the card was canceled. He heard that they were without a main event. He said he's not an 85 pound shape, but he can make 205. So he said I'll fight any 205 pounder. And he wasn't even in shape, like fighting, fighting, shooting.

No, you wouldn't fight John Jones because he said he wasn't in shape to fight that guy, but he said he'll fight any other 205 pounder. So if they could get an opponent for him, some 185, you know, some 205 pounder wants a step back.

They won't fight Machita, but there's a lot of other guys with 205. If he had called up just probably a couple of days before, they probably would have done that.

Anderson? Yeah. Anybody at 205 for sure. There's a lot of good fights at 255.

Yeah, while I'd like to see him against like Glover, Glover to share. Glover is the scariest fight for John Jones at 205 and nobody even knows who Glover is. Glover is a monster. Really? Oh, he's a monster. Yeah, he's scary. He's big. He's about 230. He cuts down the 205. But he doesn't have any weaknesses. He's punching powers ridiculous. He's got an iron chin. He's a black belt in jujitsu. Apparently, he was training with Leo to Machita and ragged on him.

The clever is a killer. He's the one guy that is world class that wasn't in the UFC until really recently because he had a visa problem. He couldn't fight in a man. Where's he from six years from Brazil? He finally got a fight in the UFC and fought Kyle Kingsbury and just blew him out of the water. It was a scary fight to watch, but he's beaten a lot of high-level guys. He was the first guy to beat Sokeju and Nox Sokeju out. He's beaten a fuck out of a lot of guys. He fucked up Marvin Eastman and Brazil. He's a beast man. He's a scary scary dude. That fight is a fight that Shogun turned down. show that they offered chug on Glover to share and he didn't think it made any sense to him is like this guy's like world class and nobody knows who he is and chug is gonna want to fight him chug and one up fighting Brandon Verra instead you know which was a great fight what a fucking crazy fight that was uh... show gun dead but he had some tough times it was uh... brand and brand and put up a great fight brand was there i think he was at the uh... i think he was at the uh... good looking kid yeah uh... big guy you know that he was there he was at the denberg's really nice guy taking pictures of great guy he's a great guy he got a bad rap for a while he's a great dude i love brand but that was a credible credible fight but it's interesting that he show gun was like you know what i was going to share a guy fuck that So you need to set up that fight. That's a fight where people need to know who Glover is first, because this has got to be worth a lot of money. This is a risky ass fight. Glovers like the most unknown guy at 205, that's super top level in scary. I would love to see him versus John Jones. I think they'll be very interesting. because Glover is a really seasoned striker, really seasoned, and Toff has fucking nails, but he's got to do it soon. I think he's 32 now. You know, John is John's fucking skyrocket.

He's fucked up though. He's knees torn up now. It's gonna be a while for him before he heals up.

Well, his massage guy that used to work on him said he's never massage degree. He said he's made out of wood. Yeah. So he's never a massage guy like that.

Yeah, well, the podcast is two hours and twenty-two minutes. Oh, it's just a little bit more podcast than I know, kind of loose. Dude, I'm getting hungry. You're going to go to Alaska? You're going to come with you.

You can't say no.

Yeah, fuck whatever. It's stupid TV show it is. I'm coming to see you. You're still doing that Death Valley thing.

You called me up, I remember you told me how ridiculous it was.

I just, what happened that we got obsessed with vampires and we're just in the zeitgeist.

Yeah, but version was super sexual.

We'll back then they used to put dresses on legs of tables. They didn't want people being sexually excited by piano legs. They used to dress table legs. I believe you don't have to. It's a truth. It's not a belief thing. It's fucking crazy now.

Not yet. Wait until they cure it.

What is it about today though that the vampires don't have vampire characteristics? It's like I was talking about that movie, uh, born legacy. Mm-hmm. Did you see it? No. It's good. Yeah. Fun movie. But this is this engineered super killer who is constantly saving this hot chick through this movie. Constantly saving her. Yeah. Carrying her, jumping a throwing over shoulder, jumping a fucking chasm with her. Never fucks her. And I'm like, what is this? nonsense. She is weeping. She's holding on to him all alone. Oh man. They're alone in a house. They're sleeping in the same room. He's selling a male fantasy. It's the nonsense. You want to save a woman? It's a girl fantasy. Both. But it's the girl fantasy because he doesn't fuck her. If it was a male fantasy, it'd be 007. He saves her then he fucks her. Right. But this guy just saves her. He doesn't even kiss her. As the end of the movie, after they've been through so much together, they're looking at each other, eye to eye and smiling. No fucking! She doesn't post cockroaches and starts talking to him. What am I doing? I should do this. I want him to love him, respect me, but I want him to talk to my mouth. No, there's none of that. It's, but that's the same thing with vampires. His vampires, they can go out in the sun now and they just sparkle. They just want to be with you. They didn't want to kill you. Like, they eat deer blood.

That's what it was. But it wasn't Romeo and Juliet because Romeo was 14, too. This mother fuckers a thousand years old. Okay, he has it the time.

Yeah, but she's a fucking high school kid. What is wrong with him? He's a creepy cock sucker.

He didn't he like is everyone dying from like the Spanish flu or something like that? Yeah, it was like the early 1900s. I guess I was old as fuck that's ridiculous and man the oldie gift though

Well, it's funny that, you know, the thing comparing the way gay men look at men as compared to the way women look at men and with women what's important is the guy's eyes, his smile, his jaw line with men with gay men they just do don't even have to have heads. They just look at a body. If you could find like a hot guy who was headless, your stock is fucking hairy ass up in the neck, guys would just be stroking and they'd be like, yeah.

Oh, that's silly he's gay. All right.

A lot of guys are into the Asian guys. That's where Asian guys are like cherished. Whereas like Asian guys have a hard time and it comes to white women. A lot of white women are like the front.

You look so f**k it. And the butt of the mouth.

Look, did you just put an eye on over or something? They're tiny, anyway. Push it out.

How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have? How many drinks do I have?

But you gotta tell me, so you gotta hold on to your cock while I'm fucking there. Just because it's slapping me in me.

How feminine do they look?

Well, we had one on the man show that was so pretty that we were hanging out at the Comedy Store and she was pulling up or he, whatever you want to call her, was pulling up in a car. And Eddie Bravo was like, whoa, check out this chick. That girl's so pretty. I go, dude, that's a guy.

Really? Who is it?

I don't want to you know Well this guy this guy that had become a girl that Eddie Bravo had seen in the car we had her on the man show And the mancho was, the mancho, they see that sign behind, they said, make me hard, see that, they sign right here. That was the game, the game was make me hard and what it was was we had an electronic box over a dude's dick. And we would decide when the light would go off, his red light on it and the light would indicate that he has an erection. So we would have like different things in front of them like a midgety and a banana, you know, like all these different things that would give him a bonus. It was a fun gig. But when we when we did it, we did one of them with a trans sexual and she was fucking hot. Yeah, and I'm telling you, you would not be able to tell. Yeah. So she's on this guy's lap, okay? And the guy's going, woohoo! She's got whipped cream. She puts whipped cream on her tits. He sucks the whipped cream off her tits. Everybody's going fucking crazy. The audience is going shit house. Then she pulls out her panties and unveils this dick that looks like it had been poisoned. because she looked like an oil family hormones. No. So her dick was like black and sick. It was like it had been like a, it was an atrophane. It was, yeah, oh yeah, for sure. Not just atrophane. It was like it was completely cut off from the process, like withered away.

It was a black dick. And she was not black. She was like Latina, something like that. But her dick was but the dark. It was dark. It was tired. It was the rotting. It was like it was the rotting away. And she pulls it out front of everybody, front of the crowd. And the collective. of everyone, and the look of repulsion in the guy's eyes. He's tied to this chair with this box over his dick, by the way, the red lights flashing like crazy now, because we control the red light. It wasn't really when he had to. So the lights, everyone's going, oh, and there's a dick right in front of his face. And this crazy bitch that he had just sucked whipped cream offered tits and now she's got this cock in front of them. By the way, they had no problem with that. Comedy Central had no problem with that, but they did have a problem with hard. The reason why that sign is here is because we had to use another sign because it couldn't be make me hard because make me hard was they wanted it make me stiff. That's what they said. That was one of the things they argued.

Guys like decide on the standards and practices.

It's not even that. It's just a bunch of dummies who want to have their say on things. And that's why I do something on the internet. It's so beautiful. Like if we had one of those same executives in this room and we were talking about things, they would probably tell us not to talk about it. They would tell us to change the subject. If someone had to sit down with us and give us a list of shit that we could put into our personal responsibility, it gives you your own sovereignty.

Two hours to 45 minutes. Let's wrap this bitch up. Let's bring this bitch into the, into the harbor. Check out Brian County's podcast. What is it called? Man thoughts?

Brian Calancho. It's real simple.

I'm going to fuck yourself. I have some other name. I keep changing the name.

I bought the Brian Calancho experience. No?

This weekend Friday night now added Dugs Dan hope Friday and Saturday. It's gonna be me Joey Diaz and Ari's your fear Friday night. Dugs Dan hope is joining me. We're doing something for Tosh point out together on Friday during the day. So when we're done with that, we're gonna do the show at the ice house that night and and have a fucking party so we will have an ice house chronicles on Friday that we'll have Doug stand up go take your piece on the Twitter. Thank you everybody for the positive messages on Twitter and on Facebook and even Google+. I've been on Google plus lately and I've been on Reddit lately just for a little bit but I'm going to do a Reddit ask me anything before my special is released which should be either at the end of September or the beginning of October depending on when my website is done. The new studio should be the least assigned tomorrow hip-hop hooray and we will begin construction and it will be dope and then we will take shit to the next level you motherfuckers. It's gonna be a hangout. It's gonna be like like John Gotti social club but for nice people But I'm fucking pumped about it. It's I've never really like had my own place before like a real place of my like an office and I've got grand plans for this. I'm very very excited and got a lot of cool guests coming up survivor man have been in contact with him he's coming on the podcast we're gonna get rich role who is a vegan athlete Mac Danzig are gonna holler at you as well as also another vegan athlete and a great fighter in fights in the UFC So we got to represent the vegans. There's a lot of people think that I hate vegans. I do not absolutely and I eat a lot of vegetables. I eat a very vegetable diet, but I like meat and ate that to tough shit. Most of grass fed though. That's the way to go. All right, it's fucking podcast over. I'm Rambo Lynn. So come see us this weekend. This Friday and Saturday night at the ice house. And again, Doug Stan helped me be joining us on Friday. But on Saturday, it'll be Ari Shafir, Joe Diaz and me and Ari Shafir and Joe Diaz will also be on the Friday night show. Next weekend, Santa Barbara, the Low Barrow Theatre. That's next Friday night, and I'm fucking pumped about that. So that's September 7th, and then Toronto on the 12th, the Crest Theatre in Sacramento, September 14th, Macy Hall, Massey Hall, rather in Toronto on the 21st, Memorial Hall and Rally North Carolina on the 28th and the Thomas Wolfe Auditorium in Asheville, North Carolina on the 29th and Duncan Trustle says I may move there. I may have to. And those North Carolina dates will be Joe Diaz and Duncan Trustle. All right, you Freaks. Thanks to Alienware for sponsoring our podcast by providing us with cool laptops and thank you for sponsoring so many MMA fighters. Follow Alienware MMA on Twitter. Please and thanks to Onit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Go get yourself some alpha brain or shroom tech or shroom tech immune, shroom tech sport, get yourself some bone strong, get yourself some new mood, some kettlebells, some battle robes, get your manly shit on and use the codename Rogan and save 10% of any sort of mess. and we will we will end this thing with Brian Collins.

trying to talk for an account and to move it.

You guys we love you and this fucking shows over. Thank you for everybody. Thank you for everybody. Thank you everybody. My friend. Thank you for your time. You know, you're good to us in, uh, growing pickles. Grillo's pickles in the house. All right. We'll see you guys tomorrow with Mike Berbiglia. Mike Berbiglia will be joining us in the podcast tomorrow and, uh, and that's it for the week. All right. We love you, Fox. See ya.