Transcript for #332 - Tom Segura

That's the cover. That's the name of your your latest ED, right? Yeah. Yeah. Why white curls with cornrows?

Oh, the D scary right now.

Those are the three places I'm not going. I did Ann Arbor and I felt like I was in a satellite colony outside of the Death Star. I felt like I was hanging out on like some colony of white people trying to keep it together. Well, there's state emplodes around them. There is a 47% in literacy rate in Chicago now.

Are you serious?

We saw that in DC.

Yeah. I went to DC with Ari and you know, Ari grew up there. Oh, that's right. It's right. It's where he first was, he was doing stand-up with the improv there, too. When we went down the street as we're driving, we're in this terrible neighborhood. I mean, it's really bad. It's just like liquor stores. People hanging out have to make it on a corner. It's just, it looked like it was real sketch. And then two blocks over, there's volvos, and shiny white people climbing out with their baby carriages. And I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is this? This is crazy. It was downtown LA. No, it was way more extreme. It's way more extreme on the East Coast. The East Coast has a completely different sense of like integration. There's integration in like New York City, but you just don't get in Los Angeles because nobody walks. Right.

Yeah. Living on top of each other is standard being on top of each other, being around people of all sorts of races, nationalities, origins, to be around them all the time like you are in New York. I think it leaves people to be more open to the idea of being around people that aren't in their same economic group to being closer to them. Definitely. where it's like in LA, everybody's like, get me the fuck out of this neighborhood. You don't want to have a nice place in the hood. That is not even in the question. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, it's very obvious. There's no integration. My friend Mo lives in Bedstein in Brooklyn. He's a white guy.

Yeah, like why do you live in bad style? Yeah, it's where Mike Tyson grew up and talked about our crazy was he goes well, you know, they've cleaned it up quite a bit You know, it goes nobody bothers us and you know, I would rather live in a place like that and I'd be able to afford an apartment I can move around and then live in a box in the city Wow. I guess it's like that's one of the reasons why a lot of these neighborhoods have gotten better, you know, the idea of gentrification, the idea of like, that's happened over and over again in New York. What they realized, hey, look, we got a bad neighborhood, but it's just a neighborhood that's got a bunch of shitty places. We buy those shitty places and start building nice places.

Yeah. And then it's worth a lot of fucking money and it can happen like that.

Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

Oh, because it could easily happen because there's so many people spelling over from Manhattan. Yeah, there's so much money. I mean, it's like a slow creep of money. Yeah, you know, those prices are insane.

Yeah. Like you look at some of the apartments that are for sale. I mean, like They're like four million dollars, and it's like a $1200 Burbank apartment.

That's a crazy mortgage. That's a mortgage from $1,000,000. Yeah.

It's like, whoa. Wow. Yeah, but people love the people that love living there, love living there.

Yeah. My friend Jeff, he fucking, he would never live anywhere else. He comes here like every now and again, he's got a place here. He'll come here, but when he's when he's here, he's like, get me back and he gets back. He's like, that's where I love it. I love it here.

A lot of people love it, man. A lot of people love it. For a lot of people, it's like that idea of having everybody packed in together, they feel happy.

It's actually people are remarkably cool in New York when you consider how big that city is.

I mean, they're remarkably cool. Like people talk about how people root and the East Coast, like they're not that rude.

Yeah. I mean, they're a little less tolerant of idiots. Yeah. But I think that the intelligence level, the average intelligence level of people in the city is like a little higher. I tell you about that. It's higher than Los Angeles. like you the odds of you meeting a guy not knowing I'm very well and having a good conversation with him like say if you're in a waiting room yeah and he strike up a conversation and it being a really interesting conversation the odds are way better in New York than the R&L I great great observation and a thousand percent agree

We're not like total host artists. Yeah, look at a roofy some chicken.

Yeah, it's super possible. And I mean, not that you would really use it if you were there, but you have access if you're in New York to all those museums. Yeah, just got alone having all that stuff right there. I mean you're you're dealing with there's so many great museums. Oh, yeah, there's so much cool shit to see and there's Neil Tyson's place the what what is that a astronomy place Brian that now the huge place that he's

No, he doesn't do the Griffith Park Observatory. That's how it here. He does something in your city.

He has a beautiful man. He has a beautiful man. But there's something to be said about the tonal quality of someone's voice and their ability to understand what they sound like. And a lot of people don't know that. A lot of people who are super obnoxious and come out really fucking bad. One of the reasons why they come out bad is like they're not registering that their intent is not being accurately displayed by the way that communicates. The sounds of people don't like hearing this sharpness that's not necessary to misunderstandings a lot with what you're saying. Yeah, absolutely. Well, what he does so well is he knows how first of all he's got a beautiful voice. He knows how to use the voice and he's got an immense vocabulary. Yeah. He's got an immense amount of knowledge when it comes to the cosmos. And you know, and most of the stuff he's saying, you've never heard it before. but he knows it intimately and he's super passionate about it. So it's like got the sense of theater to it, but it's also insane information. Like he was telling us information about the actual possible size of the universe and it just makes you, it just makes you want to just not say anything for like 10 minutes and just go, what? Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, those guys are so important because science so often is dry to kids like a lot of kids think that science is like, you know, the idea of studying stars like, yeah, it seems like dull and this is serious five. This is this is a bu bu bu bu the orbiter went around that they don't have this like engaging like contagious passion that he has. And when kids hear him talk, they get super pumped up about it, you know, as they should.

Yeah, I know. I would probably try to be a scientist or something. I would try to be an astronomer. For God like that was my teacher. He would have been my hero, you know. I mean, to, to like the average fucking kid. It's like constantly searching for someone that represents who they'd like to be when they get older. Because if you're around, even if you love your dad, you're around your dad all the time. Most likely, your dad's a knucklehead. Your dad was born in 1940, whatever. You know, they're fucking idiots. You know, they're from a different time. And so then you go to school and who you're dealing with school. You punch people, don't really want that job. They just can't do anything else. Most of them are really miserable in their personal life. And if you knew them today as a grown adult, you would think there were fools. Yeah. But back then, they're the figures of authority. So it puts this sort of helpless feeling to you because you know they're tools. Yeah. You know they're tools and you know they're teaching you and you know that this is nonsense. They're not into this at all and they don't want to be here. And that's the majority of the teaching experiences that I had, of being taught, being class. Absolutely, yeah. There was a few stand-out guys who was a guy named Greg who was a Spanish teacher who was really cool, but Greg wound up banging in the 17-year-old. Ha, ha, ha. Really?

If you had meal pies and for a professor, you'd be a fucking scientist. Totally.

Not a world man. When those guys landed the rover on Mars and started screaming and cheering when the pictures started coming back again, you realized like how exciting that must have been.

They're talking about sending people to Mars, you know, and they're talking about, you know, right. There's even a new thing about whether or not they should send couples because they probably want to be able to come back.

What did they kind of back there?

It takes six months to get there. Oh my god. What if they didn't know? But that there's a constant WAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPF

They can't pick you up at all. They can't get you. They can send more people to hug you and give you your plugs. They can't send, they can't send you back. They're the first trips they believe with people are going to be one way trips.

You know? Um, you got to get one of them Boy Scout knives that have like a bunch of different things. That's like it's a spoon.

three weeks oh man fuck that no it's not it can't be cool enough there's no way I mean the idea of being the first person on Mars I'm sure it's gonna be appealing to a lot of people but not to me man to me I'd be like listen I'm not living in some fucking movie okay you know I'm not gonna be the first guy on Mars pitch are you crazy do you know how bad Mars could suck Do you know a bad guy? Do you want to live in Antarctica? I don't want to live in America. But living in Antarctica? I mean, you might as well be living in Antarctica if you live in on fucking Mars.

Because I'm pretty sure you're gonna have to, you know, you're gonna have to wear a mask everywhere you go. You're gonna have to take oxygen in or they're gonna have to put a dome over that bitch.

I'm hoping not wrong about this, but as it's been explained to me, there's something called Bode's Law, and Bode's Law represents it's a way of measuring by gravity and mass when you get a series of planets. When you measure the mass of one, you can accurately predict how far away the next planet should be. And apparently, the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter is the only thing wrong with boat's law in this solar system. As explained to me, I might be wrong. but that there's so many asteroids close to Mars and Jupiter that most likely the idea is that either that's left over shit from the formation of the galaxy or it could be left over from an impact like earth one and earth two earth at one point in time was hit by another planet Jesus Christ that's like the mainstream acceptance of how the moon was created and the you know the just the evolution of the earth itself and it was At one point in time, we were actually hit by a planet. Imagine how, dude, hit by a planet. We got hit by a planet. So we basically became an enormous ball of lava, so like who knows how long before everything cooled off. You know, who knows how many thousands of fucking years everything burned after you get hit by a planet, plus a giant chunk of us came flying off and became the moon.

You know, I know you poor folks and Columbus get cloudy skies all throughout the winter. Since then, that was the same way this weekend, but you come back to LA. You can see the moon in the middle of the day. You see it fat and juicy just sitting up in the sky. It looks all beautiful and the blue sky. It's a floating planet and you're looking at it with your eyes and it's a quarter of the size of the earth. And it's right there. Yeah. It's floating in the air above you. Like, that might be the nutty of shit you ever get to look at. And you just like, ah, whatever, I'm waiting for UFO. The UFO ain't nearly as crazy as the fact that there's a fucking planet floating in the air. Yeah. You can see it.

You look like a guy. The moon is enormous, man. The moon is really big for real.

Well, you see the same side, too. It doesn't even spin. It rotates around us. The moon is a trip, man. The moon's a trip in so many ways, because they say that if a moon wasn't as big as it is, our gravity or our atmosphere wouldn't be a stable. Like, our orbit wouldn't be a stable. And what stabilizes us is we have this massive object sitting there with us. Yeah. That's crazy. It's nuts. Like an order literally to have this kind of life. that and people like, wow, there would be no life. No, just wouldn't be this kind of life. Life will go out. Figure shit out. Life figures shit out. You know, I'm just amazed that no one's ever figured shit out in the ocean. And there's so much of it, man. It's so big. But like life never figured shit out in the ocean.

Life in the ocean still lives like a fish. Yeah. You know, can you imagine if like we're running around on Earth claiming to be super smart, but we're still running around killing things with our face? Yeah, we would say like how are we any better than than regular monkeys? We're not all we are because we have a language those poor dolphins those poor folks in killer whales didn't live in like regular fish They don't have condos. It's true. They're just as smart as people. The fuck they are, the fuck they are. Stop it. They're not creating anything. They can just make noise with their face and catch fish. They're just bigger fish. Yeah, they're animals. taking the air through a hole, but basically they live like a fish. There's not much difference between them to the whale and tuna. You know, as far as, like, how the force to live, you gotta go get yours. There's no supermarket. There's no credit cards. They live like savages.

Killer whale scrubs. Imagine if there really was intelligent life and something figured out. I mean, it doesn't seem, it seems to me that if a monkey can figure out how to be conscious and how to be intelligent here, that a fish should figure out how to be conscious and intelligent down there, and develop a way to get up to the air world and wear like a big water mask and come and visit us.

Apparently you haven't seen creature from the black lagoon. I have not. Is this what you ever seen that movie?

Oh, it's so dope. It's a fish man, a monster fish man. Pull it up, right? Read creature from the Black Lagoon. It's like a 1950s movie. Really? I think. Let me say creature from the Black Lagoon. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess I'm going to go with 1961. But it's I'm probably off 1951.

It's okay. It's 1954. Really? Wow. It's wow. Okay. Yeah, so it's 1950s. Wow. I remember this when I was a kid he was like one of my favorite monsters man. Creature from the black was awesome. It only got a 6.9 on the IMDB, what a bunch of cons.

Yeah, it's fucking amazing. If you, if you're talking about like old cool horror movies, it's amazing. It's a 10.

Yeah. They changed it in maybe 3D? Dude, pull some of that up. It's awesome. But it's look at it. The creature from the black lagoon. Wow. Yeah, there's no explanation. That's just where he lived. Where did he come from? Did he interact with you? People know that you come to science. To hunt them? Oh, yeah, he kidnapped bitches. Oh, really? Yes, that's bitches up. So come back to his cave. He's trying to make a more person person thing. I got you. He's a new would be a person hybrid. Like he's a person fish hybrid. He's like, I gotta take the shit the next generation. And then it's just me as a hybrid. Fuck some white bitch.

That's an amazing outfit, you know?

Those guys had a struggle. You know, it was hard to do special effects on the 1950s. Yeah.

This is embarrassing. Is that the... Oh, yeah, that is. Out of the Merck and Mystery. Of 100 million years ago. up from the depths of unknown waters. Comes a creature to confound science. And terrorize the world.

Yeah, he's got webfingers and claws and shit. Creature from the Black Lagoon and it's all black and white and awesome shocking shocking in the stark realism look at it when you make that a perfected three dimension is black and white but it was 3d isn't that fascinating yeah look how weak that dude looks Dude's back then didn't know nothing about bench pressing. Dude didn't know nothing about kettlebells. He had no shoe tech sport in his life.

Those dudes didn't know deadlifts.

They're like the leading men back there. They're like a joke. They're shirts off. And you haven't done a hack squat. He compares like the rock.

Oh my god, it never worked out a day in her life with a billion eggs inside of her you come anywhere near her eggs leap down grab the sperm and crawl back in

Do they all had body hair, which dudes all shaved today? It's really interesting when you just see what happened, groom was. Well, they give away a lot in this movie. Yeah, it's like it's lit on fire and falls in the water. Look at that dude. I'll stud the shirt off. Whoa, just jumps in the water. Oh, it's a great out. Damn. Deep, deep, deep. This is awesome into the waters of his domain. He just drowned. He just drowned a bitch. Yeah, I guess he's like drowning her. I don't know what's happened. They're in the middle of a gate of roll there. Amazing. Three dimensions. creature from the Black Lagoon. Oh man, isn't it a fascinating thing when you can go back and time like that and see something and see what what media looked like in 1954? Oh my god, I know.

We would fucking love that movie. If we lived in 1954, yeah, well actually would we as adults would we be so psyched?

because in 1954, guys, our age were almost dead. Yeah, that's true. I relate 30s. Like who are you? You're not even alive.

This is rated R. I mean, abducts this white woman, takes her to the bottom of the ocean. He's scary.

And he's, you don't take a white bitch. into the bottom of the ocean unless you look in either killer or fucker. Yeah, he's probably doing better. You're probably gonna kill her unless you can come really quick.

Yeah. Well, they figured with a fucking plot like this. They're a shoe-in. How could we go wrong? Guys were dealing with a Gilman.

We got hot white bitches that he kidnaps, this movie's gonna be big.

It's in real black and white. It's gonna be amazing. 3D black and white. That's gonna be amazing. Holy shit. There's no better piece of evidence about how our society has changed, I think, than watching our old shows and movies. Yeah, like try to watch Father knows best. It's beautiful. It's like you watch a comedy. Like you watch Father knows best and it's so awkward and like clunky and fake and like not in any way resembling how human beings really behave. Yeah, that it's it becomes a comedy. Yeah, yeah. Like it may guess it was supposed to be a comedy back then. But it wasn't, it wasn't, it was a drama comedy drama. What would you call it? It was like a comedy, right? But it's funny for being sucky. It's funny for being really stupid. Well, father knows best in his fucking stupid pipe. That's like the whole thing is like so weird. Oh, it's crazy. It's surreal. If you watch like see if you can pull up a father knows.

Here's some of black guys never said. Hey man, you check out that college Google video.

We're fucking preposterous. You know what I heard the other day for a long time that I haven't heard in a long time that really brought me back. That I want candy song. I want candy. That really hot bitch.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's not that stupid. It's not how old do you think I am? This is terrible, shut up. It's so bad.

God. But you know what's almost just as bad? Yes, dear. You ever see that sitcom? Yes, dear. Might as well be the same fucking show.

They've been showing you yesterday, Marathon. Nickelodeon. Yeah, it's I'm fucking believable how bad I show it. Oh, it's it's madness. Yeah, like you're watching madness. I was wondering why Anthony Clark blew a fuse like what happened? Yeah, I bet it was just working on that shitty show over and over and over and over.

Everybody's like well, I'll pull a baby. I've been working at the same plant Yeah, I don't know. There's something extra bad about being a comedian and being on an unfunny show. It's just knowing how bad it is. Yeah, there's something extra bad.

We've become a bunch of Pussies. We've become super duper sensitive Pussies. And you know, a lot of people apologizing for a lot of shit. And because of that, you lose out on comedy. You know, because you're not you can't tell me those guys don't still exist. You can't tell me that racism doesn't still exist. It absolutely does, but I think racism in the context of a show like all in the family the way he's right. I think it helps people. I think it helps people relate to like how he's such a moron and it makes you realize he's a fucking idiot yeah it makes you relate to how everybody else sees him it's like it's probably good for the culture absolutely realistic about a guy like that and you even see in that character because it's so deep you actually see how it's not the only thing

And he, they also did, I mean, Carol O'Connor. So we split him up. Yeah. Did an amazing job of playing my god. Amazing job. Because he was a guy that clearly loved his children. He wasn't a terrible person. Right. You know, he was tolerant even with meathead living with him. Never got violent or anything like that. You know what I mean? I think you could think about how a lot of fathers would have been way more horrible. But it was like, He also was a buffoon and that buffoonery sort of like oh that's why he's racist the same reason why he's the butt of all these jokes because he's a buffoon and I think that's a good thing I don't think that's a bad thing at all, but you you're right.

Yeah, it's like how can you acknowledge that murderers are out there? How can you can acknowledge every week on CSI that there's a crazy fucking serial killer chopping up hookers? You can do that every week and nobody has a problem with it. But if they had one character on TV that was a racist white guy that was talking shit about the chinks and the specs. And he'd be like, what the fuck? Everybody would protest. People would say they were going to boycott that internet marketing campaigns have stopped the hate. And when is comedy too far?

Oh, you know, this is a good. We don't want your $4. Yeah, and they would get more people supporting them whatever they're gonna lose for those people they're not gonna get back unless they stand up for it Yeah, and then talk about a fucking stupid. What do you want from Brian?

They've really, for real, they pulled that.

That's hilarious. So what was the name of the group that wanted to put?

Yeah. Yeah. It's not like, you know, doing a Jamaican accent, but just like banging a bunch of bitches.

Yeah. Yeah, stealing oranges or something. You know, he was like trying to make everybody smile. Sure.

People are so fucking sensitive. They're so stupid. Someone, someone wrote some blog about what's his face that did the Oscars, Seth and Krono? Oh, yeah. Apparently he said something about nobody can understand sound high, but but no one cares because she's so hot. It's kind of funny. Yeah, I mean, it's not offensive. Oh, come on. And this fucking check wrote this article where it was like so what you're basically saying is that her opinion isn't valid doesn't matter if she's communicating because you're just you find her attractive and you can't understand it because she's Hispanic.

But he said she was pretty.

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

It's so hilarious. People are so silly. And the real problem is, and other people listen to them, that's the real problem. Of course, you know, the real problem is that they can, they can protest and they don't get mocked. The way they would in your house, the way they would in your neighborhood, the way they would in the, in the normal healthy community. Right. So when brought that up, people are like, shut them back up. Yeah, the fuck out of here.

right but because of the fact that they know that they can you know could you imagine if like someone in your neighborhood was a guy and he had a beautiful wife and you knew that he was a football player and so we were all sitting around you like somewhere guys are warming their arms up looking at her yeah I can't be one of those you'd laugh at that guy he's silly yeah but people are actually genuinely pretending to be upset yeah You can't be actually upset. You're upset at the world if you're upset at that.

Yeah. It's a weird thing that's going on where we've been around for so long and comedy in this offensive comedy has been around for so long. But there's this new thing this righteous indignation that people are claiming now more than ever Where they're pretending that there's not a joking context to allow this stuff that that joking context doesn't even exist.

is joking context doesn't exist and they'll take a joke as a statement did you know that he said he would like to see the queen getting eaten out by a hot twenty-year-old because I said that once I was talking about the queen I was like you know it's probably nice old lady you know wouldn't it be great if she was a lesbian I mean wouldn't that be like because if you if you know if you made the Now, if someone just looked at that, oh, Joe Rogan was hoping the Queen could get eaten out by a 120-year-old, you'd be able to put that on the paper in England. They would go crazy. Like, what are you saying? Like, obviously, I don't really mean that. These are jokes. But to cut out that aspect of communication is to pretend. It's like you're playing dumb. Like, you don't think so. You might not think it's funny. But you know the difference between someone joking around and a very casual joke around, by the way.

She put killed nine snails. Oh well. Oh well. This woman who wrote this article, I kind of agree with someone that thinks she's saying that. Which my name is, this is the one who was complaining about what comedy does not win a free pass is the name of the article saying Seth McFarlane at the Oscars. Okay. Some of what she's saying I agree with. You know, she's saying she's sick of people saying things that are racist and sexist and that someone saying it's just comedy. Somehow gives you a free pass. It doesn't give you a free pass.

I agree with that. But you know what does give you a free pass? If it's funny. That's what she's missing. Like if someone says something fucked up and racist, but hilarious. Yeah. You can say that. You can say it. You can say it as long as I know that you're just joking. And there's this certain shit like you'll do like you'll like crack like this fucked up half smile and you'll say something that I know you're bullshitting. Yeah. You're like doing a joke to me. Right. And I know you're doing it. Yeah. And I'll laugh my ass off because I know you really don't mean this mean thing that you're saying. Yeah. But you'll say it joking. You like to say that's mild. You can't quite. It's fun. Yeah. It's a fun thing to do. And it's not reality. It's not like a statement on things. Yeah. The idea that joking doesn't exist or the idea that something that is fucking hilarious shouldn't be said because it's also racist or it's also sexist is so silly.

I agree with you to a certain extent, but I also think that there's one other segment that you have to address and that is unhappy people that's very true there's a lot of smart people that are fucking miserable and they want to complain about anything they can and anytime they think they have the red lot or the green light to go they will just go right the country is shit they can fucking think up because they've been looking for a green light they've been looking for a chance to get pissed about something yeah and if you say these x words and a row and they know that this is a green light i'm going after this fucking they just find the angle what's the angle to attack him at yeah He believes slavery should be back in season.

Often smart.

Oh, yeah. Another problem with people that are really smart is that they recognize the variables. They recognize the consequences of failure. They recognize the consequences of their own laziness or whatever it is that's kept them from being successful. They are frustrated by their own inability to reach their potential in life. So then when they find a green light, like it's Seth McFarlane telling jokes, the Oscars, like they're frustrated, okay, already and smart and go find something to attack. When you're really sort of projecting some of your internal bullshit on a silly subject, him saying that Salma Hayek is hot so no one cares that you can understand her that's what that's what's horrible about that if you ever heard her talk Jesus fucking Christ, are we pretending that she's easy to understand? Are you really gonna pretend that that's a good? I don't know what to do me's touch yours. She's fucking really hard to understand.

Yeah, of course, and she's also really hot as fuck. Yeah, I've met her in real life. She's beautiful. She's very very pretty she was on that and here comes the bow movie She's beautiful. She's smoking. But why would she be upset that she's hard to understand? Really?

Yes. I would like to fill her up with so much calm that she could float in the ocean. She would just be so buoyant. They don't even know why.

And you know what this dummy that wrote this needs to understand? Here's the big part. If it didn't make sense, it wouldn't be funny. Okay? If you try to say that about Jennifer Aniston, then nobody understands her, but no one cares because she's so hot. People would be like, what? Yeah. What are you talking about? Jennifer Aniston's very easy to understand. Right. So why are you pretending? Why are you saying that's hurtful? That's crazy talk. And you're talking about the Oscars, just silly expression of, you know, rewarding people that are making movies or rewarding. And all you have to is this guy who's just trying to get a couple of he's and hawes in between. You know, he's got a few moments to make a little bit of an impact. Yeah. Hey, let's say Salma High is hot and fucking you can't understand it, but who cares? Okay, good, good, good. And like you're constructing a little comedy routine.

Well, you know, it should be high pressure writing this stupid blog so she'd have she'd have a thousand people on Reddit review this blog and then and then then decide you know how it gets rated. Yeah. We like red stars over the top of it. Yeah. And then then this company decides whether or not they want to fucking print your dumb shit Jesus. But she's right about that comedian shouldn't get a free pass. They shouldn't. There's shit that's just racist and it's not funny and you hear it and it's not it's you know someone crossed a line and a lot of times that's incompetence a lot of times this guys who think that they're being edgy so that's funny But they don't really know how to be funny like we've all worked with guys. They're shockingly bad. Yeah You know, and that sort of sometimes people say things and they just say things because they're stuck on stage and they start talking and we know what the fuck they're saying, but they're trying to be edgy. So then they say something like really fucked up and racist.

Yeah, I was. Yeah, though that feeling when you're panicking, but this obviously this is she's talking about a monologue.

Yeah, there's certain certain things that people say on stage and the way they say them. One person could say it and it's really hilarious. Like half the shit Joey Dia says. If it wasn't someone as lovable as Joey Diaz, you'd be like, get this guy off. If he was like an awkward, white guy, that was kind of shit.

Yeah, be well, you'll never see that. You don't have to worry about that after that. That's not written anywhere. That act they written down. They got mad at me once for having a notebook.

Walk around with this fucking notebook. Really? Yeah. Like you want to use fucking what what are those that what's at um what's that place that they all go to? What's the alternative room? Uh you see you see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me see me You know what if you know on a fuck up saying you let nobody know you got your notebook my God my fucking loves I'm about to go on stage. I don't know what to say to that. I'm letting everybody know that I take notes like the fuck is that even me?

Yeah, you can't like personality and like what is funny and what's not funny. It's also so subjective. So someone saying a comedian getting a free pass. Well, it might not be good for you. Okay, but you gotta understand that that's that person doing his thing. It's like the same as someone saying in a song. You just not thinking about it that way. You know, when someone's saying the song, they're creating a piece of entertainment. When someone's doing a joke, they're creating a piece of entertainment too. But it's a completely different process, and sometimes it doesn't work. It's not like someone said that, like you asked them. Hey, Tom Ciguro, what do you think about white girls with cornrows? Yeah. And you know, and you just go, well, you know, a fucking think they're a bunch of crazy bitches, they'll stab you. Like you're not being interviewed for the news.

You're telling jokes, of course. And that's a real, like, to me, that's a real social problem that people need to be called on. Because I think when people think that they can just get away with being 20 like that and everybody gives them that political correct free pass and puts logic out the door. and doesn't call on it, going, that's not what's going on. Here this is a joke. Well, you shut the fuck up. If I was in your living room, can you imagine if you're in your house and you and a fucking Seth McFarlane are sitting there joking around and he says that about Salma Hayek and you guys both start laughing. He like a couple of, you know, a couple of guys would and then this woman is also there and she's on the couch just the three of you and she starts complaining. Oh, yeah.

common argument about their your side and then you'd be like we're never hanging out with that person ever again well it's the most ironic thing because lefties and progressive people are always espousing freedom of speech the first amendment freedom of the press they're always talking about how important it is to have a free internet But meanwhile, they're also like the first people willing to get upset and someone expressing themselves in a manner that they find amusing. Right. Or that they find, you know, they find shocking but funny. You should have free speech up until it bothers me. Yeah, exactly. Free speech up until you cross the conservative line. You know, when I feel like you've crossed into some area where I can make fun of you.

No, really. Yeah, I mean sure. There's been certain things that people have been upset about.

Well, you had a lot of people mad at you about that bike joke, right? So many. So you looked like a little like bothered by it at one point in time. I just, I didn't know.

Dude, you should try to get one of those Brian.

Yes, you should be your goal. When I talk about it, you should be your goal. Your goal should be to put one of those together. You could do that. I had to get manager first or something like that. Sign on where you get a notebook. Get a notebook. Don't worry about that dude. You don't need a manager first. You need to just do a lot of writing. A lot of writing. Get on stage. You got some really killer jokes to do. You have some funny shit. You have some good ideas. Like you could really like you could really like put down a special if you wanted to. If you really wanted to dedicate yourself to it.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I have a couple of drinks going on.

Yeah, but I prefer, honestly, I prefer my sets when I'm just a little bit hard or sober. Yeah. Those are my best sets. Yeah, me too. But every now and then I'll go up lit and then crush, especially at the ice house. Jesus Christ, because it's like home. That's about home base. I'll get a couple of Jack Daniels and go up the ice house because the ice house is like so positive. Like everyone there is all hugs. The waiters are cool. The bartenders are cool. The waitresses are cool. The managers are cool. It's like when you go to the ice house, it's like, that's like a love. That's like a family environment. Like when we do those Wednesday nights there, we'll probably do one next week too, by the way, folks. We do those Wednesday nights and it's packed on those Wednesday nights and it's like, you could do anything there. So those are my camera from. I could get a little fucked up. Yeah, that crowds.

Do you wear up the list of who you out, who you there with?

We have a very odd podcast on Friday with Dr. Amit Goswami. It's a theoretical physicist. Oh, wow. Particle physicist, guys.

theoretical physics like they write a book or like is he's gonna talk about the nature of matters gonna talk about strength here he's gonna talk about how the fucking world is really constructed how inside of every atom is just empty space how this this idea of strings vibrating that control and and create all matter this is gonna be a total mine fuck because he's like super legit He's like, as legit as those quantum scientists go, those quantum guys are so strange. Yeah. It's so hard to understand because everything they're doing is all this alien mathematical language, like you see them writing it out. And in that alien mathematical language, as they're writing down all those fucking symbols and all that Einstein, you know, fucking, what's that movie with Matt Damon? Oh yeah, yeah. Was that movie? something about something a bunch of numbers. Goodwill hunting goodwill hunting yeah when he's right now that stuff on the board and you don't know if it's right you know you don't know if that's it's no idea what all that is he might as well be right in ancient high regoliths I shit for I don't what's mathematics it's complex mathematics But when he's writing that, like these guys are writing that shit, like I've seen them like on notes, like they'll have an inspiration for the way the equation is supposed to be interacting with the environment. Like the real problem with dealing with those guys, it's like when even when you're asking questions about how they came to the conclusions, like how they understand these things and where the ideas of strength theory come from, it's like You can't even measure it. They're just talking about something that they say works in like number form. I'm going to show you like paper. You'll never get it. You're going to be like, okay, like you'll try to get off. They spray pixie dust and they say alicazam and babies are born.

Well, it's the pursuit. I mean, I think it's like almost anything. If you have an interest in it and you pursue it, you need a good at it. And I think mathematics is probably real similar to whether it's literature or even athletics. It's like, what do you focus your energy on? You focus your energy on this. You're gonna figure out how to do it. If it's interesting to you, and you might not be the best in the world at it. If you put your focus on it, you're gonna be able to figure out how to do it. That's true. Almost anything. Almost anything, but it's like, what entices you? You're not. With you, it's like, oh, stage time. I'm gonna get to a joke. Yeah, I'm gonna kill. That's what entices you. What's attractive to you is what you pursue. what's attracted to you or attractive to you, stand up comedy. But if you were one of those wacky dudes like that Russian guy who solved this prize that we're gonna give him a million dollar prize, the guys, you didn't even want the money. He's so fucking crazy. This dude is just up there in Siberia right and shit down on paper and he solves some crazy mathematical equation that they'd been trying to I should pull up the actual information so I, it doesn't sound like I'm talking out of my ass, but he, he, he, Russian, let me pull this up, Russian song. I'm going to just Google Russian scientists come dog wins math prize. Doesn't want it. Let's see if that works. I've noticed that I didn't use Bing. I used fucking Google. Okay. There's these new commercials. You should try Bing.

Bing is actually better than Google. It's more fun.

This is the dude. Um, he, uh, is a Russian scientist from St. Petersburg. His name is Gregor E. Brillman. He's a 40 year old man. And he won the Fields Medal, often described as mass equivalent to the Nobel Prize for a breakthrough in the study of shapes that experts say might help scientists figure out the shape of the universe.

Gregory Peelman. There I am. It's a really offensive. John Ball, president of the International Mathematics Union, said that he had urged Pearlman. P-E-R-E-L-M-A-N. So I don't know what that is. Pearlman. Pearlman. Pearlman. Pearlman. Pearlman. Anyway, homeboy. He urged homeboy to accept the medal, but he said he felt isolated from the mathematics community and does not want to be seen as a figurehead. Wow. He just didn't want the money. He passed on a million dollar money. A million dollar prize, million dollars. Yeah. Besides shunning the award for his work in top topology, he also seems uninterested according to colleagues in a separate one billion dollar prize. He could win providing the point care, conjecture, a theorem about the nature of multi-dimensional space. Whoa. Oh, indeed. Whoa. Yeah, he's too smart. Yeah. That's a dude that's too smart and doesn't understand what two million dollars can get you because you can get you a lot of cool shit.

Yeah, you got to be a really crazy fuck to pass on a million bucks. But you probably also have to be a really crazy fuck to be able to think in such a spectacular way. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the fact that this guy, I mean, it's not that this guy wasn't successful because he studied mathematics only and he put all his focus on mathematics. Yeah. But once he got really good at that, well, then he was able to capitalize on his excellence. No, no, it's they offered him money and he said, I don't want to go back to a shock and the right thing is when the papers

Tell me again. Well, I wonder what he would be like socially. I wonder what's probably a little awkward.

Maybe it's so scary. They figured out sociology and he figured out the interaction between human beings.

Well, yeah, we all know that. Yeah. That guy takes the two million.

You should double up on that shit. You know what someone just called so many that I thought was an awesome fucking expression called him a suitcase Pimp suitcase Pimp?

A suitcase Pimp. It's not a positive term. A suitcase Pimp is like a hustler. It's like he's never got to shit together. He's always like living out of a suitcase.

In the porn world, I used that term suitcase pepper. Oh, really? Yeah. In the porn world, a suitcase pump is the unemployed boyfriend of the porn star. Oh, that's the suitcase. That's all over that industry. Oh, yeah, support. Gotta have support. Isn't that the craziest thing that's always those guys? It's always those guys. Yeah. You know? It's always, uh, you gotta get paid, man. It's tripers as well, like a lot of strippers. It's like, you know, especially like, girls at work at really nasty places. Yeah. Don't feel good about it. Right. They need a man and they want a man waiting for him when they get home to cuddle with and snuggle. Yeah. Trying to get out the memories while those boners.

And it's always a guy that's a loser. Cause, you know, a lot of guys out there right now, it's triple girlfriends going, fuck you, shoot it. Yeah. But it's true, if you're at home and you don't pay the bills and you don't, you know, you don't contribute to the household, you're unemployed and your girls out there sticking to pussy and guys faces. There's a reason why that's not the conventional setup.

That's why basically the most awesome guy ever. You're the brawiest, bro. And your band is awesome, too.

Does anybody do barbar anymore? I wonder if someone does it. I'm Ronically.

Well, Ari has keep on trucking tattoo.

Yeah, do girls still get tramp stamps? I think so. Oh, how many girls have gotten just a target? Just put an actual target in here.

Just like concentric rings, bulls eye.

This girl got diarrhea tattooed on her back. Come on. Yeah. Like I guess like the word diarrhea or just diarrhea. I guess that's for dudes who are trying to fuck her in the butt. Just like, I just want to steer you to land right away.

Yeah, there's a if you look on Google images under Trump stamps. Some one girl has like a whole Bible passage written on her lower back up to her ass. Is that the last shit you want to be reading when you're banging a hot chick doggy style? Because her ass looks tremendous too. And it's a Bible verse. It's a giant literary tattoo.

No. This is what it says. This is, this bitch is so crazy. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. Love. This is all written on our ass. Love is never boastful, not conceded, nor rude. It's hard because it curbs grass. Something self-seeking, calmly, not calmly are angered, argued, argued. It keeps no secrets, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices in. I can't read it. Blah, blah, blah. Protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is never a blah, blah, blah, something face. There's no limit to its faith. If you can open it, this is all in our ass.

Oh, it keeps going dude. There is this on our ass faith. This is all show you. Really? But the greatest them all is love.

Oh my god. Like she like wrote. I mean, it's a pattern.

Did you sign it?

I hope she covers all that shit up with a big Gucci main ice cream cone. Have you seen that? Yeah. Gucci main put ice cream cone on its face.

You ain't ice cream cone.

He's got giant stars over his head, too, right? In saying. You know, just tattooed his fucking head, Jason Ellis. He put a giant, look at it. Damn. God. Yes. It's got lightning bolts. Yes.

Gucci, man, it's crazy. Look at him. He put an ice cream cone on his face. It says burr. You see it? You see it on the cone? B-R-R-R. And the tattoo guy was like, okay. Called his ice man. Could you? Could you, um, I want, I'm gonna have to get you to request this on video. And then I need you to get, I need you to write this down. Come on, man. Just have to it. I ain't gonna change my mind.

Yo, dog. Don't be giving me no vanilla ice cream. I hate vanilla. I want a cone. A good one. Like a waffle type motherfucker. You do ice cream.

I like that shit up. The delicious cones with the upper level that it's like styrofoam like.

But he's got an ocean ice face too. Because you're like writing on his face, too. He just like uses his face to draw.

Yes, things on his eye. Under his eye.

Well, those are tattoos to all my god. Yeah. It looks like it's something. I said something.

If I'm the Honda's butt. Yeah, that dude is probably irrational. Gucci. Yeah, this is music. Like if you're her is music.

Can we listen to a little bit of your favorite Gucci man? Yeah. Are we going to kick off YouTube if we put this up? Yeah. Does Gucci mean independent? Is he out there working for the man? What does he have for me?

Are they having those big deals anymore? The record is weeks ago. We're just talking about the other day about how you used to be able to go to a town and you go to tower records and you can go pick up a CD. Yeah. Yeah. There's no tower records anymore. No. There's no virgin or mega store. Remember that?

No, no, no, no, no, pull that off thing up. I want to hear Gucci man. I want to hear little poopy.

I'm not saying it's fake poopy. The fake rick-offs. It's uh he's doing well that figure across Okay, there's no need for that music.

That sounds like you'd locked him in a garage with a hundred cars running and made it breathe a few years.

Okay, okay. I don't want you to sue a little kid. Give him some gooch man. Pull up Gucci means greatest hit. Try to find Gucci means greatest.

Yeah, he's got to have a bigger head for sure I want you to get a good sample of Gucci Okay, you know, it's not gonna be good. I just fuck it's gonna put something else on somebody gonna put Rebecca Black Friday

I feel like I know you, and then I feel like I don't.

I don't know anybody today. I'm just so amount of the loop.

There's so much music that was been and been made. When you think about the fact that from 1960, whatever, to today, you know, you want to go crazy, you want to go Robert Johnson, you can listen to some shit recorded in the 30s and 40s, right? But think about that till today. What a gigantic pile of music that I was saying there's so much out there what a body of work yeah all the different musicians in the 60s the 70s the fit oh my god yeah there's so much music it's like to come up with new stuff it's like to really get me into it it has to be like the blackie spent just crazy about somebody like to be blocked through nine cars and yeah like he blew through a lot of it he was on that broke

They say that there's some ungodly number of people. It's like 80% of all NFL players are broke in a group city within two years of retiring.

Yes. Yes.

Yeah, I make seven figures. Yeah, girls would be like whoa. He makes seven figures. It's like how many nine nine I blew to it all.

We all bought a car wash. Yeah, man, you ain't got your own car wash.

I think it wolf coat. That should be my dogs at attack it. I wouldn't let a wolf in the house like that.

I have a friend who is a rich guy back in Boston and he wore a full length fur coat. Yeah. And I go, what is that? It's like it's a mint coat. I go, you're wearing a mint coat. Take a look. Yeah. He goes, you got to try it on. I go, really? He goes, yeah, try it on. Try it on. I go, okay. I'm like, oh my God, crazy. It's so warm. They're so comfortable. Yeah. You know?

It's like people wearing shrunken heads. Look what I got in my fucking conquest. Yeah. It keeps you warm. People like, well, you know, I really think it's fucked up that people kill minks. It is fucked up that people kill minks. It totally is. But you know what happens when people don't kill minks? They get eaten alive by wolves.

Yeah, they get killed. Like they don't live. Like it's not like a mix is gonna live forever. I get it though. It's like it's tough to, you know, rationally look at it and say you think it's okay to kill an animal just for its fur. I say no. I say no. I say the only way you should kill an animals if you're gonna use the whole animal. Eat it. Eat it for sure. I mean, that I think is the most important. And if you use the other parts of it as well, yeah. But just the fur, man, that seems fucked up.

There's a big controversy about that with pool players because there's a lot of parts of pool cues that they use ivory for. Oh really? Yeah, but it has to be pre-band ivory. And they're really good at like monitoring where the ivory comes from. And occasionally people get arrested for selling illegal ivory. Like those are guy that was ago. He distributed stuff for... pool queue makers like ivory and exotic woods and stuff along those lines. Yeah, he got arrested a few years back because he he was selling illegal ivory like they take that shit very seriously. Oh, I but lad, but you're allowed to have it. You're allowed to have the band ivory. Yeah, and the idea is that first of all those animals are dead. Okay, and they killed so many of them. Oh, man. Ivory was who are so much money that between I think it was like 1980 and whenever the ban was in the institute in 1987 their population dipped by over a million. I think they were at like 1.5 million and they were down to 500,000. So it's imperative that people understand that like a lot of the ivory that you use today and stuff is like there's so much of it you don't have to kill anything for it. And if you don't use it it's kind of fucked because that means somebody murdered these animals for their ivory and then didn't use them for things. But if you murder them now and use their ivory for shit it's fucked up like it's a real gray area if you look at it that way. It's like, would you be willing to have ivory tusks if you found them a store in your house? Like, mounted. They're beautiful and they're crazy to look at. If you've ever seen them in a map, there's a mammoth tusk at this museum. It's fucking fascinating, man. It's amazing. As far as we know, nobody ever shot a mammoth.

Deal with an elephant that some dude put a sniper bullet through his fucking brain.

Yeah, because the only one way you get those things, the animal will too ways. The animal dies on its own, which is pretty fucking rare. You know, that's not how usually you get live a long time. Yeah, yeah, or you should that's the other problem. They live a long time and they're fucking smart. Yeah, you know, elephants are smart. Elephants recognize each other after not seeing each other for like 20 years. Like it's crazy. Yeah, they want to run over and grab trunks and wrap their trunks around each other and feel like cuddling. Yeah, practically, you know. Yeah, it's fucked up that before the years people just slaughtered them for ivory.

Those animals will fucking kill you too though. Are these that help us gonna fuck? All right. Wow. You imagine having to carry that way. Look at the signs of that tape he's going in. I don't think they're big friends. I think he's trying to go deep, but it's like barely as a dick.

Look at the size of his body. Look at the ass muscles on that day. You ever thought about that? Maybe because they walk around with that all the time.

Oh, he could do a house, but a whole house on his back. I'll squad it. Oh my god. Look at the size of his muscles. What a freaky fucking animal.

So much, so much weirder than the avatar people. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They are. They're so weird. That trunk is completely alien. A long nose that picks shit up. What? There's no other thing like it.

That's a huge dad's a hug. Oh my god. I really like to show. I'm elephant hogs. It's okay because it's nature. Yeah, that was a that was a big deck that was that could kill you That's for that league. Not as big as a horse's dick, though, I don't think.

Horses have ridiculous dicks. But they get this far away from her. A lot of people don't know this, smaller dicks. Yeah, well, we'll be visiting again with our friend, Dr. Christopher Ryan. He's going to be back on the podcast. He's the author of that book, Sex It Dawn. And he'll be on Monday, the 25th. and look at four of that, but one of the things that he said is that Gorilla is, and his book talks about Dick's eyes, Gorilla's have really little decks, and the reason why they have little decks is because they didn't have to have a big deck to dominate. They just have a bunch of chicks who listen to them, the girls aren't slutty, they stay put, and he doesn't really need a big deck, so he's got this little tiny, tiny deck, because it's not about her, it's about him, getting on top, pinning her down, sticking a little tiny dick in there. She ain't going anywhere. He doesn't have to prove himself to her. Right. Whereas chimpanzee chicks are hoarse. chimpanzees don't run any sort of a brothel. They don't have like a heroin of chicks or a gorilla does. chimpanzees can't rock it like that. chimpanzee girls are just too slutty. So chimpanzees, because of this, have enormous testicles. And the reason why they have enormous testicles on a male primate, the testicle size is directly proportional to the amount of promiscuous females that are in your area. Really? Yes. So if the females are monogamous and you don't have to compete to earn their trust and their sex, your balls shiver a lot. Your dick shirbles up. You don't need as much jiz. But when there's competition, when there's a lot of shit going down, that's when you need to have big balls and a big dick. Humans have the biggest dicks out of all the primates. Human decks are bigger than champs, champs are next, but it's because human girls are the sluttyest of the sluts at all the animal community. All right, those dirty bitches.

Yeah, and the big of the dudes dick is the most likely bigger than the amount of sluts he's around. Wow, and that crazy genetically like in his environment where, you know, he was born and conceived both sides. Yeah, I mean over the course of obviously generation after generation. It's not like it's an instant thing. Your mom's a hole. You got giant dick. It's not like that, but, but that's the reason for it. Wow, not in the fucked. Yeah, absolutely. But make sense. I mean, we, we, we, we put, look at all sexual things so emotionally, you know, we always look at it like, you know, we look at it as ourselves, you know, like, well, what does your care about the fucking, what does your care how big my dick is?

You know, nature doesn't care about your emotions at all. Nature doesn't care about, you know, your desire for acceptance and it doesn't, it cares about numbers. It cares about who is going to make the most babies, who's going to be the most effective breeding, who's going to have the bigger deck that's going to transfer to his children having a bigger deck, what, who's going to have the most ambitious personality that transfers into his genetics and passes on epigenetically to his offspring and they become more aggressive and more ambitious and I mean, that's nature favors. Nature favors like the numbers of the whole. Nature isn't really like looking at your emotions and your problems. Your emotions are basically a trick and all of them are just set up to get you to do shit that nature wants you to do. whether it's your emotions, your connection to your loved ones, is real as it is, and it's palpable as to you. It's really also, it's sort of a reward system that the universe has set up to make sure that you keep interacting with people, keep breeding, and keep perpetuating the civilization in its current form. like all these emotions are all it's all set up to make sure that you keep the universe and give a fuck about you and your universe is busy constructing a grand design that you're a part of and that's also your big dick your big dick is a part of that Tommy yeah dick is a part of about the universe's grand designs part of the blueprint yeah result of it

Oh, the doctor found the alien. It looks realistic. Totally looks like a real person.

I think that's a birth defect. I don't think that's funny at all. What is this?

and cephaletic baby. Yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a baby with a terrible disease, buddy.

No, it looks like a frog. It looks like a frog. It's a sick disease. And then funny, like, it was funny for a couple of seconds. And then it wasn't funny. Yeah.

Oh, what is that?

oh yeah yeah don't watch that that's a horrible baby it looks like a lizard yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of bad bad rolls of the dice you can get for reels do you ever feel bad about the midget joke you do um it's like about rolls of the dice i mean i hate

I said little house in a prayer. How about a little. Was she the Wizard of Oz? Maybe who's that? Was that Wizard of Oz?

Yeah, it was a big one for her.

Oh, that's fucked up. Yeah, but I mean it wasn't that the one who filled you with spoiled milk. Oh, that's so wrong

Yeah, I've bored of it. So I stopped saying it. Yeah, and there's stop with this.

No, I don't like it. Why it? It's like when you when you create a bit, you know when you have a bit and you do a bit that's like super controversial. Yes What you're essentially doing is you're establishing your parameters. Like, you know, if you're going to go see my show, you're going to get this, you might get this. Like, it goes this far. Right. And there's certain guys that you know that like, you know when you go see them, they're basically not going to talk about anything controversial, they're not going to say anything mean or cruel, they're not. And so you know that guy's parameters too. Right. Like if you go see Jerry's and I feel for instance, you're not going to get a whole lot of asked amounts of jokes. It's probably a sad culture.

Imagine if he's got divorced and just started doing ecstasy. Well, I realized I'm almost dead. So, uh, and I'm rich. So, I only go ask them out. They want to ask them out. I don't want to talk to them. Why do I talk to you when she'll go ask them out? You explain it to me. You say I'm stupid. Jesus. I should go ask them out and you won't. Put it in your ass. It's like simple math.

Why are we arguing? When I can just be driving a Porsche. Yeah, I mean, you know that you go see him. You're not going to get a major joke. You're not going to get some. Yeah. But there's part of like establishing establishing yourself as a comic is you gotta know like who's gonna say fucked up shit and the comedians that say fucked up shit to me even if I don't laugh at it like I'm not particularly fond of midget jokes but I love the fact that a guy is gonna do a joke about anything you're not gonna worry about pissing people off you're just gonna do fucked up what and So, like, you're in a certain frequency that I enjoy comedy-wise. Like, if I was just a fan, if I wasn't a comedian, I would totally go see you. I'd be psyched because of that element of danger, because of that element of, you know, fucked up in this.

Well, that's what I'm saying. But it isn't, I mean, it's like, I don't you feel the same way like you're a favorite kind of comedy-wise, right?

Yeah, that's all that interests me too. And for the longest time I was told that that was the wrong kind of comedy. I was told that you shouldn't do that kind of comedy because it's cheap and easy jokes, but I was like, but God, that's what I want to hear. Yeah, that's what I like. When I knew a guy was coming to the town, when I remember when I first started doing stand-up, I went to see a bunch of stand-ups. When I first started, when I first heard my first year of comedy, I was really lucky because at that time in Boston, there was a couple big national clubs. There wasn't a lot of national clubs back then, like there was an improv in New York. But there wasn't even an improv in LA yet, or not an improv in LA. There wasn't even an improv in Boston yet. There was an improv in New York, an improv in LA, and the Boston one opened, I think, in like 89 or 90, or some one along those lines. So guys who wanted to work in travel the country, there wasn't as many options as there is now. So we would get top level headliners in every week. like caturizing star in cane branch. I don't even know. I think it's under. I think it went under, which is a goddamn shame because I went to see, I saw Kevin Meaney there. I saw, that was, I was in high school. Just graduated high school when I saw Kevin Meaney there. I saw Rich Jenny there. I saw so many comics that were like big name, headliners come through. And I always enjoyed it when they were fucked up. I remember it would go way out of my way if I knew that a guy was going to do some crazy shit. Yeah, talk about some crazy shit if it went went nutty and if it didn't go nutty I understood I understood didn't but I was so I would get a getty joy It's like Doug stand-hop was doing is have you heard his new bit about fantasy football? It's so fucked up. First of all, Doug's crowd is so much different than my crowd. They're very different. They're very different. And there's, I mean, there's a lot of crossover, but his fucking people are hammer, really hammer and talking. Three, I mean, they were so loud. We went to see him at Cincinnati. We went to, uh, go ahead. We did, yeah, we did our show at the top and then we came over to go bananas. We had a great fucking time. Go bananas is awesome. And then we went to McLevy's, we went next door to the bar and stand up and I were bartending. You bartending too for a while, didn't you?

I'm like, wait, why am I doing this? Yeah, we were handing out drinks and giving away drinks for free. I would give away like ten drinks and then I would just take a hundred bucks and throw it in the tip bar. I'm like, I don't know. I go, I don't know how much this stuff costs, so I'm just giving people booze, and I'm just going to start paying for it. That's how I would give people, I was giving out free drinks, then I would throw money in that bucket. I don't know if it evens out.

We went off in Australia. That was at one of the few times in my life where we purposely decided to go deep. Yeah, that was pretty fun. We, me and Tommy and Eddie Bravo, we were in Sydney and we went to the movies and we were super disappointed with that stupid fucking island shuttle island. Yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, the psych, none of this actually happened. I'm actually crazy. we were so angry and more angry so many people that weren't angry that was that was more upsetting that was way more upsetting so many people like that movie yeah so we decided to go tie one on and we went to this local bar and it just It just started you know we we got some shots. We made some we met some friends made some friends some nice people that were there wanted to take a couple of pictures We took a pictures and then when somebody wanted to take a picture I'm like come on motherfucker. You want a drink. Let's drink come on with drink. You want it and I just point at people you want a drink. Yeah You want to who's in who's in you guys in? I was buying drinks for 20 30 people at a time like we're just at a time stacking trays of shots and like just giant group of people were all like cheering and drinking and by the way, there's nothing after that experience.

I spent more money in that bar than I've ever spent in a bar. I hope so. Yeah. It was thousands of dollars.

Well, we were all together, so it's week. Yeah, that was fun man. It was the way to do it. I mean, because it was like we, you know, when you're all drunk, okay, when everybody's drunk, when you're dealing with 20, 30, I mean, how many people were there at the end?

And we're high five of the people. But we made sure that everyone was fucked up. Yeah. So we were all in the same boat. Of course. And it was very friendly. Everybody was happy. And everybody was friendly. And people were all like huggy, high five, take a picture. You know, they were all friendly. The waiters were happy. The bartenders were happy. They were all laughing. Yeah. It's like the fact that you can make a moment like that happen. But God damn that I pay for it the next day. Ooh, good business manager call. Hey, hey, what happened? No, my head. No, the money was well spent. That's my dome. It's fucking pound. That's a shit thing to do, too, because the next day, like I had a really fire up to do the show, I was like noticeably slower. Yeah, you know, and I think I was probably even noticeably like slow the next day where the UFC was on. Really? It's like, yeah, probably, man. I got drunk. I mean, that was pretty goddamn drunk. You can't get that drunk and bounce bounce right back.

They say you should do that though, to avoid like to reset your clock. Yeah. They say just have one day where you just stay out to stay up to stay up. So that way when, you know, 10 PM the right time rolls around, you're gonna be so fucking tired. Yeah. You know, if you could just power through, but if you take a nap, you could fuck the whole thing.

You know, like you because it's eight hours ahead or something, right?

Australia's like a whole day. That's all day Which is even nutty. Yeah, you know that's that's a that's a bizarre trip.

So, did you have any prejudices about going to Africa?

I just remembered you're opening joke when we were in Australia.

Yeah. Now, what about being on the plane for so long that you think you're dreaming? Oh, yeah. Am I dead? Like, well, right.

You get off and you said, well, I must be in heaven because there's no black people. Oh, yeah.

It was funny. It was funny. And they have a totally different feeling for black people than then we do as well because that's not like their cultural underclass or cultural underclass is not like former slaves that's at originates. Right. It's like a totally different sort of a Holocaust that happened over there. So I mean, the slavery is like this whole dark period of American history, the shameful period. There is the shameful, but it's shameful towards the aborigine people. It's totally totally different sort of underclass.

Well, most people that are going to write articles about something get excited to be upset about something.

Did you read that one? There's a review of a guy, Fieri, whatever the fuck his name is, restaurant in Manhattan. Yeah, it was so scary.

Like what the fuck? Like it was it was such a brutal review. Right. I wonder how accurate it was.

Absolutely.

It's, well, it's also the hype that comes with that. I mean, if you want to be a celebrity chef, you better knock my dick into the dirt when I come to your fucking place. Right. And to go there and get some, you know, whack ass out of the beans.

All right, the whole celebrity chef thing. It's a very odd thing and then like all the sudden Yeah, we had Julia child and that was it yeah for the longest time Who else do we have who else is celebrity chef was there a man? Yes, the French guy the Galloping gourmet remember that guy?

Like a couple of examples. Yeah. And then Wolfgang Park got famous.

Emerald got famous for a little bit and people were like, will you shut the fuck up with that bam? Yeah. Stop that. Because he was like, bam.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but he just shoved it right down our throat.

Well, Bourdain's the first, I think, an example of what a kitchen's really staffed with. Right. You know, wild punk rocker type dudes with Mexicans working side by side.

Yeah, and he has a genuine passion for cook. Yeah, I never worked in a kitchen other than like in high school. I did like work for publishing knows working in kitchen work to new poor creamery like making burgers and stuff like that, but I've never worked in like a real restaurant. But he had an episode once where they showed him actually working in a restaurant like keeping up with all these orders as they came in and timing all these food and and how hard it is. Yeah, how much of a fucking stressful like high stress fast pace gig it is like wow. Yeah. He really opens up your eyes to how difficult and how much artistic like flair is involved in the culinary arts, you know, fantastic.

What the fuck Ludo Trock? Ludo Trock. I don't know how they're gonna fuck with... Cook me up. I mean, it seems like it's like a good idea and everything like that, but yeah, it's not his it's not his main thing like the waffles.

You're not gonna fuck with rascos if you don't have. If you don't have waffles, you're not gonna fuck with rascos.

Okay, rascos at rascos are this shit dude.

You're not going to check in the office.

And you get those collar greens with it too. So you give yourself a illusion of vitamins. Yeah, it's right. And throw hot sauce all over the chicken and extra butter. Yeah, extra. Because you know you're going deep.

You guys want to eat one of some food of this. All right. You know you're going deep. And they're American waffles. And those fucking big gay Belgian motherfuckers. This is big fluffy cloud waffles. That's not a waffle. That's a pastry. That's a loaf of bread, you fuck. A real waffle. A little skinny tight ones that you get in a waffle house. That's a real waffle.

A lot of butter and a lot of syrup. Because I'm not trying to be healthy.

Exactly. I'll punish myself later at the gym. Trust me. I'm disciplined. But right now, I'm going to eat the fuck out of this waffle. I'm going to have a regular Coke. Fuck a Diet Coke. Because why play games? I'm playing games. I'm going to pretend I'm going to have a Diet Coke. No, I'm going to have a regular Coke and a cup of coffee. The cup of coffee is to allow them to stay conscious long enough to walk through the car. Get me super excited about this shit right now. Yeah. This should be a rascals chicken and waffles in every country. It's one of those six very soon.

Let chickens very, very, very good to delicious fried chicken and it's very home style fried chicken like It tastes like somebody made it in their house where it's like sometimes you get a Kentucky fried chicken. It's so uniform. It has like a certain amount of sodium taste that it's like, this is a mix and you know, you got it back. You eat roscoes. It feels like somebody actually cracks some eggs. Actually did the chicken in it. It actually rolled in flour and deep fried the fuck out of that shit.

And holla out the rosco's on gawa. Yeah, that's a beautiful combination.

Didn't seem like it would work, you know? Yeah. If you looked at it on paper, you'd be like, I was just going to work. Yeah, chicken and wine. Why would I want to have those two to eat? I don't know. Why don't you have the other, you fuck? No, it's perfect. Oh, boy. Oh, you excited now. I want to go get chicken and waffles. Excited. So before we wrap up. Yeah. I'm going to talk to my little buddy Brian. Sure. And say, would you think I'm going to our guest with the Crazy UFO talk, Phil? I got a big. Well, well, being nice. Well, being nice.

He meditated and started to touch his thought and meditation was able to have something that he was describing that sounded to me very much like a drug experience, like a psychedelic drug or a meditation experience, some sort of a breakthrough sort of... Yeah, I mean, he seemed like a nice guy and he seemed intelligent, but my bullshit meter just was out of control.

Well, I respect the guy for coming on and talking and I don't, you know, I don't know whether or not he's right or telling the truth. And I don't feel it's ever true. I mean, I have in the past, don't get me wrong. I'm not a hypocrite. I'm just a person who's evolved or tried to evolve my conversational skills. And one of the things that I try not to do is ever call bullshit if I'm not 100% sure. I can believe I can be like I am positive this guy's full of shit, but if I don't have any proof How can I call bullshit? I can call bullshit on some of the things he says if they don't make any sense You know if some of the things he says don't line up with facts You can call bullshit on that, but I don't really know whether or not he can actually do that until I go and see it So I plan on going and seeing it. I mean we're gonna do that for that show for for for for question everything we're gonna go We're going to go out to the fucking desert. I'm Eddie Bravo's going to come too. I just think it'll be perfect because Eddie loves us from UFOs.

Oh, it gets way wackier than that. It gets way wackier than that. There's actually video that I watched after the interview that I really wish I had watched before. You know, I watched so much of that stuff. But where he said that he was leading a crew and that they were inside of a craft at one point in time. It was an interdimensional craft. They're standing in the middle of the field and they sense that he was like, and some people said they saw me disappear for a moment. And as I, You know, crossed into this area and that we, you know, we could see it in front of you like it was sort of like a fog. Well, you know what we know is real?

and then you know like I almost sounded like he was saying like it's a pyramid scheme well it's not a pyramid scheme it's a promotional scheme a pyramid scheme there's really no nothing of value the way a pyramid scheme works is you get money when you get other people to put in money So say if you're the guy starts the scheme and you have three people that are in the scheme with you and you say listen if you get a dude to give a hundred bucks for every hundred bucks you get 25 bucks. a pyramid scheme is at the end you find there's nothing of value and at the end what it is is it depends on more people donating money than there's people extracting money and as soon as the people want their money you're fucked because there's no money that's what happened with um that uh that it's called a Ponzi scheme that's what happened with Burrito Burrito Burrito That's what it was. There was no actual value to anything. What he's doing is he's offering you, he has this video, okay? And if you put a link on your site and he's selling the video for five bucks, he's selling a product. And if he's selling this video for five bucks, if you put a link on your site and the clicks go through your site, it registers. And so you get a piece. Whatever that piece is, it's negotiated, whether it's 10 cents a video or a dollar a video or whatever the fuck it is. I don't know how much you get. But whatever you get, he's saying that he wanted to do that to spread the wealth and encourage people to promote the video because it'll be financially profitable for them as well, which is actually admirable. I mean, that's a cool way to do things. If you decided to put a link on your site and you made a thousand dollars in a month off of his video, that's your money, man. And you helped him. You helped him. You got the video out, which is what he wanted. And you got you got somebody. So, not in wrong with that. It's not a pyramid scheme. A real pyramid scheme is a lie because there's nothing of value. But this is a movie. I know what you're saying. This is an actual product. What is the movie? It's called serious. His whole thing is... It's very sketch. I should say, first of all, that I don't disbelieve in aliens. I don't disbelieve in the idea that we've been contacted before. But I've never seen anything that was compelling to me as far as like visual evidence as far as I witnessed testimony. I've never seen anything compelling that made me 100% sure that that person had seen something from another planet or that this video was something from another planet. I've seen some wild ship and I don't know exactly what it is and I'm not I'm not privy to all of the various pieces of information that go into, you know, whatever the fuck happened, we see a thing that's flying across the sky. Who knows what that is? You know, one of the things I asked me said we have a photo of a being. It's like it looks like an ethereal being. I go, how do you know that's not a video article? It's not an artifact. Well, how do you how the fuck could you possibly know? Like there's a lot of artifacts.

You think it's ultra-dimensional being and look there's a lot of confirmation bias. Yeah. And the reality of the UFO community and this is again, this is not saying everyone and this is not saying that UFOs are fake. But the reality of the UFO community is that it's filled with cooks. Just like the psychic community. Just like the big-foot community. Just like the ghost community. It doesn't mean the ghost aren't real. It doesn't mean big-foot's not real. But it means a lot of those people are drawn to cookie shit.

Well, not only that. Did you know that that alien dude? They found that fucking thing in like 2002? Yeah. They found that thing a long ass time ago.

I think what he said afterwards when I was supposed to repeat. So be careful. Oh, yeah. He told us where it's being studied shit. But the bottom line is he set himself up. Okay, so here's here's either They do the genetic work and it really is being done at that's high level Ivy League School and we find out about it and we get like peer reviewed papers that are talking about whatever the fuck this thing is Whether it's a like some sort of a fetus that's got birth defects and makes it look like that I mean who knows what the hell it is or completely artificial yeah or You know, whatever. Well, you know, if they actually run a test, but to say that you did a test and to say you got results coming, you say yourself up because it's one of the other now. It's either bullshit or it's something. Yeah. And if it's a rubber doll, I'm going to be upset at you. Of course.

I'm sorry. Well, let's let's let's Google. Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole.

He's the biggest.

You have got a guy. Well, he only saw two.

Both of them saw two. Dr. Greer, hold on. Dr. Greer, just daily in autopsy.

He's doing it. Dr. Greer, alien body.

Okay, I'll just say this. At least a small percentage of what he was saying smelled like bullshitting. The anecdotal stories, the way they were coming out, somebody described them like bad scenes in a movie, and he said this, and I said that. Sometimes people just sort of paraphrase though, and that could be respond to me. You're telling a story over and over and over again after a course of so many years. Sometimes people sort of paraphrase what actually was said and they put it into almost like a script form. And that could have been what that guy was doing because it did sound like fiction.

volume, they're just, they think they have an alien body. What do you think that is?

But they have a man and a ruler next to it and everything.

I mean, he said, I mean, in his defense. He said he doesn't know what it is. And he said they're doing tests on it. Yeah, but if he found it that long ago, I don't know when he got a hold of it though. He told us, I don't remember. It was a long conversation. We talked, we talked to the guy for three hours.

This is in January of 2013 and it says that the studies will take around two months, possibly longer. So they just started the testing in January. So that's why they haven't gotten it.

McAfee's ball and he's in Texas trying to sell his house and believes. Yeah, he's got his 20-year-old third-year-old hottie with him. He's getting his freak off. Good for him. Yeah. I don't know, man. If he really did find an alien, like, holy shit. Maybe, can you imagine? That would be really fascinating. And I wrote it. If there was a guy who was a charlatan who was a total UFO hoaxer, but someone gave him a real alien. Yeah, I'm not saying that Greer is a charlatan. I don't think he is. I think First of all, he's dealing with a really nutty group of humans, so the UFO community. And I think if that's your base and that you're communicating with them only for decade after decade, and most of this was sort of instigated on your part before the internet. So he was involved in the UFO community before people were even online a lot before Twitter, before even my space. He was online, and he was known through You know, the world from these YouTube clips and shit like that. Yeah. He was already before that. He had been long before the disclosure project. He had put that together for years. So he had always been involved with all these nutty people. Yeah. And when you're involved with nutty people, especially the nutty UFO people before the internet, like you got a lot of adjusting to do. once the the Thor hammer of reality goes down and sometimes guys adjust really poorly so they still have a lot of bullshit in their game you know they might have a few things that are real that they're investigating that are beyond understanding there but it's very possible but there also might be some fuckery mixed in there too and real fuckery and you gotta be real careful one of the things is He's somehow another. He's drawing an income from all this. He wasn't really that open about it, but I know that he takes people out into the desert and gives them alien counters and shit and they charge as money for that. Of course. Yeah, it's like several days and you take a bunch of people out there and you know, make some cash. Yeah, so I'm shit in the sky.

Wow, so obvious. No, no, no, no, it's both. It's fascinating. He's he's a certainly marketing himself and he certainly brought up his sight a lot, but it's also here's the question. What would you do if you knew that there really was some sort of encounter with humans and aliens? If you knew that there'd been a series of events that had been swept under the rug and covered up and you start making a living doing something different but this fascination with UFOs gets in the way then also you have to quit your job and then as you're quitting your job for something that you absolutely believe in but is totally ridiculed by everyone around you then what if you have to figure out how to make a living off of this thing yeah so maybe it's that maybe the guys legit and maybe but it's this this trying to profit off of it, which gets people to go, hey, what's your motive? Hey, how come I had to pay you to go to the desert? Hey, what'd you do with all the money that you got from this donated movie? Hey, how much did you claim on your taxes? Where'd you get that money? Where's it coming from? You're writing books, you're selling the books, you're doing lectures, you're doing this, you're taking people up to the desert, you're profiting, okay? This is obviously how you make your living now. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If he's legit, if he's sincere, but when you have those elements, people automatically get skeptical. And then there's the part of like extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And when you're claiming crazy shit, you should have photos and video ready to go at the drop of a hat. And when I was questioning them about where can I see these photos? Like if you have photos, you shouldn't, first of all, if you have something that's really important for people to see. And you are a researcher and your whole gig is about trying to get the truth out. You'd put that shit on one the moment you got it. You'd make sure it goes viral. If you're holding it back and only putting it in your documentary. I gotta go. All right. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I see you trying to make some money, but what you're doing is contrary to the path that you need to follow to be taken serious.

But it also could be, I mean, again, I have to be fair. It also could be that he doesn't understand how he's coming off. It also could be true that, you know, he really truly has had these experiences, but now he's in a scramble. I'm trying to figure out how to make some money off of it. There's a fascinating website that details Hillary Clinton's meetings with the Rockefeller family. It's really crazy. And in one of the photos, Hillary Clinton is walking and she's got this book with her. And people tried to figure out what book it was, like they did close up of the image and It's a book on extraterrestrial encounters and it's about are we alone in the universe and the book is all about like what we would do if we got contacted by an alien race and she's walking with Rockefeller who had given her that book really yeah so she's walking along in his ranch and Wyoming he's worth about a fucking billion trillion dollars he's at the top of the financial food chain And he's exactly the person that this guy, Dr. Steven Greer, was telling us, would have access to this kind of information and would want to figure out what we do. What do we do about the banking system? What do we do about the military system? What do we do when, when and if aliens do come? And so he's walking around meeting a woman who ran for president. That was the wife of the president of the Secretary of State. And then wandering around is fucking ranch. She's got an alien book in her hand that he gave her.

Okay, let's see if it's Hillary Clinton Rockefeller, Alien Book, Chase a Grey.

Hmm. Well, there's also some documents about Rockefeller wanting to talk President Clinton into, these were released by the Freedom of Information Act that Rockefeller was trying to talk President Clinton into releasing information about aliens. Oh really? Yeah, and the Rockefeller was requesting information and they wouldn't give it to him and he had a meeting with Clinton. Yeah, this is a pretty trippy man. The book Lawrence Rockefeller apparently was fascinated with UFOs. He was, uh, the dude was, he was obsessed.

Except he could actually call the government as for cash or ask to give them cash for things. I mean, he like established funds and shit. He along with his niece and Bartley, the stepdaughter of Winthrop Rocketfeller and the then president of the Rockefeller Family Fund, he established the UFO Disclosure Initiative to the Clinton White House. They ask for all UFO information held by the government including from the CIA and the US Air Force to be declassified and released to the public. The first and most important test case where declassification had to apply, according to Rockefeller, was the Roswell UFO incident. This is fascinating. Why didn't Greer talk about this? Why doesn't he know about this? Because this is all, these are all government freedom of information documents.

Yeah, it was in 1995, the Clintons went to talk to the Rockefellers. It was when Hillary was married to Bill and Bill as the president. Yeah. And motherfucker Gabriel Book on Aliens. Come walk with me. Let's talk. I'm going to talk to you about some real shit and tell your daddy. Go home and tell daddy. I want to know everything until Bill, till Bill, I want to know what's up. Every day I get to say that my dad is there. So I can creepy. And Bill Clinton apparently couldn't, you know, according to Rockefeller, or according to the people who talked about this, Bill Clinton couldn't get an information out of them. They didn't want to tell them. They shut them down. That's one of the things that Greer was saying, Greer was saying that these presidents, like people that want to get access to information, that they don't, it's not like you become president. Okay, come on. We're going to tell you what's up. Like no, you don't need to know that. You just need to be the president. Yeah. Go do your shit. But I'm like, well, who does know? And then that's the real, that's the real weird part. Yeah. If he is right, That is how I think it would go down. If he's telling the truth, I really do think that the people, same people that can keep something as crazy as the federal bank in place, when it's not really a branch of the federal government at all, but they call it the federal bank. The same people that can keep the military industrial complex moving in the same rate that's moving now, those would be the people that would know about the UFOs. I mean, there must be, if you believe that corporations control the Earth, which It's kind of obvious at this point. Yeah. Cooperation from everything. It's this guy to be people at the head of these corporations. Who are there? There's people like these old dudes with this fucking UFO book. Yeah. We think Brian's right? No. I'll dare you. Just throw that out. They're like that.

There's definitely a potential for fuckery.

I think you said it was gonna come out that week. You gotta come with me, don't man. Gotta come. It's gonna be fun. We should film it. What are you gonna do? We gotta go to his premiere. So the premiere was moving. I think we have to wear a wig or something. You can go.

You said what you believe. You didn't do anything wrong. Proved me wrong. Look, the internet is probably predominantly on your side. The internet is, if I had a guess, I know my message board, and this is no disrespect to Dr. Greer, but my message board, 90% of them thought he was full of shit. Yeah, 90. And I'm not bullshitting. When I looked at the thread, it was pretty overwhelming that most people were calling fuckery. But that's again when you make an extraordinary claim you have to provide extraordinary evidence and if you don't have that extraordinary evidence it becomes very difficult to convince people so if you really did have these experiences and he really does know all this information that's all well and good but

But okay So would they be able to distinguish between an animal and a monkey baby, a monkey fetus, and a human fetus, would they be able to do that?

There's a really, it's really tiny monkey, right? There's a tiny monkey?

No, they're way bigger. There's some really small primates. What it maybe it was like a dried out really small primate, because it couldn't necessarily have to be even a human. Sure. Think you're monkey. I wonder how long it would take to find out whether or not something that might be a monkey. It was six inches. Wow, look how small that is. It's a baby. Yeah, that's pretty small. Yeah, and if that was all like all its hair fell off and some of the 80s tail That's what it looked like that came out of my belly button That probably lives in your asshole Probably even know about it lives in there. It's like a mouse in the house that happy.

Yeah, he's got a little fucking set up in there He's got a barrier. He sets up whenever Brian's taking a shit goes past it He blocks off in the area. He's got cordoned off in Brian's that's for his house Yeah, he's got a jungle hot push the shit out. Do you have a hard time shaving brand? No, it's almost like someone's pushing it because someone has you got a fucking little monkey inside of your ass with a shovel.

All right, let's go get some neat. It's fucking chose over. Tommy, cigarette, how can people get your CD?

Are you doing both comedy and also doing just live. Just live or live podcasts.

Really? I'm going to tell you guys what I've done that a long time ago. I mean, because of the popularity of your podcast, you allowed to put together shit like this.

So that was pretty cool. I'm so happy. I'm so happy you did and so have you been experiencing a lot more people coming out to like fans of the show definitely.

Yeah, I mean, you should be able to book shit now because your podcast has been going on for a couple of years now.

Now, yeah. Well, now it's more important than anything else I do. And now it's more important than, I mean, it's really, I hate to say it's more important than the UFC. As far as, like, for my stand-up gigs, it's way more important. Like, this weekend, one of the things that's trippies our buddy Tony Zara from our message board, came down this weekend and it was interesting here and I'm talking about the difference in the shows like you used to come see me at the punch line when I was there you know the punch line in Columbus what is it funny bone Columbus funny bone Columbus great club it's a little tiny place but this time worth the palis theater and this fucking 24 hundred people there yeah it was crazy huge yeah and it's this beautiful place in its pack and it was like the nutty thing was like people were so nice and Friendly and between all the jokes everybody was like real quiet and respectful he goes it was nuts. He goes it was fucking nuts everyone's got desk quad t-shirts on or higher primary t-shirts it's like this crazy positive fun environment And all of that, it's attributed to the podcast. It's all attributable to people that, you know, they've seen the podcasts, they've seen stand up, like it's changed everything changes the world.

It's constantly rattling off. If you haven't seen Diaz's podcast, It's the church of what's happening now. You can get it on iTunes. If you go to Matt Flavor on Twitter, you can find out when he's doing them live.

I'm going to get that and listen to it on the way home.

The iPod app. The iPod app. The iPod cast app. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I was bored to the shit that I had on my iPod. Why?

People hate everything. They hate themselves. 90% of the hate you're getting out of all these people online is they hate themselves. I went to a restaurant the other day to get three stars and I read the reviews like so many people were just shitting it it was amazing yeah because I heard it was amazing people like all this this new Italian restaurant opened it's so good it's not cheap I mean it's it's pricey but the dishes were Fantastic, you know, it's out in like West Hills. Okay, but it was like five star restaurant. It was like in my eyes. Wow, this place is amazing. It's really good. The pasta was fresh pasta, you know, it's like the way they, I mean, it was legit. Yeah. Then I read the reviews. It's like people are just constantly

Fuck you. Yeah. But in the podcast app, like the other day, I was in my car and I said, you know what, I'd like to listen to Dan Carlin's hardcore history. So I'm at a fucking red light. Okay. And I go, I have time to have a single thing. At a red light, in the time that it took for the light to create, I go hardcore history, doom. It opens up ripped Mongols, ding, play, bang, play, play, it's playing, and it's playing on my fucking car through Bluetooth. Just like that, instantly streaming, perfect, not glitching it, and for the next hour home, I listen to the history of the Mongol Empire. which is fascinating. Dan Carlin's hardcore history. We had him as a guest in the podcast a couple weeks ago, and now I'm addicted to his podcast. It's excellent. You're incha like crazy stories about history and the wars and this whole shit about gang is con. There's a series he's doing right now. It's amazing. It's so nuts. It was only 1200. That was a few hundred years ago. This motherfucker was just carving his way across the world. Yeah, I'd love to listen to that. Amazing. And I got it immediately at a red light with that podcast app. So if you don't like the podcast app, go fuck yourself.

Yes. He said it was fucking incredible experience. I'm so excited to go. Yeah, really early in the day. You in the beautiful thing about podcasts and the impact of podcasts is that if people don't like the podcast, it's not successful. It's really that simple. Right. They don't they don't take off unless people like them. So it's no one's promoting it. It's totally democratic. It's totally organic. It totally, it either happens. It doesn't happen, right? So the people that enjoy our podcasts. Thank you very much. We appreciate the fuck out of it. I know you do. I know you appreciate. Absolutely. It's like the greatest opportunity to have your own show that have ever existed. Absolutely. There's nothing else. Nothing else that comes close to giving you the kind of freedom. We're number one right now. No. You know, a comedy podcast. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good on it. But we're very happy. So thank you everybody to came out this weekend. Brian, say thanks to everybody.

That's quite Ohio. That's quite Connecticut. That's quite Florida. Completely organic.

Yeah. We basically have jugglers. Yeah. We have a new type of juggler though. Take a fight club.

They could just take together the eating kale shakes, lifting weights. I talk to a hundred people that lost a fucking hundred pounds or more. I mean, I'm not joking. I keep. I talk to 30 people this week and instead I change their life. And it happens every time we do shows. the weirdness of it all and the unexpectedness of it all is the inspirational aspect of it. Never thought that was going to happen. Never thought that people are going to take these crazy rants just getting pissed off and talking shit about things or breaking things down and take them and put them in YouTube clips and then those YouTube clips would get hundreds of thousands of views. I mean it's millions for some of them. It's really crazy. It's incredible. It's incredible. I don't know how it happen you fact people's lives but it's it's it's all organic it was no one ever planned to do any of this and that's the the most beautiful thing about it yeah I'm headed right now from here we're gonna get some neat and I'm gonna go to do a David chose podcast look at four to that love that dude you got to come to ours how was love to let's make it happen powerful times to go to follow him on Twitter Tom S.E. G. U. R. A. And follow red band on Twitter, R. E. D. B. A. N. If you go to deskwall.tv, you can find information on all the different shows that Brian will put on a show like every month or so. And including this Friday night at the ice house in the little room, which is the dopest room.

I might come down to see what I'm doing Friday night, but at five time, I'm going to come down and do a set.

But Wednesday, the 13th.

And that is a really dope little place. Awesome.

People that are asking me about Montreal. Montreal was sold out a long time ago. I'm there with powerful Irish fear. And we're doing the Jimbo's comedy club. it's the tiniest little place. It seats like, no bullshit. Like, I don't even think it seats a hundred people. Really? Yeah. The last time I was there, I did the palladium, I think it's called, to 2,200 people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's my friend, Jimbo. And see, I've been working for Jimbo for, since I think I first worked from a 92 or 93. Wow. Yeah, it's somewhere around then. It was before I ever moved to California. I was living in New York. This is really cool. And he's just a nicest guy ever. And he's so nice. I alternate whenever I do Montreal. When I do Montreal, I do a big theater. And then the next time I come into town, it's a few months later, whatever it is, I do his tiny club. That's cool. Yeah, so it's fun for me. You know, it's fun to do. It's a cool last place. But unfortunately, it's sold out pitch. That's really cool, Joe. It's, it's an awesome place. And then the 22nd and the 23rd is the next time on the road. I'm going to be at Zainese in Nashville. Another small club. I got a gang of new shit that I'm working on. And so I decided to book myself in a really small place. And Zainese in Nashville is fucking great. That's the 22nd and 23rd. So that's, I'm just, Trying to like put all this shit into a form. I'm gonna try to I'm trying to do my next special in August. Are you really? Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what to do it. Yeah, I've got an hour and 20 minutes now This past weekend. It was so solid. It was like this new shit that I have. It's like a lot of it is ideas that I've had before. I just didn't know where to put them. And you know, so it's coming along really quick. So I figured fuck it. Let's get that ball rolling again. Yeah, because I want to I want to I have a new process that I'm doing and one of the new processes is work on what I have now add to it, but also stockpile. So I'm doubling up on my writing. So I'm trying to have four big writing sessions a week. That's my goal is to get to four major writing sessions a week. So three days, I don't write it all, but four several hour writing sessions. Just write it right. Yeah. And one blog a week. So that's my other new goal.

Just like whatever, like, straightaway kind of just whatever I want to write about. It's cool. Yeah. Could be sports. Could be my deck. Could be poop deck with your sports. Could be dick and poop with sports. Yeah. That sounds like a good show. That's a good show. Dick and poop with sports. That's like a good like two radio guys that talk shit don't let anybody know the name. I'm Dick and this is poop. We're Dick and poop with sports. All right, you're fucked. Listen, we love the shit out of you people and we appreciate all your support. We appreciate all the the positive energy that we get. I say this all the time, but I can't say it enough. It's we feel incredibly fortunate. It's a very unusual place to be in in life and You know, I understand that and I appreciate that and I'm very thankful. So people keep coming to please don't stop doing the podcast. I will never stop doing this fucking podcast. I've quit a lot of shit in this life, but I'm not going to quit this podcast. We will always produce it in some form or another. Go to rogan.ting.com to support our sponsor, Ting. Sign up. They'll give you 25 bucks either off the service or off one of their groovy phones. Go to onit.com. That's O and I.T. Use the code name rogan and save yourself 10% off any and all supplements tomorrow. We have diamond David Lee Roth. One of the baddest motherfuckers to ever walk the face of the planet. He will be here tomorrow and then Friday of course Dr. Amit Goswami and he's gonna school us on the nature of reality.

We'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye.