Transcript for #343 - Bill Burr

Why are you in the stand-up? I had to do it. Then I heard you gave me a shot on it. I already left because my girl came by with the car. I had a hustle out there. And I felt like an asshole.

They sit at the stuff like, I actually feel back because I know my core group of people and then there's people that I know that I've met before but it's just like, I don't see you every couple of years. I feel bad sometimes.

I would love to play just because I've seen a lot of great bands there and really good shows.

Yeah, I don't pay attention.

I'm not up on the Mayan, Cameron.

Well, he basically was breaking down. Dude, it was basically if what happened, and I'm a start was true. It was like you boiled it that they'd let how strong you had to be physically and mentally to make it. you just right there you got rid of anybody week yeah dude you don't see any like regular african dudes coming over here playing fullback running over people that marathon runners yeah this can you guys yeah even like the big ones like the mcye really really didn't guys do this certain is our minions russians did just like didn't let you i would never mess with anything

So they, I think they, they come out of the womb with like a shaved head. Yeah. They're ready to grapple all of them. Dude, there's a guy out of the car wash where I go. He owns the thing. And he's like 55, 60, but he's still solid. And he talks about how he used to grapple and all that. And I laughed. I go, dude, to all you guys know how to grapple, wrestle and he just goes, yeah.

Just a defensive him. What did she say? Yeah, exactly. kidding kidding kidding.

What happened? You want to get to my screen over there? You just start throwing punches or was there, you know?

Yeah, I thought you were a friend.

I already fucking know. Yeah, yeah. There was some sort of button pushing I would guess that went on and she didn't she thought it was only gonna go halfway up the building and it went to the roof. Yeah, right away. We were driving too, right? That's like when the dudes go to the zoo and they start fucking with some animal and they think it's a joke and then all of a sudden I think reaches through you like, oh my god, this is real.

You know what's amazing about that? If people didn't get there in time, he eventually would have had the power in his back and his neck to pull that woman right through.

He would have been eating her. The worst of the best thing that could happen when a polar bear comes at you is you're not in a cage, because at least it's over quick. But if they're in a cage and there's no one around you're slowly going to get eaten at death, because it's going to hold you down. Oh, yes. I mean, I would stick a fucking artery right in his mouth that wanted you in a thigh. Go ahead, take a jump.

That fucking leg is marbled.

I fucking moron.

Yeah, I would have loved to see how quick that thing close the distance like the closing speed and out like a corner back I can make up distance with the wide receiver and the whatever things it's what it dudes wide open and all of a sudden It's picked off. That's like what just happened. It's like oh, it's over there.

Oh, it's sick

Look just to her left, a bear's under the surface. Only a rubber ring distracts it from its rip on her.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. Wet jack-outs.

Uh-oh. It's because before the woman had been in a bear's grip

Is that her head?

But this was far from a game. Witnesses looked on as six keepers, distracted the animals with meat.

With meat, here's what they have for me. They got that emergency meat, break glass.

You know that clause. You'll see a guy climb a telephone pole with those little lights. That's what they have those built in like Wolverine. They just go fucking right up the street.

Well, that dude that thing could it you think there's no native American that would have done that first of all they wouldn't have been dumb enough to let it happen They would have had some great code about you know They said some ceremony when they killed the bear because the bear was so much like a human like its mannerisms and that type of thing really I overheard it in a bar There you go could be true be true could not be true that we were on the park guys necessarily I guess at that point you want to get down from the fucking tree so you get got a shoe I guess that's what it is because what if it comes back this time?

That's a dumb. You know, it's strike that smart move smart move.

But I feel like he spared him. The bear did bear spared him. I'm really putting little to putting human traits on this bear to stupid. I think the bear is dying the woods to dumb. It's a good shit, dude. He's a good guy. Oh, he came up. He put a shock at him. He didn't. He said, hey, settle down. And he goes over to his caddy and some of the fucking arrow.

I think somebody shot him with an arrow.

Fuck. It's basically how close animals come to victory sometimes. And it's just the one little thing.

Do your best bet as you have to get up so high that They're nervous, so I guess that the tree's gonna break, but then you're up there.

It's never been bear hunting. I don't even know where I'm, what do you, what are the words come from? What am I saying? Shut up. What you gotta do is. When you fight in a bear. I've watched this on Discovery from an L shape couch. Let me tell you what to do. Now a black bear, a black bear. This is what you gotta do. Stop breaking it down.

So if you, if you don't have a tree from above, I hope to never, my plane crashed. If I ever have to use that information.

I'll do what you got to do, Bill. I'll never, I'll never plan to start going down. The first thing I'm doing is taking the seat belt off. Really? I don't want to survive that. Covered in jet fuel coming out with my slacks melted to my legs. I got started nine on the fat fuck next to me. Just kill me. Good. I had a great one. I had a great life.

The commentary like would do the odds right take the bears laying three you go back to the seventies where you could you allow to talk about betting gambling yeah for the NFL was like wait a minute what are we doing when men were men

He was doing what I just did with bears and he's having a drink in a restaurant and somebody filmed it. It's like one of the original like you. Is that really what it was? Yeah, he was he's like in a restaurant.

No, he said I believe he's in like a rat. I don't fucking remember he was like in an interview and he's like eating potato skins and they're just like what happened all the white running backs. He's like, well, is it theory? You know, you're in a bar. Somebody asked a question. You're gonna answer it. They wanted to get rid of him anyway. I'm not saying what he said is 100% true, but it's like they wanted to get rid of him. They wanted to get rid of that guy because that was like back then like you make that video. Well, I guess they could maybe show it in local newscast, but there was so many videos. There was a girl back then called Jane Kennedy, gorgeous woman and some sex tape came out of powder one of the first ones and it just went around the industry and she lost her job. Like there was no YouTube to upload it to and they were all just like this is absolutely and then fast forward, you know, 35, 40 years later, it's like a career move.

But she's like that brilliant to be like, this is how what way do you care?

Yeah, but it's got rage A. But it's usually the the famous guy gets all the press unless you bang somebody else famous.

It's usually like the unknown person who's getting banged. It's, you know, it's like Joe Blow, Fox O'Hore. Right. You know, like you're just, you know, but, yeah, it's a hot deal. But I guess she was so good looking. People wanted to know who she was. Yeah. Like the DVR girl. All of a sudden, every is like, who's that girl on the commercial, the exotic looking one. Right.

Oh, they were doing that.

And they were, the fans are distinct advantage as a woman. Like if I, you got out with a killed and you flashed your junk like I think that that would hurt you.

No, I gotta tell you, the completely shaved is the creepiest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's like, I don't want to be, you look like a woman up here and you look, you know, you don't like that? No.

Well, I think the two pay around the pussy is kind of made it come back. They'll never go back to like, full on like, You know, energy crisis pussy hair, you know, Jimmy Carter's Ford.

That it's actually, oh yeah, it's like they poured salt in the in the fields. Yeah. Yeah, I just mowed them down.

That's what I say. Didn't see South Park they go when they could talk about saying called the he now called as she goes it's not a she it's a mutilated man I hate talking about this because whatever they'll you want to do is what you want to do but like I draw the line where you know you got dude shoulders and man hands and you're gonna go up there against Christina I mean that's that's not fair that a long time ago they had that antennas and this this guy was he was killing it I mean Renee Richards

Yeah. Let's not, it's not, it's not fair.

We're not getting a sex change operation. Whatever. God bless you. But like to go in the ring with women. Yeah. And beat the shit out of a woman.

I have like a hot dog and then they make a giant life.

They make like a giant. They don't think they, uh, I don't know what they do.

being out in version and then they got a like uh... i don't know how they scoop out your taint i mean that's just hardcore this has got to be some stuff in there that you just i don't know that's like the crawl space under your house you don't know what's on you like that we just said that some of us do that god bless you guys if you want to be preferred to was a woman i i'm i'm fine with that but like don't get no ring and start you know

What's that? He's like a cheesecake. It's on the couch. It's a saddlebag. It's still not going to work.

Bill Clinton had bitch hips.

He had big big mother in it.

I bet he had a lot of knee problems when he was jogging. Oh, I'm sure without the ACL.

Well, you know, I mean, everybody's entitled to an opinion.

I mean, isn't going to stop them from doing anything. My people get, you know, it is, it's just that you're kind of known. You know what I mean, in that area. So it's a good thing for them to hitch their wagon to. Yeah. We're like, I've noticed that a lot of people, they don't really get offended by anything that I say. It's because there's nothing to attach your wagon to. I do. I do stand up and like, spit them all. So yeah. I don't don't call in that. That's usually the punishment. If you just stand up, right? Yeah. What are you going to, what I mean? And I'm not a deck to either do like if somebody came up like I actually this is what annoys me about groups like that is I feel that when somebody says something you're offended it's very easy for them to get in contact with us very easy with Twitter Facebook all of that to hear that make sure that they're hearing it right to clarify what you say and they don't they want they want to do is create this this this this hysteria and then they get you on TV and you're on the split screen and that split screen argument is not about finding some truth it's just about winning and then they go out there and as you start to make a good point they'll go see that see that that's just the ignorance that they shout you down and it's some of the worst TV you'll ever fucking see those split screen debate things where you have three minutes to make your point they're the dumbest ways to address a complex issue than anybody could ever ever did like yeah that's got came from pti think on ESPN was a sports show these two good friends used to yell at each other not yell but they they will make great points and if we get heated sometimes And they blew up because you know what? You saw the friendship there. And then they would just like, oh, they like when people yell, they just boil it down. And next thing you know, everybody's just like, you know, screaming.

They put two pit bulls in the right is what they do. And then they just sit back and they go, all right, that's going to kill eight minutes.

It is a guy who had his penis removed. Yes, it is. I mean, Chroma is trying to look like he had female parts.

What are blowing up right now?

I still respect the fact that you told me that I'm going to retain that. I'm not going to come in the next time when you bring that up.

No, my thing about that was like, I might, I might question was, and it was an honest question was, do you have any personal responsibility for your own safety as a woman to not deliberately sit there and push somebody's button and get in their grill you know this and get physical and hit and do all that's it gets to a point of Like, my thing was like, respect the fact that a guy isn't gonna hit you, don't take advantage of it. And it's like, I don't know if that's right or wrong, but it was a question that these groups, you can't talk to them. You just want to ask them like, do you feel like, you know, like, if you just go away, well, that's why your mom's dead. And I hope you get fucking cancer too. And just say this horrible, hurtful shit, start pushing somebody. And it's like, at what point are you guilty of provoking the next level?

No, I would have she would have to have a fucking machete. Really? And like no, it would have to be like I would be doing that stuff just running around the walls. I got decent cardio, right? I could wear it around.

When it comes, the ones who jog.

No, I did it a girl one time. She had some issues about when she would get mad, she would get physical. And I had to talk to her about it that saying that like, you got to understand that the natural reaction to this is this. You can't just walk around hitting me. That's so disrespectful. Yeah. And it's childish. And you need to grow up. Like I had to have that conversation because you know it's it's it's in that split second when somebody blast you in the face either man or woman it's like that you go into self defense when you even you might even just out of reaction go like that and you know a lot of times guys is so much bigger than women that's a forum then then knows his bleeding and then you're down the fucking you know position yeah and then you you have like a problem so um... my thing in all those what what is you never learn anything you never learn like was this guy just a bad guy And this was inevitable. And what happened in his childhood? Can we deconstruct this guy psychologically? Can we go back and figure what led to this event? Or was it like he has no track record of this? And then all of a sudden, it just the right set of circumstances. And it's like, is this guy a bad guy? Is this guy I'm lucky guy. Right. Like what happened? But I mean, I got to tell you, it's like, you know, the first punch you flipped out. I mean, once you fucking, you know, I think we said that the jab throw in like combinations. It's like at some point, you got to be like, I am hitting a woman. But the conversation fascinates me and it's such a touchy subject what's annoying is that you can't, like the amount of people who are listening right now with that scow on the face, like you can't even, you can't unless you just go you are 100% right there is no reason to ever do it and you don't have to respect another human being on any level and you can throw stuff at them and you can say stuff you can you know push their buttons and do everything you basically can to get it to that point and and then but but you're not you're not guilty you don't have any responsibility there's nothing that you could do in the future to be like well hey next time you know this relationship's over the other over but the next time I'm with a guy you know maybe I only you know ramp them up a couple of floors as opposed to just like dude you know that they know what to say yeah they know what to say and like I do I mean I mean fucking walls you know how many lamps you just like like they just know they do they like well this is what you got to do I can give you the best advice ever

Charlie Murphy gave me the best advice. He says, yo, because woman ever comes at you, he goes, you immediately lock yourself in the bathroom. He goes, and then call the police.

Yeah, just lock yourself in. He goes, you don't have any strike marks. because they can, you know, he was talking about, you know, somebody was going to, you know, I don't know.

How to help you get on this move from.

I don't like watching when the women fight each other. Really? I don't like it. I think you know what they should do. They should have them fight like convicted rapists and the rapists don't know that the fight's gonna happen so they're like gotta shape eatin' all that prison food.

And they just get in, yeah, yeah. You can work all the details and they just beat the living shit on a still man. But to sit there and I don't think to sit there and watch two women like do you know what I hate hey when they punch each other and they hit their titties like that's sacred the last fight ronda rousey and the list car moves I think ronda rousey got up kicked in the tits she had a jost before she got back to it you know and you know they have a name for that within their circle what that feeling is I'm kicked in the tits they got some sort of slang for it where You know it would be funny, but I would never want to take the ass kick and it's how bad those girls could beat me. Somebody's like, like, she's three way classes below me.

My training is, you know, for a brother's headlock, dual headlock is throwing. Keep it from here to here, so dad doesn't get mad. Can't hit from a chin.

Yeah, no damage. Yeah, but you love the neck. Somebody starts winning. You've always punched in the hair. The back of the head. So the lump wouldn't show up. We were learning, you know, it was funny. We were learning basically how to beat a woman. So I really look at it. But we would do it to each other. But I think that, but I really think that it would be great if somehow you could teach women that.

Yeah. You do one of that. That's it. You, you, it's over.

And the family that's got to sit there and take that. Yeah, who played by the rules, it's just like, you'll never forget him taunting you and just like the fact that he's like still alive. There's certain, from the holidays he gets a decent meal.

You're supposed to act civilized to someone who isn't civilized, and I get that to a certain point, but it's just like, you're not going to care what somebody is attracted to. So if someone's attracted to kids, it's like, they have to be removed.

Yeah, they're really sick of it. Yeah, they're really sick of it. Yeah, they're really sick of it. Yeah, they're really sick of it.

We already miles out of bounds and continues in that direction.

And the danger of joking about certain subjects is if it bombs.

I don't want to name the comic because I never talked to him to confirm it, but there was a plane crash. and I don't know like North Dakota South Dakota something like that someplace and he goes on stage like within the year it is making fun of it and some guy in the crowd just stands up and he's like my wife was on that flight without missing a beady goes great let's dig her up and fucker Wow. And if you're not a stand-up comic, you don't understand that because that's like literally, he had to go to that level to win. Because if he went, because if he went like, oh my god, I'm sorry. The fucking show is over. There's just going to be up there. Hey, what's up with popsicles? It's like, you gotta get too late, man. Turn your key. Turn your key, sir.

Yeah, that's what it is.

And he might not know within the year if you're going in. Yeah, you know, I mean Jesus Christ.

The life of the guy who actually got shot in Reno was not in the crowd. Yeah, exactly.

And I'm not backing down and I'm going to say the most ridiculous outrageous thing. It is a form of comedy. You might not like it. But to sit there and then act like this guy really wants to go do it and really meant it. It's ridiculous. If you take that quote and then all of a sudden you put it on a new show, I mean just the context of it is insane. This is just like we're just taking this one line from an hour-long performance at a comedy club in a different state. You know it's so funny that when there was that sort of rash of those videos, the amount of times that people told the joke and it killed in the club And then they would be like controversy at the laugh factory. And then they cut to somebody and they tell the joke. And you hear like, it's like 99% of people laughed. And one person gets offended. It's like there's no controversy. Exactly. It's a good joke.

For what if they would just like Joe Rogan the stuff you said or most likely no take wrong space comment they can why don't you go on the internet and I'm on TV and defend because they would they would have control over it, but I would have them come on the podcast if I felt like someone had a rational point and they were like worth debating you know, maybe and especially if I was exploring whether or not I was wrong I mean I thought I might do it and I would go on there and the whole time that person was yelling I would just be hyping my dates We're Jacksonville on the 18th. I would have a piece of paper just pointing.

You just completely ignore them I'm getting good at that. I had an incident on the airplane going to Indianapolis with this guy. I just started interrogating me. He thought I was some sort of flight risk. About what? I don't know. He was on something. I don't know what happened. Like I was sitting down.

Yeah, and I was I didn't know if he's a sky marshal, but he he ordered a doers in the beginning and he just slammed it knee. So I'm like this guy's not a scar my sky marshal is guys boozing it up. So he just goes to me. He's like, uh, just sitting there. And he just says, uh, he goes, Hey, you, uh, you afraid to fly. And I'm like, what? He goes, are you afraid to flag? Oh, no, I'm not afraid to flag. And he goes, who's you sure? Because, you know, it's okay. You can tell me if you are. And immediately, I'm looking at this guy. What do you mean it's like, okay? What is this like interrogation 101 build a relationship with your subject thing that you're doing here? And I was just like, no, he goes, dude. Because all right, because you know, he's kind of fidgeting and looking around. I was like, no man, I go home, cool. He's like, oh, you like the fly? I'm like, when I'm up here, because you know, I bought myself up, and going back there, I don't like it. And then he goes, he's all right, you know. But you know, you can tell me if you're afraid to fly. So now I'm just like, dude, I'm not afraid to fly. So any staring at me, and I put my hand like this to show that it wasn't shaking, I go, I'm not nervous. All right. Thanks for asking. And then he goes, well, anybody can do that. And I'm just like, oh, Jesus Christ. And I just said, look, dude, I'm drinking water. You drink in doors. Okay? And he goes, that wasn't doers. Right? And I'm just like, I fuck this guy. So I'm sitting there.

Oh, I was sitting there. He said, let me get a doers. And she brought it over and kneaded. And he threw it back like he was drinking baby milk. Right? What's impressive, guys? Old school. Starting off good, right? Then there's like five minutes of silence, more passengers are getting on. And then the guy goes, hey, you know, I'm sorry, man, I just got off on the run foot there, right? He goes, my name's so-and-so, what's your name? That's been like, what my name is. And I was thinking of saying something like Steve, you know, or some silly, I was like, when he Clark, I wish I said some silly name, you know, but I didn't think of when I just went, it's Bill. And he goes, oh, he goes, why are you going to anyapolis Bill? He started doing this shit. And I just look at the guy, and I go, I'm like, yeah, I don't have to answer your questions. Whoa. I don't. He has no fucking authority. You're not a sky marshal. You're drinking booze. You're an asshole. What do you want? Are you afraid to fly? Go fuck yourself. Leave me alone, right? So then he goes like, all right. Now I'm concerned. Okay. I'm concerned. Okay. Why are you going to Indianapolis bill, right? He says this, right? And they close the doors and they're doing all this stuff. And I just, I just start like, I joked in my podcast. I just started smoking like Ryan Gosling. You know, he does that little monolisa smile. He just kind of smile. And I'm just sitting there shaking my head at the guy, right? And I'm literally taking out my eye pillow. I wear like a mask just to say, I'm so not worried about anything that you're going to fucking do. All this passive aggressive shit that's to piss this guy off. And he's got why you're going to Indianapolis built and I just just kept, I didn't say anything to him. I just kept laughing. Just kept shaking my head. and was taxing down and he goes, dude, he goes, he goes, he goes, I fucking do this for a fucking living stuff. FFF and all this stuff, the lady in front turns around, starts looking at what taxing down the thing. Because you don't answer my questions right now, I'm gonna hit that call button. I will hit that call button. I will stop this plane and you will be fucking arrested, like saying all this stuff. And I'm just looking at him smiling, shaking my head, like, go ahead and push it, dude, let's see where the fuck this goes. What happens, does the pilot come out? Right. There's a police car pull up to the plane. No fucking clue. So we goes to push it and he can't find it. It was kind of a weird place and he finally finds it. He hit the button. I'm like, oh, we fucking hit the button. This is hilarious. And I'm just sitting there. Because now you wait. You fucking wait, blah, blah, blah. I'm just sitting that smiling shake in my head. I'm like, dude, I don't care. You're not, you have no fucking authority. You're not going to hit me. You're not going to do anything. You're on fucking something.

But I'm not getting that dude if that guy had a vibe like he was going to punch me I would have been up in the in the house, but he didn't he just had like that it's like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. He wanted like this. He almost seemed like he wanted to be an army ranger, but he didn't quite make it or anything like what he looked like. He was like a wire reducing good shape, you know, wire redo.

I could have swatched a whole thing and just been like, look, I'm a comedian. I'm going to Indianapolis if you'd like to come out to the show. I could have done that, but I'm a dick. And I hate I hate fucking I hate authority. And this guy doesn't have any, so fuck him. So I just laughed and now he pushes the button. So then the store just comes over and she goes, yeah, what's the problem? He goes to sky is a flight risk. I am not comfortable flying with him, but Boba, Boba, Boba, Boba, I was surprised how few people were looking around. People were just kind of sitting there and sky was waking up. And I'm just sitting there and then the store was like, all right, did anybody else? See any behavior and the lady was sitting in front of him pointed at him and said yeah, he was berating any point and she pointed me he was berating him and I'm just like perfect so I'm literally putting my fucking eye mask down as I'm talking to it. I'm just a guy trying to go to the end of the app with this guy's drink of doers and he's dropping the F bomb then I think a fuck I said bomb, you know because it was a problem and This guy is just doing this thing where he wants to win. He wants some sort of recognition of whatever the fuck he thinks he is.

No, at this point it fucking stopped. It pulled over. I forgot that part. It pulled over and stopped. Dude, it's a fucking red eye. Okay. It stops. Another story comes over and it goes what's the problem and he goes through the whole fucking thing and then in the flight basically the captain at this point is going do I really have to come back there it's like really the red eye fucking flight my last flight of the day I used to fly combat missions you know fucking boring this is to fly this fucking bus I don't deal with this bullshit so I really have to come back there and then they finally asked him and he said hey are you gonna be comfortable flying with this guy and he I think they acknowledged that he had some sort of something there. So because you know what? No, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. Whatever, right?

Like some sort of power that like they checked with him. Like you're gonna stand down, sir. Like to whatever fucking spy he thought he was. So now we get back in line. And we're taxing and as we're going down the runway, I got my eye thing on. And I'm just sitting there and he's yapping in my ear. You think this is fucking over? You think this is fucking over? And at this point, I'm laughing. I'm holding my stomach and I'm fucking laughing, and I'm just driving him nuts, and I'm having a fucking ball with this guy. And he goes, you know, my dad's the CEO is some fucking company in Indianapolis, and he starts saying that he's gonna have me fucking arrested when I land. And he started describing the view I was gonna see from the jail, like some law in order episode. Did you get a picture of this guy?

you can't you can't you just be in the moment and not turn into a film crew not because the story is even better the universe gave me this fucking moment right I'm telling the story I don't I don't you know so he fucking so then I got my thanks down then he finally he's he's going yeah he all you love the view from the jail you can see Lucas oilfield and blah blah all this shit and then he's like this view dude it was such such hacky interrogation then he finally said uh... He goes, you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad. You know what? I fucking hope you do something. I fucking hope you do something we're up there. And I'm fucking burst.

And I'm sitting there with a blindfold on laughing at him. It was driving him fucking nuts. It was great. So then five minutes of silence, 10 minutes of silence goes by. And I'm finally thinking that maybe this shit's over. Or is he just sitting there staring at the side of my head? And then all of a sudden, I just hear, right is I'm starting to knock off, I just hear.

I just left. So, through my adrenaline was fucking going. I was just like, wow, they're gonna stop the plane. This is fucking intense man. It's just crazy. What's gonna happen? And I'm totally innocent. So I got to kind of watch it happen. So then I couldn't sleep. So I was sitting there with that stupid mask on a half an hour and then finally I was just like, I fucking, I gotta take it off. and I got to deal with this guy and I take it off and I look over and he's just he's just passed out head-hanging this fucking you know special ops guy you know you should be passed out you should fucking whey lay him with a huge haymaker right in the face and then immediately pretend you're asleep no Not because someone what it's someone what it's seen that so I don't sleep. No, you know what I did was I immediately started pounding waters because I didn't have to go to the bathroom and I wanted to get up on the plane just to see if he was going to fucking wick out again.

I have to go to full of fucking bathroom like you can't believe in this fucking guy's past out he's now I held it for the last hour he didn't wake up until we landed and then we pulled up to the terminal and I got out and I stood up and he wouldn't look at me and I'm thinking I probably slept it off and I was feeling fucking weird, hopefully. And the lady in front of me got up and she just goes, she smiled and she said, hey, and I just said, that was an interesting one. And then he had the pillow like this, Joe. He had it behind here in some weird position and some sort of like alpha male way. He tried to get some sort of tough thing the last word. He took the pillow out and he threw it down between his legs and he like grunted. He went like through a pillow down. That was it. That was my trip to Indianapolis. Oh, and then I worked at a theater. And Elmo was there was in the big room. Elmo went friends from Sesame Street.

And no, no, no, no, no. This is just the other day. This is my past weekend.

Allegedly. Yeah.

No, no, no, this was like this was burnt in the count. We're backstage. I had to walk by him. They had just like chilling like the counts just sitting there. I put this video up and they made me take it down because I had unauthorized video of them, but like I'm standing there and I'm filming. I'm like, oh, he shit. There's burnt. Let's go on, burnt. I think, burnt's waving to me and he's really waving off like no pictures and just do it in the burnt costume comes walking up and is trying to slam the door. My face, but the peg thing is there. It's a, I thought it was a cute video. And it kind of went with this character. He's a dick on the show. It totally made sense, but they made me, uh, they made me take this thing down.

I don't know if I'm legally allowed to show you. I can show you this, right? You can show it in our loyals where support you.

It's the way when you're awesome. No, no visitor first. He's gonna slam the door on me.

You gotta see this big stupid head just walking up.

I think you know what it is? I get it. It's because what had happened and then and then also like if You know, I guess if kids would say like three years old and somebody takes off the bird head or like the big bird constantly just see it hanging in the corner and I could really fuck with them. So I get it. I took it down.

Who asked you? The lady who runs the tour. She knew I got video and I think I made fun of it on the podcast like they she did a job. She's she's on point. I had that thing up like 20 minutes and they would just like, yeah, take it down. Take it down. I was like, all right.

What the way I look at the way I would legally argue it was I legally had the right to be there. You left the door open. I did not walk into the backstage area. I filmed in that was somebody dropped a ball by having that door open. So and they were the same theater that you were they were in the bigger Elmo was playing the big room and I was the smaller room upstairs.

This is after that dude that psycho The psycho on the plane, this is this whole, this is a casting again, this whole trip.

Great. I've never done stand up in Indianapolis. Great. I've never done stand up in Indianapolis.

Great. I've never done stand up in Indianapolis. Great. I've never done stand up in Indianapolis.

I've never done stand up in Indianapolis.

Great.

I've never done stand up in Indianapolis. Great. I've never done stand up in Indianapolis.

Like a zillion times. Fuck and love that play. Oh, I saw your tweet with it. Is the museum of pictures? Yeah. You can get some comedians like, oh my god. That's a ridiculous old picture.

One of my buddy. I mean, this thing had to be for my 84. And he had that old boy. I'm gonna make it that look on his face. You know that that white eye was it. I've never been fucked before. No, no, no, I'm not good.

I'm not good.

I never named names. I don't name names because then what's going to happen is people are going to go there. They're going to take the picture. They're going to tweet it to the guy. But there's nothing wrong with that. If I'm a true friend of the guy, I don't do that.

This is what one rocks is really reminding me of land of the lost.

No, he was on that Carlin room two, where he was putting him out, like boom, boom, boom, boom, like an hour, another hour, another hour.

It's kind of good to not have a TV show. Once you start selling tickets, then it's like, I played hockey yesterday, like three in the afternoon. You're never going to get any free of them. And you're going to get a show, but it's not your show. It's this show. I compared to like when your parents, when you were a kid, and they gave you a bicycle. You know what I mean? It's like they gave you the bicycle to your bicycle, but when you screw up, they take the, but you get grounded and they take the bike away. So it's not really yours. Even if it's your name on it, you know? You're not an adult. Yeah, like you're going into like the matrix. So I would have, it's like a real sort of epiphany that I've had in this business that I have that information now and I don't know what to do with it because it's not like I'm going to start my own network. I don't know what to do.

Oh, it's a lot of advantages. Yeah. To right where I am, so I'm kind of like, you know, I don't know.

I want our nice run and doing some movies and I think a couple of TV shows and it's great, but I like doing the movies because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Right. Like it's like, okay, we have you for three to six weeks or whatever and it's like, okay. And you know, I'm just going to do this. I'm going to hammer this out. I'm going to know all my lines. I'm going to be on time and be a professional. And once I get through this, then I'm going to, uh, you know, I know weekends, you know, I'll go out to like flappers for a van to stay sharp. And then once that's over, uh, I go back out on the road and I get going again. But like the whole, the idea of being on a TV show and playing the same guy for potentially five years is overwhelming to me.

Yeah, it's overwhelming and I especially like those people who do like one camera shows like how hard they work like they're doing like It's like you 12 13 hour days of like a one, you know, hey, how's it going? Oh, it's great cut back to one. Hey, how's it going? It's going great cut. All right, you know, just time to do it with it Hey, how's it going? And then cut okay, we're turning it around we got to do the master and all that like they They work harder than I've ever worked in my career. Like stand up is in real time. You go on and do an hour and it's done in an hour. You chewed an hour of TV. One camera and it's like you're going to be like those people that I such a tremendous respect for how hard people work on those things and I don't think I have the work ethic.

Did you ever get to that point?

Yeah, it's like, how are you going to be happier than that?

Yeah. That's the game.

They, they, they pull, I saw a paranoid guy, but they fucking pull you away. Yeah. Dude, you know, it's like, I mean, when I, when I first came to New York City, or they would be guys who just work one club, it's like, why would you ever do that? Yeah. Now all you need is one falling out, and you have no spots. It's, yeah. You've got to, you've got to be playing the field, so they can't, they can't get you under their thumb.

I thought he was

Oh, yeah, you know. Oh, look, the guy like that. Me talking about guy who whose career started right after he got out of jail. I'm just like, listen, I paid my dues. Like, I don't begrudge any of those guys who get to the point when they just say, I just don't want to go on the road anymore. I'm happy with the show and, you know, a writing on a show, like, I totally get that. Like, it's all, you know what it is? It's like, None of it is selling out if you're okay with it right what's all the things selling out is it's an internal thing not it's not other people saying it's it's literally like if you're If you're not okay with it, and you do it anyways, because of the money, then you're selling out. But if you're all right with it, and be like this, and I'm married now, I got a couple of kids. This is an easy acting gig. I can be here when my kids grow up. Like, that's not selling out. Yeah. It really isn't. I don't think anyways.

God, I wish that would happen.

No, I would just love somebody to compliment my drama. You always want to compliment on your hobby. Right. So much better. Oh, yeah. Like you said, dentists got damn your good dentists. Yeah, done a million of these, but he actually just said there'd be like, why did you build those cabinets? Well, matter fact I did.

I heard you're a good pool player.

That's why you're so successful. You're trying to get You just don't want to be able to beat the guys down at the Davenbusters or whatever they think they do. Ground rounds. Ground round. You know, there's always bummed they never showed the regal beagle.

So much ass out of the regal beagle. I was like, I want to see you. Larry upstairs. We're talking three's company for the youngsters. Larry upstairs was crushing it. That guy was probably the first herpes case. What I love about him was he was just so crushing ass and didn't didn't care. And the character was not considered offensive. It's like that guy exists. Yeah. That's the guy who's never in a relationship. And uh, he's just, you know, got the chest hair going.

Late 70s and the early 80s.

That's like just like a fun person, too.

It seems like she'd be fun. I agree.

Yeah, they tried to do the next fareth.

Now you're calling it. Oh, that's brutal.

How great were the legs when she did the thigh master?

They look pretty good to me with that. I still remember the thing. I just said it and I forgot it.

Why don't you tweak it a little and act like you invented it? That would be hilarious. You could show robot guard. You just laying on your back opening your legs and closing it. You want to squeeze. You want to feel it right here.

That's not her dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Actually went to her concert.

Are you a monster? What is a monster? That's a fantasy. Oh, you know what? My girl wanted to see it and I went there. How is it? I kind of ruined it for her. I was there. I had eight beers. I was watching a football game and I showed up when we took a care. I'm such a jerk. And I went there and I thought I was behaving myself. And the next day I was like, she was just had that vibe around me and I was like, come on, I wasn't bad. Last night was I and she just kind of gives me a look and I was like, I was just sitting that she goes, Bill, you screamed Jesus fucking Christ. I go, I didn't watch you because you did it like three fucking times. Because she kept doing this self-help portion in between every song every fucking song It was just that you're different and don't worry about like we got it We got it. It's okay to be a freak to sing your fucking song And then she was sitting there at one point but she goes like you know I hope you guys are having a good time Because if you're not, you know, I don't give a fuck And then people go, when she goes, I said, I don't give a fuck! Fuck! Right, and then she goes to the back up dancer. Like, Trevor, do you give a fuck? He's like, I don't give a fuck! And it just kept calling. And it's like, Jesus, fucking Christ! Get on with the not giving a fuck! Dude, if you truly don't give a fuck, you don't sit around talking about it. That's like that jerk off on the plane. Oh, we get up there. I'm going to X-Y and Z. Dude, either do a shut up. I'm trying to go to sleep. I got a mask on how easy is this gonna be?

When the Patriots lost in the playoffs, which is nice, no means nothing to you. We lost to the Ravens. So is that the Staples Center? I told him to respect you. He was really fucking good right there.

No, as far as like, oh, that's who's in something.

Yeah, they just don't have hair like that anymore. They're back and they didn't have leaves back then.

Who was when you were in the 70s? About my age, right? Yeah. So like in the 70s, like who was the one? Fairfaw, so. Yeah, she just, it wasn't even close.

Oh, that's the one. Dude, I remember my dad had the playboy that she was in where she's naked but she's sitting with her knees up so you can't see anything but you almost can't I think I was like maybe eight years old and I was looking through it and I think it was the first time I mean I don't know anything about my body I think I had an orgasm but nothing came out I remember I was looking I was looking at the picture and I just kind of went I went I had that like that that breathe thing I was just like and it's what I hate the fact The trees used to always talk about this. Like, when you love to be able to go back to that innocent, well, you could look like a Jordan Marsh catalog and you're like, oh my god, you're like some secretary skirt, blower knees, and just their calves, you couldn't believe it. Like, I'm a king imagine touching a woman's calves. Like, you just like, you just never have that innocence.

When I was a virgin, when a good-looking girl talked to me, my face turned red. It was just like it was so overwhelming. Like you didn't even know what to do. You were just like, oh my god, like I don't even know how my body's not even functioning.

This cocoa cafe, this tastes like the milk at the end of cocoa puffs. Yes, this is dead on. And we're talking the 70s fair faucet cocoa milk.

Kate Jackson. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. On the rookies when she was married in Mike Danko, I wanted to be Mike Danko.

Sergeant Rica.

Oh, that was someone who was been on everything. Tommy Lee was married to her. Come on, guys. Had a lock there.

Bam.

Heather Lockleer. They're one of the greatest things that one of the greatest like moments ever as a kid to see a manly man.

Oh, yeah. That guy was that guy was.

Captain Kirk was like, I want my two pay to look like Danny Terrio.

I never knew it was a too bad.

His, his, his the greatest like when I was like manly moment that I saw that I wanted to be this guy was when Farah Fawcett did like that two three guests guest spot episode on the six million dollar man. Remember that and he had like whatever those fucking those Jean jackets with the matching slacks with the collar coming out in this guy could jump over house beat up like 90 guys beat up big foot Right and punch that guy in the face to make his face come off when he fought the 7 million dollar man. You remember that? Yes, yeah, like I said I'm making that noise and all that and then he got to bang her I was just like I want to be this guy one of the great can anybody pull up the clip where he fights those guys in the snow and the black guy they got him in slow motion going to the air like it was right when Bruce Lee hit and everyone was trying to imitate him so the black dude is flying through the air going I was, I was, my mind was blown. What? Show us six million dollar man. Dude, he fights the seven million dollar man. And we're talking about at the bus stop. It's like there's no ways to win. He's worth six. This guy's worth seven. So I think they get into a fight and of course they just build the drama like wrestling with the six million dollar man is losing. And this guy's just so, it wasn't Power's booth. Who was the actor? He's done a bunch of stuff. He was awesome actor. And then finally, what ends up happening was he punched the guy's face off. It was like a goli mask. It was really bad. His face comes off and then there's all this robotics under there. And then he takes this steel girder through the leg and the Hollywood Hills film in this thing. And he picks up some steel girder and just impales the guy goes right through him. It was like seeing a rated arm movie for me. I couldn't believe it.

I just want to film.

Oh, short. And everything you did. I hope you get another gig and deserve it. Sweet. Yeah.

I sat there in pajamas sitting in a bean bag watching that on one of those TV with legs.

Oscar Goldman Rudy on look at that look at that they don't make hammer just like that. Yeah, look at that that is classic. I've banged every broad you've ever wanted to.

Dude, if you ever get lean, can you get lean majors on this podcast?

Yeah. Dude, this is the thing about him. He's, he is in a very rare space where he was on three shows that all went to syndication. He was on the big valley, played a cowboy. He did the $6 million man, and then he did the fall guy. Yeah. And they all went.

So had a lot of, I think, might have had four. I don't know more different shows that when it's in the case that went five years like they literally like good luck charms it's just like we got to get this person in this show It's gonna it's gonna go. I've done to you. I wasn't the guy who though. No, no, he fought a guy with black hair.

You got, you need one more. One more than you're in that rare fight air.

Yeah, you'll do it.

What kind of show could they lure you back?

Society should be more acceptable and then we'll create a whole new class.

Yeah See this is why I can't watch it.

Yeah, good that tool.

Yeah. I would be concerned that you're going to, you know, he'd be do more damn. Like, I don't know.

Not Dr. Burr here.

Yeah. You know, it's got to be another kid out there with the same thing. And then they can go out and you got it. You can't, you can't, you can't, you can't do this.

Yeah, they sound like NFL football, you know. There's people predicting that it's just going to not exist, like at least in the form. I have the solution. You got to go back to leather helmets. Yes. You just go back to that and you bring all the equipment down. I mean, this isn't like, I'm Don Cherry talked about that in the NHL. Like what used to weigh like these spongy pads when you played hockey, you know, just, you know, the pads used to weigh when you played sports. Now they're like this hard plastic and I just took up the game and it's like, dude, I've fallen on the ice with nothing and it, you like, in my age, you've got to hit by a truck. You get all the equipment on dude. It's hilarious. It's just, you like, you feel like you're a robot cop. You just fall down and nothing hurts. Now you get these guys where they, how fat they can skate, like 25 miles an hour or something and they come by and they catch you with that hard piece of plastic. It's like getting hit with a wrench. Like I saw a guy, Mark Savard, he got hit and he was falling through one of the shot, got hit. He like spun around 180 degrees and came back and he's never been back one hit really one hit. Yeah, dude. I mean, he hasn't been back. Connor right with jaw and he spun around like it obviously got an and I don't know. I mean, I don't know shit like a high level concussion. He was a phenomenal player and so people are saying we got to go back. to that because I'm like the the pad you have when you were younger like you hit stuff you still felt it right you know and then the pads would start to wear out you know towards the season you know and it would hurt but now it's just like this stuff it's so incredible if like I play obviously non-contact so it's great so if you fall down you don't hurt yourself but Just stuff like the NHL, they're talking about that, they're talking about like in the NFL, like having guys starting from like sort of like a stand-up position with their hands out because they every play. It's like, I'm not, boom, they're just slamming their heads together repeatedly. When you play the whole game, you got like, whatever. I don't know, 40, 50 plays. You slammed your head into another guy's head 50 times just that game. And then you play 16 games. Wow, I'm now this is beyond my fucking capability. 16 times you see any.

I think about the helmet, what it does is really it protects beyond a certain hit. All it's doing is protecting the skull. You won't get your dented skull, but like your brain is just getting sloshed around. So somebody has to come up with something. I don't how big would they help me where it can kind of like like your head just sits in there and you just the helmet moves around. Who do you not video I watched recently? I like I have such a poor science background. I just started like like sciences like it's incredible right? What was that the dumbest thing you ever heard? I'm just such a moron. Can I leave? Can I leave on that too?

I'm gonna go out on a limb. And say that is the dumbest thing I'm going to say this year. I really hope that that was the low point. If that's where you're leaving it now. Science is going to be fine. Science is like really incredible. You could have that bill on more often. That was just so. It's super neat. Um, now I was just watching this thing on gyroscopes. When I was a kid, they were called tops and you just spun them and stared at them. They weren't telling you what was going on. This guy like gets this gyroscope going and he puts it on like a cone and it's on the side and in my world, it's defying gravity and it's just going around this thing and I don't get how it works. I don't get what's going on.

I know that you didn't. You just, did I explain it bad? You just kind of like, yeah, I don't know what it was.

It's because of the growth of sex.

I think it's in a helicopter.

Well, I finally figured, I finally read, I didn't figure it out. They told me, like I'm discovering helicopter's to that back thing, the back roader is to prevent the thing from spinning around.

Do you know how many times I saw that? I didn't realize it. But that's what that thing's function was.

No, no, no, just look up gyroscope. You got to see this guy. what is what am i looking for just i'm just a gyroscope okay and this guy i swear to god he's gonna do something that's a better magic trick than i've ever seen anybody doing vagus it's just gyroscope on youtube with a little tiny thing yeah let me see this this guy this this fresh face right this guy right here No, that's not it. God damn.

It's been so fast. You know, hang on. You guys say something funny is just coming up.

Oh, it is. Yeah, look. All right. So what you want to be is get to. Okay. Yeah, get to about a minute 40 and somebody for the love of God explained to me how that works. How the fuck does that happen?

Yeah, and it's not hitting the floor until it runs out of momentum.

Look at that.

Dude, that is magic to me.

What I just love that there's the technology of that, and then some dumbass like me can get on one, like, well, yeah, slam into a wall.

If I'm ever out of like if there's ever power outage I'm getting one of these if I have to entertain guests I'm just gonna start spinning this thing with jars with this lava rock right there people gonna be blown away like look at it you can start a call I cause the power outage This this got to be people dumber than me that would actually buy into it.

Hmm, do I swear to god you could actually how dumb the average person is like I consider myself an average person you go to a bar with one of those think they literally like five bucks and you could just like blow chicks minds with the just blah, you know, you think they fuck you's anybody ever got me because of a gyroscope you do it if you were in a cape and you show it with that thing it's over game was a big pointy red things like Dracula and then you know you do when they ask you questions as you delay for a second to stare at them like you're mysterious like Ryan Gosling and drive yeah Ryan Gosling and drive he did that he did like like that delay thing and like mine fucked you like what's going on what's happening here yeah he did the broken guy thing like hmm guys broken

It's kind of on for smile. And I completely stole him in a apology. I completely stole all of that on that flight to Indy. I was just like, I'm going to do a Ryan Gawson would do. I'm going to have this look on my face like I just got done fucking your wife and there's nothing you could do about whoo.

I had three shows to get to. He was another like he wasn't good. I just you haven't just like no. I mean you never 100% know I just knew he wasn't gonna do anything and I knew if I didn't I was sort of feeding it I was being a dick I was being a dick but Something actually said a great thing when he came around you should have invited him to your show. That would have been great. They said you should have given him tickets. It was your old school where you actually had tickets.

I did open with it that night. Did you really? Yeah, but I was still kind of weirded out by it, so it kind of came out as creepy rather than, so I just was like, all right, this is, this is more of a podcast story, so.

But I think that they're, it's like, they're into the specials, they're into the podcast and thing. You just, it's great, man. You just carve out your own little store in the internet. This is me. This is what I do. If you like it, come on out. And then all you do is you just never fuck them. You always come out with a new hour. And you never take a show off. You just don't fuck them because that's the relationship. When they say they love you, it's basically I love you until you suck. Don't fuck me. Yes. That's basically it because we don't know each other. So I understand the responsibility of that. And I always try to have good openers. I just want the wider wire. Good show. You came out. Good time. Go out there. fucking take pictures, kissing baby, shaking hands, it's great. I really like afterwards, at first I didn't like going out there, but that was more my awkwardness and then my issues with that shit. But now I've actually, I kind of know, as long as it's not like super drunk, those people, it's like a motorboat in your face, just spinning. You feel fucking funny. They complimenting you, it's like spitting in your face. That becomes, and then it's like, you know,

And you can't expect anything more out of them because I've done the same thing. I love bands in the 80s and then they started to suck and I never bought any more of their albums. So am I really a fan? It's like, I like you when you do good stuff. I like you when you do stuff. I like.

Yeah. Behind like prior and then you know, Carlin's body of work or Bill Cosby, I mean, you just have to like, it's all subjective.

What's all happened?

Yeah, and it's also like a ban thing. Some people like rush. Right. And Neil Pert, some people like Led Zeppelin and John Bonham and that thing never. But who cares? As long as you're in, you just want to be in the argument.

prior all time number one tires number one and then it's it's kinnison and then hicks and then then then Carl but there's a through line to that that order that makes sense to me like I can see that you did obviously I mean I know that you do stand up obviously but like there's like that order I like if I just saw someone list it like that I'd be like okay this guy he likes this style you know what I mean yeah like kinnison is is like if he had just come out the other side where like it seemed like he like just fell into every pitfall.

All the same is just stepped in every track. The whole thing like like in 86 like I mean that was one of the you know his first letterman spot to is fucking unbelievable just to vibe in the studio you can feel it like we have no idea what this guy is gonna do man this guy and he came out and did not disappoint but if you look at the difference between the first one and the second one it's already starting like whatever he was going through but I remember when he got all cleaned up and he was he was coming back it was really like the Stevie Ray Vaughn thing like really just got all cleaned up turn in and around and it's like oh my god you know when he died they found cocaine in the system it was never really cleaned up

I think people always kill my theories with facts. He was, I think I meant that a guy the other day about doing, you know, when you were standing on stage, you were getting booed, and I, and I, it just was like, You know, that really inspired me. You stood there and the deal was just like, yeah, I was so high. I didn't even hear the booze. So just let me have that fantasy because the fantasy, you know, inspired me my fantasy version of who you are that he didn't go a fuck.

But it's not like you don't lose. that he just he was adjusting and right as he was coming out of it evidently still was coming out of it according to you like I would have loved to have seen what that guy was gonna do because I don't I think he was done and this is why I think he was done I think you could only do coke for so long you're crushing me I'm sorry. I can't I held hold on to my dream that he would have come back and he would have died. He could have died.

I think you're being too hot in the guy. Really? Yeah, because he died prematurely. You're talking about like he's still alive. He died in 90s. He died in the 90s. Dude, I'm older than he was when he died. Yeah. So I mean, like, you know, I'm just saying like he was pulling himself out of the mud and then he died. So I mean, it's like, it just gets caught off. So you have no idea.

Yes, I am because it's like you're making it seem like those last few years. That's what all that's all he was gonna be. You can't say that.

That's a funny way of talking like if John Bonham was your favorite drama would you talk about those 52 shots of vodka he took I'm telling you he was fat he was so big he couldn't get over to the floor Tom say he had a he had a floor Tom is a rack Tom because he was so fat he couldn't get around I don't know what that means I don't know what you just said that's there's allegedly he had a floor Tom 15 inch rack Tom by the end of it. What's that mean gigantic it's usually you have a C sink sink sink thing when the the guy plays ball On the floor, right. That's a floor term. This guy allegedly was so fucking fat. He couldn't get around to him. So he just just giant fucking through an easy younger. When he's younger he's doing his he's doing his triplets and he would do this thing where it was just like kick left right and then it was boom boom and then crossover and then back and it was And we did like a 90 miles an hour you see it royal Albert Hall at the height of his fucking powers dude unbelievable drummer and then as he got older that his finesse was was incredible like he didn't he didn't like he didn't have to do all that to get the same kind of power and But what people would do is they would they you know

coming out with a speed bag. Common comedy speed. Joe Piscopal for just going out. Yeah, Joe Piscopal and that was it. Do you know that he took a steroid test. during his special. What? He had a special where he, everyone was saying he was on Roids.

So then in an all stem from some comments, somebody maybe took a shirt off at a pool, like classic sensitive performer. And then he just went the other way with it.

We just became like shred them. That guy was shred it.

I mean, I'm talking about magazine article. I read like in the 80s. So he got all big like that so he has a special act that when he does like axle rows and he does all these guys and in the beginning of it somewhere towards the beginning he just has a guy in a lab coat. Come out or something he's saying a lot of people say I'm taking Roy's or whatever so. The band's playing, he goes off stage and basically I guess peas in this cup. No way. And he does his whole special and the special ends in this guy comes back out with the classic I'm a doctor, lab coat. And he comes out and he's like, what's the word? And then he goes, clean, he's like, it's clean. And that way, I swear to say it out loud is so nuts, I'm starting to wonder if it happened. And I apologize if he's listening and I got it wrong, I really shouldn't have done that.

I've never been able to start it.

It shoots through schools. I loved him.

Yeah, that was great

That's one. Everybody's got that moment. You're clear. You'd like to have it back.

fucking watch is still in the middle.

I mean, he wasn't that big. He just got in great shape.

Yeah, he's got, he's got a, yeah, he's got to come up. You got to have a button down.

I've never understood that.

Like just the theories people would have. You're too big. That's not funny. People, people want to see somebody up, like people with their theories. Don't have a beard. A beard. is bad. I mean, they need to see your facial expression. It's just so much horseshoe that you hear.

The beard didn't work for him at all.

What a fucking black hole just like so many like he like what would that guy like I just still kills me I didn't even know that well. I met him a couple times but like me to same thing it's just like that guy. I mean he's brilliant. Oh my god. It's so fucking rich. I mean I just sat there and he just became a fan for some of my song was in Leo Largo on Fairfax. And what was awesome was it was this guy who ran the room who was good at running the room and he had real difficulty. Like just one of those guys were standing up was it was so difficult. He wasn't likable and he would just go on stage and you know those guys they just did come on stage and just for whatever reason whatever they're putting out the crowd just hates him. Right. And he went up there just flailing, flailing and so he's running the room and then he brings up headburg and headburg goes up there and just instantly is killing and he was doing shit like what if you got mad at fruit was this crazy jokes he was trying that he's just like fucking fruit let's just wait wait he did it who's so fucking ridiculous and it just you are led just locked in it we he was just one of those guys I don't care if you had fucking 12 beers and you you just knew instantly I am watching a genius yeah and you would just it was um... Yeah, man. I just, that's dope.

he did I heard that he actually had the balls he went on Letterman and on one of his sets he called back to his joke he did on a previous set on Letterman just to see if anybody noticed I mean it's just like that I mean I tap out right there. I'm just like, Jesus, correct.

And every once in a while when he cursed it was great.

being at work in their boss break in your balls about going on break and one of my favorite like most one of those blue-collar details that I never heard anybody bring up on stage he was like imitating you know given shit to his boss he said I'll take a 20 minute shit on the clock if I want and I was just like oh my god I used to work with a guy who did that every day just dog and it just hit his life he would grab the newspaper It was just like he got we just had a break the roach coach pulled up we just had the break and he used it to get he was so fucking miserable to get from the break to get to lunch He had this routine where he would go and he's like I have to go to the bathroom and we would all break his balls. It's like Joe you fucking went in there like nine hours, you know and he would just laugh and he would just walk in Sit down and just read the newspaper. I don't even think he was taking a shit. He would just sit on this bowl. Just to have this like I never forget that shit. Like how lucky my life is to tell jokes. Let's just like that like your game plan is you ate your job so bad that you pretend to take a shit for 20 minutes every day. Just to get to lunch. That's a lot of guys. You can get fired for that. Oh, now it days with all the cameras and everything they can really break down exactly when you because back in the day that fucking six minutes. Yeah, they would bring up earlier. How quick am I supposed to take a shit?

You're setting the people in the cubicles that you're walking by as you go to the as you go to the toilet.

Well, you're sharing. That was one of the dumbest things we have it did. We used to be used to ship out like this computer software. We were the middle man between like software companies and people ordering software. This is like the 80s. So there's no internet. So people would come to our company. I mean, the company I work for where they had all this software. I've noticed one, two, three, D-base, three, all this old school shit. And one day we got into this stupid guy competitive thing. like fucking morons we didn't realize it like who's shipping out the most so we started saving a competing with one another and this guy shipped out a hundred packages so the next day I did one twenty and then he did one sixty move fighting and then the fucking management got room for they're like oh yeah why don't you start keeping uh... a number and then they figured out who was being the most efficient and guy started losing their job so i even back then i was like do you guys stop fucking doing it stop doing it because we're literally cutting our own fucking what you're making so you put yourself in a race that's there's no one yeah we didn't know any better yeah we didn't know any better we like 1920 so we used to fucking go out and drink like a 12 pack of beer and eat McDonald's at one in the morning and by like eight o'clock we were unloading trucks find laughing and then we would work we do all this shit and then during lunch hour we would go out and play basketball in like just regular sneakers in like 501 blues remember that the butterfly and you'd be okay you come back and pour and sweat and then just keep on look it's a great shape I was ever in in my life and then in the end of work I would then go lift and go ride a bike do I mean what time I want a bike ride hammered I was so into working out fucking bike ride I'm on like a 12-speed bike that I bought when I still have it by the way in my garage I refuse to throw shit out and I remember being hammered on the bike and I'm sweating so I'm becoming more hammered I was going to do this 11 mile loop that it became 07 and then I just kind of came back and I was like on the bike laughing and I was like 2021 and was only beginning to understand the fragility of life and I knew that what I was doing was stupid but I couldn't get I just kept picturing my friends laughing at me and I was literally by myself writing this bike laughing drunk driving up the street Yeah, I've been here for two and a half hours like I'm just taking snippets from fucking the 80s. I got nothing left.

Dude, I just drink a lot of Donald's and tear down that place. I would get two quarter pounds with cheese. A large fry, a six-piece Mcnugget that I never liked them. I never thought an ace to try the different sauces. I used to go with that mustard. Never taste good. I just wanted something to fill the void. And then I would get like a couple of cheeseburgers. And I think it just took giant coke and just throw that down and wake up the next day with a flat stomach. And I already drank like, you know, eight, nine beers. We got a fight. We got a little fight one time right under the golden arches and the next town over. I don't know what happened. These guys came in classic Boston shit. They just come walking and they give everybody the finger. Of course we've spawned to it. And next thing you know, we're out underneath the golden arches. There's like five of us into them. And my buddy, what we thought, he starts swinging on the big one and then the little one. He sort of jumped in and just became this big it looked like wrestling you know when like they all come running out of the dressing to help each other runs snow everybody's drunk just falling down We so fucking drunk the cops were there like sort of misting mace for like and I don't know how long like we didn't even see him pull up Everybody's like eyes are like tear it up and shit and then what was hilarious was they just broke us up And they fuck it. And then like two seconds later, we're back in our car. And the same two guys we were fighting were coming back up to the car. It's like, where did the cops go? I thought it was over. And the guys like that was a bullshit punch. I don't know what the little one goes. I said, man, he goes, we laugh at your shit. It was fucking nuts. I got to give it up to him. It was fucking four on two or whatever. And they didn't give a shit. They definitely laughed at our shit. They didn't hear. They ate that mason. They came right back. They were ready. Yeah, one right up to our face. Right up to our four desk court. They did not give a fuck.

Something happened. Nobody got it full on like it was just like your eye. I thought we thought it was the snow like they had thrown rock salt because we were on the ground. I don't know what it was, but it was just like unbelievably fucking era, but we were hammered. I thought like a fucking police car pulled up and nobody noticed. That's hilarious. Whatever was going on.

I was never, I was never a fighter man. I fucking hated that shit. Like I saw so many guys just like you just thought like you know that YouTube videos you see someone's already knocked out and they're unconscious and they get that extra two three boots to the head you like, oh my god for the love for the love of God just you won.

Yeah, no. My thing that I always used to get psyched up because I was like, all right, I'll fight my older brother and lose and I'll take the ass kicking, but he has to deal with the fact that dad's coming home. This guy doesn't have to stop. Dad's coming home within this relationship and he can just keep going and I've always been slow with shit. So you could literally tell me what you're going to throw and tell me exactly what to do. You're still going to hit me. He had already. like I really like if I would have died in like 1980 if there wasn't for all this medicine and shit like I shouldn't be I'm one of the weak ones I really like I had my appendix ruptured I would have if it was the 1800s I would have died under like a stack of blankets as they spongeed off my giant for that would have been it would have been buried out by the outhouse when the Germany's blew I don't know it was weird it just kind of was kept hurting and hurting how old were you 12 that's it's terrifying and it was it was ruptured and they didn't know what was one day I'd be fine the next day I was at and my brother's convinced that he knows what and have we playing baseball and what ball came up and he said it hit me on the side I don't think it did I can't remember but I just remember Mike my parents were always just like you find you find do I get hit by a car and they sent the ambulance away and we took a cab to a better hospital and my mother was going to stay awake just the way

Yeah. There's obviously major arteries that connect the top to the bottom, right? I mean, the blood's got to get down. It's basically, you got the 405 on one side, the 101 of the other.

The hip, it wasn't any vitals. No. See that? I know the questions to ask. Yeah. Vitals makes you sound like, you know what you're talking about.

Dude, you know what, day I'm going to the hospital already. The amount of people that I know that died and they say for three days they're going, you know, I just don't feel right. Yeah, like when you feel that go to the foot. Go to the fucking house. It's just like let's do a fucking full body cat scan. Yeah, that's such a scam. Find something.

Yeah, I think that's for a bunch of other ones. This is the guy who wanted to meet his rock, if you see this one. They like make him pull up your knees up into your fucking shoulders.

when all the the trauma I've seen in person I don't like that shit where after the dudes knocked out and then the guy comes up and it's like one two three four and then the death gets there.

There's the arm bars. I still remember I forget what fight it was. I think it was when Matthews had what's his face in the arm bar and just wouldn't have to gracey family like

Yeah. He said something like, oh my God, you're like that armist.

And I literally, I had to look away because I was like going, I'm going to see two bones come through the skin. That is one of the, like, he was just like, fuck, like, I am not. That's one of the toughest things I've ever seen.

Straight arm bar. God.

I mean, I don't know what the fuck they did to put his arm together back in the day.

No, I remember one time one over your house and I woke up in my number I woke up with. And the fucking thing was over. Like I didn't realize how much I was sweating like my back of my knees to my ass. It was like a random marathon.

I'm sitting in that vinyl fucking chair.

I don't know. Whatever the hell it was. Parenting and leather.

You just found the last two and a half hours.

Yeah, see, look at it.

We're off the shoulder. Well, how they put it together, the 1940s. Fuck. Right after that.

Come on, it's not.

Um, imagine how they built his own god knows what they did. Well, that's that Bobby or shit.

It's a great exercise.

For Sam Kinnison, not Bobby York. He just killed him.

You don't have to take when you stand there and do the jazzy thing.

If you look, anybody 12 years or younger, they go, okay, go through the old school one. Hmm. So it's like, what is that because that will disrupt him hitting puberty? Yeah, they do.

I don't know. I just saw that. I'm like, if you hit me with enough shit, the fuck can kill him. I don't want to go through it. I always go through the pat down.

And they'll like say bring that fucking idiot.

Yeah, but you want to sit there. I don't understand that when something amazing is happening that all of a sudden you take out a camera and start filming it. Now it's like you watch it on this small screen. It's like you have life, life screen.

But you're going to check the thing. That's just, you know.

Because if you know, if you know how to tell the story, you can pay the picture. Like you guys kind of know what that dude look like you in them. I mean I told it was like a fucking eight nine minutes story.

I'm sorry, but you know right before 9-11 I was going through LAX and it was like taking a red eye and James Brown was on the radio get on up and the girl was sitting there dancing and singing the song and I fucking shot her a look and I think she thought I was looking at her in a racist way I was more looking like do you understand that like my life is in your hands and you're sitting over here fucking sliding across the floor what the fuck are you doing and then a few weeks later that bullshit happened oh TSA person was doing that yeah Defiantly singing the song staring at me because she caught my vibe like what are you doing and then a few weeks later 9-11 happens and then they got all these guys remember they had the fucking guys with the look like we were in Israel for a second yeah those guys have gone away and that's the exact same jerk-offs You know, that all jerk off spot. There's enough dead weight. Come on, TSA. You know, there's some people that should be on the squad.

That's really, really truly gave a shit about your safety. They would get who that guy on my plane was pretending to be. They would get that guy and Ari would stand down. You would feel that desert eagle vibe.

Sorry, you know, once again saw this didn't research what are the outsourcing they're bringing in an indie people when they after so many miles you have to rebuild the jet engine They're outsourcing it outside of this country and the FAA can't regulate it.

That's why I saw a great video on YouTube on how I jet engine works too suck squeeze bang blow that was called works. That's that's the principles Oh, suck in the air. You compress it. And then you mix it with the jet fuel and a fucking explodes and then to how you get your thrust.

I know, I know a guy who said to a girl was talking about that shit. I don't know what his name. Yeah, Kim trails was talking about that shit and this girl's got your crazy crazy so one day you looked up and there was these weird fucking tech tech toe shit in the sky that you hadn't seen before and he just texted her the next day he goes look up

Well, that's what it is. It is, you don't know what it is, neither the wise.

Yeah, because I got tired of arguing with Eddie Bravo. I talked to Pilots, Bill Burr. So what? And Pilots explained to me exactly what it is. What causes Do you know how fucking annoying it is to someone who doesn't fly a plane to come up? That's the same person like to somebody in the crowd going, so like, how do you get your material? Do you guys friend in the mind?

Friend in mind, it's a pilot. All right. I'm too far into this to say you're right.

Oh no, but I heard you say as long as you're up, they put the president up there. That's what I work. Hey.

Yeah. There's so many levels under the White House. They don't even stay in there. They have like, you know, look at likes with like micro chips.

You think he rubbed one out there?

Fucking blew a ticker.

I know I know a guy where he had like major health problems and he had to get his stomach stapled So and he was using Viagra and they said you can't use this stuff because the medicine he was taking for whatever else he had they said like it's it's thinning it's thins out your blood if you know if you have sex I don't know like the blood's gonna Rush out of your head or whatever, okay? And you're gonna fucking die. This is like true. Like I'm stupid to remember what he said. So he's like, I was like, Doc, you know, if I can't fuck, I don't want to live. This is the guy's like, all right, there is one way you can do it. when you take the Viagra okay you have to be on the bottom and you have to be laying down it's all about standing up so it doesn't fucking rush down so you've got to lay down and you can have this girl ride you but you have for four hours you have to lay in this bed and he's like done I'm doing it this is how much the guy like because I don't I can't possibly I don't want to live right so he's fucking lay in there this girl rides him And he lays it for four hours has no fucking problem. This is the thing. And then he starts getting cocky three and a half hours three hours starts going on the computer. So one time to get up too early and he's getting lightheaded and shit. And he goes, I didn't think anything about it. And he fucking was walking up a flight of stairs. And it just went black. And he was fucking unconscious. And the only thing that saved him was he fell backwards down the stairs. And his legs were pointed up. And the blood came down. And at that point my fucking career banging it's over and this guy I'll tell you what you know the guy. I'll tell you what is like you know afterwards. Have them tell you the story. Is it Ralphie May? No. No. That didn't sound like Ralphie didn't. That was like Ralphie with his protection.

I'll tell you. He had to get his stomach staple, you know. Jay had a little beer weight, that was it, you know. He got it off, you know? Who was it?

No, you know, actually I don't.

I'm outside when I'm outside thunder dome here.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't know. I contact your eyes or clothes.

Jackson mail. The site is secure. That's the new. That's the new. Jackson the mail. This site is totally secure.

The guy who built it has some sort of back door. That's how he gets pussy.

See the back door?

Yeah, that's why you never never use your debit card ever. Really that's your money. Something happens that's you. The credit card. That's the house is money. I'm not saying to rack it all the way up. I get a buddy of mine across the Cutes identity theft and this is some real shit. This is this is real talk. Yo. I have it. Always use. If someone's going to double swipe it, you want it to be their money. So then they call up and then like, did you get a lap dance in Toronto? No, I did not have fun with that shit. I'm out. If you use your debit card, now they got you, they got your card and then it's like you have to go down to the fucking bank and be like, I didn't spend 65 bucks at an auto zone or all of that shit and you have to go Rather than it being a quick phone call, you have to go through all of this bullshit.

I'm, look, it's one of those things I don't want to fuck with. I mean, you want to do it that way. Absolutely.

Yeah, well, I just know it's a quicker phone call. I know somebody had it recently. They had to go down to the bag. And I'm just so fucking lazy. I can take my identity Jesus Christ. I don't want to go down to the bag.

Somebody risk going to jail and like, you know what? I'm going to do a good dive of chocolate. Let's hit their first.

Yeah, there's another thing that they do is they use the gifts certificate and they don't use all of it and they try to get the change back. Can you do that?

I got a buddy who's a lawyer and whenever I go into the time where he prosecutes, because he's the shit. If I have time, it's you just sit there and you watch your case. It's it's fucking unreal.

I saw drug one. I saw a drug one and like it was just fascinating because like the first guy he brings up the prosecutor stood I know was a moron a fucking moron and he's sitting there big this cop idiot and the dude literally goes like hands on this he goes do you recognize this and he looks at the piece of paper and he goes out no I don't and they go that's your police report that's like how bad this guy was and I was like oh my god my buddy's gonna get crushed in this one But like when it was over, he came up to me. He goes, how'd you like that? And I was like, that seemed awfully because not on where he goes. I always start off with the weakest one. He gets the other people confident. And then it's almost like a comedy show. He started off with the fucking open mic. And then they slowly bring the new surround. And then they actually, it was on a Raymond to see if it was supposed to go to trial. And uh, the dude, they actually had enough. So this guy was going to trial and when he, when the end, he walked by and he said to my buddy, go, so I'm taking this all the way like he's like, I'm fighting this all the way to the top like dude, it was the sickest drama like ever and there was a couple of old people in there. I'm like, do they like not have cable and they just come down here and they're like, yeah. They come down and they what I felt bad like I'm like this guy could go to jail and I'm sitting here being entertained by this I wanted to see like okay, I'm supporting my buddy, but like it was it was really like was fucking unreal. It was way better than like even though the TV and they ramp it up Didn't you I right I did it and you know and they do the stupid like you know, you just yell at somebody. Yeah, to actually see that the way that they do it It's what it is. It's like a bullet constrictor every time you exhale the prosecution just gets a little tighter and you see the person sitting there that body language are all confident and then his evidence is getting introduced you see them start kind of sitting up they start to do it. It is fucking it's unreal. It's unreal human drama right it's hard to hard to deny somebody's freedom yeah I don't think I'll ever do it again because I felt bad because it was it was unbelievably in a fucked up way was it was riveting was fucking riveting did you see that case where that chick who was accused of killing her roommate in Italy she was acquitted because there was some sort of a problem with the evidence now she's in Seattle they go we're gonna try it again come on back to Italy go fuck yourself yeah

There's no way I could have a sleep again if that happened to me. And you can't imagine that it's just a country.

Well, what if they just let me just just go with my comedy angle here? Dude, you're just sleeping in Seattle. Just like Tom Hanks. Right? Well, I'm Melanie Grepp. Please bless. Whoever, right? Sleeping now. Throwing kicks in the night, right? And you just go to sleep every night, knowing there's a country that's out to get you. It's an entire fucking country wants to get you. And so they're they're pulling every this like conversations going on in Washington DC about you. Go come on man. Look who you want for this girl. Who do you want for Joe Rogan like they're trading you right like a baseball card. All right. You got a political prisoner. We want for them to know I'm not the given you for I'll give you three and you're sitting there in one day that fucking van pulls up. Dude, I, I, you know, I would have a cyanide pill on me at all, even if I was wearing a tank top, I'd have in the little straps.

You fish with me and want me. You never, you never leave. home bait like you have to stay within the herd over here you got to be and you can't be that little fucking thing running on the side of the herd can't even go up to Canada for fucking hockey game who knows what happens when you go through customs true okay and she's right there I would be sitting there going like what have I got hammered one night and I started driving up to five and I wasn't paying attention and I fucking went through customs they'd rest me for drinking and drive it and then they got some they're in bed with the Italians because you know they're in a good post up there they fucking hook them up I see you know you're getting fly back to cattle's event with your time. No, no, no Vancouver. Right then you're in that fucking jumpsuit like And then you know when you're sitting there all you thinking about it was at the Schwarzenegger movie the raw deal where he knocked the guy out with the elbow and then climbed down the fucking landing gear and you land in the marsh right? Right. That's why I would be thinking of Is that doable? Is that cool? Is that doable? And I know you just keep going like this. You crash your arms like this. And you just jump in.

Yes. What? I have a lot of way over here to get an English muffin. I'm running out of this.

They are literally burning 3,000 calories to get 5,500. How do you stay nourished?

We got it. We got to do a new like exercise video just parachute out of this business. We'll just do like the last going to work out.

So what you do is you just stick people in these extreme conditions like when it's snowing out just near a mall. I mean, you're right near shit. This is an ambulance there, but you just make him keep going up and down the hill like as far as that guy goes in the middle of Alaska. You just like dude, you can't come back to civilization that's right there. You can literally see a J.C. Penny, but we're not fucking letting you back until you go up and down this mountain as you leave fucking times and that you'll little burn all that stuff. And then you take them over to the orange Julius.

Well, I have an exercise. video is slowly working towards that. Like this isn't like this stupid. What people are doing is they're just blowing out their joints. Like if you just knew how to fucking eat, you don't have to go like, people are going to need hip replacements. You don't go on a fucking elliptical and for an hour straight do the exact same motion. You're going to have the running the hips of James Brown. Actually, let's go machine's not bad. It's horrific. Really? I have momentum. Don't fuck with me. I never read it.

You shouldn't have had me. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about.

That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That's what I'm all about. That

Well, dude, even though I got you doing what you have to fucking consume a whale's worth of fish oil every day. So you can brush your teeth. I mean, this got to be like, oh, yeah, I'm a nominal fucking shape, but it's just like, you know, those joints got to last you. Well, you know what, the reality is, is we're all going to be on a road soon. They're already doing it with old people. That's synogenic slate at night when they show those guys. That's HGH. They're just rowing up old people.

Every once in a while. You do slowly go down, you have that private pile of kind of face, and then your wife's just like, yo, I'm already in a world of shit.

You don't want to be in the forefront of anything.

It's clean.

Yeah, no, he had a bad period. I read his book. Man, I was right. He goes, I had, he goes, I had that bad period. And that just followed me forever. He goes, all these people who died, he goes, you know, do a line of coke and just sit there and do another one. He goes, you walk around. A blah, blah, a couple more hours. You take another bike. He's very like, he knew how to do it. Slashes book was another one where he knew How to do it like he was in you know some people just use comedy as a stepping stone to get the acting and then this people who just love it like I love seeing the mic stand you know when nobody in there and it's lit and shit like I'm not I love it I'm too slash it gets a junkie like I was reading it was like he made it sound and to see goes I love the whole thing I love copying the stuff. I hope I'm not miscoording him. It was basically the gist. I love the whole cooking and up and he like he goes I was really into but it seemed like because You know, it's kind of like a guy who just sits down and plays drums and a guy who can actually tune him and like build a car or whatever.

I just don't know why you would ever fuck at this point. There's just, it's so much evidence.

I like that skin. I like that skin.

That sounds like a pre-existing condition.

The fact that you can dance during a show and you need like a hip replacement like over the years of just kind of doing the same dance with like like Prince James Brown they needed like hip replacement from dancing so here you are you're not a hofer Prince needed a hip replacement yeah but for real I thought I heard that I really I really pay attention to how much shit I say and I always clarify it with I can't remember who'd said it

Yeah, I heard from somebody else go sometimes they just say that where they because they're discounted to any more. The guy on my hips walked up them out. All right. Yeah, I'm taking off. I got to tell you right now, the shit I've overheard.

I had a buddy of mine. We went to a game and he had handicapped plates and I thought it was like his grandmother's car or something. He said, no, I should have a hip replacement. I was like, where is it? Six weeks ago. He's just sitting there walking and I'm like, dude, what the fuck? He goes, yeah. He goes, I needed it like five years ago when the guy told me if I can tough out the pain, just wait. and he did and that's the thing like I'm telling you it's far like the hair stuff goes you know like they're gonna come up with a pill dude and but there's gonna be a price you have to pay if you want to full head and hair I think like it's like would you take a pill to get your hair back right that like they strap you down And it's like, for 90 seconds, it's gonna feel like you fucking heads on fires. That shit goes, that shit goes. But in the end, you're gonna have like, game show.

Yeah. I'll be on fire.

This is a fucking about getting a butterfly in your ass. I'm talking about shit.

I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, you know what'd be funny is then like it would become like if you see a bald guy who'd be considered a pussy because he could take any of the 90 seconds.

That's what he would argue, but you know all those guys with the guy smiley haircut at that point. But he talks a little in there with me giving him a shit. Oh, I want you to do it. We'll do it right here at the bar.

No, you know, they're due to delicious. It'd be like the accused. Some bald guy would finally get held down. They're giving them the Come on, Collins kid, you're next.

I'm so clearly the friend. 44. Yeah, you're done.

It's over. It's a wrap. And you know what, there's nothing better than acknowledging that. I mean, I, you know, I'm keeping the rest of it looking good. But what, what the fuck are you going to do?

Are they take little plastic things with hair stuck? Do you have those?

They take like a strip. And they put it on the Petri dish. Well, now they got it where they just vacuum it out. They take one at a time.

Yeah, you know see the whole I had a buddy might go to check you do it. You just fucking do it and I sat that I want to do it. It is a bloody Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You know what's the worst one is a fucking two-pay. Like this hat you just can't take off like how fucking sweaty.

They just so it's like a weave for guys.

Like they go the stuff in the back never comes out. So we put it up here. And it's like, well, the rest of this shit's gonna fall out. So then what's gonna happen? And then also it's like, I feel like I'm dropping this shit behind enemy lines. Like they're in the safe zone here.

It's all kind of like I believe in the whole. There's no getting your cake and eat it. Yeah. If you get your hair back that he got a like you got something has to be taken away. That's what I love about the overall arc of breaking bad. It's everything time they get to a level like there's something that loses. Right. And this and another part of their soul gets like taken away. And I feel like that like dude, you have no idea all these drugs. What the fuck? This is doing to you liver. I found out the other day this stuff that rhymes with Rylan all PM. I just want to get you in trouble. I heard like taking a couple of those is like going on a three-day bender. It's very bad for you. And I kind of went into the drugstore and because I needed some, I still take it every once in a while. They fucking, they don't have it. It got recalled.

I love it. I love how you can't win.

Not yet, which is why they're those old guys that put them on HGH. Because that's not for us. That's for the, the fucking guys up top. They're using them as guinea pigs. Let's see if we can keep these guys alive.

He goes, he goes, he was a fucking Ryan. He was talking about how many agents he knew in Hollywood. who would take, they would take in this testosterone shit, because they thought I gave them an edge. And I was just thinking to some, Roy did up guy trying to get you a fucking audition for a quote in the gym.

I'm going through the dirty south.

Athens, Georgia. The 10th. I'm at the style dome. I'm going to 11th. I'm doing a theater in South Carolina, but whatever your capital is Columbia, I think. And then I got two shows at the Tabernacle on that Friday. It'll take two days off. And it'll happen. Yeah, I'm going to the Masters. And then I go Masters golf golf.

I just I'm a sports fan.

I love going there and I think Tigers back. He just fucking he looks so I think he's gonna do it. And if I can do that's Jordan with a golf club. And then I'm gonna go on Monday night.

Yeah, and then when you get outside of it, it begins to South again.

Yeah it's only $5.00. Great way to you know.

And while debut, I went straight to Netflix, and then after people watching on that, then I had to deal with like six weeks later, you could download it.

I broke my scale. Can I if you guys all listen to that?

They had DMV.com and you didn't have to go to the DMV.

Oh, don't they have that?

They have a website?

Great after working out. I'm going the other way.

You guys are also going to reach out to Lee Majors, right?