Transcript for #394 - Matt Fulchiron

It seems like there would be a better way to do all this. Oh yeah. Now let's mix it live. We'll do a live. The full charge is here ladies and gentlemen, Matt Fulltron is brought me a gluten-free beer. It's pretty good, right? You bad motherfucker. Yeah, that actually is. I got it at Bevmo down the street. It was a little worried. Sure. I would have been less worried if I didn't know that bad wiser and Heinrichin were both gluten-free. Oh, real.

Yeah, so we're gonna saw he's those in Sapporo's rice beers. That makes sense. Yeah, the the Heinrich and the number that they have as far as like what it when it becomes a glutinous Yeah, glutinous is more than 20 parts per million or something like that and Heinrich and his less than that. Well, that's good than now. So Heinrich and gluten free. I was all bombed out when I went to the gluten free option. I was like, there's no beer things going to suck a fat one.

I like a beer at a comedy club too.

Yeah, you know what you're doing. You regulated.

That's for sure. It really is amazing when you stop and think about how fucking dangerous drinking is for you as far as decision making and it's everywhere. Dude, it's not just legal. It's everywhere. Yeah. I'd look back at every fuck up I ever did and I'm drunk. I was drunk.

I know. It's fucking everywhere. It's the weirdest drug ever.

Well, what people understand is people are always going to have the option to get fucked up. Yeah. And they can do it right now. And the idea that you're going to take drugs away from them, so you're just taking options away. They can still get drugs. They get this stuff. It's everywhere. And no one's going to stop it. You're not stopping alcohol at this point. And you shouldn't. I know. You shouldn't stop it. But it's unfair if you just allow the alcohol because it's fucked up the society. It does.

We should not just have healthier options to get fucked up, but there are healthier options. But also, let's you know that you're being hoodwinked. Like it's in your face. Right. It's so in your face. Yeah. Like there's liquor stores everywhere. People drive up to them and get the liquor and drive away.

Dude, we went to a drive through liquor store in Phoenix. Remember that time? Yeah. Phoenix, the old club, the Tempe Emperor. Yeah. They used to not let us drink. What? It was so ridiculous.

Well, the dude was the guy who owned it was a fine gentleman. And I guess he just decided at one point in time that too many of these, these he then comedians were getting all licked up and fucking up his, he was drinking that too, wasn't he? He wasn't one point in time, but not anymore. My good sir, not anymore. I got it. Well, there was one guy and then there was the other guy who took over, but I brought a flask. I was like, look man. We're like, we're not here. So I just said, I just want some warm die Coke and my cold die Coke. I like to mix it up just perfectly. boardwalks you'll not legal the drink on stage and then we found out that it was bullshit that it wasn't that there wasn't a state law that said he had a sign saying it was a state law that you weren't allowed to drink on stage but everybody was like they know fucking state law you can drink on stage like that's ridiculous

It's very common. It's not just DUI, it's like, you know, a lot of different crimes, but they do have, you know, they have a real problem with that. There's a lot of people that say that it's unethical, it's just, like, how can you single out prisoners and make them, you know, humiliate them, making them wear girly colors and... It seems less outside.

Because you're in a tent. Well, it's also that guy is a real problem. Joe R. Pio guy. Right. He's such a cookie head. Yeah. I mean, even if you're conservative, like. I'm pretty conservative about a lot of different things. I'm pretty conservative about things like gun control. I side with like people on the right more than I do on the left. So many of my friends who are on the left are like gun control. We should need to get rid of guns. Just fucking get rid of guns. Right. That is just the most unrealistic proposition. And why would about nice people that have guns? You know, and the guns are already out there. It's not like something we're about to invent. Shall we push the button and start this revolution? No, they've been around fucking hundreds and hundreds of years. Yeah. So the idea of stopping guns is preposterous. Right. Background checks is a great idea, though. Sure. All that stuff is great. It's very smart. Gunshows?

But some people just take a deep. They take that conservatism. Sure. Not ideal luxury. I don't want these kids drinking on my stage. People always sell it out all. Like madness. Yeah. So can I have a shot and go on stage? Hold on. You're gonna be funny. I'm gonna do wilder. Not at my club. No, we're not trying to encourage that kind of a good time. You have a bar. Yeah.

To kill a shots. Yeah. On the regular, you would see me Phoenix know that a fucking party. They would have a platter and on this platter would be like 30 shot glasses with teal in it. Yeah, you know, they would happen all the time.

Yeah, all of a sudden. Point one five is pretty strong, right? Well, to meet now. It was 0.015. It used to be like 0.9, right? That it was legally dropped. And now it's 0.8. They dropped at the 0.8. People were complaining. They dropped it a little.

There's a real problem with drinking and driving without a doubt. Unquestionally, but it doesn't mean that you need to make the levels any luck lower and catch people with like barely a buzz. That seems a little shitty to me. It seems disingenuous to say that you've got all these places where they park their cars and they serve drinks, but you don't expect them to drink. Right, they all have to carpool there. They have to have a designated driver to go to your restaurant.

That's crazy shit. Yeah. There was a video that I posted up on Twitter the other day. It was called Speed kills your pocketbook. This is guy who detailed like the trap that is speed traps and he was focusing on Canada and it was all about Vancouver. This is one area of open road where it's like the equivalent of 30 miles an hour, you know, it's in kilometers, but it's equivalent of like 30 miles an hour, and it's like this long open highway. And the cops just wake, because nobody goes 30, there's nothing around you, anywhere near you. And so the cops just wait there in the bushes, and they like, we're bragging on Facebook about the a number of tickets that they got. The cops weren't? Yes, they were saying, you know, this is a record season for citations and the money going to this and that and this and that, they're just stealing money from people. you're making a crazy rule you're saying they have they're gonna go 30 miles an hour on a highway and then when they go like 50 or 60 you you point your gun at them you pull them over and then you rob money from them right it's all about the profit at this point and then they're getting on the internet and being

Well, what's interesting is they also had a study that showed that that stretch of land is like one of the safest places in all of the Vancouver area, right? Like they have the one of some of the least traffic accidents there of anywhere, right? So because of that, like because there's no justification for fucking keeping it slow. I mean, it's not like people are dying left and right and you need to slow this fucking crazy animal trying down. Like no one's ever died there. It's ridiculous. Like when you see this stretch and you go, wow, that's 30 miles an hour. That's crazy. It's highway.

Yeah, just giving you.

That's criminal. It really is. So it's disgusting. It's one of the good things about California. California. They do drunk driving stings and shit like that, but they're not nearly as bad with with speeding tickets as they are in like Connecticut or someone like that. That place is fucking brutal. So everything's 55 miles an hour and they're just waiting with radar guns everywhere.

Yeah, they're just stealing money, man. All those assholes, 55 miles an hour. What a, what am I a fucking baby? What am I on a horse? 55 miles an hour. That is some stupid shit.

Oh, that's right. Yeah Sarah no name. Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty good. Those guys are awesome.

Oh, it's just fucking we just played Karaoke when we sang at Kiss. Love gun. Pretty good. It was ridiculous. No, it's not pretty good.

I don't know. They're really cool though. And no name he has his own show now, and she has her own show show.

She's still in San Francisco. Just if I get an up in the morning. Yeah. If it's not open in Anthony, there's the only ones that get me to get up in the morning. It's like, how early? Bitch.

Has ever done this? Did you do it? No. I'm gonna stay up one day and do Joey's podcasts, but I'm gonna stay up.

It's hard to get up. But if you call Joey at 11 o'clock at night, it's phones off.

I live in a clock at night dog. My phone is off. I got the machine on. I'm getting my feet rubbed.

I like the fact that he texted me. I love it there, didn't I? Was that like it? Because it's, well, there was a time where he was scream at Brian. Brian would send him texts to a cell phone. We made a video of it. He was screaming at him. Like if you left a text message, he would want to kill you. Really? Do we want to kill you? And now it's a voicemail. If you leave a voicemail, he wants to kill you. Really? He gets mad at you. So now he's pro-text. This is all news to him. He won't like, I'm telling you he gets mad at you. Joe, what the fuck do I say? Do not leave me voice messages. I go to get those fucking voice messages and freezes up on me. Do not leave me voice messages. Am I fucking clear? Yes. And you're like, dude, I thought you were joking. You really don't want the, I fucking hate them. It makes me sick to my stomach. I look at my fucking phone. I see the voicemail message. It makes me sick to my stomach. I agree. I wish I knew all this. I don't understand that.

But when someone calls you, sometimes they have something important to say. There's nothing wrong with a voicemail. It's sometimes the word to call back.

Oh fuck yeah. You know, if it's the worst, if somebody calls you up, okay, are you sitting down? No, what's this? God damn why are you gonna fuck me? Why are you fucking with my head right now? I don't even remember that dude. Yeah, exactly. I freaking me out. Done by his number. I lost that cat five years ago. I deleted him.

Back in the day.

You this meaning an iPhone so before you have like a flip phone when you want to catch like this doesn't it wasn't even flip it was just shitty.

And I was like, well, okay, what's the switching from an old piece of shit phone to like modern Star Trek type shit?

It'd be over. That was one of the interesting things about being in Montana. I was in Montana last year for five days in the woods. Yeah. We had no cell phone service, so I didn't touch my phone for five days. Right. It's weird, man. It's weird just talking to people that you're around for five days. Do you guys gonna post any photos or anything? No calls to anybody. All the other side of the world. There was nothing going on, man.

So do you think that the internet makes you insane? Do you think that the possibility is in the options making it?

If I'm honest with myself. You just fucked up, too, and never said that. That's true. They're gonna know now. Just they know your soft spot.

But I found your liver. It's all about honesty, right? Yeah, allegedly. Tigger and court. It's all about not getting locked in a box.

Mm-hmm. That's what I'm talking about. I want the radio editor. Mm-hmm.

So this school shooting or this rather navy art shooting is freaking everybody out. This is a guy who apparently went in there. How many people are dead now? Is at least 12. The say that this dude was here in voices.

Well, yeah, he apparently

Yeah, of course. They immediately start blaming video games to the played video games. What people have to realize is a lot of people play video games. Yeah. And if video games cause violence, boy, would there be a lot of violence? I mean, fucking boring. If the amount of video games corresponded directly with the amount of violence that became in a neighborhood, right? Do you want to be fucking people to be killing each other? Everybody. At least half. So many people play games.

It's like, do you see Dracula, you become a vampire? What does that mean? It's stupid. It's dumb. It does the idea that the tour connected is silly. I think that there's definitely a desensitive, desensitization. Sure. A violence that comes from it being depicted in certain ways. Absolutely. And film. But that just because the films are done really chitily. You know, a film that shows like a real murder of a realistic feeling murder is very disturbing. Right. Whereas like some sort of Chuck Norrisy type, you know, gun that guy down and that guy, gun that guy down. 80 guys. Yeah. There's like, there's nothing to the feeling. Right. Like, if you see the expendables fun movie, but there's nothing, you know, feeling anything when these guys are getting shot and failed. Right. Whereas if you, you know, you see a good movie. Like, what was that? What is that George Clooney movie where he played a hitman?

No, I think I know what you're talking about though. He was a hitman and it was actually a good move.

Well, that's really good. When that guy fucking died, it took a long ass time. It was an interesting move. What was it? The American. That's what it was called. Right. It was a good fucking movie. But it was really, the murders were real. Right. You know, it felt like a real murder. Like every, like when someone died, it was like holy shit.

It was like, there's only a couple of times in the movie. But it was really intense. Like I bought it. I can't really, a lot of the other people didn't buy it. 68% of Ron Tomatoes. I thought it was interesting. I maybe I'm using that. Maybe it's something the best example. I'll give me immediately change my tone. It's the greatest movie ever.

I actually did enjoy it, so you can go fuck yourself. How about that? Boom. But that weird quality, that desensitization, I think that is certainly an issue with dummies. Yeah, that's the problem. We have to decide if we're making things for dummies. Dummies are thing only for dummies. And dummies are going to do dumb shit no matter what, right? They're definitely going to. They have to. That's where they're here for. They're here to inspire you to not be a dummy. Why does dummy slam into walls? Part of the energy that comes from that, you know, in this weird sort of relationship that we have with our environment, the energy that comes from dummies is, you go, I don't want none of that. Right. You just realize it. Right. It helps you learn without actually having to fail yourself. Yeah. Like we all knew the one guy that's like a little too risky takes too too many, it likes to flip off fences. Watch this guys. You know, do backflips off a fence like this guy's gonna die one day right the one day. Yeah, he dies.

But they made a real career out of it. They did make a real career. I mean, one out of those guys dying is a really good number.

Yeah. When you think of what how they were rocking it. And the way died was classic speeding, drinking, drinking, speeding go. Right. No. Oh, by the way, that's, you can totally do that because the bar is a fucking parking lot. Say, you know, yeah, we're talking about before. Our ridiculous it is. It's some drugs are illegal, but yet everyone's on this one.

The one that makes you an asshole. That's the one that makes you not realize what you're doing. The one that makes you black out. Oh yeah. The one that makes people just almost die and throw up. And the next day you feel like your head has been compressed under stacks of bricks.

You can get really depressed. You feel terrible. It's very depressing. And then your flash memory of the night before like, oh no, I didn't shit.

Oh, fucking dummy. Did I really do that? I didn't do that. That's not my underwear. Over and over again. Yeah, it's the worst. But yet it's responsible for a lot of fun times. It's just one of those things that I think it would be fine as long as we had the other ones as well. Yeah. I think the real problem with alcohol is that it's not that we don't have The real problem is that we have alcohol in our culture, is that we only have alcohol in our culture. I think alcohol is fine if it's balanced out by psychedelics. That's a nice thing. I think you're right. I think it's just like, if you want to do the wildest, most evil, shitty decision making fluid, you know, you should be able to have the ayahuasca too. You should be able to go in spiritual journeys.

You have a little balance. You need a little cactus. See the go for with the third eye. And he teaches you the wormholes of the universe.

That's what I'm saying. And George Clooney could be our lead guy, man. How about he could do rock? He could run for president if he didn't fuck somebody checks. Well, just fucks too many checks though. He could win. He could win, but for sure, one of those bitches is gonna start talking. Of course. Of course. George Clooney, is he at all the Hollywood studs? Is he like the greatest leading man type romance or of all time?

They get crazy. Yeah. We start going, you know, I'm tired of your bullshit. Right. Is that okay? Yeah. Well, you can't keep doing this, you know, you're in your 50s. It's getting, at this point in time, it's like, God, what are you doing? You're just going to be that guy. Is that what you're doing? Are you just going to be that guy? Yes. I mean, I'm just saying, if you want to be that guy. And it's like, yeah, okay, well, you know, you're going to leave me and what? Go with an older girl now? Is that what it is? Going to be an older girl? No, it's not. It's going to be a younger girl. How much longer do you think you can keep doing that and going with younger girls? How much longer before some girls just start telling you what you really are? You're kind of a creepy old man. Probably 20, 25 years. Yeah, you can probably do that deep into his 70s. Look at Jack Nicholson. That's the canary in the coal mine for all actors.

He doesn't ever look like he was. Exactly. Why wouldn't he quit acting? I mean, why would he first of all? He must have more money than most countries. Yeah. He did so many fucking giant films. And he probably gives zero fucks at this point in his life.

He might just go to nice meals and shouldn't do whatever the fucking wants for me. You know, and he's like a universally loved guy, too.

It's pretty great. He's a guy from a different era, man. He was the lead in fucking Chinatown, dude. Yeah, a lot of people don't understand that. They're head is not really completely wrapped around that. You gotta go back and watch Chinatown.

It's one of the greatest movies of all time. I saw it in a drive-in with my parents when I was a little kid. I remember thinking, I am too young to be watching this. Like this is an crazy ass movie when they cut it's his nose.

This is fucking, this is dark man. They cut Jack Nicholson's nose, remember?

Yeah. That's right.

Yes. No. Jack Nicholson, you fuck. You guys are always talking Clooney was zero years old. I know.

He was on that for a season. Well, we're talking about old guys that can keep getting pussy. You just didn't pay attention. You lost in George's ears. Here's a little tip for man. It's beautiful man. Jack Nicholson was even more beautiful, believe it or not. Go to Jack Nicholson in Chinatown.

Well, it's so funny. I mean, why not. But I mean, maybe the car salesman would have had more fun.

Let's pressure. Yeah, there's a lot of pressure being Jack Nicholson, but he gives so little fucks that there's not as much pressure you think for a lot of people. It's beautiful. He's so comfortable in his own skin, you know. He was just a may-weather fight and they were interviewing him. He just kept eating. We had a mouthful of food. He didn't worry about it. He's not worried about it at all. He's like, oh, you know, boys.

just didn't give a fuck.

Yeah, Charles Manson knew how to turn a freak out. It's amazing.

Charles Manson was a trippy character man. I mean, you want to talk about like a dude who defined the 60s.

Well, he he definitely was the worst case scenario. Yeah. They started carving fucking X's in their foreheads.

Go back to that Brian. Those foot. Was that real? Oh, yeah. It was 100% real. They carved exes in their heads.

Remember, who was it, squeaky from, that tried to kill Gerald Ford.

Oh, this isn't the actual movie, Brian. This is a recreation. That was some fake shit.

It's like the guy, like if you stop and think about like when people talk about serial killers, what do they always say? They always go with Manson. And W.A.

Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson.

Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Manson. Nobody. He made a bunch of crazy faces and then said nobody.

music that's playing over it. Why are they buying that?

Brian, no one can even hear that. Let's put the noise in there. Let's put the noise in there. You should have not listened to that old thing. Couldn't hear him. You see if you can find something that's actually just him because that's stupid. When it's actually him, you get to see how fucking nutty he really was.

I'm a prophet. You're a society man. You made me.

Hold on, this guy sounds like me.

Do you know a podcast?

Yeah. Aw, wee. Yeah. I had babies like that. I want a sick fuck. It was just amazing to me that people have such a desire to be led that someone can come along like that. It's just so completely onto lunch and gather a good solid group of loyalists. Mm-hmm. I mean, yeah, I know, seven eight people, right?

Well, there was a thing that happened in the the 1960s and 70s where a lot of people were rebelling so hard from the standard lifestyle, the father knows best type shit they grew up with, that the communes were really common and there's cults were popping up places

It was man. I have a buddy his ex girlfriend grew up in a cult man and the the the cult leader would have sex with everyone's wife It's like there's a gang of those going on like they were all over the place back then.

Yeah, they like it feels good.

That is the main thing, though. That's the main reason why we're still here. That's exactly. That's how these cults form. It's always, well, as soon as you let some guy, they just get that much fucking power. The guy tells you Jesus, you know, he's gonna start banging people just a matter of time.

No, but they did get peep best, which was weird. There's nothing better than a dude with a creepy accent telling you about the apocalypse. Yeah. And doing it like 100% sure. He knows. You know, the apocalypse is coming. The four horsemen. What's one direction? Is that the new grow band? One direction? How many of them are there? How many of them are there? Let's say four grow bands? Let's say four. No, how many in the band?

Just so they can be profits. Let's say, there's 12, 12 boys. 12 disciples. 12 disciples. Imagine it was. 12 disciples. One direction. I've never heard one direction song and you're not going to play one either.

What the fuck man? That seems like a bad idea.

Take that's the comedy star from Grand Theft Auto, right?

Is that my name right there on the wall? Yeah.

Having on the back finally paid off. Comedy store signs missing though, where kids can't send a shot the whole through. In that corner, in that corner, the left corner, far left, all the way to the left, the edge left, that right there, there's a sign on the actual store, right there, and it says the communist store, and there's a bullet hole in it, where Kinnison got mad at Dice Clay, and then he came to the back parking lot, and pulled out a gun, and shot a fucking hole through the sign. Wow, I think he was banned for that for a couple of weeks.

He had something to say in the ball. Anyway, you know, you always had late spots over the whole thing.

Canisom was the greatest in my opinion from 86 to 87. He's the best comic of all time. That's my opinion. I was the round back then. I got to see the impact of that guy. And especially if you put it in perspective, It's really hard to put an in perspective, like the comedy of today is just the comedy of 2013 and the comedy of 1986 was a completely different world. Absolutely. And Kinnison, when he burst on the scene in 1986, it was no one had ever been anything like that before. It was so unique and different. It's almost impossible to put in perspective today, what an impact it had, because he's just so different than anything else.

Yeah, and the way would go about it was so painful.

And you know, you're like you looked at him. Remember when he fucking played that song on HBO?

I want the record. Sam Kinnison song. The Sam Kinnison piano song. Did you ever see him? And of his first hit, yes. I got to see him live several times. Wow. Yeah. I got to see him unfortunately though when he was already slipping.

missed the fucking good days, dude. I got to see him when he was already just like, he coaked down to cylinder.

Yeah, love song, that's it. This is his encore.

Where was that tape? Do you know? That was at the Roxy.

That was really awesome. Yeah. Well, he was a totally different thing, man. He's got his brother wrote a great book about him. It's called Brother Bill, or my brother Sam. Yeah. Um, and uh, he talked about how Sam was in a car accident when he was a kid. He got hit by a car like like really bad. Yes. Really badly hurt. And then was a totally different person.

Yeah. But he's like he became kind of son. He got hit by a car and then became like wild and reckless and didn't give a fuck. And that's an interesting thing because that's something that they show with head trauma, especially head trauma at an early age. Like they associated with gambling, gambling addictions, but also with like really radical personality changes. No kidding. Yeah.

Yeah, drunk driver. It's crazy. It's really crazy. He used to do bits about drunk driving. When I say like he's slipped, I've talked about it, someone's on the podcast. Okay. A little too, I try not to reiterate. Gotcha. I think he just started partying too much. And then he just wasn't the same guy anymore. Right. His bits just, they weren't, they lost it. Right. He got super rich. And I got to see him then. I got to see a couple sets that just were like, you know, not very good. Yeah. It wasn't the writing wasn't the same. Gotcha. Like there's a clear difference between the earlier stuff and the layer stuff. So it's like a good thing to learn as a comedian. Like some guys get better as time goes on. Some guys, they would hit that proverbial wall. Yeah. And with him, but it's got to be coke too. And that's coke that I was doing.

He was just banging checks. Yeah. He wasn't putting the time in it. I mean, he was just doing coke and party in and going to Hollywood parties. That only works for so long. Yeah, it's hard to stay that guy, that outsider. Yeah, everybody loves you. Exactly. Yeah, it's comedy is a fucking strange gig, man. The only people that comics ever really truly lead in are other comics. I know, you know, get to know other comics kind of understand it, but you can't try to get in with regular Hollywood. I ain't going to work out. Right. They're not going to understand you. That's true.

Well, they're what's the deal? I don't know. The real thing with actors is here's the number one thing. They have to be chosen. So because they have to be chosen, they're all trying to be chosen. And when you're trying to be chosen all the time, you usually go about it by being as fake as fuck. You go about it by trying to concoct some sort of an artificial personality that you think would be acceptable to casting agents or to producers or it's one of the reasons why so many people are left wing. Like so many people in Hollywood are left wing. It's almost like, you know, you want to endure yourself to the ideology of whoever's trying to All right, do I think that too? Choose me. Choose me. Right. And it's also one of the reasons why psychologically, the most problematic people you'll ever have to deal with. They're so fucking needy and broken because they're entire cycle of their business is like, like, need and need not being met, need not being met, need not being met, rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection, success.

It's almost like this, they're abused by life. Yeah, which they have been. But it's an unnatural pursuit. It's an unnatural pursuit, and even if you get it, Jesus Christ, if the world's gonna think you're a fucking superhero, meanwhile you're a guy reading lines, they got you hooked on wires, you fly through here, you have to pretend you can kick every man's ass, even who has a gun 30 seconds. Right. It's no one's really like that kind of.

And that's really hard.

Hands in your choices. Yes. Yeah. Well, they definitely will fall around camera, especially if you're getting old and you watch your body right away at the beach. Oh. Yeah. Get some fucking knees going. Weird elbows skin and neck skin and shit where everything just starts just caving off the body and they're just there to photograph it and hide detail. Look at her. No one wants to fuck that.

Yeah. That's not very common though, is it?

You went with best case scenario. She retired, now she's an intellectual. She's actually, she's so smart. She teaches others to be smart.

This is a, it's an infected spot. It really is infected and affected. And the big part of it is because of the whole Hollywood influence. The real problem with the Hollywood influence is not the liberal aspect of it. It's the bleeding hard that everybody always talks about. The real problem with the Hollywood influence is fake. The fake people. It's all people who are trying to be something in order to get picked. And then people who are trying to figure out some way to get some unwarranted amount of attention because they didn't get it when they were young. Right. And then of course it's musicians in there and there's painters in there. There's a lot of cool people. You know, don't get me wrong. You're running to a lot of cool people. But how many in comparison to annoying ones? Is it like 10 to one or something like that? It might be 10 to one like 10 annoying people before you find like one really cool one.

I mean, at any given party, especially if you're trying to be an actor, Jesus Christ. Yeah. One of the odds that they're, I mean, there's cool ones. Don't get me wrong. I know a lot of cool actors and actresses and directors and producers. This cool people in all walks of life. Goddamn, there's a lot of annoying people. But in general, in general, the bill profession. That bill hicks quotes the greatest fevered egos. That's what we call them fevered egos. It's just it's not on it. It's I think because of the fact that we're not allowed to have certain things in this life that were there's laws against certain psychedelics and there's laws against certain types of behavior and this is always restrictive behavior. Now there's things even more restrictive. Now we find out the NSA is listening to every phone call you make and checking out your tax for T-words. I bombed last night at the Ampera.

Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah. That's not a joke. All that stuff just even further tightens down that feeling of suppression that human beings have. We don't like that shit.

It's just weird. I figured we'd be way better at it by now. I felt like when I was a kid, people were actually better at running a society than today. It's like almost like the more options we got as human beings, the more got to the point where it was just completely carried away. I mean, back when you were young, I mean, there was like warrants. Remember warrants? Yes, I do. The judge had to issue a warrant before you could arrest somebody. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it used to be. The cops had to go to a judge. And the judge would go, well, let me see here, what's the evidence? Okay, yeah. And then they came up with this thing called the NDAA. And they basically just made it so they don't have to do anything. They don't have to have a judge's request. They don't have to have a court order. They don't have to have real specific evidence. They can basically do whatever the fuck they want. And how new is this?

No, it's NDA. The National Defense. What is it? What the fuck is it? something initial authorization act, national defensive authorization act? Yeah, it's widely criticized. If you go to the first thing on the, if you Google search, the first one is the ACLU talking about how horrible the national defense authorization act does. It's just sad. This is my problem with all of it. They'll tell you like, you know, well, this is we just need this for terrorism and the case against terrorism and really bad people because really bad people are popping. Maybe, but you can't do that because you know what you're doing. You know what you're doing by by preventing these attacks you that you so believe we're going to happen. You've changed our world into a fear-based world. You've changed our world. You've made it so that we're going to monitor everyone all the time, take away all privacy in order to ensure safety. That's like some Thomas Jefferson, you know, type quotes. What is it? Was it Ben Franklin that said, if you preserve security over liberty, you deserve neither?

Yeah. I think that was, yeah, I think that was the question. Well, I mean, it's also, but it's like these guys wrote that in 1700.

Does the Boston thing? Well, there's the thing is these Boston things and this guy yesterday. These are people that aren't even, they're not even for another country. Right. We've, we've got homegrown crazyfucks. And this has zero to do with the NSA monitoring people's text messages because this guy was getting text messages from Mars. This dude was like here in voices and shit telling people. Right. He's on drugs. He was on some sort of meds, you know. I don't know how he got access to guns. I don't know if they were legal or illegal. Matt Foltron. There's no answer. That's the problem.

You need them out there. You really do shoot you way back home. She shoot you way back to the motherland. I just want to go. I was going to swim home. And then the other problem is meth. You know, we got a real meth problem in this country, right? It's a giant, giant problem, right? Pretty much everywhere outside of a city, that's meth town, right? You just go out, you get in the city, and you drive out into the hinterland, and you're gonna hit some meth, right?

They all know where the math is. Yeah. Everyone knows. And you can't. Because it's everywhere. But if you say their town, they get fucking pissed of you.

You say one town over. You can't even know that there's math in their town. Right.

Now I'm a desto bro. You got a wrong. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Fresno's got a bunch of meth. Queer people.

Now the McGay is in Fresno. Let's just say what spots sucks more than their spot, which is awesome. Our spot will kick your spots out.

We're a math gay and math together. Usually they go together though.

Now I'm a desto bro. Fragedo. Okay. Betel's in body. Betel has somebody. Yeah, they're some spots that are not good. And it's all the spots in between cities. Yeah, I know. cities get a bad map, but guess what? It's not good to live on your own in the woods. No, it's not good. I mean, it's not bad as long as you're like close to like Denver or something like that. Sure. But like, but just trying to do that, you know, out there in the middle of the Pacific Northwest thing or going out to South Dakota and it's good. There's a thousand acre ranch. You know a thousand acre ranch looks like it's out to come out of the same as a sand box just way bigger Right and yeah, like you cut it's good at privacy, but it's good to have people checking you every once in a while You know flat areas like Kansas Couldn't believe how it's guy is like 50 miles away 50 miles away is the next guy What do you do if you need some shit? Where? I hope I have it. Okay. What are you doing out here, man?

Only once when I was a little boy.

We haven't even done anything with it yet. We still, it's so slow. Oh my God. There's like every couple weeks we took some more.

Yeah. Well, we've done a lot. We've done a lot. This is spots we give them at full-tron. I know that I'm making out their spot. Yeah. That's the weirdest thing ever. It's not that I'm against it. Don't get me wrong. I'm just philosophically. I'm saying it's weird that you have, uh, we have reservations. And then the reservations a lot of folks don't really even understand that the same laws don't apply. Reservation is not technically the United States of America, like they have their own law. Right. Yeah. So that's how gambling works. Yeah. Yeah, people like people go, what houses casino there? Oh, that's Indian land. Yeah, and everybody's like, what? Can we go in? Yeah, we can go in. Yeah, that's the Indians casino. What the fuck? You remember when those things start popping up?

Yeah, there's weird small ones. Like, uh, I saw a small one in, uh, watched in state. We were headed up to Mount Rainier. And there was this, like, weird fucking casino right there. It's just real strange, like bright, shiny neon lights and everything's going, ding, ding, ding. So if you're thinking to do something stupid, it's like, come on, do it over here. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. All right, shit, fuck.

How do you think that building gets bid? Why is that building so big? Why is it so shiny? Why is there so much neon? The car's money to run stupid. Oh, yeah. Where's that money coming from? Assels like you don't not play poker. It's silly bitch.

This isn't weird thing though that I don't think the people that are profiting off of that are entirely Indian. I don't think it's like only Native Americans that own those Xenos.

I think you're allowed to go into business with the Native American. If you're like an American, regular American, you know, white guy like you. You go into business. You like to type a guy with show up. Listen, Mr. Wildflower. We have a We have a we have a plan here to make you quite a bit of money right no more horses no more tents How about a Rolls Royce? You want a Rolls Royce? We'll give you a Rolls Royce. Next thing you know, you got a fucking giant ass casino. And if you build a casino, people will come to it.

No doubt about it. Yeah. People love it. Have you ever been to those ones that they have out in the middle of the California desert, like out San Bernardino area, you know, like way out past there?

That's pretty old. That's pretty old. There's a big difference between going to that place, like being forced to go to that place and going to that place and choosing to do shows there and having people come there because it's a spectacle. Right. Because it's, I mean, that's a unique slice of American. Absolutely.

They must be the weirdest people ever. It is weird. People that choose to go, they're like, I've heard Reno's really weird too.

So you've had fun times there? Definitely. I've never been, but I've heard nothing with bad things. Oh, okay. Did Stan hope record his first CD there? I think he did. I think Stan hope recorded his first CD there like back in the like the 1989. I need 90 somewhere on there.

Oh, my god. That's hilarious. Drunks at a comedy club and the baby. Yeah.

Thank you. And then I've seen your act dude. The words come out of your mouth into a baby's ears. That's just offensive. It is. It's rude. It's more offensive to the change your act for the baby. Oh, fuck the baby.

You say that? How do you know, man? You should change your act for the little kid. That's all I'm saying. From that guy. Yeah, finding fault in you. The guy looking for fault. Yeah, why didn't he just change his act? How hard is it to change your act for a baby? You don't want to change your act for a baby? Who the fuck are you, man? Huh? Man. You what do you anti-baby fucking? No, I got some rattle material. Did you see these fucking floods in Colorado? They've finally released a gang of photos that show how devastating it was. It's incredible. Giant chunks of the highway just washed away. Streams became raging rivers. So many people's houses are fucked up. This is they said a once in a thousand years storm.

It's all in Colorado. It's like the entire town of Lyons, Colorado, we're totally evacuated. This isn't sane. I mean, the runoff from last week's flood is just slowly making it down the side of the mountains. And like, we don't wrap our heads around how much water that is. It's like, oh, the water hit rains and then comes down. So what? No, no, no, not so what. This is like landscape changing house removing shit.

Yeah. It's gone. And it never happens. Never happens. But once every thousand years, just something goes, bonkers. And this cold front or warm front or whatever the fuck it is, it causes these things just to side to just unload the greatest Peter North load from the sky all over Colorado. It's really insane man. It's really insane. They said 500 people are unaccounted for 18,000 homes around the state have been fucked up. This is incredible, man. 18,000 homes fucked up. More than 6,400 people have applied for aid by FEMA. More than $430,000 has been approved in individual assistance, such as temporary housing and home repairs, FEMA said Tuesdays. This is like financially, it's going to be very devastating to all these people. This is incredible, man. the pictures are insane. I urge you to go to Google and look at, like, streets that have just become raging rivers. It's really, really weird, man.

Yeah. Like they said you can't.

Why is that insane? Just because they just decided because your refugees, you can't cross. Yeah. That's hilarious.

They had a problem in Houston. In Houston there was a lot of fucking people that were coming over from Katrina. Maybe that was it. Yeah Houston was bad man. I remember we were there and we were there for a gig and we went driving around. And we went down to this shelter. It was fucking crazy when people were out there on the streets. And I was like, what's going on? It goes on. These are all Katrina refugees. That is unbelievable. That seems to be that's a national emergency. People need to go in there and help these people out. This is nuts. These people at houses. And now they're here. There's no one freaking out over this. That could be you. That could be me.

In a second. It's weird. We just accept the idea that the place that we're living in. This is how it is. And this is just what it is. And you know, this is what the floor looks like. The trees are like, no, every now and then some shit happens. It changes everything. See these mountains right in front of your face dummy. Like, where do you think those came from? You know, those were flat. And then they became mountains. Yeah. Like, it's going to happen in this place too, stupid. Absolutely. No, no, no, this is my property's been the family for years. It's not going anywhere.

I know. I pay substantial amount of taxes every year, so I assure you I'm going nowhere. I mean, wow, a fucking mountain starts. The mountain tops starts at his house. Yeah. Over the next million years, it moves a hundred feet a day. You fucking crazy assholes. Human beings, man. We just decide that we could put a house right on the beach. She houses in Malibu. Yeah. Five million bucks plus right there. Right. There's the water underneath my house. It's is where it's gonna stay.

I mean, how much, what if it goes back? How much for, they can't even go back? It's like, where's my house? What doesn't exist anymore? Well, can I rebuild? No. Can't rebuild because you don't own that spot. That's about the ocean now.

Yeah, that's it. You have put a bobber. This is where my spot is. Maybe a dock. I own this one quarter of an acre that's now underwater that I paid 16 million for. Right. That's my spot.

Yeah, the ocean's gonna get me to steal from you. Yeah. The ocean stole your porch.

Susan Summers. It's amazing that everybody wants to live right there though. It's so cool that it's almost worth it. Like everybody wants to look at that water. I want to be right there.

What is that, though? Is it a humbling thing? Is it just an offing? Like there's so much water. It's like, whoa.

It must, because looking when you talk about like beach towns, they're always super chill. That's the thing that everybody always says. Yeah. Beach towns are super chill. Yeah. Ling, oh, that's a laid-back beach community. That's super calm. Super common. And what is that?

That's just mine. You should offer an online course. Maybe I will. I just drop in knowledge and gluten beers. These beers are pretty good, right? Not bad at all. Yeah. I'm enjoying this. Good. What's it called?

They're omitting it. Did you know that it's handcrafted? How else are you going to do it, dude? With a machine?

I'm a man of taste and I do not prefer non-handcrafted averages. What is a machine going to make my beer? I don't think so. I demand craft.

Yeah, they just stack everything up, I think. I think that's just exactly the idea. They just stack it up like you want to fucking case it beer for three bucks or not.

Is it like the Costco or one of the drinks? I guess. Or the Trader Joe's of only drinks? I don't know. Those are good deals. This is smart thing. I want the Trader Joe's for the first time in a long time recently. I was like, this is a pretty good spot. It's awesome. There's a lot of good shit and it's cheap. You know? It's not bad. What's the idea? Is it like less quality than some places?

Huh, so there's no name brands at all.

Yeah. Pretending he knows.

Fuck me up. What's probably thought you were cute? She's depressed and you lack a motivation. What can you buy next $39 bottle of shardin' a for me? Perhaps a pee-known wire for the gentleman.

Fuckin' live a little. How much is it really $2 for the wine? Charles Shaw's $2 and it's good. It's good. Is it really good? Yeah. Okay, bring it in. Can you bring some in next time? Sure. Okay, can you bring it in tomorrow? Maybe. It's not great, bitch. Lazy bitch can't even come in to buying a $2 bottle of wine.

Oh, yeah, you did adjust it and try to get on it. That's a great idea because I have no sumo yay. I do not know nothing. Yeah, that's a great idea actually. Two-buck chuck and four a nice bottle of wine. What's a nice bottle wine? Like 40 bucks, pretty nice.

And I've been in the restaurant that would be like a hundred bucks, right?

I don't read in a way. Shitheads.

Oh, cooking fees, sir. I hope you don't mind. What does that mean? That means you can't eat your shit in my spot unless you're paying me.

That makes sense though because it still has cheap assholes to bring it. I brought my own wine. Save me $50. You know, yell it out at the table next door. How much did you pay for that bottle? This bottle is actually a finer year and I brought it in by myself.

I only drink Diet Coke. I bet I could tell Diet Coke between Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. A bet. I might be wrong though. If you had a guess, taste us a weird. You don't exactly know what you're going to get.

I could tell division of Rupert and Dr. Pepper. Me too.

What does that mean? The Pepsi challenge? Yeah, what does that mean? Like, work the Pepsi challenge.

That's what it was. That's what it was. That makes more sense. He just found something to hate about it. I found some stupid reasons. It's got to be a way to find a fucking exit trap door out of this bitch.

That's barata. Yeah. Get people to take that Pepsi child.

Do you have to go? If you go to any sort of a bar, you know, and you say, uh, can I get a Coke to say, is Pepsi okay? Who the fuck says no? Does anybody say, no, or if you say, can I get a die-coke? Sometimes it doesn't even tell you. And how much variation is there in die-coke taste? Quite a bit between the can and actual can of die-coke and that shit that comes out of that fountain. But that's a big goddamn difference.

I'm sure R.C. Colors are full of it. I would assume that that's the same with a lot of places. There's places where you go, like, this is not taste like the diet coke that I grew up with. Not the diet coke that I know I love. Yeah, there's a difference, right? Sure.

You can tell the difference between a lean and a generic generic lean pocket and a regular. Other generic lean pocket? Yeah. God, what kind of fucking meat things are a generic version? That must be disgusting.

I'll tell you what. In and out is an easy one. Yeah. Yeah. In and out is an easy one. Five guys burgers an easy one. Yeah. Those are the ones that dominate. Yeah. And then you just get really shitty when you start going with the other ones. Absolutely. Nobody can fuck with five guys fries. That's delicious. They have spicy kind too. What is it like, Cajun style or something like that? have two different types of fries.

I'm gluten free, but that's the one thing that fucks with me. Oh, you get some lettuce wrapped around it. That's what I do it in and out. Yeah. Protein style. They don't make it protein style at five guys. Wow. They don't offer you a bunch of stupid little weak ass bitch options.

No, the bread tastes good. That's the problem. Once you get it, I wouldn't want to take the bread off, but like it's right there. Why don't I just eat this to suffer? You got to point and see how long it takes before I feel it again. I wonder what they feel like they've said that if you eat gluten, it's supposed to linger in your sister for like 30 days. That's why you say you don't really truly get the effects of being gluten-free unless you're gluten-free for like 30 days. How long have you been? It's been one that, but it would be really ridiculous if you ate cheeseburger and you had a fucking feel like shit for 30 days.

The problem with all this gluten free shit is the problem with everything that has to do with hippies. There's a lot of exaggeration and nonsense and cleansing. There's a lot of cleansing going on. There's a lot of like like really silly non-scientific based bullshit to say it's fact. Well, the alkalinity of your body right now is off, because you need more of a pie that comes from Oregon, you know?

That's later. How about gluten-free nonsense? Let's see what it says for gluten-free nonsense.

They always get it wrong, man. They get it wrong and then they correct it. They've got it wrong. The gluten, the food pyramid is almost all like grains and rice.

Well, they also they say that the difference between the food that they ate when they created that food pyramid, you know, back in the 50s where the fuck was, it's not the same. You could digest it. Yeah. But wheat was not the same back then as it is today. We really fuck weed up, man. They apparently made wheat, they designed it along the way, selective engineering, they designed it to just be more durable.

No, that's a lovely. The pointy tip is, what does it say?

That thing says that, but I think that's probably, that's a current food pyramid.

Yeah, that's a long time ago, man. That's a long asked time ago when it comes to science and nutrition. why this here's time magazine says it's all bullshit time magazine why we're wasting billions on gluten free food most of us paying a premium to avoid gluten in our food are doing so without any good medical reason A new survey from market research firm the NPD group finds that America is cutting gluten out of its diet in a big way. Just under one third of one thousand respondents agreed with the statement, I'm trying to cut back a void gluten in my diet. That's the highest level since the company added gluten consumption to the surveys. It does about every American's eating habits in 2009. Who would it? But what does that think? It says that they're getting a positive response. It's not like they, what people have to understand is gluten tastes so fucking good. Bread is so delicious and sandwiches are delicious and pasta's delicious that if people are cutting that awesome shit out of their diet, yes. Meanwhile, the gluten factories, they got together with Tom Mags, and they said, listen, man. They're talking shit about us, dude. Are we together in this, man? Are we going to advertise in your paper? If you don't support us, we're not going to be able to advertise. You understand? Yeah. If we go out of business, we're not making cupcakes anymore, man.

He's absolutely right. He's right, the bulletproof executive is right. I mean, you can have high calorie, really healthy food and be really healthy. Or you can have high calorie sugar, crusted crap. Yeah. And be really unhealthy. He's he's definitely right in that sense.

It's all a garden. Come on. Bells are things that the gluten free clays crazes an evolution and expansion of the low carb trend, unlike a dietary modification that affects only fraction of the population, like cutting out certain foods to reduce cholesterol. Framing the gluten-free issue as being about wellness, in quotes, makes it inclusive enough that everyone can participate. Digestive Health has become a buzzword of how to deal with health in America today. You know, that's an interesting but sort of irresponsible thing to say because the bottom line is there is a reality to the fact that we has been changed and has been made more durable over the past 60 years. And there's also a reality that some people have reaction to it. And to deny that is silly. To deny that people have a reaction to the inflammation. Maybe they should have a little gluten every now and then. But I know personally that cutting it out of my diet, I felt more even after I'm done eating. I don't feel as like wasted. I don't feel as drained. That's gotta be better. Just make sense.

Too many people are doing it. It just doesn't seem to me. But then again, those fucking magnets. How many fucking people were wearing those magnets around their waist? They were their wrists, rather.

It's way different. Well, there's a lot of people swore by those magnets though, man. I talked to professional athletes who swore by those magnets.

Sometimes those motherfuckers does magnets. I had a guy like talking to me about it. I was almost believing him. I was like, so it's really helping me with this luck. I know my body. I'm telling you, I put this magnet on and all of a sudden, all my aches and pains went away. My posture changed. I really, injuries that I've had for years are all healing up. I'm like, what the hell am I dealing with here? Because fighters man, fighters are like super superstitious.

A lot of that, you know, a lot of them do that, but some of some of them, it's not like universally, right, across the board. Some of them are pretty rational, but some of them have like real crazy magnet things. Yeah. I've seen like high level guys wearing maggots around their wrists like is recently the month ago.

Have you ever had anybody try to sell you them? No. It's really interesting because it's a con game and they have a whole elaborate series of moves that they make you do. They put the bracelet on you and then they take the bracelet off you. They try your first one way and then they put the bracelet on you and they try another and what they do is they try to like move you or you try to move them or you hold their hand and try to lift them up and they're basically this carnival tricks. But basically adjusting their weight and making it more difficult or making it more easy. And someone who has an understanding of body mechanics is pretty clear. So I'm like, why are you so close now? Why is it close that you were real far away before? Why is it close now? I'll get the brace and now I'm going to be strong. Your closer. And the guy's like, no, no, no, no. I was like, yeah, yeah. You were over here. You were over here.

Yeah, where was the mic? My mother fucking goal bird. My partner in the UFC was wearing a stupid fucking post. And he, the guy gave it to him. He didn't buy it. The guy gave it to him. The guy wanted to talk to me. I want to talk to you about our wellness hologram magnification things. And I was drunk. So I was like, OK. What do you got there, man? And he made me do like a whole series of things, like put my arm out and resist. And like he had this thing, like, you know, put your arm straight and I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to pick you up or I'm gonna move you and I can't do it if I don't have the band on. So he does it like two different ways. And then, you know, like he gets you convinced this rubber band around his wrist. It's actually making us stronger. And then I'm trying to leave, man. He's trying to fuck my mouth and I'm trying to leave. I'm like, I'm trying to be nice at first. And then ultimately he makes me wear the rubber band and then I wear the rubber band. And then he tries to do the things to me. And I was like, dude, I see what you're doing. You're moving further and closer to me. I'm like, I'm not dumb. Like, come on. I'm like, this is silly. And I'm like, he still can't do it. Go ahead and do it. I'm like, how long to the guy? I'm like, can't go anywhere. Stay put. He's just this shit I got to work. It's not real. Is this guy have one on? Yeah.

Oh, this is it. If I'm just going to put your arms out. Why is this possible? It's hilarious. Push up, also you just resist me as much as you can. And as you can see, your loop balance is very easy for me to push you up. Okay, but now I'm gonna bring in the toy from Bryce with it.

I think you have a bracelet that makes it hard to move his arms. You know how fucking dumb you have to believe. Do you know how fucking dumb you have to believe? I think that that's a Wonder Woman magic bracelet that makes you stronger. Now watch this shit. Watch this. Now he can't. Oh my god, so amazing.

And he's always putting two hands in dude. You don't even see. That guy is so... He can resist him now.

Well, it's very important because this is proof. Well, we're seeing right here is proof.

It's incredible.

It's incredible. It's so proveable. Look, it's done. The argument's over. This shit works. Well, I got a gun. How did that happen? That was like in 2006. Seven, somewhere along there. People were wearing those, pro-athletes in the UFC were wearing these fucking bracelets. Is it over? I believe it's pretty much over. There's a lot of those guys went to jail. They got some selling them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had some false claims. They got sued by a bunch of companies. Wow, they're risking, risking danger. I know people have been sued, the hologram. There were different ones. Some of them were magnets. Some of them were holograms. The hologram ones were the ones that Goldie had. Oh, they were so bad. It was so dumb this guy like he made me like put my hand out like this like strain my arm out and then I forget like I'm supposed to lift him up or he's supposed to lift me up and I was like God damn it

It's a little tiny piece of, you know, they're calling it a hologram. It looks like a little circuit board. Okay. You know, it's really got a bunch of stupid shit. Got you. It's scribbled in it. Like it's going to be magic to you. And you put it all with a rubber band.

Is this guy have one of those?

I did some UFC shit today and drank two liters of water. Oh, no. I just peed. This was the third time I peed in the past two hours. I've never left twice during a podcast for the pee.

It's water, bitch. UTI. Your knee-attracts infections. They don't make you more pro-state problems.

Yeah.

So this guy's dead. They killed him. Who? The guy, the shooter guy.

They have shot him. I don't know. They just shot him. This is really crazy shit. It's really almost more amazing that it doesn't happen more often.

Not just how available guns are, but also how many people are coming back from war. How many people have experienced PTSD? How many people there are, period? 300 fucking million people on this country.

Well, they're even 250. Was anyone 250 million? I don't think so. Let's see. Population in the 1950s. Let's see.

I didn't find anything for a while. Because you're a dumb cat. Yeah. So 150 million. There you go. Stupid bitch. Listen. 1950 total U.S. population was 150,697,361 Siri you silly fuck-end fired you know I bet I bet Google could get it right though Google voice it would at least go to it all right who's got that I got that shit. What I just realized is all it's going to do is Google it. It's going to be the exact same thing as this. We're just not going to answer. But they have that Google has a version of that, a version of Siri. We ask you questions. I'm going to use it. Get to.

Think about the number man. Think about that number. 150 million. That's like half.

That's 1950. 1950 is half as many people. That's crazy, crazy. That's crazy. That's not good. I mean, if that keeps going in that same direction, that seems like a lot of people. It's already a lot of people. And the thing is a place like Los Angeles, how is that sustainable? I don't know. Where are you from?

Sometimes there's cars on the road with us. We drove the same road and there's a car with us.

We have weird rules here too. Those f***ing those lanes where you allowed to drive the diamond lane. Yeah. You're allowed? If you have a baby in your car, you're allowed to use the diamond lane. Hmm. That's not really carpooled. That's not saving gas. You have two humans. It's like, you have to have two life forms in the car that can speak to that have the potential of one day even driving.

Yeah, like if you're driving your kids, if you're a single parent and you're driving, you have two kids, you're driving in your car. Those, that's a carpool. Yeah. If you have one kid, that's a carpool.

What do you mean, and admitted over a podcast?

Every day? Yeah, I'll get in that fucking carpool lane. Because when they pull them over, we'll see what the fuck a size of me.

We love this guy. We're a woman inside me trying to get out. Um, no, I don't do that. I don't mess with that. I don't mess with that. Fuck with my points, man. I don't want to get it.

The real problem is there's too many fucking people. When you get on that highway, like if you drive to San Diego, try to drive to San Diego on a Friday. You've done that before, right? Doing gigs? Yeah? You get on that highway, it's pointless.

You do! That's not bullshit. You can easily run into five hours of traffic. Easily.

Yeah. That whole Orange County thing is madness. I talked to someone I met at Disneyland and she told me that she drives it every day. Herner husband both tried every day. They live in Orange County and they drive to LA. and they do it every day. They work in LA and they drive back home to Orange County. And they're in the car. The guy said these in the car at least two hours every day.

Excuse me. I said two hours every day. I meant every trip.

That would be a big help. Maybe he's listening to this podcast right now. I'll take this train man. That's a day.

It's great until some drifter parks. They're shopping cart in the middle of the fucking tracks. Right. And you go flying off carining into the woods. Yeah.

Whoa. Every big I might do that. How great is this? Yeah, that that drive to Irvine. I'm doing by the way. Yeah, that's transition. Yeah, by the way, I'm out of nowhere. I'm there first weekend, November 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.

Irvine Improv, the fucking place is awesome. Good times. Yeah, that's a fun club too, man. That Irvine Improv is a fun one. It's like, the Improv has got it nailed in like 10 different locations all across the country. Yeah. They used to have it nailed in Louisville, man. It sucks at Louisville when it's gone. But the Irvine improv is back. I mean, the, uh, Tempy. Tempy is back.

That was another one that hadn't nailed.

It's beautiful. It's great. I like it.

That's great, too. Santa Claus. I was great, too.

But we've been working there for so long. I was so bummed out when that place went under.

Do they? Is it have two rooms? Is there a little tiny room too still?

Yeah. Yeah, they have a little tiny room that they were using for a while, too. Like a 90-hundred-seater and that's odd glass. Yeah, you should do shows there all the time. I think it's clear about that. Yeah, we worked together like he did a little room and I did the big room and it was a weird yeah, he's he's right that's a it's a really fucking bad ass little room super intimate yeah, yeah, we've talked about it a few times we're just having coordinated there's a bunch of people I need to get on I've been going back and forth with Pat and Oswald and he get get him on as well, but I'm glad that We were expanding at least getting one people yeah Slowly but surely.

Yes. Matt Fultron in for the first time today. Very happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Where you been touring, man?

Yeah. What is that like?

Where are the people live? Yeah.

What does it mean? How many people are living Tacoma? I don't know. Say like 100,000. Let's say 200,000. 200,000.

Oh, bitch.

Two. That was a very good guess. Damn, that felt right.

I'm going to look at Wikipedia. That's a good number. You know, I've lived where I lived in Boulder and there's 100,000 in Boulder. I like that too. I think when you start getting real big, It becomes like a real weird problem like you just people lose their meaning. Yeah. They're not valuable anymore. There's their past. There's too many of them. Yeah. People are nicer to people in a small area, small town.

to come, it must be awesome, then. It's great.

All of us. To come up. That's washed in state as well. Do they clearly celebrate this new ruling of marijuana's legal?

Yeah, remember those? The old cop shows. I gotta go, guys.

Someone actually would have to tell. Yeah, yeah. Like people believe the cops would tell the truth. I fucking had. I told them. Tom was a cop. He kept giving me heroin.

Well, the real question is, do they have the resources to do anything about it? And if they don't do anything about it, and it starts spreading how they're going to handle it. And it seems that they have decided not to dedicate their resources and the recent statements. Let's see, they can change that. The recent statements by Eric Holder were that they were going to ignore that and allow the states to do their own thing. And they weren't going to go after them. That doesn't mean they won't go after them. And the way they go after them is really kind of sneaky. The way they go after the medical marijuana places is they raid them. They take their drugs. They take their money. then they hold a case they say your case is pending and they never give them money back and they never give their weed and who knows where it all goes right they just steal it and it goes into the coffers of the state police or the you know local police or what have you and those people you know good luck going to court getting your money back you're not going to get your money back so you're selling a little drugs and you want us to give you the profits back Right. Right. And for the federal government, it's always illegal. Like it never doesn't matter if the state law is the federal law, they think Trump's the state law. So even if you live in a just state that makes sense, a smart, just state, you real problem is you're surrounded by country shitheads that are controlling all the states, the overlords, the federal overlords. It's really supposed to be there. Now they're supposed to have that unless you're at war. So the solution is to be perpetually at war.

There's probably a lot of people listening to this right now that aren't jail. You think you're listening to this in jail?

Um, people on the internet, they can get on the internet in jail. I think they can. Some places. Some places. This is a pendant like how like maximum minimum.

Yeah, like hidden cell phones. It's a banana phone.

How do they get phones? It must be so much fucking corruption as far as prison guards go and shit.

There was this dude that used to train at my old school, Taekwondo School that was a prison guard. He was so shady.

So shady. He's the Kappa guy that like you'd be watching like one of those two AM shows and he was having a affair so he killed his wife and blamed it on her brother or something. You know, like he's that kind of guy and yet he was a guard. That's a shady.

A way less faith. Imagine that work environment being inside a fucking cage with a bunch of savages all day and then you get to leave. Congratulations, you get to leave. And guess what? Come back tomorrow. We're 10 hours. So sleep somewhere else, think about how fucked up it is to have no freedom, and then come back to the place. And then try to appreciate human beings when everyone's throwing shit at you. Yeah. They're hooking human shit at you. I don't think so.

Well, there's that. But at least in a jungle, you can carve out your own life.

You're like, yeah, that was what was gonna happen. If you had a choose between living in prison and getting healthy meals three times a day, or striking out into the Amazon, trying to go it alone, and then wandering into random bands of aborigines and trying to convince them to not eat you. Oh fuck. Avoid all the bugs, jaguars, camans, crocodiles, I'm going with jungle.

Go home with your boots on. Yeah. You're gonna die in the prison, too. Sure. With two dudes using you as Chinese finger handcuffs.

Just plug up your airhole. Just, yeah. And you're not even gonna like them. Well, you know what, hate it. You might grow to like it. They say that that happens.

So Matt Fulltron, how long you've been doing Santa Carolina?

Are you sure fear did it? Several times a year. A lot of people have done it. You know what's good about doing it in LA? The standards very high. Absolutely. I agree. There's a real problem with some small, like we were in Pittsburgh once, and like my opening guy could make it. And so the club was like, listen, we have a slow guy. He's fucking hilarious. Like you have to remember. And oh, my Jesus was he not that.

He did a whole bit of our old people driving. It was, yeah. Took the wind out of my life.

Oh my god, it's so true. You're so right. Oh my god, that is so true.

I have to be original. Can't get it for Rari. You can't live with the Beverly Hills hotel. Yeah. Can't throw them all off cocktails off the Mondrian.

Yeah, as far as material, there's a lot of shit that gets done to death.

Oh, hell yeah, man. Hell yeah.

It was easy to be hacky. Absolutely. You know, there was like a hack-handbook. Pick together certain subjects.

Right. That joke has been done literally more times than people have bought tampons.

Oh, that's kind of hacking. Airplane.

Yeah, unless you something really came up that you needed to discuss. That only applied to you. Yeah, most likely you should drop it.

bunch of pussy.

Not only that, they're probably like crazy. Yeah. Alcoholic. Yes. Angry failures.

That is also the problem with like playing to the room. Yes. If you're playing like to the back of the room, like we all know comics who fucked themselves by doing bits of comic books.

Absolutely. So you did bits just to make the other comics impressed.

That's so that was like your act back.

There's a big adjustment period when you start going on the road, isn't there? Absolutely.

Still going through it. Are you headlining in most places now?

Yeah. And now what credits do you have? Like, do you have a Comedy Central presents?

Is that enough to get a headlining gig on a road?

But that's so important, man. Yeah. We're so lucky those gigs exist. Yeah. You know those, those clubs that elect, like I like when I look at a club and like who's that guy? I like that. Yeah. I like to know this guy's headlining for a week. You know, and I've never even heard of him. Right. He's on a nice club. Maybe, you know, this guy'll catch on. Maybe.

You know, people go, oh, we got to go see that Matt Fultron. He was fucking hilarious or that Kevin Bollalar. Right. Right. I think it's just so important that those clubs still exist. They're like the zenies and Nashville still exist.

Yeah. Those clubs are everything, man. That's those clubs.

Yeah. Well, there's a feeling to him like when you do zainis or when you do the punchline Atlanta, it's like you realize like you're doing a part of like comedy history. Right. That's a real comedy history place.

You know, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. It's also the difference between the there's a history of comedy in those places that's on the wall. Yeah. like zanies. Yeah. Like I took a bunch of photos and put them on my Instagram last time I was there because you walk around the walls and like look at all these fucking pictures, man. This is crazy.

Sure. That's another thing.

There's a dead wall at a lot of places now. They don't have that in zainis. They just know how they put it up. Right. They just have a lot of people that just happen to now be dead. Yeah. It's so strange when you just look back at old pictures and look at pictures and now. And you're like, oh, I'm aging.

And she's going on while you like it and not.

It's a big issue for human. Yeah. For humans, one of the biggest issues is humanity. Yes. One of the biggest issues is mortality. The idea. Your own design. The human. this thing that's gonna one day stop being here that it's what carries you everywhere.

what if you if you're stop that brand if you um if you're 30 years old and you have a job you feel like you're old well yeah I mean it's all set up if you work all the hours a day every day 30 years old you can be like I'm old I'm fucking tired you can feel the tired you can feel the fatigue how many talk to people when you find a mobile on this project so we're doing 16 17 hour days What kind of a job expects you to be working 16 hours of fucking day? I don't care what project you're working on. Wow, it's a major motion picture. Oh, so they're only gonna make X amount of money instead of Z. Right. If you if you work eight hours a day like a fucking human. Yeah, no, the film business is the worst. They work there guys. People show up the next day. I'll add a roll up and fucking wide-eyed and crazy. Drinking coffee talking too much. Poor Fox, just red line in their engine for this stupid studio.

Gremlin's three. Gremlin's three is probably pretty good. I would be great. Did you see the world's end? Uh, yes I did. Which thing? I thought it was funny. I loved it. I thought it was funny. I want to check if you didn't like it. I wouldn't like it anymore. It's good to know.

This is the funny stuff people will get so uptight about things. What? You like that band? Fuck you! Joey Diaz hates kiss. Uh-huh. You got mad at Eddie Bravo like in kiss. And I go, I, you go say Bravo like that fucking kiss shit. I go kiss is great. I get the fuck out of here. Kiss is, I go, I like it. I can't tell me what I like when I don't like. Right. Oh, it was great when you're fucking 16. I'm like, I enjoy it right now. Can't tell me what I like. God damn it. Joey will get fucking mad at you. No. So Joey's got a bunch of rules, huh? I'm on negotiation. Cox, I got there's no fucking voicemails and there's no kiss.

You probably caught him when he was coming down. Yeah He's probably caught him and like, you know, he has a whole stock market thing going on.

He've assaulted Brian. Yeah, he really grabbed his hand. Justin and the others. Stephen's a golden. Yeah.

Yeah. He doesn't have any room, but for you that was Joey Diaz, but he has an empty room for that, you know, that many people back then. He has to get teed and all right.

Oh, that's nice, man. Yes. Ontario's the shit. I'm in Ontario the first weekend in October. I like to like two weekends after that, right? Yeah.

I like the way Ontario's built. It's a good place. All those improvs, man. You can't go wrong. I Robert Hartman came to my show in Braille last week. It's so nice that there's like there's clubs where you you're guaranteed nothing's gonna go wrong. Like the setup is gonna be nice. They all look the same inside. They all run smooth. They all know what to do. It's nine o'clock. The show starts. Don't, don't, don't, don't. You know what to do it? They've been doing this since the beginning of the fucking time. Yeah. So huge. Where would comedy be if it wasn't for people that were willing to open out comedy clubs? Because it wouldn't be on me. No.

Brian Redbend wouldn't be fucking organizing the staff and having fucking meetings and showing where the forks go.

So I guess I didn't really do any work just now. How about place like the ice house that serves nice food? Like they have a chef there now. The food's fucking good. They mean we have steak, steak, and potatoes there. It was goddamn delicious. So a base, you're running a restaurant and a zoo, right? A calm, a calm, a calm, a zoo.

It probably seems extra loud because that ceiling. So that place is the perfect spot. It's awesome. More drunk people too. There's a lot of drugs that set up though that low ceiling. That's such a classic setup.

Who the fuck said they were playing to the balcony at the ice house until they realized there was no balcony? Who was it? Somebody was hammered. I don't know. It might have been cowling. He might have been so high that he thought there was a balcony because I don't think he works there very often.

What's the time to grow? It might have been time to grow. Yeah, you know what it was, Tom Sagar.

So how many buns got lit? You got a little lit. Burt buns. Well, that's, you know, we always say that that place is like, everybody there is so fucking cool. The waiters are cool. The bartenders are cool. The waitresses are cool. The managers are cool. It's such an easy place to get lit in, because you feel comfortable. And you want to start buying people's rings.

I'm pro liquor folks don't get me wrong.

But it can make a full out of you. Oh, yeah. But it's also responsible for a lot of important shit. Yeah. Like most of the people on the planet. How many if there's nobody drinking? There wouldn't be. How much population? How much population?

People getting drunk, taxed at each other. How many babies were made because people got drunk and taxed each other?

It's got to be insane. There are a lot of people today in this day and age that I would like to know that are directly given birth, like conceived by a drunk text. Like a drunk text started the chain of events that led to conception. How many?

We're getting close to a million. We're getting close to a million from drunk texts.

I'm just, I think. What do you think if you had to say this? Okay, we got phones and then we got text messages, then we got the internet. Okay, and then once we started getting the internet and we started social media, Facebook and shit like that, what do you think is going to be the next thing? What is going to be the one thing that pops us out of this technology bubble and brings us even fucking closer to each other?

Hmm. Why is that the next thing? You don't think there's more room for anything.

Aren't you seeing more texting than phone calls?

I remember I used to joke around about texting, but like, why are you texting me? I feel like, why'd you call me? Like, you leave them, you would talk to each other. Yeah. Why am I making me read? and somewhere along the line I realized, like, I text way more than I call people now.

You know what's something weird? When text start going weird, when you text with someone back and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth and forth. Listen, I'm just going to call you and they don't pick up. So annoying and you're like oh yeah, you're like okay, what is what are we doing here? Was this a we've played a game because it can't screenshot calls Well, it's because they can't Oh people do love the screenshot fuck yeah, they're sitting there.

Yeah. So that happens. That certainly happens, but you know what else happens. There's a weirdness in text. There's a two dimensionality to it. It doesn't really convey who you really are. You're not exchanging. It's like if you say something to me and I'll go, well, I didn't know. And you go, well, you should have known, well, okay, I'm sorry. I really, I'm honestly, I didn't know. And they go, all right, and then like you work it through and you're like relax, like you both relax, you both realize like this person, not trying to be me, you know that person. It's just like there's an honest misunderstanding that does happen. But sometimes honest misunderstandings were laid by texts become these fucking weird personal things. Yeah. Well people say shitty things to each other. Absolutely.

It's also the same thing we were talking about with blogs, with people having websites and writing blogs. Like, sometimes you shouldn't write a blog. Because sometimes this one way conversation that you're having about a subject or a thing is incredibly indulgent, incredibly indulgent and not entertaining. It's not like if you're a comedy writer, if you're like similar like manful drone. And you have to be a comedy writer and you're writing something for the purpose of entertainment. It's supposed to be hilarious. Yeah. But no, some people are just being self-indulgent, whiny little babies, writing some boring ass fucking die tribe, woe is me or I am awesome or this person sucks and just

So tired L.O.L. Yeah, that's the best. See someone's up to it. So tired L.O.L. Are you laughing? You really laughing at loud? So tired.

We're so broken.

Probably fucked the balcony. You got drunk. He fucked the whole balcony. So he realized it wasn't a person.

It's a good guy.

Yeah, well, that's the only good thing, as I said about LA, there's a lot of cool people here. We've met a lot of really fun people here. That's the only thing that keeps me hanging around. Everything else is just like Jesus, fucking louisis. Enough.

Too many people, man. I would rather us figure out a way to move to another place. You know? Yeah. I really would rather figure out a way to get an entire city to up and move to a better spot. I said, listen, cool people. This is what we're all gonna do. I think it's a planet over a five-year period.

Yes, you're right. It's one of the three.

Oh, it's way that you say that because I'm at the Sony Center this Thursday with Tommy Segura and Brian Cowan and you're like, oh, I would love to get tickets.

No, it's not the same. It's really far away. It's in the other side of the country. You're telling me to travel way too far.

You bring your way to Phoenix. I'll put you in a fucking pink underwear. That's right. Parade you around in Sheriff, our Pio.

Well, they're not, they're trying to stop it. They're trying to stop like the, the state government doesn't like it. And it's not, they're not supporting it. The way Colorado is or the way California even is. It's all about money, man. That's the number one thing that plagues us, and the number one thing that motivates us, and it's a weird dance. And whenever you put money above, like logic and humanity and compassion, and then you wind up with private prisons, and guys like Joe Arpio, and making people wear pink jumpsuits, and all that stuff is just fucking nonsense. There's things that we should focus on, and there's things that are just huge distractions and huge problems in the the the the the normal rippleist culture. That's one of them stupid. It's dumb. You definitely should put people in jail if they do something wrong. But did this whole making a big deal out of it and you making a more pink. I'm the top of a sheriff ever you're an asshole. You're an asshole. You should be measured and compassionate and you should be, you know, a nice person is trying to keep nice people safe and hopefully rehabilitate people who haven't fucked up too bad. If they have fucked up too bad, you should probably shoot him.

Just at a certain point in time, you can't fix people. Right. There's comes a number. Sure. There's comes a deficit that you reach.

Oh, yeah. Castro? A real cast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I couldn't even take a month in incarceration. Fucking commit suicide. Has his women locked up for 10 years? That guy had to be a torture torture torture soul. So terrifying that humans are capable of becoming a guy like that or murdered. He could have been murdered too. But I mean, he was obviously a torture soul just to do that.

There's a photo of the Air Force hitting a pirate boat with a smart bomb. It's the craziest fucking picture ever. Is there anything left? No, this is a pirate boat. And this is a 2,000 pound smart bomb. It's bigger than the boat. Yep. It's a 2,000 pound smart bomb and it's about to hit the boat.

A smart bomb, please. Have you seen that? No games.

This is a photo of the impact, too. Look at this. It shows the actual impact.

And now you see it? Allegedly. Right. This could be some fucking grand theft auto 10 game engine shit that they haven't revealed yet. I mean, but this is like whoa. I mean, the fact that they can do that now, it's the Air Force wants to prove that it's B1B Lancer Super Sonic's strategic bomber, isn't just useful for invading Iraq, it's also good for blowing up tiny pirate boats. And what better way to do that, but taking it out to the Gulf of Mexico and having a drop, a high-tech 2,000-pound GPU 10 smart bomb on an empty motorboat that probably weighs half as much and costs less. Okay, so they did it to show. that this is, uh, it's a test run. This is not a real pirate boat. Well, it'd be way cooler if it was a real pirate boat.

Well, how much, yeah, how much is this cost? It weighs 2,000 pounds. That ship must be ridiculously expensive. It's cooler than that accurate that they can do that. because that Tom Hanks trailer scares you shit out of me. Which one's the Ethiopians? They take over with guns. They're like, look at me, look at me. I'm Captain No. Yes, skinny dude, I'll fucked up on infetamines. Yeah. They have some shit that they chew. It's called cat K-H-A-T. And it's like an infetamine. Right. And they chew it all day like those leaves. And just get natural. Yeah, some natural meth. And they just get whacked out on this infetamines and fucking, drive around at boat with a ladder hooking on the big boats flying up and start fucking shooting white people the American dream yeah I guess that's rough that I'm glad you didn't include that in the jail slash jungle scenario because I wouldn't pick that this is getting hijacked yeah there's a guy finished grand theft auto five in one thirty eight hour sitting that's all took yeah a guy was on the buzz feed You're a good-looking guy, right? He's finished. He might be me. I might just fucking really be ambitious.

Yeah. Why? You wanted to figure out how fast you could do it. So you could write an article on it. You guys are buzz kills man. I thought this was a podcast. So I went, we said, I'll talk it shit. You're like, wow, why are we dodging a fucking fun killer? So what does he say about it? Just that it's awesome.

Yeah, it's about as good as you can get. It's pretty fucking badass. These games are just getting more and more crazy, but that's what we want now. I mean, this, this, that's all we want. We want, we want, you're not going to go get a game that makes you do yoga. No. You know, the game that makes you run around giving hugs to people. Once they've opened up the door to killing hookers with crowbars, you need to include that in number six. Well, you don't get to do that in real life. You don't get to do that in real life. In some parts of the world though, but if you have enough money, you can get to do it.

Yeah, because there's no karma in the video game. Yeah. The beautiful thing about the video game is you can run around braining people, not hurt anybody. The idea that people think that all, you know, violent video games are making children violent. No, the world is making people violent. The world is really violent. You know what's going on in a video game? Nothing. Nothing. You sit on a couch. You're standing there watching some shit go down in front of you. Nothing's happening. God damn it. It's not affecting anything. Matt Fulltron. It's true. You're right again. I think you just checked out. I think we've just heard the last map full-time. No man, I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

What did you do? Just an analysis of upcoming fights, breaking down, upcoming matchups and setting up different cards. Okay. Coming up in the future, they have these account down shows. and so they just sit down and they go, you know, what do you think about you need no sentence for just came for last guys and I just started.

Yeah. With Tom Segura. Yeah. The improv. Another great improv.

San Jose improv was one of the even better places because it's a historical place.

It's historical. That place is beautiful, man. It used to be an old like movie theater. You know, like an old timey, like thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, th Yeah, it's fun to watch man, that's for sure.

So you guys gave out your tickets. Oh, I did.

You're a sweetie.

All right, um, where could people find you? Where are you at next?

Yeah, full, full F-U-L-C-H-I-R-O-N. That's right. You did it. You're the man. It's tough one, though. It is tough. It's tricky one. It's almost as bad as RICO. R-E-I-C-H-L-E. All right, that's it. It's fucking chose over. Thanks to our sponsors. Thanks, first of all, to the full charge. Thank you.

Thanks to Lumosity. Go to Lumosity.com, tell them Joe Rogan, Sancha. Yeah, Freaks. Thanks to Squarespace.com. Use the code word Joe and the number nine and save 20% off. throughout the entire month of September. That's Joe Nine, one word, Joe in the number nine. Thanks also to audible.com, go to audible.com forward slash Joe and you will get one free audio book in 30 free days of audible service. We'll be back tomorrow with Kathleen Madigan, very funny, stand up comedian and the full charge has left to building ladies and gentlemen, go to onit.com Use the code word Rogan, save 10% off any supplements. We'll see you dirty bitches tomorrow. Until then, keep your freak power strong and hold out hope for the future.