Transcript for #46 - Chris Aubrey Marcus (Part 2)

Alright, let's just have this dense thick heel skin that curls over on each side.

We were talking about that too, that's the thing that you least have sympathy for, as someone who's overweight. You know, I, I've sympathized with people who have granular problems, you know, but if you just a fat fuck just glutinizing all day. If you're a fuck of action. I'll give you a second chance. I'm sure. I blocked it out.

Do you feel more comfortable with your body, too? Because you're like, listen, bitch, you know your fat. You know, I didn't think of it that way.

Who was it that tells the only folks with a shirt on? Was it Ari?

I don't remember. Pointed. I guess if you were if you were banging, I think it's Ari. I think I'm incorrect. If you're banging, it might have been Louis CK.

No, well. I think he actually has a bit on it, actually. I'm pretty sure that's it. Yeah, I think Louie has a bit on it. Um, you know, if you're, if you're fucking a fan check, like you can like loosen up, you know, if you're banging like some super hot alpha female with perfect shape, like why should you even let me fuck her? This is ridiculous. All right. Like I'm not even worthy, but if it's a fact, or you like bitch, you know, it's just good. Did you get me kidding?

There's a lot of dudes like him fat. I have a friend who likes thick girls and he always jokes about Sam Tripley. He jokes about him. He likes him thick. He likes him thick. He goes, I like a thick girl. It's just like sitting out loud. I like him big. I like all big ass. You know, and he's hilarious about it. That's what he likes, man. That's his type of woman. It always has been. And he's not faking it. That's what he likes. That's real. Everybody's got their own thing. So that's a fucking a weird thing, like when someone's got a little twist, a little twist, and what they're attracted to, I could go in a fucking, I like a long foot. I don't want a big foot, I don't want a wide foot, but I like a girl with a long foot.

If it grows a weak chin or a weak iron. Really small chins are disturbing. Yeah, they stir them up. I don't like it. There's something wrong with you genetically. Like if you're really missing a chin.

It's odd. It's an oddity. Like why is your lower jaw so small? Like do you not have to chew things? Do you?

What is that? Is that evolution? Are they more evolved than us?

Why did chicks trim their eyebrows? We don't give a fuck. They don't even know. If a girl has big bushy eyebrows, we don't give a fuck.

Yeah, but yeah, you know what if a girl's really hot and she's got a uni brow who gives a fuck?

Yeah, you just pretend she's some crazy is really bitch that just got out of the secret service over there So we can't spy on you, but she falls in love with your banger. I don't think a uni brow would bother me at all, man Harry Legs are a trip. What about facial hair? I did a girl when I was really young who was she was going to an all-girl school. She's going to an all-girl's college and her and her friends wouldn't shave their legs. They were like super feminist hippie chicks and this just did not work out. The conversations that we had were It was like they they went to this completely all-girl school that was like super like you know super ultra liberal ultra socialist ideals and their the view of the world was very strange and they wouldn't shave why should women have to shave men and shave Like, how about we both shave? I'll fucking shave you.

If the only way to get you shaved is that I have to shave, I'll fucking shave. I don't mind having shaved legs. I think it's weird, but I'll do it if you'll do it. I can't fuck you hobbit lady. You get hair on your feet. You know, that's just a trap, man. Girls don't be having hair in your feet. Please stop that.

Right. But what is the reason for that? Is there an evolutionary reason? Why are we so much more attracted to less hair? And why is hair disgusting to us? Is it a hygiene thing for pussy, right? It must be a hygiene thing, right? Like you got all that crazy here. I don't know if you, you don't even know what the fuck is in there. Yeah. You don't know what's coming in.

Right. But some guys like Harry Pussies.

Harry Pussie's very 2010s.

So they let a top bush, but they don't let the butt hair butt hole bush go. Yeah. So what do they do? They wax around all that. Just keep a landing patch. No, but it's not what I mean. Yes, it's a real triangle. Is that like a defiance thing? Like, I'm going to redefine my sexuality.

Sasha Gray fascinates me. And one of the reasons why she fascinates me is because she's like the girl that like somehow or another is free of the porn and more into more like of mainstream people's you know people's thoughts you know I'm saying like she's not just thought she's like she's like elevated she's like left the just the total porn world and she's permeated regular pop culture You know, and it's strange when something like that happens like how does one do that? You know, there's always like There's people that are like super successful. It's something like Lance Armstrong boom. There's there's the guy he's the guy rides the bike, you know, and Jenna Jamison There's a super porn star, you know, she's the one and then it was a few that get through the Tracy Lords that get through and then other other people know about him. You know, but Sasha Gray is one She's a unique one.

Yeah. I would like it as a short movie. You know, like you seem reluctant to say it's like, I didn't. Well, you know, I know Sasha. You know, 70s girls. Well, she was an awesome actor.

So in the girlfriend experience is she providing like an intimate call girl experience. So it's like having a girlfriend as a premise. Exactly. I saw like two minutes of it once on television. Really? Maybe just I saw the two minutes I saw was the last two. I was like talking to this guy and hugging him and then they cut the black.

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I had a friend who was in love with the prostitute. He was a guy who used to play pool with. Very nice guy, but he was unfortunate looking. and uh... he did not do very well with the ladies and he would go to this massage power and get jerked off by this one prostitute and uh... it was like one of those creepy massage powers you know like it was it wasn't really a massage power like you know they like rub your back and then just go what's up play the girl still and uh... he wanted to ask her out to dinner outside and she wouldn't go out with them when he was trying to figure out like asking me what I should do. What should I do to get her to come out with me? I really would like to see her outside of the club. Yeah. I'm not as like, oh, you're on your own. There's no way the road is gone.

There's so many things wrong with what you're trying to do. I mean, yeah, okay. Well, okay. What happens then? You become boyfriend, girlfriend, and she agrees, looks and no more in the mouth only hand jobs from now on. Like, do you guys, do you come to an agreement or do you accept the fact that this is what she does at work? That's work for her. That's tough. Strange, right? It's strange that we're so genetically attached. We're so genetically attached to controlling each other's sexuality. You know, you could have a wife that was a massage therapist. And she could be, oh, she's good. It's great. Deep tissue. She'll let her, let her rub your Bob. Oh, really? Your wife's going to rub me. She's going to rub me with oil all over my back. And am I going to groan? Well, she's rubbing me. I'm going to go, oh, yeah. Oh, so good. And you're going to be cool with that? Yeah. It's OK. Because it's just rubbing your back. But if she rub your dick and you make those same noises, basically, she's doing the same thing. She's just massaging her. But it just feels way better. But it feels too good. Too much, too much. You're going to get psychologically attached to her rubbing on your dick. Yeah. You can't do that. We draw the line.

I mean, I wouldn't even want to check who does messages.

Get a bunch of my buddies come over and you massage them. Like, what? Yeah. Could you imagine if you had a chick that was doing massages and you were really into her and then one of your buddies started getting massages from her? No, okay, bro. What the fuck? What are you doing? And they have a nice spot. Just like eight ladies that give massages. Thank you so much for the big tip. Please, you're the best. Stop it. And I'm not the best. You're the best. You're the best. You're the best. You tell me. I can't wait for the next one. One's our next one. One's our next one. What would you do this again? Yeah. Oh, stop. And you're like, hey, what the, are you guys fucking like what's going on over here? Got damn it. You're causing pleasure with your hands. Yeah. And the rubbing is ass cheeks. What's up? What's up? That's interesting. And you have those conversations like, would you tell me if Mark got a hard on while you were massage them? What are you saying? Stop it.

No dudes fucking tune you naked and rubbing your words, but yeah, he's gonna look at your pussy.

Kill the music. Yeah. Yeah. She respect, she respect each other's ability to just, you know, want to go out and experience things, but this segment of Chris Marcus's Pan Pan is brought to you by the flesh life. Please continue with the boom.

But at the point,

You know, I forget about it. No lust. Just physical. Yeah. No lust.

Is the same as you go into the jerk off salon. Right. Go there. Just some girl just rub your balls. The hot oil and jerk you off. And that says. Nothing, I think he was going on. I've got to feel it mechanical. Ah, thank you. That was great. That was awesome. I got rid of that. Not like you go out and talk about your childhood. I don't even know my dad. Oh my god. I don't know my daddy either. Right. That's correct. They've seen your golden hands laying in the field looking up with the stars. Fuck all that man. That's just bullshit. The real question is going to be what happens when we create artificial people and fuck them. And are people even going to bother with relationships? That's the real question. You are on the brink of this with this flesh light thing. Because now you guys are the first people that have created an effective artificial vagina right all those other ones are bullshit all those blow up dolls those are for batch of party gag gift bags all right those are silly nobody really fucks blow up dolls if you do it's not good you're better off jerk off you might fuck one once yeah, but they're not good. Yeah, you guys have engineered a true artificial vagina. But this is just step one. Remember when TVs when you go over your grandfather's house and the TV was this big giant ass fucking cabinet and the TV itself was only like 11 inches across and you need this fucking monstrous piece of furniture with big tubes and shit the bag of wires and remember when sometimes sparks would come out the back and you'd have to open up that there was like a particle board back to it and you unscrew it and pull it back and look inside the bowels of this fucking beast Now look at it. You can watch your little iPhone. It slips in your pocket, man. And it's way higher resolution. It's a much better experience watching a movie on your iPhone than it is one of those stupid TVs or an iPad, Jesus Christ. Yeah. The iPad of the fake posties coming.

Do you think so? You guys working with genetic engineers?

I mean, the flesh is looking into robotics.

How do you register like you have high scores like high scores like high score you are devaluing the personal experience you're taking it too far man 2000 strokes shouldn't be like three This is a you're not fucking a person who you're trying to make feel good. You're trying to shoot a load I know if I do this ten times I'm like, why is taking so long?

How do you know that they don't like the feeling of guys' households?

Listen, if I do, it's fucking you and the buddy's fucking you and the butt, all right? You can't have a filter for that.

Okay, there was a video was this. Oh, it's a video. So guys stop the flashlight up his butt. There's another guy fucked the flashlight. Would that make, would that make you gay?

Listen, if you, but yeah, but I'm saying if a guy fucks you, your flashlight. Okay, see if you stuff a flashlight up your ass. Right. That's gay. Right. If the guy fucks your flashlight is gay. Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay?

Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay? Is he gay?

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Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I remember the first time I had sex, I came in one second. I came in one second. I stuck in it. I pulled it out and there was loads everywhere. Oh my god. I barely made it. You barely made it. I have no idea what that's going to feel like. The first time I blew a load, I was in shock. I didn't even know that, you know, I wasn't nobody told me shit. All right, no, my parents didn't tell me anything and when I was like 14 or 15 15 my girlfriend blew me and I busted one in her mouth and my ears rang and I was like what the hell was that? Like I couldn't believe that like stuff comes out of you like you could feel it come out of you like whoa all that's what I've been building up to yeah, I didn't know that there was even an orgasm thing I recall it being like a 30 second or a thousand now the first time I came my ears rang they haven't ranked since Wow, because I never gave myself a day off I'm giving myself like one day off since. No, I did one time for my website. No, it was like 30 days or something like that. I tried to do But yeah, you, you know, you never recaptured. It's like they say with heroin addicts. The first time they shoot heroin, it's just insanely beautiful experience. And from then on, you're chasing the dragon. Yeah, you know that expression. Yeah, what is that? The first load you blow. It's like, it's good as a ket kids. Love it.

They're crazy. They're distracting the shit on them.

That's so silly. I don't think there's no no no writing no no test no studies done ever that show a decrease in performance due to the fact that you're having sex. I think the distraction that you would get from not having sex would be way more problematic Yeah, and that would fuck you up more it would fuck up your train of thought you wouldn't want to fight you want to get some pussy cock I'm sure it does, but you know, just really You're a fucking professional cage fighter already. Chances are aggressive. Yeah. You know, they need to be more fucked up. I don't know.

I'll tell you who used to fight and who used to fuck right before you find Tyson.

I didn't a stain. I didn't understand from sexual intercourse. It's a natural feeling for me. I just had a make sure I was relaxed before my big fight. Those old Tyson training videos are beautiful. The best was his early fight man, like Marvitz Frazier. You've watched the Marvitz Frazier fight. That was assault. He just ran up to that regular dude and beat the fuck out of his super alpha body. That shit didn't even make any sense. He came out of nowhere and got everybody excited about fighting again. For the longest time after Muhammad Ali, nobody gave a fuck about boxing. It's like the Larry Holmes era, everybody's like, what? Larry Holmes is fighting pink on time. I don't even know if they ever fought. But, you know, my point is like, you know, who gives you shit? Oh, Tony Tubbs, who gives you shit? Michael Dokes, whatever. You know, then all of a sudden this crazy motherfucker moving a hundred times faster than everybody else. And just smashing people in the face it will. That's what we wanted to see. We didn't want to see that. That's why it's for our last fight. Yeah, you want to see a salt two minutes your it was worth it Not really though people get pissed off There are times you have a bunch of friends over for paper view because nobody gives a fuck about the prelimbs and boxing That's one of the beautiful things about the UFC Yeah, you're gonna UFC card You're not just getting the main event you're getting a fuckload of other fights and they're all well matched and they're all people you give a shit about they're all they're all exciting fights especially the ones that actually make the air and So there's a bunch of shit to watch. So the end fight is only like 15 seconds. You know like Anderson Silva and you know James Irving or something like bam, it's over. You don't feel ripped off. I feel like what we saw a lot of shit before we saw that you know those Tyson fights man. I'd have friends same. I mean by the last one was 34 good seconds. Yeah man, but that's kind of how it was.

The one I miss was the one where he lost. Yeah, because I was like yeah, who fucking he's gonna beat the shit out of this guy? I'm like Buster Douglas was like 60 to one underdog or something crazy. What was done? He was something nutty, right? Was it like 30 you won or something? Yeah, you got the I remember I watched it I watched the tape and I was convinced whilst watching the tape that he was gonna win I'm like Tyson's gonna win this I was like, I know he's gonna win. I know he got knocked out, but I was watching a fucking replay of it. I was like, this is gonna win this. I know he's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win this. He's gonna win I'm going to let you in on a secret. If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself. And a great way to do that is use Dr. Squatch, especially with their new private hygiene products. They were designed to help you look and feel fresh all over.

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What's I brought?

It's pretty cool. He's the one who plays the flute, right? What's he put? Oh, not Kenny Loggins. Can you cheat? Can you cheat? I didn't meet foot loose. I met the flute dude. Does he play the flute? What is Kenny Loggins play? Is he the only dude to ever get that famous from playing that instrument? Right he must be a bad motherfucker Kenny G's like the Lance Armstrong of the flute or whatever the fuck you play Piper was pretty popular. What is Kenny G play saxophone? Does he play saxophone? Super white guy saxophone of course super white super white guy clarinet There was Kenny G was giant for a while man and giant with anger people get angry at Kenny G music you know like dudes like comics always use Kenny G was an awesome punch line if you want to shit on somebody

He represents dudes married women. They don't want to be married to out on dates having to go to a Kenny fucking cheek concert and just sitting there in shit in a world of shit. You can be with your friends at the bar drinking and throwing dark talking shit watching sports and having fun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're at a Kenny G concert stupid and you have a jacket on because she likes the way you look with jackets. I like a sport jacket and you got your fucking sports jacket on.

That's it. Let's stand in the show.

So then they make this vile. How large is two? Oh he dropped it. How large is it, right?

So our largest 2000 pedals it must be immense. 2000 pounds. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

Yeah, you had a third of about half of a mile.

No, no, this is brand new. This is brand new. So this is how it comes to come to our floor.

Listen, every of them in all the time do.

I'm not like you man.

What about you? Are you comfortable that your reaction time would be this? I am. Yeah, I mean be able to drive.

I didn't even find out if you're allergic to lotus.

Oh, that, and on that note, that's a perfect way to end this. Thank you very much, Chris. That was a lot of fun. Thanks for sponsoring the podcast. Flashlight, go to fleshlight.com, pick one up and like we said, Brian and I are both fucked up and we give them two thumbs up. It is way better than just jerking off. I have a new segment to that bit. My bit on the fleshlight is growing very strong. Anyway, thank you everybody for tuning in. I will be at Which is hard to kill it. I will be there we go. I'm at the the where's it the galaxy theater in Santa Anna. That's my next gig. Oh, actually no, I'm in London, but Brian doesn't have this up on the the U stream page. U stream page change that shit. So it says I'm in London at the Lester Square theater, but those there's two shows Thursday and Friday of next week, but they're sold out already. Sorry bitches you snooze you lose and then the galaxy theater in Santa Ana October 22nd. What are you playing? You're gonna say you're gonna play Death on to it or a sure die on wood. That's my new favorite man Is this die on wood? Die actual word. It's South African band and it means the answer. Don't ban it over these guys.

They got a bunch of good shit. They got a bunch of good shit. And they got stupid tattoos and their ugly is fucked. I love them. Do you love it? Tomorrow, we'll have another podcast tomorrow. Probably two to three p.m. Pacific with the lovely town to Mr. Duncan Trussle. We'll discuss how the UFOs are coming and the government is preparing us. We've got some new important information ladies and gentlemen. See that big rubber alien pussy that shit is real. We're going to tell you everything tomorrow. Thank you everybody for tuning to podcast as always. We appreciate it very much and we love you bitches. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Dr. Squatch. I'm going to let you in on a secret. If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself. And a great way to do that is use Dr. Squatch, especially with their new private hygiene products.

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