Transcript for #602 - Ari Shaffir & Duncan Trussell

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It's so fun. 500. Yeah. I mean, it's great. I love it.

But I will never take his voice off the theme song. We'll do a new theme song in the whole incorporate his voice. That was one of the coolest moments in my life. He kidding me, BTS wins. He's getting his hands up in the air. He's like, treating my dad, Joe Rogan, podcast by night. Oh, no. I was like, that's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. Next to the birth of my children, it's right up down. Wow. So we're all here because we're friends and this is an intervention Duncan. I know you thought this was a podcast. You're gonna, you're gonna have to stop that man. Because sorry, tell them about the demons. Tell them what happens.

Oh, yeah, wait a minute. You're only ready to get the juice out of your body. It means out of my body. Oh, you have to put this on like sometimes I get possessed by demons.

Crazy. That's aggressive. Yeah. That's always screaming. Howling at night.

So we're here. This is not happening. The new show in Comedy Central. Are you sure for your officially a baller? Just had his new Comedy Central hour special. Yeah. Paid regular. That was the coolest shit man. The Comedy Store was tweeting photos of the red band tweeted some two of the patio, the filled party. Yeah. Everybody out there watching your special on TV while you were performing in the OR.

And you know it's even cooler people come to see you now. I think your new material now is some of the best shit you've ever done. It's right up here with the best bits you've ever done. The new shit that you're doing now is stuff you didn't Vegas. It's fucking great, man. It's really funny shit.

That's all right, dude. He keeps swinging, you know? I'm like at about 40 right now. It's uh, but it's 40 that I don't, I don't know it that well.

You told me you were a talent coordinator, you told me that. That's an interesting way to look at it. I've always felt that they grow though. I always felt that they're a living thing when they become sturdy. Like they start off as like little saplings and they're like, oh, sometimes they look impressive and sometimes they come sometimes they come out their fucking trees. There's certain bits that I've done that were already a tree before they ever got to this stage. Like the vegan bit that was just on my last special. I wrote that bit all after one conversation.

Jamie Kills thing, believe it or not. Even though he talks a lot about being a vegan, he's not preaching about it. And he also admits it he ate a lot of meat. He's a bad example of that. Jamie Kills thing gets a bad rap and part of it is because the conversation that he and I had on the show. What was that again? What was that conversation? He's out there listening. Jamie Kilsstein, I think you're a good dude. I really do. I think he's a genuinely like what he's trying to do. He genuinely thinks he's doing like really good things and he's just It was about the Daniel Tosh rape thing. You know, Daniel Tosh made that joke where he asked the audience what they wanted to talk about. Some guy yells out rape and Daniel Tosh started saying, like, yeah, what a great subject. Like, what's so funny about rape? Is it the humiliation? Is it the violence? Some woman says, actually nothing is funny about rape. And he goes wouldn't be funny if five guys just rape her right now. And it became this big, I mean, well, first of all, that's the kind of shit that happens at a goddamn comedy club. Yeah. No, we all know that. And the guys just trying to be funny while he's on his toes on a stage in the spur of the moment.

So Jamie and I disagreed with it. He felt like it's lazy and he felt like you contributed to rape culture, which is a term that like gets bandied about. It's a weird term. You know, some people think it's a horseshit term. You know, there is no rape culture.

Dude, these are their Indians. Oh, they're India. They're brownest fuck.

There must be. I don't know. I just didn't have a seat. Have a seat. Have a seat.

Well, I mean, we used to like it and if you go back and try to watch those old movies. Well, all those like Gene Kelly movies, there was start dancing the street. Yeah, but it would stand there and people would dance around them. They had music videos that broke out in the middle of a movie. So they have all these plot. Yeah, they have all these plots. They have real language. They have real dialogue. They have a real story line. So weird.

Well, it's that someone's desire the one person's desire in the middle of a gigantic performance for people interacting with each other. It's one person's desire to totally steal the spotlight and the best way to do that. is by singing everybody has to stand around and listen while John like we're all like support we're in the back and John's in the center he's singing nothing yeah he's got this great point and we're all like wow yeah he's singing about life and everyone's letting him move around singing about life Nobody stops to go, what are you fucking doing, man? Like, why are you saying, like, nobody interacts with them? There's no interacting. This is just one guy, which is what the theater, to some folks is all about that moment.

No music is playing. They just start singing.

I got another, I got a great idea to do with it. I'm fucking improvised musical reality show.

I got to do it in the song. That's a great idea. You got to bring them into a situation. Big brother, it's song. And the audience doesn't know. So they have to, there are people going to interact with them. So they have to sing out to this like restaurant or bar. Have you ever seen the video? There's a video with us bringing you back to activists. that sometimes Mr. Point, there was a video of this lady, she steps into a chicken restaurant and she starts talking about, this is not food, this is violence, you know, and there's a little girl, you know, she starts saying, and she just wants to live, she just wants to be happy, and she just wants to live, and this little girl was going to die, just like all of her sisters, all of her brothers and her family, a chicken, a chicken. And she rescued this chicken and so she does like videos of the same gal with her chicken at home, you know, it's like So she goes into a restaurant, disrupts all these people and tells this whole story and then explains that it's her chicken. And then a whole crew of assholes come in behind her with signs. This is not food. It's violence. It's so weird. And they're like, we're just running a restaurant. Dude, it seems like a parody. It seems like someone is just badass. Some Tim and Eric type dude just put together some badass parody that's so subtle. You're like, not sure. Right. Like is this bitch really this crazy that she's referring to this chicken as her girl?

Well, not only that, you have to have a real objective sense of what actions you're putting out there and how those actions are going to be perceived.

Well, there's some people that have this idea that what they're protesting against is more important than anything that's going to disrupt anything that's going to involve that like green piece. Do you see what green piece did with the NASCAR lines? It's so fucking crazy. These dumb assholes went to the NASCAR lines and they set up a group of NASCAR lines. NASCAR lines, so they don't even know how old they are, okay? They're thousands of years old. These lines, meanwhile, I'm like, There's we know how they're all there. They're thousands of years old. I think they've dated them.

They've dated them more than a thousand years. Whatever it is. It's not. There are all sorts of geometric patterns, animals, all sorts of different things. Some of them are animals, some of them are spiders. We're all these weird patterns. You can only see from the sky.

So their patterns that are made on these flat planes. And some of them are just a bunch of rocks that are pieced together in these lines. And people have left them undisturbed because they're so cool forever. So you can't just go there and walk around on them. These assholes went there and they used some of the stones as paper weights. They picked some of the rocks off the ground.

To put a sign up. This fucking stuff. A green pie sign. Oh, see that pull it. Do you got a photo of a Jamie put up? What? Dix. So do she.

Just there's photos, Jamie. Go to photos Greenpeace NASCAR lines.

Right. So look what these assholes did. See how cool that that design is that pattern. That pattern has been there. That's just actually fun in the time.

I don't know what the fuck they think they're doing. They're still disturbing it by doing that. Like sometimes standing on that look, your fucking footprints are also on that paper. I can see the bottom of your tread. You know what that means? That means you stand. You stood on that shit. You stood on that shit somewhere. And I'm supposed to believe that you're doing this all ethically. Yeah, backfire.

Exactly. That sucks. Yeah. Okay. So this is this is the actual. Wow.

We don't know. They don't know who made them. They really don't know. That's that shit.

I mean, someone definitely definitely without a doubt.

Um, but this is so funny. Some people think the geometric ones could be indicate a flow of water that's connected to rituals to summon water. The spider's birds plants could be fertility symbols. Other possible explanations include irrigation schemes or giant astronomical calendars.

Yeah, well, they're definitely trying to figure it out. There's a dog. There's a monkey. What? The monkey? No. Yeah, pull up the monkey, Jamie.

There's a spider dick butt.

If you touch her own, you'll find a monkey down there. There's a monkey in one of them. It's really cool. It's got like, uh, there's a, there's birds with like bird feet and shit. There's a gang of.

Well, do you remember when they used to do that with websites? They would code certain words in the websites, just like a person, a porn porn funny funny. Yeah, people think it's an alien, that thing, that person with the eyeballs. How click on that? Wow. Yeah. But I mean, that's how my daughter draws people. Yeah. So everybody says it's an alien.

Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien.

Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien.

Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's an alien. Maybe it's were, you know, aliens, depictions of aliens. It was Graham Hancock, who I love, but it's like, Mom, and I might not be an alien. I could be a lot of shit. These people, they want to believe. And not only that, but it was thousands of years ago, just what they saw back then. I think it was aliens.

Pull up the monkey, Jamie. And you see this monkey. Just, I want to see, I think, part of the monkey. Because it's really good. It's got a curly tail.

Well, it was a dog to the left. Do you see that one of the far left, Jamie, about three down? Oh, it's okay. Just, let's try the front monkey.

Where's the fucking monkey, man?

Well, if you go to the Wikipedia, you can see the monkey.

Here it is. Alright, see that. What's like it's puking? It's on the Wikipedia. If you go to the Wikipedia.

Oh, that's a way.

Oh, it's huge. It's enormous.

I don't know. That's a good question. That's a very good question. But they're really big. I mean, you see when those people were walking around. I mean, these are like, you know, right. They were laying that out.

Look at the tail kind of work out. They've had some damage with mudslides to apparently. Yeah, but they really, there's all sorts of explanations.

Yeah, this is one area. It's really fascinating also because there's what look like landing strips there. There's long parallel lines.

That's what it is. Yeah. That's what it is. It could be they just figured out how to draw shit in the ground that you could see from the sky. Maybe they just thought it was an interesting way to do something. They couldn't see. Well, they could, they just couldn't see it really well. You know, you can only really truly see what it is when you're above it. But I mean, it's not impossible that they could measure it and do it all in the ground. I'm just proposing, you know, being the devil's advocate, like it's not impossible that they did those, you could see the ground. I mean, you're looking down at your feet. It's not like your, it's invasive to you.

They're not that big. They're you know a few hundred feet wide I think the really big ones, but they're not like 12 miles long or anything crazy I mean I do it the lines himself are they're superficial they're only 10 to 30 centimeters deep and could be washed away Really?

It's only ever received a very small amount of rain But there's issues also that the great changes that we're seeing to the climate, that it might start raining there. Not fucked.

But it looked at crops. Well, Lisa, you know, everybody's like, really hooked up.

But we're like, everyone. Yeah, the crops would be better than the stupid lawns, right? Yeah.

They're shut up ethos. They have it in their head that, you know, this, that this site is like, it's super important. But we have all the images. Like once we have the images, if the water comes and washed everything away, at least we've documented. We know these people made these things. We don't know why or when. We think it's the NASCA culture, which is like I think it said here 400 to 650 AD. So they live there and maybe carve those things?

So that's over a thousand years ago, that's more than as much as 1500 years ago could be longer. Crazy shit, man. They don't really have any explanation for why, but there's a lot of, I mean, it could be aliens, right? I mean, if we can go to Mars, man, we can send a robot to Mars. It's so arrogant to think that we're the only ones that could do that. I've never seen any evidence whatsoever that's even remotely compelling. But aliens have visited here, none of it. None of it that's outside of other, like there's not one thing that stands out where you say that had to be aliens. It couldn't have just been really smart people. Now, one thing, I don't have any of them left anything. Well, they might have, when we're looking at the pyramids, when we might be looking at is someone's knowledge and information from another culture.

Well, it depends, see, there's a thing called the procession, the equinoxes. So the earth spins. It's like there's like a wobble to the earth. And so when you see the stars, it's not always the same. And it wobbles like every X amount of thousands of years. So depending upon where you think these were constructed, you would have a different star line. You would have a different thing that you would see. There's a guy named John Anthony West, who's just amazing when it comes to this shit. His whole video series, it's called Magical Egypt, so good. If you're not even interested at all, Egypt, you're like, yeah, it's fucking boring, a bunch of people living in the sand, like assholes. If you watch one of these videos, I would love it.

If I was just trying to be funny, I would say that. But his videos just are super in depth about the construction methods and how big it is and like all of the magical things about the way they built them. They think that it was a culture that lived a long fucking time before we think. not just like 2,500 Vc, but like, he's the notion that it's like 10,000 plus Bc. And if you go to 10,000 Bc, apparently where the lion is, as finks, where it's pointing, would be directly over the constellation Leo.

That always seems to me like if that was really like a plot if someone had designed like people with this sort of like puzzle in front of them the plot is eventually they're going to get intelligent enough they're going to figure out the plot. Yeah. That seems to me to be like a really shitty way of doing things. It's like there's got that's like very just tell them how to do it.

Well, that sense is like that confusion and people feel of like the existential angst of being a person where you don't know what the fuck you are, where are you going. Yeah. What happens when I die? Like almost universally that needs to be plugged up. Whether it's plugged up with this alien,

S. Y. S. Y. S. Y. S. Y. S. Y. S. Y. S. Y. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S.

I don't buy that because I don't buy them knowing. I don't buy anyone that says, no, it's nothing. No, there's nothing. How do you know there's nothing?

You're right. You don't even bring it up. Right. You don't bring it up, but you don't say it's not, but you don't say it's not something either.

I don't think the issue is a belief system as much as the issue is getting caught up in an ideology that you can't question. Yeah. That's because when you do that, if you want to go in the Thor camp or whatever camp you want to go to, you believe is the, you know, the grand ruler of the fucking Zeus. Yeah, no matter who it is, in the name of God, Odin. Odin, right? Praise Odin. Praise Odin. Yes. Any time you can't question anything, your fucksville. If you have something you believe in, that's probably empowering. What's not empowering is when you subscribe to an ideology. Because if you believe that there's some all eternal loving God that's looking over you and judging you every day and that you have to do your best to make him proud. That is your divine father and created you and you know deep in your DNA, what the good things you're supposed to do is. If you really go live your life like that, you'll probably live a pretty fucking cool life. You'll be really nice to people. You'd be super righteous. You'd want to make your daddy God all proud of you and shit. The problem is when you subscribe to an ideology and that doesn't let you question anything. The problem is not believing in a God. The problem is now what do you have to do because you believe that God? Well, now you have to stop gay marriage. You have to stop guys from masturbating. You have to stop people from doing this and stop people from doing that. You have to listen to me because my way is the right way and the Lord is the Lord. His Islam is the truth. All of that stuff. It's all the same shit. It's all the same shit. The ideology is the problem. It's not to believe in God. What does this motherfucker God want you to go do? Do you want me to strap dynamite to your chest and walk into a cafe?

Oh, you what is the answer to that?

No such conflationics. Oh, yeah. Goodness. If you want to be kosher. Yeah.

If you look at it from a picture perspective, do you think it's possible for people to have gotten where we've gotten as quickly as we've gotten without religion, without some organizing ethical behavior.

Well, we would be raping and pillaging still.

Well, it's almost like an idea of virus that is introduced into a system in order to force growth in a certain direction. Because whatever would have gotten society without it. I doubt it. I doubt it. Greeks. Dude's want to fuck. Didn't the Greeks. People want to rape. Yeah, but they had a gang of different gods.

Well, it's it's being replaced with a new one. It's being replaced with atheism. Atheism is very much a religion.

I don't mean it in a negative way. I mean, it's like in religions the wrong word. It's an organized group. The people that are a part of it, they subscribe to the ideology of this organized group. And are almost like for a large percentage, at least. I shouldn't say almost a majority, but a large percentage are liberal. A large percentage of atheists, our liberal people, like they tend to lean left with their ideas. I would say if you had a gauge, the difference between the Republican side and their Democrats, I like which one has more atheists, it would clearly be demigrant, right? Is that right? Am I guessing? I'm just guessing, right? I don't know. But let's see if we're right. I would say that.

I mean, it does seem logical. Let's see if it's true.

Yeah. There's a lot of the people in Congress are closeted that are atheists.

That's hilarious. Wow. What a bunch of fucking fakers. It's saying there's an article about this on Think Progress. Why all of the atheists in Congress are closeted? That's hilarious. They will say it. That's a pretend. They can't. It's not popular. Atheism is not popular. There's a certain thing that people want to do. They want to say something really stupid and have everybody else go, you're like, we're not going to think anymore. Then we already have. Yeah. All right. When people say, well, I'll tell you what, I meet somebody. And there are an Atheism. I'll punch my face. I'll walk away because they're a damn fool. Yeah. Steve Harvey.

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What kind of moral compass? Do you operate on the, that's the idea?

take down rebellion that's it silence their rebellion yeah yeah silence their rebellion it's really interesting great book it's really crazy but those sort of volatile moments in history crazed insane violent moments of control and then the repercussions of that control those are like the engines that fuel change and oftentimes fuel innovation and I know we look at them as being yeah we look at them as being as like horrible moments when they're happening because they are for everyone involved But like for the future like the I think all these chaotic moments where these people struggling to get into a position for power and the fact that nobody can really hold it and it keeps and people have their complaints and the people that are rising up they have the will of the people because the will of the people is we don't want to be as fucking terror anymore. Yeah, all right, let's go get them and then they get in and they become the person they were fighting against like this process repeats itself over and over again. And it seems like objectively, if you look at it, it's like this process of cleansing or filtering, almost like water coming down from a glacier and going through all those rocks until it becomes pure. It's like it's gotta go through all these trials and tribulations. It's just gotta be all these fucking chaotic moments of horror. So we understand what horror is. We never repeat horror. You gotta have a Holocaust to understand where the 60s came from. got to have these bad moments that sort of make you like long for the accomplished the great heights.

Well, if you're translating something from ancient Hebrew, right? And you put it into the Latin and then eventually to the English. When you're doing that, like, you're going to, the way they explain things is going to come off very different. Like, if you read like Russian stories translated to English, there's, it's so bizarre. Yeah, throw it through like Google translate. It's so hard to understand her as their language works so much differently. So by saying that, like, God took the form of a burning bush, they easily could be saying he was smoking DMT. That's right. Easily. Yeah.

You drive the fucking bush out, figure out a way to get the fucking DMT out of it. You smoke it. Like, especially if that's how they did it, like, what if they just lit those bushes on fire and then just read it all in?

or if they did it like totally caveman style. Just take those bushes, hack them down, dry them out, make a fucking tent, like one of those sweat lodges at the end of the game.

Hot box yourself with DMT.

Yeah, you suspect because God was telling you that not to covet your neighbor's wife. Not because your neighbor's wife is like in a relationship with my life.

Like the idea was that the guy owns that wife. Yeah.

Like this insane archaic way of thinking that's connected to that time. Yeah. So we don't, you know, even if Moses did say those things, we have no idea what the actual words it came out. If Moses did have this psychedelic energy was not used anymore. Yeah, it's like and not only that like who the fuck wrote it down? Wasn't Moses Moses didn't write it down if I told you some shit that happened to me when I was a child and then you were it was your bit job to write a book after I died. Oh, you would butcher it. I would butcher your life you would butcher my life we would butcher each other's lives if Moses wasn't writing it himself Moses yeah You know, if you're not getting his fucking notebook, who knows what was actually said, but that was supposed to be written the same way throughout history.

You lived in Israel, like, you know, that was during religious studies. Was it fun?

Where those zombies climbed up in that movie?

I really got drunk through the first time. So what years was that?

So what year calendar year was this?

I think January of 92. So this is like Clinton presidency.

Oh, no.

Because it doesn't mean anything to anybody. That's fascinating. A scariest word every year. Yes. You'd have to do like a full 360 sweep of your surroundings with a helicopter and then parachute down and yell it to feel super confident. Someone's it's like the only word that you can yell out and The one in that group is allowed to punch you. See if you yell out my cons. If you yell out my cons, if you yell out my cons people. Women can't just run up to you and punch you, you know, but if you yell out bigger people, they have a free pass. Yeah. Just punch you.

Well, there's the only racial slur that is a free pass to violence. Yeah. Like Chinese if you yell out change like most people look at you right in motherfucker or you piece of shit, but there are certain dudes not all of them But there's certain dudes that if they catch you yelling out that word, they will fuck on.

Yeah, but it's crazy if you're in a place. I mean, there's guaranteed. There's people that just heard you say that that are going to be offended. They're like, you know, fuck that guy, you know, who fuck? See, think he is yelling that shit out, drop an inch in the podcast. 22 years ago. No, it doesn't even matter. Just the fact that you even just said it.

The bit about the three magic words and that was one of them. They're like, you can't even say it. Like you're not even allowed to say the word. And reference to it.

No, the acting was horrible. Howard Stern was raven about this.

Yeah. Oh, is that guy?

It wasn't just that. I just need some talk. Apparently a whole long laundry list of questionable stories.

Well, there was a bunch of other things that he did. He said he did like one of them was there was a car jacking where two people shot and killed.

No evidence that the car jacking took place.

That was that guy. And there was another one where he killed a bunch of people in Katrina. He was a sniper in Katrina shooting looters and talked about which is like, okay, like it's one thing if you're shooting terrorists who have rocket launchers, but you're shooting people that are support people that are stealing shit because they're involved in chaos. Yeah. because the fucking water has come and surrounded the city and there's no resources and so you're shooting looters. Like, what should we be doing? We should be really fucking careful about who we celebrate. That's great. If you're shooting looters.

Yeah, we're not talking about war. We're not talking like, even Michael Moore was talking about his, well, that's what you get for lootin.

But it's not only that, it's not a delivery from a fucking roof. It's going to be delivered because you go to the trial and you have a jury of your peers. That's what the government is supposed to be established for. Like to be on a rooftop, you're just murdering this movie.

Well, Jesse Ventura was a fucking Navy seal. He was in what's called the UDT before it was the Navy seals. I believe that's the name of it. The organization. There was a predating name. The same Jesse Ventura was one of them. Yeah. So apparently this guy told the story about knocking out Jesse Ventura and Jesse Ventura, a badmouthing the troops and badmouthing the war, which he said he would never do, never did, never argued with this guy. He never got hit and he gave the guy an opportunity to attract it. Otherwise, he was because he wrote about it in his book, he called him Scruffy Face or something like that. But then on radio shows, he admitted that it was Jesse Ventura. So they can do the math. I think he did it on OP and Anthony actually. I think that's where it came out. So they realized that it's not true. So the guy got killed. Okay, Chris Kyle gets killed and now Jess even tore it goes through with the lawsuit with the guy's wife. Which.

I think as long as her, if her life isn't, I mean, it's she's suing the guy who lied. It's just so happy that the guy who lied died. Like, look down and stop selling the book. Well, that's the issue.

Random, right? Like who owns the book? But then the issue is does he represent them when he goes on radio stations and says something that's not even in the book? Does he name the guy in the story in the book? But does that make them responsible? I say it doesn't. I say it's not random house because he said scruffy face.

There's the thing man if you wrote about all that other shit about shooting looters and other shit like if that turns out to be not true, which people are saying is not true, you really got to take the whole book to book off.

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See, some of it, I'm sure, was. That's the thing.

Another thing you have to remember, too, is Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood, who used to be the baddest motherfucker. He's done now, too. He's an old dude.

Yeah. And you are dressed to Obama. Yeah.

You want to be noble. You know what you don't want to work in the oil fields. You want to be noble.

I think about a lot of people that are in this country that are, you got born a shit town with no fucking opportunity. Yeah. And you're surrounded by a bunch of dummies. And then you go see this movie. You're like, holy shit, but I think when you make a movie about someone's life story, and this is what I was pissed off at Foxcatcher for the same reason. That movie Foxcatcher about John DuPont, who was that crazy old man, who shot Dave Schultz, who was an Olympic champion wrestler, and it was based on his brother Mark Schultz, and this one. They fucked with everything in that movie. He's so angry. He's been to Mark Schultz, been tweeting like crazy, because he's still alive. He's a Olympic gold medalist.

Well, no, no, no, no. John DuPont killed the analytical metals in the movie. But his brother, Mark Schultz, who the book, the movie in the book is based on, is still alive. And they changed all these aspects of his life for this movie. And he's like, I'm still alive. But this is me. like this isn't like a Chris Kyle thing where they made the movie after he's dead and who knows what you know he let put in and not put this is like Marshall's saying this didn't happen like they they messed with shit that didn't even make sense like they had the UFC in their movie but it was in 1988 There was no fucking UFC until 1993. It didn't even exist. So they're watching an actual fight between Big Daddy Goodrich, who was the eventual opponent of Mark Schultz. And a lot of people are like, you're all the fucking UFC trivia. Nobody gives a shit. It's about the story. No, it's not dummy. It's about history. Because why would you make up any aspects of history when you're doing a true story? You don't need to change the timeline for the UFC. That's totally arbitrary.

Right? If you did that with that, how the fuck am I going to believe any of the aspects of the story? Because you lied about something I know you lied about. This is weird shit with there's like this weird relationship between the two and then looking at each other weird and he's wearing shorts and now he's got frosted tips and people were saying that it seemed like it was gay and Shultz got really upset that they were insinuating there were some sort of a gay relationship. They like fucked with the timeline of his achievements, too, because he had already won the World Championships. I mean, he was already the best wrestler in the world in his weight class. And they were making it look like he needed his brother. And if he's sucking in, he doesn't career was falling apart. He was the best wrestler in his weight class in the world. He's a Mark Fucking Shult, so it was an animal. And if you watch him wrestle when he was And his peak form, he was a fucking animal. And like, they changed the aspects of his achievements in this movie. Like he was already a world champion. Like the way they made it, the way they, it's like the guy was fucked and nothing was going right for him. And then he needed this John DuPont situation. And that's why he moved in.

And all they do is watch and child porn. Fuck you. I don't even know what. Why should it be legal? I can watch it. I didn't fucking kids. Why isn't the video themselves legal? I put some words in your mouth.

Did you ever see Lenny with Dustin Hoffman? You know, I messed up. Look, I'm a huge fucking Lenny Bruce fan, so I'm fascinated by it. I'm not a huge fan of his work. This is a tricky way to say it, because I think if you, I'm not endorsing it right now. I'm saying, like if you go, you want it, like if Lenny Bruce is performing at the LaFactory and you're at the Comedy Store, I would tell people to go see you. I would go because it would be freaky just to see him. Yeah. But you're dealing with a completely different era. Though the world was just way different. Right. But anyway, this is great Dustin Hoffman movie where Dustin Hoffman fucking nailed it. He sounds just like Lenny Bruce. I mean, is that one of the few times where a guy's on stage and it seems like he's a real comic. Huh. It's really good, but he says a bunch of shit and you go, did he say that? How do I know he said that? I know you know, I know you don't know exactly what came out of his mouth and any given moment. So a lot of this is just bullshit. You know, so like if you're there's a real person you got try your best to make everything as on the money as part of you. And whatever you fill in has got to be directly related to everything you absolutely know happened.

Yeah, but yeah, let's get like that.

It said this is a true story. He's a flag waving old man. He sure is. He really is. All those old men stick together. Well, look, I think this is, I mean, the other red dead. Look, I think Howard's trying to say any enjoyed it as a movie. It's supposed to be a very good movie. It was like well made as a movie. Is it not?

I don't think you can get labels.

anti-war movies.

Right. That's apparently another aspect of the book that has been the question is that the barrels of weapons of mass destruction that they found. Like he said that they found like chemical weapons.

Shooting a kid. And then the mom. What the fuck?

Yeah. This is another thing. Like we were talking about this earlier.

But we were saying earlier about ideologies, a problem. And being a nationalistic person, subscribing and being a patriot, subscribing to one nation only, regardless of what the actual act itself is, and looking at it like, you know, this will carry because it's one voice. Like that is an ideology. There you go. That is as much of an ideology as a religion. It's like this unquestioning thing. One of the things that Michael Moore was saying was that he put it on his Twitter that a sniper is a coward and everybody got really pissed off. I think the logic behind it's kind of silly. You have to look him in the eye when you shoot him shooting someone in the back as a coward. In that sense, 90% of war is cowardly. Yeah, because you're saying some kind of wars, okay, but some kind of what you have rules.

But that means no more rockets.

Yeah. A lot of the sharing thing is you're shooting people like you don't necessarily look them in the eye when you shoot them. You have a dual like what are you doing standing back to back and walking ten paces like assholes like what kind

Oh, that was a story.

Wow. All right, I will imagine if that really didn't happen though. That's actually sad. That's sadder than him lying. It would actually happen. But like you're assuming you didn't happen, but people are definitely dumb enough to do that.

Wow.

His last words, you know, like how I'd be like, but what about him stealing jokes? His last words. But he did it better.

100,000. We'd really give him 100,000 and how would he use it? He's dead. Oh, he's a terrible fucking deal. Oh, you don't need this anymore. I'm one of your best friends, so just take his stance back.

Is there a reason that you want to put that on television?

But that is a way to look for non-white males. Yeah. So it's a Jerry Seinfeld type situation.

Well, unless black people are being excluded, unless Asian people are being excluded.

But my problem is, like, you can't have affirmative action comedy. Yeah, you're not. You're going to ruin the whole thing. You can't do that. You can't like you whoever's funny.

No, I loved the one that you put that we did. That was on the internet. It was great. It was fun. It knows this actually before the show was even on TV. It's totally awesome to have something on the internet. I was just confused as to what the reasoning for.

You know what that would be? Fucking awesome about the web, too. It doesn't get canceled. It's on any time you want. It's actually a way better medium for distribution. Like a YouTube channel's way better. Especially now, you have YouTube on Apple TV. So you can go right to YouTube. Yeah. I mean, you can get YouTube on a lot of those little net footage.

Hey, watch them on your phone. You can watch anywhere you want. And if it's on Comedy Central, you're going to be guaranteed a very large audience. You know like million plus audience of people sitting there watching a lot of people aren't even your fans when you get good online You're gonna get all of your fans like to they watch it won't tell you they see your name right there It's crazy for them like to fan wise.

Yeah, Bush gets an office that could be an issue. Yeah.

You're talking about schedule one drugs. Oh, comedy central sets that you're saying. Yeah, you know worried about the politicians. No, no. No. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah. Thank God for Dublin, right?

Change is the way your brain is functioning. You're the paths that you're on. I think the paths you're on, like someone tried to explain this to me once. I've always tried to remember the exact way it's explained, but that we want to think of our moments as being moments individual unto themselves, but they're not. They're a chain of unique moments throughout your entire life, your interpretations of those unique moments on paraphrasing the shit out of this guy said it. And then all of your associations with life itself that are connected to your interpretations of these moments, and then boom, here you are today. And you want to think that this is life, but it's only life because of all these pathways that you've carved in the way you view the world. As soon as you change those pathways, you open up a whole new world. Because now your associations are different. So now your brains react to life itself. It's your change your route to work.

Have you ever heard Tony Robbins talk about changing past and life? He had really interesting analogy. He talks about like you're going two cars, going the exactly saying or a boat rather, two boats going exactly the same direction, but one boat just takes a two degree turn. Just two degrees. As they go further down, the one bolt that took the two-degree turn is going to go wider and wider away from the original path. And then each decision that you make that's a good decision takes you closer. Even though it's just like you're just steering your ship just dirt as you go out, it's going to be a much different path, a much different end than if you just stayed on the original path. That's incredible. Yeah, way different. And psychedelics makes you go right turn, clogged. Yeah.

Yeah, that doing psychedelics is like pressing like the reset button for your brain. Like control all the memory that bit that your your desktop reboots and those only one folder on the desktop and that's that desktop says the folder says my old bullshit and you have two choices if you just like create a completely different desktop look at reality as a completely different or open up my old bullshit and fall back into these familiar patterns. Very comforting. All right, you know, and you, those moments after the psychedelic experience are so important to grab and hang on to because it gives you this opportunity to make this new way of thinking like a part of your habit. Yeah. Once you get into a habit, whether it's fucking, you know, the 30 days or 60 days or 90 days, like people say that once you like have a pattern ingrained and how you behave and think and do, It just takes a consistent approach to that pattern, and then it becomes like a part of you. That's why people quit smoking, like get past 30, 30, 90 days, and you'll be alright.

trying to figure out, like, what's the best way in life is obscured by law. And then amazing. Like, there's laws that they've created that make the best tools to find out who you really are illegal. Like, that's, like, there's not a therapy in the fucking world that will get a crazy, sociopathic, ego, maniacal person to really look at themselves like a bag of mushrooms well. There's nothing.

people that you know that are untrustworthy, that you can't, you can't trust their stories, you can't trust their, like those are the people that we all agree could have like the best experience on psychedelics because we'll give them like the best of you themselves. Those are the same type of people that are gonna argue against it. Like, if you ever talk to people that don't want mushrooms to be legal or don't want, like, ah, but the fuck that, you think that should be, you lose your fucking mind. What do people who've lost your fucking mind?

Well, there's been some people that have blown the brains out with LSD for sure. There's death would be some people that had some psychotic episodes. And it can be argued that a lot of those psychotic episodes are People who are control freaks or you go many acts that are struggling with the reality that's presented with them presented to them.

It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure. It's a fine action for sure.

Don't you think that when you get to be as old as Clint Eastwood is? Don't you think that your your faculties have been compromised?

But this is not that. What's also, it's the subject matter that he's prone to go into these like very right wing.

It's like when someone talks, like in their own words, and you get to hear them talking their own words, you get a sense of like, oh, I see why you created this piece of art. I see why this is your perspective. And when you saw that that Republican National Convention thing, whatever the fuck it was, when he was talking to Obama, that's, that's Glenn Eastwood. That was, you know, he's so, he's so fucking crazy that he thought that up like on the spot. That was adlibbed. I couldn't even have anything planned out. This fucking guy is getting his speech in front of his gigantic group of people. He's so confident in his ideas that he's going to add lib a conversation with Obama complete with punchlines.

Well, he's also just completely confident in his position and life and who he is, and he's a movie star. He's been a movie star for fucking 100,000 years. Everybody's been kissing his ass long before the internet came along. He's also a guy that agreed to do a fucking reality show. Do you know that? No. Where his wife was in a reality show. His wife was in some crazy reality show. I don't know if they're still together. I think they might have got divorced. But she wanted to be a star. So she married Clint Eastwood. She was young and hot. And then she did a reality show. Didn't know it. Yeah, didn't last. I'm not sure if he's still with her. It's cool.

It was called Mrs. Eastwood in company. It was on 2012. It was a reality show.

That was hard. It's pretty goddamn hot. That's his wife. It was his wife.

She should. Power's a wow's a son. I'm just gonna move you star. Yeah, yes. What do you expect?

Oh, shit. Oh, cool. Don't talk about that online. What are you doing?

I should say this is all lie. You just got done talking about how truthfully you should be. I don't do it anymore.

But even then you could be like admitting to an interpole related crime. I don't find any of that shit. They're going to fucking have every bag of garbage every time and they have them locked up. by date labeled so that if you talk about something, then go back to the warehouse. We found it. We found the bag. We got the wrappers. This fucking kids on the pot. And then you brought those. They'll find your DNA from the wrapper from your sweat. They'll isolate it and they'll bring you up into some sort of tribunal. The next time you try to go to Sydney.

But it's got all this, like, Bradley Cooper plays Timothy Leary. I heard. What's that?

Yeah, he was going to give us it to this kid. And he wasn't gone up, but then the kid picked up a Bible. So he gave the kid acid.

Don't feel like there's sniper moment. The kid is about to pick up the bottle. I can't do it. I drop her in squirts in the kid's mouth and you see the kid's eyeballs dialing. He falls back into a colitis go open. We hope you

Yeah, those sniper movies aren't really for smart people.

That's hilarious. That's hilarious. There's a lot of stories about this. I'm getting a shillot of tweets of people asking me to substantiate, but there's a lot of stories. It's all over online. What are they having a lot of? Yeah, the world that concerns. I can't say, I don't know who the fuck is right and who's wrong. I didn't do any research.

They owe him, they owe Jesse Ventura, $1.8 million, apparently. $1.8 million. It should be $1.9 million. I say $1.7 million. What the fuck? So it's also crazy.

That's a weird thing, man, to make a movie about a guy. That was might have been a liar, and put those lies in a movie, and that gets all Barrack all frothy. That means another fucking attack's coming.

I think you should know. No wars. We should fight no wars with anyone under 50. I think everybody who goes to war should be over 50. More LPs. And let's see, let's see how quick we fucking settle this thing. I bet it would be pretty goddamn quick. Oh, a bunch of old people that just don't want any trouble.

Think about the consequences of a decision to fly in a plane, to a place where you've never been and shoot someone you've never known, based on the directions by some people who you don't know. We're making you march. They're making you go shump shump shump shump shump. They're making you do all this shit, preparing you for, you have to listen to them unquestionably. You have to imagine that with 50 year olds. Yeah. Never gonna happen.

We're gonna go away to win. Why are we shooting these guys? We're gonna win. We're breaking out what door? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Where'd you go to school? What's your degree in? And you're gonna tell me about international politics? Do you even know these fucking Sunis? What's the difference between a Suni and a Shea? Sir? Tell me what the difference is. Do you know why these people were war with each other? Do you know why they hated each other? Do you know how they hate us? Do you know this is holy land? Do you know how long this has been holy land? Do you know when they're, and if you had a group of 50 year old people there and out slug it, Oh, you're loud, so I have to listen. Is that what's going on? Are you gonna get my face and spit? Is that gonna make me intimidated and so I'll listen? So I'll just go and kill some people that you say are bad. If we did that, if we just had only 50 year olds in above, go to war, which is the whole fucking thing would change. Yeah. The whole thing. It's just, it's easy to send fucking kids. They don't know any better. They say your cerebral cortex, your frontal lobe, they're saying, like, for young males, especially because of the fucking influx.

They're not making rational decisions. Like when you're a 16 year old kid, your balls are filled with testosterone is a completely new experience. By the time you've got to be 40 years old, you've got a lifetime of wanting to come. A lifetime of knowing what that is and knowing how to mitigate it. You're 17, 18. You don't know what the fuck is happening to your body. You add into that masturbation guilt. Like people who are actually avoiding masturbation, most of us don't. But there are some who do. So they try it as little as possible.

I would wear white gloves and someone who's not masturbating.

They should have fucking one of those go pros under your over your bunk, and if they don't see you beating off under the sheets, they could fucking ask you questions. Doc, do you want to come in here and talk to us real quick? You got anything on your mind? Like maybe. Yeah, no shit. Plus your booties or something on your mind, you're trying to keep boys assholes.

It's Duncan. This is not the type of soldier we're looking for in this here army. We want well-balanced individuals that make rational choices based on the evidence that hey, and not based on lust, not based on a ball full of calm just waiting a fucking giz all over some new part of the world to spread your fucking seed.

Oh my god. You gotta go see it man. Oh my god. You gotta go see it man.

It's kind of embarrassing if this turns out that this guy really did make up all this shit. Because there's another article I'm looking at right now about the criticism of the post-Cutrine in New Orleans story, like how it's all total horseshit, how they can prove its horseshit because he wasn't even there at that time. Yeah, it's like there's a lot of horseship.

I'm gonna need extra pressure on this. There's a Facebook page. I'm not endorsing this. I'm just letting you know. This dedicated entirely to the subject. And it's Chris Kyle was a murderous liar. The murderous. It's a community on Facebook. And it's all a bunch of different posts saying that, you know, saying how much it was bullshit. This is crazy, man.

And there's many people that are speculated they murdered him. They murdered him because he wouldn't shut the fuck up about how this organized everything was. about what a dog and pony show and everything was fucked up. The people that he had to listen to were all assholes. He was like, this is crazy. Like, this is not what I signed out for. There's not one I wanted. Like, you be in there's total chaos, which led to this fucking crossfire situation. We've got fucking talent.

They shot his whole trooper, though. Yeah. I mean, look, when you start shooting things, that's the other thing. They become targets.

Yeah, the percentage is terrifying. If you look at the percentage of people that are actually killed by drones that are their intended targets, it's terrible.

But they're not surgical strikes. Yeah, how close is that? You know, it's not a scalpel on the end of a fishing pole. Yeah. You know, it's the idea that surgical is retarded.

Yeah, well not only that, but why wouldn't they want to? If you look at the like we talked earlier about what you were saying about this these invading armies and Iraq and all the people that have PTSD and the birth defects, you got to go way back to the original Gulf War. They were using fucking depleted uranium and everybody forgets about this. Everybody come completely sweeps this under the rug. It was proven. They used depleted uranium shells to blew right through fucking tanks. This incredibly dense nuclear waste that poisons everything around it for a hundred thousand years.

Totally cool. But it's something that we're not supposed to talk about just like the ideologies that we discussed earlier, just like religion. It falls into a religion. It got a talk about nationalism falls into a religion.

And it doesn't mean that you don't, this is where people get confused. It doesn't mean that there aren't heroes and doesn't mean you don't need a defense. You don't need to be able to protect yourself from some fucking North Korean asshole. Yeah. Got the sides to start taking over the world. Like, what if they had massive resources? We're lucky they're in a resource-starved environment. So you have this communist dictator with nuclear weapons and a resource star of the environment where they have to shut the lights off at night because they can't afford to keep them on. But if that guy had oil or gold or something crazy and like Saudi Arabia type money, if like one of those guys became some sort of a fucking world spreading villain, you need heroes, you need real soldiers that are willing to fight against bad people. That's what happened in World War II, right?

Exactly. We exactly the same thing we were saying about religion. It's not that these people are bad people and it's not that God is bad. No one's saying that like, but what we're saying is like, look what's being done in the name of this and look how there's no thinking. Right. Whenever there's no thinking and horrific acts are being done, there's no thing. If you're ever in a situation where a fucking little kid has a rocket launcher, everybody should stop what they're doing, get the fuck out of there and try to figure out how, how, how, how would this happen? And be, how do you fix it? And the way you don't fix it is by shooting kids. That doesn't fix shit. That just like the mother, my baby.

Well, it's also when they grew up in New York when they did the police slow down, where they just wouldn't arrest anybody for anything after those two kids got, or there's two cops got shot by that one guy. Yeah. that one guy who by the way also shot his fucking ex girlfriend like that was a piece of shit like to to people to think he's a hero like Jesus Christ he shot his girlfriend first and then he went shot those kind of it was a psychotic murderers person but because of that act

I'm not saying that they should be scared all the time of being murdered, but I'm saying the attitude that they developed, okay, we're not going to rest anybody for anything that's not important.

How about you hire a fucking lawyer to go sue that guy and then you find out he doesn't have any money.

If that guy rob somebody, then you bring it up. If he comes in, he breaks in your house and steals your TV, then you have the cops. But anything any use of that other than protecting people fucking Choking a guy because he's not paying cigarette tax.

Yeah, you know much nicer. The world would be if cops only acted in that slowdown manner, but they don't act like that with a big black man.

Yeah, they don't act like that. You were you've been there. It was the last few months. You moved there. Look half the What is your experience like the difference in racism out here as opposed to racism?

You've resisted a rest. Right. It's up to their discretion whether or not they choose to arrest your or don't arrest your people. Some people get off on the exact same charge and they skate whereas other people get arrested. Like you're a white guy with a suit and you do a certain thing.

You didn't see it on Wall Street. You didn't see them. Of course, you didn't stop and frisk on Wall Street.

Well, we could have been weapons. Yeah, but they were looking for weapons.

Wall Street guy with a leather bound briefcase. It has your in your engravement of your initials and your family crest on it. They pull you over. They stop and frisk you pop open. You see a bottle of heroin. Uh-huh. Heroine pills. But on that bottle has your name on it. Yeah.

Right, but isn't that just for fun?

Oh give me ball in hand exactly because I curse and you'd actually ask for it And no, no, no, you gotta give me a ball of hand. Like, that would be such a... Like, I decline that rule. Dude, she came! You guys do that playing basketball. Like, you need to stop. You need to get on mushrooms and think about that. Yeah. Call and technicals.

And it's only comics playing against comics.

You know what you should do. You should recruit really fucking good players and just get them to do an open mic.

We used to have a comics about softball league, back in Boston. Oh my god, it would get so competitive. It was so crazy. It was like competitive. People screaming at people over fucking fowls or where ball was in, the ball was out. It was like, oh my god. I remember like people in each other's face throwing their gloves down, screaming at each other. A comics, back in spulgram.

I was back at Boston that they fixed that club that lasted. Yeah, the sound system is awesome. Okay. You don't have to worry about it anymore. Because everybody had that rumor that was out that the sound system sucked is loud as fuck. It did feedback once when I got like on top of the the the actual speaker, but that happens almost everywhere. You know, unless it's perfect. That's something the improv does. There's never a fuck up. If you're working an improv, like if the sound systems always perfect, the seeding is always perfect. There's never sightline issues. They don't ever fuck around. Like, you know, some clubs that you work out, they're kind of funky.

Yeah, but clubs worse because it's often pillars in the room. Yeah. And if you're behind that pillar and you go to the right side, like the people that are behind that pillar literally can't even see you. Yeah. Like they're there, but unless they have to watch monitors in a club, the improv has that nailed. Yeah. They always say, like, nah, you gotta set this up like that. Like all of them are like, nope, set it up like that. Yeah. This way.

Yeah. He's helium. Helium. Helium. He helped them design.

Good Lord Donka Tressel alive. Donka Tressel family. With Johnny Peppermint, please tell me I can go with it.

It's Sunday. Where is it? I'm going to be with it.

All right, I'm gone all week. No more podcast. Go fuck yourself. Thanks, everybody. See you soon. Oh, Jew, January 30th. I'm at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Again, back in the Mirage with Tony Hinch Cliff and Ian Edwards. So we'll see you then. All right, much love. Bye. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Dr. Squatch. I'm going to let you in on a secret. If you want to be more confident, you have to start taking care of yourself. And a great way to do that is use Dr. Squatch, especially with their new private hygiene products. They were designed to help you look and feel fresh all over.

It's perfect for grooming above and below the waist and the ball barrier dry lotion helps manage sweat and chafing while beast wipes keep you clean front to back. It's the care your body deserves. Try them today. Whether you're new to Dr. Squatch or you use it every day, get 15% off your order by going to Dr. Squatch.com slash JRE15 or use the code JRE15 at checkout.