Transcript for #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz

Because my kid loves that a little bit.

This is I take one loves a sleep for three days. This is one. This is one. This is one. This is one.

Oh, the fuck. Yeah, he'll drive well. Well, I can't, I can't smoke. I can't, I can't smoke.

Because like I like to smoke at night, right? All right, so I get high one night. And when I was at this one place, they gave me some edibles. They gave me a bag of popcorn. Okay. So I'm going to stone that and I just want something to eat. So I open up the popcorn. Okay. Now, the next day, Valerie, she can't figure out why I'm not waking up. I slept for 19 hours. And she found the rapper under the bed. She was starting to panic. Like, what happened to him? I slept till midnight the next day. She goes, she went so bad. I said, I didn't know I was stoned out. I just wanted to meet. It was popcorn. I didn't think they really like, had they even get it in the popcorn?

I just love how open it is now. That's great. We could talk about it. You're popping them like tech packs.

Of course we do. But I have no reason to be in Texas. You don't do shows in Texas. I don't believe in it. No, I've gone to Texas. But like, you know, in Vegas, it's great. Now they're opening up places. Yeah, they got five stores, right? They shoot. They have a content of them. They normally bring their own stuff. You know, you know, if I go to New York, I'll bring my own stuff.

That's a fucking definitely take weed over alcohol and it doesn't.

Because you know what I always say, like with weed, like as stone as you are, let's say God forbid, that's some kind of emergency. You know what I mean? You just throw water in your face. It's gone. It's not like alcohol. Right. You know where you don't know what you're doing. Right. Right. You know what I mean? You could perform on the weed. You could hang on the weed. You could hang more on the weed. It feels better. Listen, you could eat banging on the weed.

I guess that trouble for doing it. I was doing a periscope with wheels. And I get a call from Bruce. What are you guys doing? Because we got all stoned out. And now we're in the bathroom of my hotel room. We turned it into a steam room. And you could hardly see us. You see my fogged up fucking glasses. You know, and I get a call from him, he's gone, what are you guys doing out there? I go, no, it's a new show I'm doing, the Paris Coppicle thing, you know, and he goes, dispending millions of dollars from Showtime to film this, and you're doing it for nothing, get it off the air. You know, right, Bruce, then you get, I got a whole thing happen.

Because we were first going to film my series. You know, and they go they're writing episodes about this. You can't just power scope it.

You got to understand, this guy's got a history you would love. You know, because some of one, he built the whole career again.

When a network's putting up millions of dollars, the first film is show about these things I do. It's only getting it up on the air.

Well, the only bad part was like, I had this, this, this fight with wheels. Like, when I attack him in the room, and we're just going, you know, I go, he goes, you know, I'm a wrestler, you know. And like, yeah, okay, you know, I'm not worried about it. And I'm having Eleanor do the filming where I come into the room and I, and I jump him on his bed. And he actually got me. He flipped me up like a professional wrestler. He legitimately got me. Do you know how angry that got me? It looked like an asshole. Did you tap your honor? Did he just pin you? No, no, he pin me. I was done. Like he really knows how to do that shit. He's like a genius with certain things. Like I would understand if you could do it. I get what you can do. But I'm going to his wheels. There's no way he's on the bottom already. I got him. And he just flipped me.

I put it on the... the Periscarpical thing.

Because I got yelled at. I always get it up.

It was funny fucking shit. Yeah, it was funny.

No, well, I want to take all that stuff now and just cut it up. and do like little three-minute things and put it on that funny-a-dye stuff. Yeah. Because everybody was- you weren't in it. Everybody was in it. Everybody played a part.

He's a little shitty thing to do with the foreign comic. What's your brandy? We'd call him the foreign comic. You know, and it was just this crazy... But I remember you coming over to me one night and you got dice, can I ask you something? Because I was using the comedy store like a set. You know, like I'd be filming. I changed all the lighting in the kitchen. I put the red lights, blue lights, for filming. Right. I was doing it for a year. And waitresses would come in to get like drink orders. And I go, I can't have you in right now. We're filming. You can't be in, you're in my shot. And everybody's asking like, man, it's just like, what show is this? That was no show. But everybody was in it. Steve Renazizi wasn't it? My black was it? My black? You know how I become friends with my fucking black So, for whatever reason I come over to this guy, he's sitting in the booth in the kitchen, and I go, hey Mike, you wanna be in the show, and he's gonna watch show, I go, it's a reality show, and reality wasn't really happening yet. It just wasn't happening, so people like, well, what is, I go, you just do what I tell you to do, just say what I tell you to say and do what I, I said, so he goes, yeah, I wanna be in it, you know, I go, okay, we're gonna go to the top of the belly room, the steps, I'm gonna throw you down the steps, okay? And I gotta get a couple angles, so we'll have to do it two or three times. And he goes, wait a minute, he goes, what do you mean you're gonna throw me down the steps? I go, yeah, from the top. So you just go with it, you know, just fold down the steps. And he goes, I don't want you to do that to me. Like, why not? What's the big deal? It's what you do. He goes, what do you mean it's what I do? I go, aren't you a stuntman? And he goes, where'd you hear that? I go, the comics told me that that's what you do besides comedy. You're a stunt. He goes, I'm not a stunt man. I don't want to be thrown down. I want to be in it, but I can't have you just toss me down a full flight of steps like that. I'm going to get hurt. So we had to do it in pieces, you know, which like a fake fall. But no, he would go like halfway, and then I'd go to the bottom of the steps to get the rest of the fall, and then I'd try to like kill him with a chair. And Ari should feel jumps on me at the right moment to stop me from killing this guy. Just so I could do, just so I could do a line from a Bronx stair where I'm on top of him now, and I go, I did this to you. And it goes, but what will that mean? I go, don't worry about it. When it's edited, you'll see the whole series, the image. Yeah, I just do what I tell you, because I go over the comics. I go, right, look that way. And in four seconds, say, that guy is going to have a fucking problem. And he goes, but there's nobody there. Don't worry about that part. That'll be somebody on the other end at another time. And that's how I would piece though. So I want to take these tapes. Just have some some editor do like three minutes because it was I did it for for two years. They come to my house for barbecue. It wound up fighting Eleanor gets into a fist fight with Steve Renazee's wife where he screamed and knocked the shit out of her. She's got her up against the garage because she said Eleanor like you know, is like the house is filthy. You know, an Eleanor screaming at me in the kitchen going, she said that when I'm so fucking nice to her, I'll handle this right now and Eleanor comes out at the back yard. Now the comic sitting there, I don't know, this is gonna, and she goes, hey, bitch, this is to Steve's wife, right? And she chases as slams her against the garage. That's beaten as shit. I don't know, it was a problem. And this is Mike Black and Dave Taylor and Steve Simone and my own kid screaming, killer. Just fucking kill her! And the end of that episode is Dave Taylor, you know, at night sitting around going, do you understand? Do you know why Eleanor did that because girls like Tracy are taking guys like you from Eleanor or her life? And everybody's got, and Steve Simone's going, yeah, the way Elano was hitting her, like you could just feel it, you know, like raging bull, like she really wanted a damage to her. Yeah, it's hysterical. That's why I would have barbecues just to film. It was non-stop, and he comes over to me at the stalling. What are you doing exactly? You know? What's a show? What show? Where is it? Where can I see it? I don't know. There'll be around. You still have the footage. All of it. Hundreds of tape. Hundreds of hours. You know, to fucking poorly sure, you know, stops me at the comedy store. You know, because my kids were in the show and they were like seven and eleven at the time. It's when I first broke up at their mom. So they'd be at the comedy store with me. You know, police sure comes over and I'm filming this fight between Ari Shafir and Bobby Lee, where, you know, Ari's like throwing boxes of, you know bottles of a of a bobby's head and everybody's cheering to kill bobby you know and poorly comes out because how many times they're gonna tell you get these fucking kids out of the comedy story and he says it in front of Dylan who's a kid so I tell see Steve Simone I said take the on outside because that's a Vietnamese. You know, so I figured I might have to really damage this kid. But yeah, it was going to hurt him. You know, but I'm going, all right, then I'll get sued. So I just lay into him and I throw a glass at the wall, you know, to throw into the garbage and I leave. The next day, Missy calls. She doesn't just ban me from the comedy store. She bans my children. I call you the youngest kids, David. If you've never been banned from the store, it's not a good thing. And you're the youngest to get banned. You're not even eight years old. You know how good this is for you? And they're going, but we're not allowed to go back in. I got don't worry. It'll all be straightened out.

It's the greatest, it's like a badge of I've ever been banned. After the shit, you got, what, what was the fight?

You don't talk about that at all because I heard fucking old.

Look how nice and calm he is now. Here's the problem.

And it was like guys that would have for 10 years already and nothing happened. Yes. There was a few of those guys. I'll tell you a great, uh, Coco's story over here. So we just became friends like the first year I know this guy, you know. And he would tell like me about every restaurant in the United States. I don't know. He knows every restaurant where it is, what they serve, if it's good, bad. But one night I come outside and he's getting into it with some customer. Okay, and he's sitting on the back stairs, you know, and I'm just watching because I wouldn't want to really see anybody get hurt, you know. But, you know, He thinks differently. Joey thinks a little differently. But he doesn't just want to hurt the guy. What he does, he gets all heated up. And he grabs one of those tall glasses from the comedy store. And he breaks it. Like he's still in the middle of Cuba with the shop edge and I'm going Joey, what are you doing? I go, put the glass down. And he really wants to like stab the guy in the throat with the guy. He's a customer. He's just a fucking customer. And he starts laughing and he throws the glass in a fight was all of a thing. Because he's gonna put the scary in the hospital. Because the guy said something about his act. You know, they're stupid customers. I seen you go after him. It's the funniest shit in the world. I saw him. He's like, I don't even want to say what you were doing. It was nuts. But you were like trying to get to this guy over the crowd outside on the side.

It's just the violence involved in comedy now. It's a stare. Well, this was 20 years ago or whatever it was. Yeah, but it's been going on that long and it's been a nice film.

Yeah, now I just, if somebody's really like that, I just throw them out of the room. Yeah. You know, whether I'd do it. No, but I'll say really, I go, I'm not making believe I don't like you. Yeah. I go, this is my real emotion. I go, I have a hatred for you now. I go, you gotta leave this room now. And then they think it's a joke and there's like two security guards stand behind them. I remember one guy looking going, you kidding, right? I'm kidding, trying not for what? I go, you talked. There is no talking in here. Like it's a classroom. It's just all in effect. And I know how you perform and I know how you perform, but I really get mad when they don't care what's going on with the performer on stage.

The bounce is, uh, it's a comedy.

Does he still do the fucking thing with that? Where he's like starting to pray Don't give the better way. Not given the better way. I'm just saying what happens to people. There's nothing better than sitting in the back of that room when people start getting frightened because of what the puppet was happening through the puppet. and they start running from, that's it, to leave the store. It's the greatest moment. And smash way ahead against the wall, those moments.

There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. There's a hobo. You're fucking kidding me with this here over here.

They would change the language a little.

There he is.

Yeah. So people know mine, right? Yeah, we're going to talk about it too. Yeah, I'm dice. Anyway, just in case, the system now you are. You think the greatest show, you know, you just get in it. I've done this before. You just get in it.

Oh, no, I don't think we ever really did a formal interview.

Yeah, I want you to turn into Joe, Rogan. No serious. Like from the time you came to the store, like you were figuring it all out. And you became this, I remember coming over to Joe. He has a hit fucking sitcom on the air. And I'd always see him at the comedy store. I come over to one night and I go, how come you're here? Like you have a hit show, like why aren't you on the road? It was gone. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of fucking money on the road for a guy that has a hit show. You know, and that's I think when you started doing the road. I also told it to what's his face? The guy Who's the guy that works with Whitney Kamalot? Chris Alia? Yeah. So, you know, I would see Delia like in the coffee bean all the time and yeah, he crushes on stage. I go, don't you go on the road? He goes, no I'm writing material this. I go to the road. Do you have a hit show like what's wrong with people?

Well, Ari Shaffir, I scream at on the phone. Like when he started doing his show now on Comedy Central, I'm on the phone with them. This is like the first season. At the beginnings, I call my congratulate on my go. So do you know your next two or three moves, you know, if the show likes thoughts taken off? No, I haven't really thought about it. I got why not? You're waiting 15 years for this. You talked to me about not having money to pay your fucking rent. Now you have a show. I don't know, maybe a club tour, maybe record an album, maybe do a comedy central special after that. You know, something like that. So if they happen to take the show and flushes in the toilet after the first season, you have a career because now people know you. What? They're like fucking retarded.

No, now he is. He called me recently and he told me all the shit he's doing.

Because it was actually. I don't even want to go back that far because you've done and come so far since then. But it was like, whenever I see a comic doing well, I'll always look to like, oh, look, this is what you got to do. Like, you're nuts if you don't throw it.

It's so fucking crazy.

So, you know, frustrates me when I talk about the arenas with anybody. you know like you know they always bring up the garden which was an honor you know to play it's the most famous arena ever and I did the two nights there but but I always tell these interviews I go to you understand I did over 300 sold I go the first tour alone was 26 cities over 300 of these, and they'd be gone in a matter of a couple hours before the Facebook, before Twitter, before fucking followers. Like, oh, people did was follow me into the fucking arena. I go, I wasn't tweeting and arguing with fans on Twitter, you know.

It was so insane. It's starting again. It's nuts. Really? Like, yeah, I'm doing some interviews. This one guy, I don't want to say what newspaper, because it's all giant papers that doing these profiles, I mean now, I'm going to New York next week, I got to sit down with the New York Times. It's like crazy shit again. This is like, the build-ups since I started doing a show from Montarage to, you know, to the Woody Allen thing, and now Scorsese, and now my own show. It's like, you know, number one working with, you know, guys like Woody and Scorsese, he was unreal. Yeah, those are two questions. But this one guy doing a profile piece comes and he sees me in Vegas at the left factory where I've been doing like a little residency to stay like sort of low key till this hits now. And I'll announce dates later on the show where I'm performing, but anyway. And I really want that to give this guy a real show. And the way I perform now is very, very theatrical. It's all acted out. You know, I sit in a chair, I'll stare at a guy that told, for guy goes, I'm married 32 years. I'll actually fall down onto a chair and just look at him like, you're kidding me, right? I've been married also a lot. but not to the same one, like I break it up. You throw a redhead in, you throw a grenade in, for eight years. The same thing, I go, you know, we might be coming friends now, but I gotta tell you as your friend, in a lot of ways, you hate yourself. I don't hate myself. I go, you don't hate yourself. You fucking the same girl for 32 years. What does that tell you? You admitted to me, you never had enough hair. Who does that in life? Who doesn't want to go out there and stick every fucking wet box? They could get their hands on on the tip of your fucking dick to the roots of your balls. Just for the gulf. And even if you get caught, you flipped the switch on your chair. You go, I did this for you. You were busy with the kids. You were busy with your new business. I want to stay wet. Every load she took, I was thinking of you. Now go make me a fucking steak. I don't want to talk about this no more.

Yeah. And guess what? So after the show, he says to me, but obviously my show is a goof. It's kind. It's like, it's obvious. And he goes, guys, now that you're being looked at it, it's just like great act and now, why would you perform? And I'm like, you can't of me, right? I go, it's what I do. It's what I love to do. I love to affect people. I like people to walk out of a room going. I never seen anything like that. you know like you know when you're looking at a guy in the crowd who's sitting with his wife and he's with his best friend okay double date And I go, let me tell you, you got a best friend and he goes, yeah, this guy in friends with him for 25 years. He's your best friend. Did your best friend ever call you one time? Because you got a hot look in wife. She's got the big kettleball fucking tits hanging down every holiday. He gets to hug a little too close, maybe. When was the last time your best friend ever called you and said, last night, I jerked off thinking about your wife. And the guy goes, no, I go never, right? Because he's really not your friend. I would call you. I would tell you, last night I wheelbarrow fucked this animal. She's walking on a hands picking up water with a teeth for me. You know, I go and then you bang her the way I tell you and it works out like my scenario. I give you the next scenario. That's a friend. Not a guy hugging your wife. Never turns around and says, oh, I love your wife's fucking ass. To wait those pants split up fucking crease between a legs. You might think your wife is ugly because your friend never takes time to tell you how many loads he drops. Just thinking about her. So don't tell me he's your best friend. He's your worst fucking enemy in the world. I'm the friend.

No, because it's all done as a goof. Of course. Like the guy's going, well, why would you do that material? I go, well, what should I go on stage and go? You've been together with a woman 32 years. Obviously, you love your family, you raised beautiful children. Nobody wants to hear that.

But even in comedies, and it really started around the time they came, they came with, uh, what's that?

You know, but the thing is, like, it started with, uh, that, uh, that Mary movie that Matt Dillon did years ago, so she's got a low dribble fan.

And everybody's hysterically laughing. Yeah. That's okay. But if you say it as a comic, it's like, why would you say that?

But also, but also now I'm getting, I'm getting question, whose dice, who's Andrew? So you know what the line is? We share the same foot because I wear the fingerless gloves all the time. So I go, we share the same fucking closet. What am I going to tell you? I don't know how to separate the two for you. Like, man, they go crazy from that.

But like even now, I'm self deprecated on stage. I talk about getting old or this and that, all that shit, you know. Right. Years ago, I never did any self deprecating stuff. Right. You know, I mean, it's just, it just wasn't who dices. Right. You know, dice was supposed to be just a comedic hero for people. That's it.

All the impressions.

Yeah. The joy guy, when I saw him in grudge matches, I was like, that's fucking great.

Charlie, they took my fucking thumb, Charlie. Sometimes you've got to whack him. You say you put your coat on and you don't say good night to nobody. What a great place.

That was a great movie. Do me a favor, don't cook.

Say where I roll.

You're fairly sick like famous standards. Oh my god. How in the bathroom?

This can't take my cock out of you. Your box is too good to be true. Yeah, Frankie Valley really liked that one. You even asked me, like, why would you do that to my most famous? He did? I go, it's historical. I love you. You know, I could have been swear in a God, but I wanted like a bow.

You remember when like they were embarrassed by the shit they're saying about me with the acting? See, when you sit there and go, you know, when when when I when you came to know me, I was filling out all those arenas and all that shit. Like I take a lot of pride in that because I know I said a standard for comics that today when I see, you know, like Louis C. K. Call me before he went on at the forum. You know, it's nervous. It can't play in the guy. It's 18,000 people. Right. And I'm going, Louis, you don't have to do anything other than who they've come to love. Don't exaggerate it. You don't have to just be you. You know, because it's so many people, you know, but what I love is that that some of the guys have filled those places now. And I go, it's a course I took the heat for it. You know, and I don't mind that history now. I didn't mind it back then, but I didn't realize the effect that would have on the future of comics.

and it wasn't and that's the funny it was just funny fucking jokes right but how can and it was at a time you know because I remember when Alan came out of the closet I love that girl you know what I mean I had nothing against gay people but at the time I was doing this act is when they were fighting for their rights when they wanted to come out of the closet You know, but when I moved to Hollywood, yeah, yeah. Now, you know, like, you know, with what's his face, Caitlyn Jenner. Yeah. Okay. Now, years ago when I would do a joke about that, you know, I would go, and what's with these trans testicles? I go, you meet the girl of your dreams, right? You're whining, you're dying, you take a home, you put your hand up a skirt, you hold in a tree trunk. That's not hate. It's funny. Right. You know, and now today, everything's changed. So like when that happened with Caitlyn this year is doing it to our interview about it. Right. You know, it's all accepted. It's all good. I don't care what anybody does. You know, but It's just like I couldn't believe that backlash because I'm going, I say nothing about hating anybody, even with the sexist remark when they call me sexist. I go, it's not sexist. I go, I happen to love women and I love having sex with women and I love making fun of how people make such a big deal over sex. I go, that's all it's about. So I like to paint these bigger-than-life cartoon pictures of people having sex that they laugh at themselves because we put so much on it. You know, just so much on the act of banging your chick. And it's the one moment in life with everything in the world that goes on. You know, I'm sure you guys are saying, I just lose myself in that. When my balls are bashing into who I love, for hours on end, that my own wife has to say, I'm only a girl. You know, but it just take I'm kidding about that, but the point is it's like the one moment in your life. You know, when you're blowing it out from the bottom of your nutmeg, from all the pressure you might have gone through that day, you forget the world for those moments, the greatest feeling ever. If I could laugh hysterically and be coming at the same time, I could die at that moment and I'll be happy. The two greatest things of it, to laugh as hard as you can from like something the best body would tell you that you can't control. The kind of laugh where you go, you gotta stop. I can't breathe and you're blowing your load. I could take that for that time. All good. That's a good way to go. Yeah, but how do you get the left gone? It's a trickstone.

He looks at you the same prank. I do it to you that you might lay a hysterical. Show go. Why did you say that? All right. Let's go to the mall.

We saw talking a few months ago. I wanted them to play this bouncer in a, and still rebels first video. You know, but it was, it was out of town so we couldn't use them obviously.

But you seem like, because yeah, I had the whole, I was under a microscope. That's what it was.

No, no. What happened? If you want the little MTV story that they keep throwing at me also, what happened was I was booked, or Sini, or was the host, and I was booked to bring out share. Which I looked at like that's because I'm a chef fan. She was coming to my show, she came to the wilt and the amphitheater, the L.A. Forum. So when they asked me to bring her out, it was like, that's great. I'm going to MTV Awards. So now a couple minutes before I go out, Dick Clark calls me over backstage and he goes, look, Um, you might have to stretch a little because she is getting dressed and I'm like, what do you mean she's getting dressed? She wears nothing. She wears a thong in some nylon. That's the outfit, you know. And it goes, well, if you've got to stretch our cineau will come over and you'll do something. I go, no, no, no, no. That's not how it works with me. I go, I've been watching this whole show. I saw Richard Lewis come on and just freaking eat it. You know, Paul Ryzer tried to come out and talk about, it's to an MTV audience. You know, 6,000 people at the amphitheater. Paul Ryzer's talking about the hats that Frank Sinatra wears. Crickets, you know, and my friend, my friend, hot tub Johnny says to me, he goes, look. You could go out there, you could be a tear drop, or you could be a tight ol' wave. Because I was looking at this guy's telling me. You're gonna stretch. So now, because he took me on the side, and as he takes me on the side, if the dicklock talks to me, they start introducing me. So I'm angry. So I come out and I just go into my act. They do the poem was, wait, the famous poem. I think it. Georgie Porgie putting him pie, Jack Dorf and his girlfriend's eye. When a ride was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one, I'd slut. Oh, you know, so that was like the poem I did. You know, and then I was talking about the kill. Yeah, kill. That was a crushing. You know, my manager at the time, Sandy Gallon, after I came or stage, I have all these tents with press, and they took me from each tent and not one question was asked to me. But I got press for two years after that. I mean, every day, and the arena shows, if I was doing one arena show, let's say I'm Milwaukee, that was three now. You know, so it's doing, you know, 60,000 people for the weekend, rather than 20. It was, I did over 12 million people in a, in a four-year span in arenas. And when it got empty, yeah, when it got bad, I was doing 10,000 people a night. So, you know, this is after they crush forward failing, you know, and I'd be walking around New Orleans with my father and he'd go, you're supposed to be done, and you're doing 20,000 people at the Sun don't tonight. What is wrong with Hollywood? You know, it was just insanity for many years. Well, they had just decided that they were going to blackout.

And it's really, that's why I had this little argument with this interviewer because if the Swami and Vegas, the guy was telling you a few weeks ago, first he interviewed me in an LA. So he got to meet Max. He got to meet Dylan and I know you guys know them and the kind of guys they are. They're great. I actually say that the two nice guys I have a hung with in my life. They're so well adjusted. Not talking about the rock band when they're on stage. They are who they are. They're rock stars on stage. That's who they are. But when they're all staged, they're the most respectful, funny, nicest guys I've ever hung with. Not even his sons, just his guys, because they're both men now 21 and 25. And to hang with them is like a privilege to me because they're just great guys. They could hang, they could talk to me about any fucking thing. Imagine they seen your dad. No, but, but, but that's the beauty of them. They know they could come to me with anything. Of course. Like that. There was, uh, they just recorded their first full album. Okay. So that's one song called, I gotta have. And I call that the sex song. because it's all sexual, all the words is sexual, and Dylan writes all the songs. So the night before he's going to record it, he comes over me in the back yard with smoke and a blunt, you know, and he says, Dad, did you ever really hear the words to I got to have? Because we're going to record it tomorrow. I go on the clubs, it's hard to pick it all up because of the sound systems, you know. So we does the words and it's all sex. And I go, it's a perfect, it couldn't be bad. I go and what's beautiful about it, it's not filthy. It's just sexual. And that's a great thing coming from a 21 year old because what should you be talking about? Right. You know what I mean? Tell you know about. So, but I'm saying this guy got to meet my sons, hang with my sons, hang with Valerie, hang with Eleanor. You know, so he got to talk to me just one arm one as a human being. And then FTC's me on stage in Vegas. It's like, why would you do that? Now who's dice? Who's Andrew? I go, I've been, I've been, I'm sorry I haven't took that name on. You know, because it's like, it's the same guy I am from Brooklyn. I do have an attitude. I do smoke cigarettes. You know, but I don't walk around my house, you know, grabbing my dick on. Take that. You know, it's a joke. It's all a fucking joke. It's a good man.

Don't get real mad. But the TV show now dice, it is a hybrid. You get to see different sides of who I am.

I mean, I mean, I think about the Williams. Then Robin Williams continued a stand-up career. Didn't reach you prior. Continue with stand-up career.

No, but even Eddie Murphy did to stand up to whatever happened to it. But even when he started doing the big movies, he was still doing concert films and stand-up. What's wrong with doing your first love?

Well, you know, I love acting. I've always loved acting. That's why he even got on stage as a comic. Because I didn't want to go to acting school once a week. I wanted every day training. So I put together the act that you brought up earlier with Jerry Lewis and to Travolta. And I took that all the way up to doing Don Kirchner's rock concert. And after that, I was thinking, well, you know, at that time a lot of directives would come into the comedy stores, a matter of fact. The first movie I didn't get, but I got close to was the movie Dynah. you know that Barry Levinson directed and he saw me at that but now I was on stage being dicey so this guy flies me to New York he puts me in a school to to learn to bust an accent with a teacher and and I was killing with the pot And obviously I didn't get it in the end, but that's why I'd be on at the Comedy Store because I just wanted to hone acting chops. And then I finally did get Michael Mann when he did crime story, which was thrilling to me. You know, to be in a show with guys Kevin Spacey David Carruso. You were fucking great. Crime story was very interesting.

Please come. Why are you through another one? I know. I'm so excited before you have the actors.

The actors that were on that show, you know, that was Dennis Farina, that was Tony Denison. But, you know, when you're working with guys like Kevin Spacey, who was already starting to get known and, you know, just everybody worked, Michael Madison, you know, just Ted Levine, you know, that, well, the Buffalo Bill, you know, he's done a million movies, but the most famous is, you know, uh, some of the stories, whatever the fuck you're talking about.

No, no, I got it. What happened is I got a five months later. What happened? I went to read for Bonnie Timoman, you know, and I figured Michael man would be there, you know, like, you know, watching, but he's not there. And she's just filming you. So I get mad at Michael. So I started talking into the camera because I was reading for the gangsters. Right. Yeah, I'm like, oh, so you're a tough guy. You don't have to show up for fucking audition. What's your problem? I'm not big enough for you to sit in an office and watch. Okay. So if the three days and not here or anything, you figure out, I didn't get this part. Five months later, I was visiting in New York and my mother's wake and me up going, you're aging called three times already from William Morris. You got to call back. You know, it's like, call her up. and I'm having coffee with my mother but what I'm hearing in the phone I like can't believe she goes you got booked on the show crime story five seasons You know, and this is what the pay is. I think the pay star made it like 2500 in episode guaranteed 7 out of 13 ABC, you know, and I'm going, and I'm looking at my much everything, right? You know, it's everything, okay? And I hang up, I go, I just got a TV series. I got a go to Chicago Sunday night. NBC. Oh, is that all right? I'm so I'm so fucking vice. You get me? Who does that? That was not so, so it was paying off the acting. You know, and then I did the movie casual sex near the end of that, and then the Rodney Special aired, and that was it.

I don't know about all the inmates around the country.

But remember when I met Joey and he goes, you know, the back step is like, I'm here because of you. That's why I'm doing this. And that's a compliment to me. You know, it's like, wow.

a lot of cool people coming to see me lately in Vegas. I mean, it's like people I look up to that I like their music like people come way around like this past week in Pitbull came with his whole, you know, his whole show for 20 people to show and this guy sitting at Tommy Dice He goes, I was watching you before you made it because I did like certain tapes that were out there like with red fox and he goes, I was watching you. He knew when in 87 and Rodney wasn't until 88 because I saw you like before that. You know, so when they told me last night that taken me to see you and this is what they call Mr. Worldwide. He's a real this guy. You know, like it blows my mind like the kind of people that he was seven years old watching me. You know, that's like crazy shit. Bruno Mars a few weeks ago. I mean, that's like, and these are people I look up to that I love their work.

Oh, it's small. It's 340. Oh, that's right. And now, that's perfect. You know, I'll come back there in April and then in May that that put me in the big show room. But I I told Harry Basel I said, you know, I'll go in the big show room for that night. I don't care, but I'd rather work. three nights for the same money in the small room they then get more money in the big room yeah I go because I love being on top of the people I'm not out I mean there are certain big things that that are now coming my way there is talk about going into the garden in September again because I sort of owe that to myself and the fans, you know, because things have built to this crescendo again, so it's like, why not? And plus, my sons could be there and see it all come down. And that's thrilling for me, because I feel the reason they're doing really well now is because I teach them by example how to go after something. And about eight years ago, when I had to start gambling again, just to pay my mortgage. You know, I would tell my sons, you had to start gambling to pay your mortgage? Yeah. Because I just wasn't making enough money in the gigs. You know, so I quit gambling for 10 years. What can gambling? Blackjack. Are you just really good at it? Well, I had 30 grand. Long story short, I turned it into a million one-fifty in a couple days. OK, and I only play alone. That's how I play Blackjack. You know, I was nice enough to give a lot of it back, you know, over time and but that's what gambling is. But through these last few years of building up again, you know, trust me, Woody Allen didn't go, I won't, I want you in my movie. Here's a couple million dollars. It doesn't work like that. You know, but it was an honor to do a movie for him. So I still had to do the gambling and I ended the gambling with getting all the money for them to record their album. Because, you know, it's still not ridiculous figures. I'm paying back taxes. I'm taking care of things that take a few years to take care of. But I also knew rock and roll was coming, you know, with vinyl and rotis and guns and roses back together and not jeth wrote tall. And all these great rock bands are coming back. So I wanted my boys prepared. So I gambled till I got every dime I needed. for them to record. Like I would call Dylan from Vegas and go book another week in the studio. It's handled. You know, and then I stopped, you know, just done. Because now I am doing well again. I'm doing concert tours. It's happening now. How long did you get before? Well, this last run was about eight years.

Yeah, I would lose, like any gambler, see my, and they show gambling in dice the show, you know, because it's a hybrid of my life.

That's hilarious. You know what, you know, when my back's against the wall, you know, the bottom line is, I'm always going to take care of my family. That's the way it is. And I do what I have to do, you know, to handle those things. You know, so, I mean, you know, Bruce over here would say, don't gamble this in that. You know, but, you know, we, you know, I've helped him out. I helped everybody out that needed to help when we needed it. And now we're doing good. So I just stop.

Well, you know, the final line is, when you sit down to get number one, I only play alone with a dealer and you only play back there. And only Blackjack.

But whatever you put up in front of you, the only way to win is you gotta be willing to lose every penny in front of you with no fear to beat them. And a lot of times I won and a lot of times I'd walk out late, not winning. But it's nothing I recommend. Just like a performer, I had a certain feel for it. I mean, I could walk into a casino. I mean, years ago, I'd play half a million at a clip. That was years ago when I was doing the arena shows.

I could win or lose a half a million and a half out. You know, that was a day I lost a half a million by noon and by five in the afternoon, I wanted all bad plus another 55,000. It was plays like that. But now it was more about when 10 grand, which to me is pretty simple to do. You know, because I'm so used to playing gigantic figures from years ago. So if I lose, if I sit down at a table with five grand and I'm down 2500, I'm not going to sweat that because I know I could get that back in 30 seconds. You know, most of the time I would. You know, so you win 10 grand you call your kid you go book the studio. Let's get it done.

I don't want to take this short, but I got it.

I won't come here any time. You're the best.

Dog. Dice the TV show. Give me a pound. You're the best. All right, folks.

That was great. It's always great with him.