Transcript for #894 - #WhoIsFat - Day 1

It feels good. You were definitely say stalky.

This is the fact that he's not sinking out since August. And if you remember he says, hey, let's do a weight loss challenge on the 240. I'm 256 at the time. I'm like, oh, great.

It was a bit. It was a New York binge where I drank every day on O.B. radio, drank every single night, and then came back and then he weighed himself. And then I like I was a full binge. Ari said to me, he's like, there's no way you're 244. I got on because that's what Blund's was on November 11th. That's what my special show time came out. And that's what we weighed in. It was the day. I saw you the next day at the end of the world podcast. Right? What did you think I was the number eight though?

You did what you get the other dicks.

Here's the thing you send to other kids when you did like them. Yeah, that's where I was your mom's house. You wonder where this hateful fucking podcast comes from.

I did not get, I was actually taking it as compliments because I know he's very talented actor. I was like, oh, that's cool. Okay, this is all blind sighting me. This is happening in their little fucking world where they're just, and then at the same time, I started to vlog. Remember when I did my vlog, Dammy? And I knew that one of the things was popular on vlogs was weight loss. So I was caught, like watching my weight loss, and I was losing weight, but I was always weighing in on a speedo. And it was very self-deprecating. I was trying to make it funny. These two are watching at the exact same time and making fun of how fat I am, I'm oblivious to this. I'm oblivious to all of this. And then one day, Doug Benson and I get into a fight. I remember, I think everyone was when I'm talking about here.

It was a live podcast and it was very uncomfortable. And it was bad. And I think I spoke, I called Tom. I went right to the bar after it. I was fucking worked up. I was like, I think I called him. I was drunk. And I go, I go, he goes, hello. I go, hey, we need to talk. And he goes, I am so sorry. I go, for what? And he goes, wait, what are you calling about? I'm like, I go dug in that head of blowout. He goes, oh, never mind then. I go, wait, what are you sorry about? And he's like, you haven't been online. Have you? And I said no. And he goes, all right, let's talk about what Europe said about. And then after we're done, go online. And I just want you to know, Christina and I are very sorry. And we'll make this stop. It's like going online. It is trending. I mean, it is. Bird is fat, and it's, and by the way, and this is, at the very beginning of it, and I have to be very clear and honest about all of this emotions, because there are parts of this that are like trigger warning, but like, it was funny as fucking shit, and you couldn't get mad at it, because it was all their best fans, making hilarious fucking jokes. One guy took the name burnt Chrysler, and made a zone-fucking profile for it. And we made a website.

And by the way, by the way, I saw him in Hartford, he's obese. He's obese, enormous. And he's just sat in the front row of the whole time going, Burt's Fat, Burt's Fat. Next day, his mom shows up, hey buddy, your mom's morbidly obese. And the first word she says is, why are you so fat, Burt? She is five bills. And she said, why are you so fat, Burt? And I'm like, oh my god, this is getting out of fucking control. So he heckled you? not not heckle he was being fun to say as I hit the stage to yeah like as I walk on stage have to as goes by's bird fat like the yellow yeah and I went we're in Calgary doing stampede and when I got on stage all they were young is birds fat birds fat why are you so fat white and artists like I always said two things to me that night. He's like, I've never seen that. And then at the end, I was like, I was like, I'm not telling the machine and they started booing. And I was like, dude, you got to tell the machine every fucking time. I was like, yeah, no shit. My career's gotten out of fucking control. I have no control. I'm fat. And I got to tell the fucking machine. And so then, then, then, here's the crushing story if you don't know. Yeah.

Yeah, 12 million views over the weekend. The machines, right?

On Facebook and I was telling Tom marketing companies were calling, going like, what was your secret?

That was fun. And like 10 people that are popular online retweeted it. Yeah. So go to it. What's really cool about a little sidebar from this, but it was really cool about this, which I think you'll get a kick out of Joe. is you guys heard me tell that story four years ago on this podcast. I think half the people, everyone liked it, half people thought it was a lie. You know, other people, I don't give a fuck. Some people are like, I bet it is true. The reason I went viral, I think, is that people in my class tagged in the comment section. This story is 100% true and posted pictures of the entire trip all through the comment section. So you can see what Igor looks like. You can see what Sasha looks. You see the, you see us that night on a train, Drunk is fucked with the two gangsters. All those were in the comments section, and so everyone that's ever heard the story lost their shit like dude I got messages like one guy who said he was like cancer, and this is the best thing that's ever happened to him. Terminal illness is hooked up to deal with. Thank you so much. But anyway, that's a sidebar to this story. Go to the Facebook, my Facebook page. Anyway, one in the morning I wake up. Now I'm dealing with what is what Bill Burr is does reference his fat shaming and quote unquote taking on water. And I am fat. And I wake up with panic attack for the morning, because I've been drinking. And I go on my wife's friends Instagram. And her mom passed away. Mom's been hospice. You know this one. And I'm right. Oh my god. So sorry if you're lost. We'll see you later today. And then one of Tom's fans. And my fan I guess writes in the next comment. So sorry if you're lost, did Bert sit on your mom. Next one is, hey, if you keep her cold a leader, I'm like, it's just, I mean, it's just brutal, like brim and then this woman comes over at how she lost her mom, lost her mom in the middle of the fucking night and her first words to me are, I'm sorry what's happening to you online.

And talking about fucking bizarre.

So I'm here with the girls we're talking about the birdest fat Thomas fat shirts. He's like I'm gonna make these shirts. Yeah, I'll put them on my website We'll split the profits just whatever just I'll just never let's home on sites so we can split the profits between track.

Hi mommy. I'm a big fan jeans or whatever the fuck they say

So we're just seeing a talk of Mimi. Yeah.

And by the way, Tom doesn't make a joke out of it. He goes, well, he's an alcoholic. Yeah, I got a lot of problems.

to the point, right? I had to tell my daughters, you can't read this. It's bad. I never blocked anybody, but then Joey says this, there are these people out there that are fucking broken. It's a really hateful thing, and you're like, hey, man, I'm all about a good time. You can make fun of me all you fucking. Well, I take it. I tweeted some guy today that I forget what he said. Oh, he goes, to be honest with you, I think both of you guys are winners in this challenge. Congratulations, by the way, Bert, you're still fat. And I just I was on the treadmill and I stumbled and I sort of laughing and I went there's ones like that throughout there. They're they're fucking great.

That's when Ari stepped in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you know, Ari has no fucking heart.

I'm not impressed. I've traveled the fucking world. Let me tell you something. Everywhere is the same. Beaches are beaches. Fucking hotel rooms.

Very fuzzy. I have an insightful fucking eye. And like trust me, after a week, you're like, okay, this is getting a hold. Is there a four seasons round here? Like, yeah, I I think Ari gets a third of it.

Maybe Henry Rollins a little deeper than I am. I am a guy that like, I want to go to a bar and meet a bunch of people and hang out and have a good time. I'm not like sitting there going, oh, what is there? They're spiced here and it seems very dominant. Like, I'm not that guy.

But that's the only thing I've been doing. Let's get it. He's fucking way in. It's over.

Definitely in the summer.

It was, it was, it was easily, Jane, may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may, may. Because I remember in July I was in Alabama and I was jogging and I was listening to you and push fucking destroying me. And I couldn't stop laughing because it was, I think it was me talking on the, I was, you guys taking everything away.

See, he's got a teammate. I'm doing this fucking solo. It's true. It's true. My wife, my wife got involved. She fucking hates this weight loss thing. Does she? Oh, he's right. Like I would say that I'm getting dead serious. Me, Tom and push have to go to dinner and apologize to me.

Cause her last name's presented to you. And when we first met, I'm never good with Christina's and Tina's and Kristen's and all that. She just called her push. I love it. She's there one of my favorite literally my favorite couple if I was ever gonna be like a like a side husband I'd be in that couple Okay, I don't think I could react to that I don't think I would have had as much fun doing this with anybody else, you know That's a lot of people didn't understand is that we're we're best friends Yeah, so that when like I did the podcast with Bill and Tom people started shooting on Tom and I was like no, no, no, you're block now I can't If you don't like me, if you don't like Joey Diaz, if you don't like or even only Joe, if you don't like Tom, I like he would all because you don't get me because these guys are my friends and they'd have find my foundation of what I find funny and what I get. So like, that was one of the things that got shitty about this is that you'd find people being like, fuck Tom's growing. You're like, no, you're always going to get that, right?

I think 300 calories today.

That's the name of my tour. The machinist. That's the name of my tour, everybody. Where crazy is the machinist? Dude, you said it to me one night. Like, you know, like, you go, you go stop drinking, stop drinking. You go Tommy's looks good, trust me. And then you're like, I don't know man, you got that crazy thing. I call it the Mickey Manel gene. It's that guy that can go out, party all fucking night long, get up at eight, get on the field, and hit a fucking walk off him run. It's that John Daley gene. That's what I've always, I've always admired that in athletes and stars. It's those people who can go off tilt. Tiger Woods, when he's got the blown out knee in the bad back, and he drains the 90 foot putt. That's what I like the fucking filmmakers. Tommy's film Nicholson saved drive up the middle 230 yards looks like you'll have a five iron I'm fucking going for the green every time and that's the way like but it's not healthy I've had I've had no joke no joke and anyone that's seen me on the road knows this less than a thousand calories every single day I've drank in only vodka sodas and I've run at least five miles a day every day except for yesterday I had I have to wait for dinner by now at the night before we end

It's a tradition.

We should have the music for the end. The black, the collar greens are for money. I've done it every year and I've made more money every single year that I've eaten it. I'm not going to stop. Well, here's the other thing, too, man.

What he's saying, Joe, is when he started fat shaming me, he was fatter than me.

Yeah. I have a weird, I have a weird push and pull with it because there was a period where I didn't like it. I didn't like, I empathize with, I'll just say Amy because she's one that gets fat shaming the most. Her and Kesha are the two most fat shaming people in the competition. One of the best rock stars ever. She's the best. What did you say?

You've dehydrated your fucking brain to the point where it's misfiring. Kesha, I'm waiting for fucking weigh-ins. I'm gonna hydrate soon. It's gonna happen soon. So so Kesha and Amy are getting fat shamed and I would read their comments because I was going through something similar not similar because I think most of mine weren't fun, but man they say they say some mean shit to Amy and Kesha where you just like why say that and then I get some of those and I go hey yeah there is a point where like one morning you wake up you're not in the best mood and you check your Instagram comments and you're like oh fuck This is not the way I want to start my day. However, I will say, had it not been for the fat-chaming. I wouldn't have lost. I'm going to guess I've probably lost 30 pounds. You do definitely look better and feel better, right? Dude, wait until I take off these layers. I look, so I feel so much better. I feel I do, I jogged eight miles today. Like, I, like, that wasn't happening when I was 250. So I'm Thanksgiving outside. No, I got home in my treadmill. That everything's on my treadmill. I get in and I watch one of those rocks workout videos and get inspired. The rock dude. His workout videos are fucking awesome. Do you not follow him on Instagram? He's the best. Dude, when he hit me up, dude, does anyone remember this beautiful day of my life? I post, I work out in the rock shirt. I always have the rock shirt on. Which one, the bowl? No, it's the other armor shirt. No, they're not out yet. They're coming out to you. I'm getting all of them. Oh, Jesus. You have a, I have a man crush on the rock. He's, but, but also, and it's a part of this thing is finding inspiration to work out. That creents clear water thing. That's real. That's what I do.

And then you get on the thing. You're like, fuck it. Let's just start running.

I would wear a shirt and I would I would do videos for the rock to see and in the process I'd work out I'd work out because I'd want the rock see him then he saw one And he was like, I made a video where I made a line. I was like, you know, this is the fine as I go. Today I'm doing two days for those of you who didn't play football in high school, two days, or for those of you who didn't get pussy back in high school, two days for what that badass did to put Aaron or balls. Yeah. And they were like, loved it. And he goes, that two days line had me rolling. And then he goes, team Bert.

Andrew Santino came up on my podcast last week. Oddly enough. He's got red hair? Yes.

Joey on my podcast tonight. Good luck staying sober. Wayans are going to be tough tomorrow.

He's the best. He was at my house for fucking Christmas Eve. Was it just stroying my dad? Did you see the video I was about that? He said he did. We it's undisclosed because my dad passed out hard as fuck and Joey just walked out goes I don't Smith's to carry and laugh

One time the best though.

I robbed this fucking Puerto Rican and my dad's a lawyer my dad's going Joey Joey My dad loves Joey. I literally called Joey like day before the Christmas Eve. I was like, you're coming over right? And he's like, this is what I love about Joey. It's no fucking bullshit. He goes, what time? Five o'clock. See you then, Cox sucker. And his daughter is like the perfect age for my daughters to feel like they're doing something good. So they chase her around all the time.

Way too to experiences. And because it was the construction. Because of the construction. And Joey, Joey's a kind of guy. And this is just the thing. He doesn't say the thing. It's just doggued by house every night home. I drive by just checking, make sure everything's okay. Every fucking night when he's coming home from the store, just drives by my house. He's a great guy. He's the fucking greatest man.

Should we weigh him?

I went to dinner at his house, me and Leanne. There's at their old house. Yeah. And there's right after they had the baby. and Tom cooked us each a steak like a full rib eye and then we each got like nine shrimps and then we each got a slab of potatoes and then we got a whole stack of greens and we didn't need it all on Tom ate it all and he's like you didn't like yours and we're like no it's a meal for like three people yeah how do you like that every day you know wow I mean that's how you get to six seconds

And you're like, do you guys have 40s? And they're like, we don't make 40s. And you're like, oh, so I got to shop at a different store now. Yeah. Like this is something I think there's been in the base of every this is I also did a showtime special shirtless during this entire fashion in campaign. Yeah. We did not help. But you do every show shirtless. But part of it and not to like to diss deflect or whatever part of the reason I started doing a shirtless as I didn't look good in college shirts. and like I couldn't wear a t-shirt. And so I just, I just kind of say to my shirt off, and I was a little fat, I was like 250 to 60. Now people just thought it was funny, and I just leave it off, and I didn't give a fuck. And then when I like, like, this week and I took my shirt off, and I'm not skinny by any stretch of the means, but I'm not 260 anymore to 50. And it was, did not get just flat lined. And I was like, okay, looks like the shirt's going back on for now on. Yeah.

On our challenge day, I said, I, I just said I was 245 thinking that it wouldn't turn into a B set to 40. I said to 40.

But, uh, but on our, when I got home, the day after, when I got home, you called me, you go, I was actually 250. I was 250 the day when I started and I was 256 when I started the diet. The day I started that I was Thanksgiving 256 and that's the highest I weighed in ever that I saw myself on a scale of 256.

We pick one trip, but Ari pays for the tickets to the trip.

Well, I'll go to all the enough. I'm in Europe when Tom's talking about that game. So I go to that game in a heartbeat.

Yeah, I'd go to Paris. So I'm going to be in London. What, filming or not? No, no, just taking the girls. Oh, awesome. I make a lot of money.

I just need to tick it Yeah, take it to tell now.

It was based on our BMI, so when we gave him our original BMI versus our height, it was, we were obese. And he said, I bet you can't get into just simply overweight. Yeah. And simply overweight, the threshold is 227. So if we got under 227, both of us, but if one of us today does not get under 227, then that person has to pay for the trip. Yeah.

And so that became the bet. And if we could get into just being overweight, which I think personally looking at him and looking at, I'm feeling knowing me. I did not weigh in today because I was scared. But I feel like you there. I think I'm there. I think I was there before yesterday morning. And then I worked out pretty hard last night at this morning, but I didn't want to go on the scale because I didn't want to come in, let down if I wasn't.

I like the way in first. Okay.

Do you have a wide shot?

Are we doing this on carpet?

Like, I know, but let's make sure we know exactly right because it may not be like mine skill at home.

Can you see it? A lot of layers on it.

Hello to 27 everybody.

Bird pressure. Call it out, Joe.

I was 21.

Yeah. That's it.

Holy shit. Holy shit. The Joe my prediction was Tommy wasn't going to take his shirt off for way.

Oh, I have my watch on.

Are there calories in this?

Oh my God, so thirsty.

I just can't eat today. I just can't have a fluids today, and then fuck, good-a-burcle.

I think I'm, I don't know. I think I'm fucking shocked. I'm too, 21 to be dumb. That's amazing.

I know. It is weird. When I saw them, we were at all things comedy of the day, and I walked up behind them, and I didn't recognize them. I go, I go, you went from the little, cuddly, chubby, brand I have where we giggle to this dude who looks like you videotape's himself fucking.

Dude, considering it is in like 30 days.

Yeah, well, the thing is, you know, I don't want to like, I haven't changed my lifestyle at all, technically. Like, I've changed the way I eat. I eat so fucking clean right now. Like, literally, except for last night, I've only had lean proteins and greens for every meal. I do big fucking, the, your, the, uh, Hulk com shakes. Yeah, Hulk loads. Hup. I call it Hulk com. I do. I do those shakes, like, once a day. And I'm under a thousand calories. My wife is what's upsetting her is she's like, how do we transition this into a healthy lifestyle? Which is fine. I think once you get, she's right. Yeah. And it's like, I can't continue this. No. Like, I had to push back a cardiologist appointment. I was like, I don't want him to see me like this. Like, I'll wait until I get healthy again. Yeah.

You know what's crazy? Is it? I understand. I watched Chris Cyborg's breaking like weight loss thing. Did you see that? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's horrible and I watched it and I thought if I can have half that intensity that whole time I watch it at the very beginning of weight loss. I said I'm going to have half her intensity in that moment.

It's amazing what you watch when you're, when you're, when you're focusing on getting a shape. The other thing I watch is this guy, Rich Frowning. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Dude, he is like, he's a savage. He's a borderline sociopath. Like the way he focuses on work out and working out is just like he is almost dead inside. There's no enjoyment to it. It's almost like an obsession. So I started looking at it like that. Like it's, don't like, don't enjoy jogging. Just make it obsession. Like my thing was I get on the treadmill and go, Just one more mile. Just do one more mile. Everyone would do one more mile. Like this morning, I was like, maybe if you're on this mile at a seven, maybe that'll make the difference today. And I just would get obsessive about it. Yeah.

I'm five of some little things in my body. If I touch that, I'd fucking explode. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go ice skating tonight. Oh yeah. With my daughters. For a little exercise. I'm looking at that way. I'm gonna look at it as fun. I look at his burning calories. Wow.

You're talking about, like, total weight loss or just whoever's lighter.

So I have to win by three pounds.

Like, how can I, I mean, my little shape might be right right now. He's like, you get the regrowth starting already.

Oh, it's a... Do they happen at the CBS?

I can't believe that because I thought you'd win I thought I thought I'd wait 227.

That's 21. That's marathon. Throwing the marathon.

Yeah, I don't do them all at once. I break it up during the day, so I get up at like six, have a cup of coffee, walk it like a 3.5 walk a mile and like 17 minutes, and then sit down at the computer, see if I'm trending, and see what, which is the of my Facebook, I would use on my Facebook video, and then get back on and then I'll run around like two miles, then go fuck around with the girls, come back, get on. That's the way I do it. I break it up. So like right now, I got eight miles on the treadmill. I'll do a podcast with Joey tonight, get back on the treadmill, bang on another eight and I was 16 miles today.

What I like to do, my favorite thing to do is I walk a hundred yards on the treadmill and then I run 300 yards. So like I'll run it like 7.5 over 200 over half of the lap around the circle.

ending it like probably Probably nine at night. Like the yesterday, I ran three miles first in the morning, then went to the Rams game, put on two pullporks on the green big green egg. Went to the Rams game, it cooked at 300 degrees perfectly for five hours. Thank you, Eric.

You regulate it with the pipe up top and the bottom and you just put fillet with charcoal. So once you get it to like 225, If you've got it regulated, it's not going to go much higher because it's not getting much air in. And then slowly the charcoal is burned. And then it just cooks. You don't open it. It just cooks. If you open it all the way, it's going to get way higher. You get to wear like 700 degrees.

I got, uh, I wish I remember his name right now. What's his name? You, you're Brett Brett. Brett. Yes. Uh, I love my Green Mountain Grill. I just kind of knew pellets. So that thing's fucking better than anything. You put it in there and you're like, two 25, five hours perfect.

Let me food. If you don't want us what I do sometimes my daughters don't like smoked food is I'll wrap some ribs up in tin foil and put them in there and they still cook like a nothing. Yeah, it's an oven. It's still cooks at 225 and then you smoke two other racks dude. It's fucking amazing.

Honestly, I could use it. I just got it. My dad got it for me for Christmas. And, uh, because I like the ritual of cooking, I like the ritual of like, starting up charcoal and, you know, and then getting it into it. And then I, so, So yesterday I ran through my house through a plan these two bit Boston butts, bone in Boston butts, and then closed it. And it's made things fun. I'm sitting at the fucking Rams game going, going like, I wonder if the grill's too hot. Like shit, did I fuck it? It's like makes it, it's like betting on a game. Yeah. By the way, went to the Rams game. Like yesterday I told Tommy where they jersey that had the machine written on the back of it. Okay, I've never been recognized more in my fucking life. I mean, dudes were coming down to my seat going, hey, can I get a picture? Because I just myself am back on my shirt. It was a gift from my management company, and it's a Ram's jersey. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm wearing it. As soon as I walked in the stadium, big dude goes, and then I turned around and he goes, oh shit, it's the machine. And I was like, he just thought it was, so I do, I do it with the machine on the back. So he's like, oh, my machine, I turned around and he's like, my daughters are like, that fucking stop it.

Yeah. I think it's primal. Yeah, I cooked up. You gave me that that elk last time. Yeah, more if you want. Yeah, I do because I've occurred tomorrow though. I cook it up and I don't get in pieces to live it here tomorrow. Yeah, we're getting fucked up tomorrow after way ends. If I don't have a beard, I will be drinking vodka and I'll be making him drink vodka. So we bring a razor we should Yeah, we're the fuck dollar shape club when you need them. I there are one of my sponsors.

I got clever. You can shave me, but we're using my clippers. Okay. Why am I already giving up? By the way, I'll shave you.

I mean, we should let people weigh in on Twitter. Don't do that.

Call it just texted me. What is that? Good luck on the way ends. I hope you're not fatter.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm not gaming. Yeah. Eight pounds tomorrow. Yeah. Right now he's trying to figure out how to unflip his phone.

Oh, Ari.

Good luck today. I've been hoping you went since day one.

Please leave your message.

That's not his outgoing message.

Fluent's never tasted better in my entire fucking mind. I don't know how these professional fighters do it.

Oh, hi, Ellen. Maybe let's see who's got the lower BMI tomorrow tomorrow.

You do by point one.

By the way, he can stop right there. The goal weight was 227.

Oh, we're both well into just overweight. Yeah.

He makes a bet and then he's horrible person. And all he's got is money and nothing. We have children.

Don't listen to his podcast with me and run as easy. You can't understand the concept of a fucking mortgage before the podcast even started.

He's like, why would you do that? Because the whole premise was we borrowed money against our house to do a renovation, which is make make sense. You know, your house is worth more than you start. You paid for it. So you borrow against that, take out $200,000, and you renovate it. And then you make your house worth more, but you're mortgage is still very small considering that you've only borrowed a minimal amount of money, right? Or you couldn't wrap his head around that. No, that's not your money. That's not your money.

He's crazy. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. We tried to make it very simple. Pretend you have a backpack. Now, I want to say I'd like to borrow against that backpack and put stuff in your backpack. No, your backpack's more valuable. He's like, I don't understand backpacks. Like, he doesn't even have a watch.

How about the fact that we both lost a considerable of fucking amount of money?

Wait a fucking stereotype it up hard. Right now he's making a suit and some shoes as a tailor.

We should make him wear horns to this game.

That's why they the skills wrong. If you look up.

That's the thing at my crossfit place where they were you can, they bring in like a tank water and you sit in a tank water.

That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show.

That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the real show. That's the Yeah. Yeah. If you had a time lapse of that, if you had a show shooting that, it would be fun. And just to call out videos we've been doing to each other. They've been fucking hilarious.

I mean, I don't know one day he goes, this isn't fun, man. He's like, this is... This isn't a good idea like this isn't healthy and I was like yeah, I know I go you started it asshole I don't think I want to be fucking eaten 500 calories getting on a treadmill every day. I'm losing a fucking toenail.

You want to write a planar fashion.

Ideally, I'd like to be 215 and would be cool.

I'd like to stop taking my shirt off.

Well, okay. I mean, I've told you this in a store. Like, I don't take my shirt off with the store. I have taken it off, but normally I don't, like, if I do a set in the OR, I'll take my shirt off. Right. Right. I don't think about taking my shirt off. It's just, you know, it's one of those things that came out of Maddock with you. It happened organically. And then it was one of the things that when I did my special, I talked to my buddy cowhead, my calton. He was just like, you're not going to do a shirt on, are you? And I was like, I really thought about it. And he's like, he's like, the thing I like about what you stand up is it doesn't seem like it's different. He's like your first special, you were dressed up. And I get really fucked up on my head about what to wear on stage. That really kind of gets in my head about like, I don't want to put on a costume. Yeah, right. So for me taking my shirt off was just being.

Yeah. seven years. I've been formed with a shirt on on the road and I don't you you can't find a picture of me a lot of times. First show after the show I put my shirt on to take pictures with people, but I have so many pictures of me and my shirt off just because it was a it felt real felt.

I'll tell you, Tampa was the day I started. They're really started when I went to Tampa. By the way, I've been on the road this whole fucking month doing this weight loss. I've done every fucking week on the road. And in Tampa, I was not good. I was dizzy. I couldn't get my hands warm.

That was crazy. I was dizzy and I was like I don't even think I was drinking a little bit but I wasn't drinking much and I but I wasn't eating that was the other thing I wasn't eating any calories and I I think and I'm sure we shot a doctor to tell me this I think I was probably pre-diabetic And then when I stopped taking in all sugar all together, my body just went fucking crazy. There was a set where I was like, I was dizzy and I, they were sending up juice to the stage so I could get sugar on my body.

Yeah, they sent up cranberry juice and then I drove in one day and I was like shivering and I pulled into McDonald's and got an orange juice and I was like, to something's fucking wrong. My parents were worried. But then right after that, I started feeling good. And then I got to like, Fort Lauderdale. And I was like, bam, I'm on a roll. I was in Omaha. Omaha was the best. I started losing weight. I started feeling good. And then they were doing a topless shots upstairs. $3 shot, topless shots. What's the topless shot?

What in the fuck? Yeah. So it was just everyone upstairs topless and if you were topless, we had a $3 shot.

It was an indie. And Morty's company doing his best. That's the smartest thing that ever did.

The best picture I said to Tom here. Wait, let me show it.

Wow, because I was like snap I didn't mean I apologize later, but it was I was real just irritated I texted this picture to Tom and I was like weight loss is doing good tell me what you think It's his hog yeah Photoshop Photoshop yeah

Actually, I said that to Dhammarino. You did? Yeah, I go. I was showing it to Paul Young Ram on their last day in Dhammarino sat down. And I still had it on my phone. I go, Dan, you've been in a lot of locker rooms. What do you think about this? And he goes, ah!

Yeah, it's a lot of stupid shit. You ever fucking ever see his promotions for his tour? It's just some black lady putting on cream.

Go to. I've done this so much. I can not tell you. I've done five ten, which if I was just six foot, I'm still overweight.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely lost. And there's a weeb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

next week. Yeah, every schedule. I was like, I'm in the middle of this weight loss challenge and it's not super healthy and I kind of don't want to see you now. I was like, can I see what I'm doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was supposed to go in last week and I was just like, I don't want to go in and him being like, hey, listen. You know, you're because I got to think something going on with my thyroid that they've never really figured out. So I don't want it to be like you're fucking with your thyroid. I was like, let's just get through this. This is fun. By the way, that's the other part of this is that none of this was like it's all healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to be on a live long. I want to see my kids get married. Fucking Ari posted a tweet about that. What if bird games wait then he'll he'll be in heaven and some other man will be holding his daughter's hand walking around the aisle fucking Ari sometimes Yeah, it's almost like he's like he's like He's got ass burgers or something like the way he's just like when he went when I walked in his room that day the day the town started he's just like I was like what's up? He's like your fat your fat your obese. Oh my god your obese is disgusting You're obese, and then I'm like, okay, it's good seeing you. Are you doing? Yeah. I was going to talk to you about family, but you're just obese. And you're like, yeah. I'm here for like an hour. I'm going to run back to Obi Radio. Do you want to quit your podcast? Wow. You're just so fat. How fat do you think Tom is? Oh, yeah. That's how it started.

That was what it was. It was a very very beginning.

When I got here today, I thought I would be 226 and something. You're almost 10 pounds under that.

Let's just talk about the beard now. Are we shaping the whole thing off? Yeah.

What is it? I'm the eighth. I got a film. God damn comedy jam on the 11th January 11th. Oh, wow. And Ryan sick where's been fucking texting me. He's like, you got this man. Don't let don't come on this show without a beer. Oh, yeah, you fucked. He went here something crazy. Yeah. So, uh, so the song.

That's the saddest part of this whole thing is Tommy used to be hot. He used to, it's look at push.

Get fat as fuck me, my tights and you'll get a fan.

You won't be funny anymore.

It's so stupid. Yeah, and then I heard someone say the name of name, a fat comment for a funny. I was like, what? Oh, that's ridiculous.

Find a picture when Jamie, see if you can go on my Instagram and see the picture when I was skinny. This is gonna, you've ever seen this? I have. Oh, yeah. I have a fucking difference.

I have never appeared either. I haven't had, I've had a beard. My daughters have never seen me without a beard.

You look like. It's got to be 04. That's 04.

Yeah, that's not 04. You we perform with the porn stars at night. Where'd you guys at? That's not me when they've been performed with the porn stars. I'm sure that's the worst.

My daughters will lose their shit.

No. I have a rash inside my beard. So if I lose my beard, we're going to get to see what Vietnamese children's hands look like.

Well, we're walking through the forest and Vietnam. We walked on this village and these kids have never seen to do with a beard before. Because in Vietnam, they don't grow beards and they've never been out of the jungle. And so we walked in and I came in with a beard and they fucking lost their shit. Thought I was a werewolf. They're fucking around. Yeah, they lost their shit and they ran in hot head. What? And I've never had that reaction with kids. I'm always really good with kids. And so I was like, what's wrong? And TT was our fixer. And he's like, your beard scares them. I think you're a wolf. And I said, oh, let me tell them I'm okay. So we brought a guitar over and we sat with these kids and they wouldn't stop looking at my beard. So I go into my bag and I had, I had skittles and M&Ms with me. So I put our skittles in and I never had fucking skittles. I give them skittles next light up. And I wanted to kids as like, it says in Vietnamese, can I play in your face? So I said, sure. So then all the kids started playing in my face. One kid had this funky hand. And I was like, I was like, this isn't gonna go good. And he gets in my head. And as soon as he does it, I feel everything get hot on my side. I'm like, oh, really? But I couldn't say anything. And then it was on his hand. I don't know, it just looked like fucking disgusting. Like he had never watched his hand. And so I've had this like thing that I've been putting Corta's own on for the last month trying to get it to go away. I lose my beard. I can't even go to dermatologist. No, because I have a beard no one saw it. So I can give a fuck.

Year and a half.

But I had a beard. It's like if you get a pimple in a beard you're like, I fuck it. You forgot about it.

My wife's been saying to me she's like you need to shave your beard and let it air out because it's just that you know you sleep on your cheek and so it gets warm every night and it's like so Yeah, man.

But we're getting fucked up tomorrow too. Okay.

They're Austin based and the guy's name is Bert the owner of the company's name for Tito.

Yeah, yeah, they hit me up. They're like love the way lost team Bert.

Really fucked up tomorrow. Yeah.

Okay. Can we get pizza and hot wings?

So that's going to be hard. The weird part about this way and shit is it's kind of fucked with my head a little bit like in that I can understand. I'm not saying I understand, but I understand what like anorexics the control part of it. You know, like I don't I think I get the control part where you go. I'm not eating anything. And then you feel you're in control. You're like, eat an apple. And you're like, oh, I shouldn't have had that. That's a lot of sugar. Maybe I should throw that up. Like, I understand that part because I bet tomorrow that first piece of pizza is going to be very hard for me because I haven't had anything.

I had dreams last night that Bernie Shob was running me through fucking training camp. Really? Dude, yeah. Like, I had a hundred dreams about Bernie Shob last night.

What's the biggest thing you've cheated on this whole this what's the one splurge really like fuck it? I can tell you mine right now. He said nothing but water.

12.

I had two cups of coffee today.

I had to get on the treadmill.

Just give us, I needed that. Now it's, and song number two by blur to get the day started.

Like, the big ones.

That might have been the difference tomorrow. I'll just have a fucking, I'll just do a little bumper coke. There'll be fucking beer. Have you ever worked out on coke? No.

No, I know you've probably already talked about this, but I haven't heard you talk about it real quick. What about the Ronda Rousey thing?

You know, I had a serious head injury.

I thrown on my head and college in a fight and knocked unconscious and then was out of it and wandering around the campus lost. Didn't know who I was.

No, this girl did this girl did. Swap found me on campus and I was confused. I didn't know where I was and then she, it was, it fights in the middle of the day. What happened? I was in a, In my attorney, I was written a song about a guy, and that I had sung before, and I guess he had been upset before and told me that I just didn't understand it. That's a problem with me, sometimes I cast a big wake, and I don't get that I'm upsetting people, but everyone's having a good time, and they feel like I'm making fun of them, but I'm not. But I'm just being fun. Stay as saying, you know, and he came up to me a little middle of the day, and he was, I was salming. We were really good friends, and he was big, and he was like, stay the fuck away from me, and I thought he was kind of round, and I was blown up to him, He was like, I'm fucking serious and he's like, got in my face. I was like, are you really going to fucking hit me? We're friends. And he fucking grabbed me and tried to, and then literally, like, suplexed me and fucked me on my head and I went out and I woke up and he was holding my tongue, because I had swallowed my tongue. He was holding my tongue out of my mouth. and he was crying and he was like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and I didn't know what happened and I just walked around I started walking around campus this girl found me in the middle of like and then drove me like she drove me to hospital and I was in the hospital so confused I didn't know anything I knew the president was I kind of started like coming figuring it out and then And then my girlfriend and my best friend came out and got me and took me home. But like for like a week I'd go like I remember one time I went to go get the mail with my dog and I forgot where our apartment was. And I was like where the fuck is our apartment? Wait did you see the guy again? Yeah. And he graduated that he was older than me. He graduated that year and he came back. Oddly enough, he came back and he tried to apologize and I was just like, I don't know, I'll never see you again. You can go fuck yourself.

Wait, which ones? Because he's got two really good ones.

The one that Michael Chase, I think. Yeah. They're not Michael Chase. The other, the other black guy from, as an L. I don't know. I don't know. Fucking, Jay Farrell. Oh, that sounds racist. I didn't mean that you guys, but you both black guys on as an L.

She is? She's back in the fucking fun house. Is she? Yeah. When? She'd they released her. I mean, it was, it wasn't an easy path. You know, I haven't talked to Doug about it totally, and I don't want to explain the story. Explain the story. Um, bingo for her. I'm not speaking out of school. I think this is stuff. Oh, Doug is shared. Yeah. But bingo was having her 40th birthday party, I think. And so her sisters came out. Her parents were coming out. Everyone was coming out. She started partying pretty hard. I think she did too much cook. She had a seizure, which just happened before, but she fell off a step. and hit her head and apparently she was bleeding out of every orifice of her face. And you know, you know, everything's a joke there, but then it wasn't. And I was in the car with Big J and Doug called. And I was like, hey guys, it's Doug Stanhope and Jay's like, what's up? Doug's like, I think Bingo's gonna die. I'm probably not gonna make it to the end of the world podcast. And then we were like, whoa. And then I told him.

Yeah, he was he was really worked up and then I would talk to him. I I ever know and then I'll talk to Doug late night one more both drinking and we talked I think we talked for like an hour 45 minutes and He was just like, it's, you know, it's talking. This isn't good. This isn't how it's going to go. And then all of a sudden one day they're like, hey, she started responding. And then they're like, hey, she's talking. Hey, she's playing the guitar. Hey, she's doing good. We're going to have a swallow test. And if we can get the, we're going to try to get her a trait because that was her problem. It's her vocal cords were all fucked up. And then they got her a trait. And then they're like, hey, they're a trait.

I mean, a trait got to me where they put a hole in your throat so that she doesn't have to use her, her throat to breathe. You can just breathe right from your lungs to the air. And so then they were like, you know, it's going to be some real rehabilitation. It's going to take a while to get her back to like where she was the day of her birthday party, but everything seems to be tracking really nicely. I mean, so much so dug is dug. It's the day like a week before Bingo had her accent dug called me like late night and he was like, do you have a hundred thousand dollars you can part with? And I was like, yeah, why? And he goes, I got a line on a cave in Arizona. I want to buy. We'll get me, you, Norm McDonald Joe. We'll get us all in. We're going to do it, right? And I was like,

It's a million dollars. Like 10 of us, 100 grand, we each put it in and then we have our own cave. I don't want to go to that cave. Well, that's why we maybe hasn't texted you. Now I've been for sale for like a decade.

Yeah, and then he's and then last night or night before last he started talking about the cave again. So I go things must be doing good in the funhouse of Doug wants to go back to Python the cave and Normic Donalds in Rosanne bars.

Yeah, I'm gonna lose my fucking beard, I think. Well, he's very frugal. Yeah, he is.

Do you remember when you wanted to buy it when you wanted to make a compound up in Santa Barbara still do?

Leanna and I were looking at property in Colorado. Yeah, we're right now we're at a place where our our payments are sland set it up so that we can be we could be poor.

I got you. Evergreen, but up and up, like above the, above the elevation, like 75 hundred feet.

Yes. I know. Yes. Evergreen's a spot. I got to put you there.

Fuck the amazing. You got to put like a bear like nails up upside down so the bears don't come in your fucking house.

That is like Tommy Bert our world. Have you ever been looking at that? Yeah, yeah, we talked about yesterday because you can get it fairly cheap up there, especially if we go have these.

Oh, we're getting so high tomorrow.

You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast.

You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast.

You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast. You got a good podcast.

Yeah, because Mickey Manel was a fucking savage. Well, you fucking party this whole fucking life. Never showed up to a game fucking half sober and still's wanted. Who do you remember more Tom Bionist? Mickey Manel or Derek Jeter?

Yeah, Mickey Mellon Play Against Black Guys, but you're Jackie Robinson.

No, but like what you're gonna do, I can already predict tomorrow. Okay. Oh Tommy's gonna come in at 217. 215. Nothing.

Yeah, he is. Tom's Thomas hit his threshold weight. I'm looking still eating chicken. I'm not eating anything. Yeah, I probably drank seven pounds of water.

Why, look, I just all I know is that I can run, I can probably run 20 miles between now and then. That's all I need.

These are 32 is right here. 16.9.

I don't, I don't use math in this.

Long-strain DNA. What is long-strain DNA?

You're gonna feel like shit. No. No. I'm different than you guys. I got I've got that long strand DNA. You're different?

I focus on it. I focus like I get I get hyper aware and I go I have a goal like today when I woke up I wanted a glass of water so bad it was different.

We see who win. I'm first. Sorry. Me vs. you vs. Sorry.

I don't do that. I don't know enough. I'm just joking. I don't fucking know anything about seeing punk. I've never knew him when he was a fan famous.

Yeah, yeah, let's fight. No.

Let's see who can gain the most weightbacks.

I don't think, I don't think, I mean, I'm not saying I'm sure I'd probably love me in 186. Really? I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I wasn't about to say that. I was going to say I'm sure I'd love it. But personally, I, I think, two, 15s are really great. Wait for me. I know it's still overweight, but like, you, but you don't want to be overweight, right? I don't want to be overweight, but I, I also don't want to look, I don't want to look like this. I'd love to be fucking yoked, but I don't know if I have the fucking CrossFit. I've been doing CrossFit. And I had to stop because I was afraid I was building up too much mass. because you put it on too much weight. I was like, this is a weight loss challenge. Any weight that comes in a muscle, I don't want. I'm just gonna run.

Kind of just pick the fuck anyone with any insights on weight loss. That's a pedastream like I hate when they go Oh listen man if you're not eating a lot of calories your body's gonna back first start storm fat fuck you tell that to the kids in Ethiopia Well if you don't eat your fucking lose fucking weight That's how that fucking works if you burn more calories than you take in your body It has a certain reaction and that's how that fucking works. Yes

I think I might have done that too, except for the vodka sodas.

Do you have one of those sticks? You can piss on a stick and it'll tell you.

You're telling me if I put that in a vodka soda, it was just immediately burning that sugar.

Yeah, for sure. Tell that company to hit me up.

Yeah, I did two miles in the Coliseum.

Yeah, I'm curious to see what it would be like my body had 2,000 calories a day

I've been eating proteins and greens. That's it. That's good. No carbs, no breads, no pastas. Beans is the only carb I've had. I've only had that twice in a month. You can up that a little bit.

I haven't dinner last night. That big dinner last night. And when I got on the treadmill, I felt fucking phenomenal. Like I got on there and literally was like 10 miles or 7 miles of full rush of energy, sugar, everything from that.

He doesn't, he doesn't have that gene.

This is, this is just discipline. I think it's the thing, like it, like I thought about this a lot. The thing that makes this contest interesting is also the reason we like each other because he is very even killed and I am fucking all over the map.

You definitely, you have the same brain I have about like the way you shoot bows and arrows. And you're like, that's right. I'll just do that for three hours until like, maybe needs shoulder surgery, you know, like, and, and, or the way you shoot pool, like you're very, like, you get obsessed with things. You're like, that's why I can't fuck with drawing anymore, because I get obsessed with it. I get like that. Tom's so even killed, like the perfect example of our relationship is that at first day we were in Hawaii, and I shaved your tits. Yeah. And it is the funniest Joe. It is the funniest fucking thing I've ever been a part of my life. And he goes to Hawaii and he's like, and he's out to go, oh man, you know, Tom's here. I go, hey, why, why don't I shave your back for you? And he's like, you think? Yeah. And so I start, I start. I just put the volume on this. This is just, oh, don't put the volume you can hear music on it. Right.

I'm shaving his back. And then at some point in this, and you can just skip ahead at some point in this. I realize that Tom's tip hair connects with his underarm hair. And I go, hey, buddy, why don't you hear pause right there? I realize I go, hey man, let me hollow that out for you. I go, you know what I'll do is I'll trim out, contour it, contour it, and make it so your tin has to find hair and your underarm has to find hair, but they're not connected like a wear wolf. And then I'll seize around your breasts. Like I'll do a seize around, comb it down, and I'll line it up so it looks like you're defined.

And by the way, you got it. Tom's earnest face staring at me as I do this, and I'm close to it, and I'm looking at him, and I'm trimming it. And then as I pull back, I still see Tom's earnest face going, does it look good? And all I see, it looks like his tits are wearing sunglasses. And I realize this is our first of like seven days in Hawaii, and he's got to look like this the whole fucking time, and I never seen him laugh this time. I thought I was having a stroke.

Look at how serious Thomas. Are you going to throw a look at him? Watch, yeah.

Yeah, it's like breast plates. It is the, I've, I've never laughed that hard. And that whole trip is probably, that's what me, Tom, and push, and Leanne became friends.

I like to lose six pounds. I like to, I like to get to two 15 and then maintain and eat healthy and eat clean. Yeah. But I also, you know, I can't lie about this and say, this is a lifestyle like the people on the biggest loser. Legit, I love, I love fucking hot wings. I love hot wings. I love Buffalo, wow wings. And I love the feeling of like, like, I remember I, I told you a long time ago that my weight loss program was to stop eating appetizers. Like, But like appetizers, I love them. So it's like, make it rain appetizers. I love that feeling. And I miss blimpi sandwiches. I miss pizza. My girls are eating pizza and I'm eating cauliflower pizza, which I like. But what's cauliflower pizza? Oh, it's good. You take a 12 ounces of cauliflower. You're steaming it in the microwave for like four minutes. You dry it out. You put one egg in there, a third cup of mozzarella, like a fourth cup of Parmesan. And you put it into a, that's your crust. And then you put it in the oven. And it's very, every slice is very low calories because it's cauliflower. All you really eating is like a portion of an egg and some mozzarella. It's really fucking good. I'll make something if you want and bring it into tomorrow and we can try it.

So wait. So wait.

Impulse does. Impulse wins races. They didn't win today. I know, but it definitely shocked.

My manager has got pissed about this whole weight loss thing. Why? I'm in the middle of a scripted deal and I wasn't sending in scripts. I was just fucking around with Tom and they're like, they're like, they call the end. They're like, hey, he needs to like, they call your wife.

They're like, hey, what's Bert is like, seems to be obsessed about this weight loss thing. Like, we've got a TV show we're trying to make. Like, And the answer, like, oh, you don't understand. But like, he will never work on this TV show. If you don't respect the fact that this is what he's focused on. So what I was doing was I was setting up accounts. It didn't work out, right? But I was setting up accounts at different food places. So they could, that fans could send Tom food. And I was like, I wasted a whole day. And then I sent him these cookies that were amazing. I sent him to my daughters. They loved him. I sent him from the rock to Tom and Tom didn't even eat him. He just gave him the fucking people working on his brand in three million dollar house. But they're good cookies. I want to try them one I get done.

Don't you fucking agree with them? Just because you're sitting there.

I ran into a chick one time that I think you'd had relations with.

Because let's let's work this backwards. Like I think Cameron Haynes, the ability that he can run those ultramarathons, that's special.

But he's all disciplined. We could agree that him, I've got a cam, or like Connor McGregor.

I went to Cincinnati. I went to Cincinnati. I went to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving.

Yeah, but there's stretches where there's nobody.

It's like six miles.

We mean full trauma. There's a shock 10k. Me and full trauma in Omaha. Mm-hmm. I get I go on I'm trying to be healthy and I go on radio and I said I'm looking for a 5k if anyone's got a 5k hit me up I'm going to run it this weekend and so this guy reaches out to me and he's like hey I got a brewery 5k I was like right up my alley so I hit up full-tron Friday night and it goes tomorrow morning we're running a brewery 5k and full trance like what we like run from broody to broody I go yeah you run broody broody it's like fucking it's like a bar it's like a bar crawl but you kill beers the whole time it's perfect have like five beers run a five k go home taking the app due to shows this will be great my favorite part is that he goes perfect like the best times ideal to anybody so full shot So full ton and I get there and everyone's at the, everyone's at the brewery and everyone's drinking and we're like, fuck it, let's start killing beers now. It's like 10 in the morning, races at like noon. So we start killing beers, we have like five beers and then we're like, all right, everyone line up. When I know, we notice that everyone's dressing like hardcore sports gear and we're not. We're like, God damn it, man, they're really taking this serious. And we're like, what's the first bar we stop at? And they're like, no bar, it's a fucking 5K. And so full-tron did, and I did a 5K drunk. At like a noon and by the way, we beat half of the fucking field. She's drunk. Drunk. Drunk. So the brew is just... The brew is... It's that's where it started at the brewery. And it ended at the brewery. It was a big circle to the brewery. Did everybody else drink too? No one drank except for us. Everyone's like, man, you're really putting them back. Well, well, I want to be a part of the team.

They used to do it in the, in the, in the, in the tour de France. Really? In the tour de France, they would stop and drink big heavy beers.

Yeah, I'm on my favorite things, too, and on the road, especially when I was working on travel tamels, going right back to the hotel after dinner and after drinking and getting into the jam and working out. Really? I love getting on the treadmill with a glass. I've talked to you about this.

I said feel very different than what it feels like to everyone else. Yeah. Yeah, and I had a conversation over the, are they enough of the 10 year old yesterday about being hungover? Let me tell you how it's done. He was like, don't you feel sick? I, that's the other problem I have is I don't really feel sick when I don't after the, I drink. I don't get hung over. You're a good drunk, by the way. I'm a, like, I don't think, and that's the other problem is no one can ever tell him drunk.

But is it's every day? No. That's the other thing. I think there's a lot of, you know, the, the, the pump of what I am. I think people think and one thing. I'm not. How often do you drink those days a week? Not right now, not at all, but, but you say vodka sodas. Yeah, but people's even if I if I go on stage, I want to sell stage one time affiliate in fuel well and I just brought a soda water on stage. Right. And everyone was like, kill it. I was like, there's nothing in it. And then they're like, oh, really? And you're like, yeah, they're like, oh, we thought you were hammered. And you're like, no, I'm just like, I don't like going on stage drunk personally. I don't like being drunk on stage. I like I like stand-up comedy. That's what I got into. But it's also part of my personality is everything is a joke. I want people to be entertained. Like this whole weight loss thing supposed to be fun. I want people to get a kick out of it. I could definitely have stopped drinking and been a bore and just been like, I think I could, I could definitely take him. But I like the fun of just going fuck it. I'm gonna pause for a while.

No, I probably drink more than I don't drink. So that's not three. Yeah, this stuff feels like an intervention.

Let's, let's take a look. Let's take a look at this week. I drank New Year's Eve, but I wanted to. I only had two drinks, and I spent the night in hotel. I didn't want to drive home, because I thought the road would be crazy. So I was New Year's Eve, didn't drink yesterday at the Rams game, didn't drink today. I'll drink tomorrow, and then I get on a plane in New Jersey. On the stress factory, I'll drink there. So maybe I'll drink five of the seven nights or four of the seven and I five of

But if I'm home with the girls, I don't, there's no reason for me to drink. Right. Like if I'm home, I like a good night's sleep. I like waking up and being active. I like going ice-skating with them. I want to do a podcast. You know, a lot of times people come on my podcast and be like, I want to do a shot with a machine. And you're like, I never, not let them have that. So of course. And I count that as a drinking day. But I'll have one shot. But that wouldn't affect me. It doesn't affect, I don't know. And I'm different. It's like, how often do you spell pop?

By the way, hey, by the way. Let me, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You're the most different human being that any of us fucking know.

Are you going to sit here and let Joe tell it? How many podcasts do you do? How much do you do? How much working out? How much stand out activity, right? You're amazing, dude. Everyone says, how does Rogan do it? And I just go, he's different. You are different than me.

I don't think I've seen you repeat anything at the store in the fucking past month. I've been there. Like, it's off the charts.

Yeah, me too. I'm still doing the same shit.

Yeah, but I'm still doing the new stuff. I'm working on new stuff. I say the brand new stuff every fucking time you art look at you. That's right, baby.

Everybody does. I do too. No, but I mean, like, I mean, it doesn't inspire me creatively to sit.

No, I've done it. I've definitely done it. It just, like, for me, if I, I'm being dead serious if I want to take a walk, my brain will start working.

No wait. Let's talk about that then real quickly because I agree with you. I think I think you got to be on stage and be doing it. I like that's why I love weekends of clubs because you get six sets in to the best. And you're like, I got it.

But let's talk time line with both of you guys because I think you've done what three hours now. I've recorded for some I'm working on my fifth but do you think six months is too quick to turn around an hour or like for production yes no no I meant I meant meaning for you writing wise because like right now I have a new hour but I go I don't know I feel like I wanted to breathe I wanted to you know what he did with the other eight months and see how good it is that's what I would let it grow because I don't know what you guys doing Wednesday you guys around Wednesday

Oh, shit. Bitches. Fuck. I'll see you guys trust factory.

I'm doing the Wilbur January 21st. So if you'd like to some come see me in a theater, which is very seldom, I don't, I'm not a big theater guy, because I don't think my act translate. Oh, it's way to sell tickets, Bert.

Well, go get tickets, guys. January 21st, I'll be there. That's a good spot.

Hey, do you have a sponsorship for Dollar Shave Club?

I've always wanted to use their racers. I've got a moment.

You know, I've never, obviously I've been in 12 years. Oh, that's right. You have it.

No? You know what? I got so fat. It was a lot of guess work. So I stopped.

By the way, that was one of the best podcasts I've ever been able to.