Transcript for #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 1)

Just give me like a right now. We're on the eastern right now. Oh my god. We're live. Ladies and gentlemen, the Joe Rogan Experience podcast brought to you by the flashlight. If you go to Joe Rogan.net, click on the link that says flashlight and during the code name, Rogan, you get 15% off. All right. And with that said, buckle up bitches. Here we go. Joe Diaz is in the mother fucking house.

A lot of people being complaining that this is lame music. A lot of people have been saying, you know, this song is just not befitting of such a fucking dynamic podcast. Why you got some fucking fruity 2D tunes playing there? Why don't you got some? Because we don't want first of all, we don't want the song to overshadow the show. What if the song is better than the show? And you're like, why don't you fuck stop talking and play some more of that groovy music you were just hitting me with? Joe Diaz is in the mother fucking house bitches. That's all you need to know forget about that goddamn opening music. Don't be tripping don't beat the best is when somebody complains about that song and then they send you they're like keyboard They're songs of death and they'll send it to you a thousand times in case just like case you didn't get it the first 50 thousand times when I send it this is a new one I've got I've put some echo to the drums a little bit different now I'm ready to leave Joe Diaz. If this fucking earthquake comes, I'm gone, baby. Back to the mountains with the full posse. Load him up in the Lexus. Leave everything behind.

Well, there's other faults.

There's a bunch of faults, man. It's like, here's the deal. Honestly, we know what moves on a regular basis, but that doesn't preclude things from moving on a unique basis. There could be some fucking new shit that happens anyway. We don't have this shit wired. We don't know what the hell's going on. There's some recent study where these scientists are going to drill into the Earth's mantle, all the way through the fucking core. It's going to take further, try to figure out how to do it. It's like they're like little kids. It's like, well, we know we can't use a regular drill because it'll melt. You know, so they're trying to figure out how the fuck they're going to get a drill that drills all the way down to the, and you ask them, why? What are you doing? Are you going to, is there a leprechaun down there? They're going to give you gold? What's going on? Is there aliens down there? They're going to suck your dick? What are you doing? Why are you drilling down to the mantle? because people are silly fucks and we just want to see what's up. We just want to see what's up.

Yeah, but what the fuck man? What if they dig a hole through the earth mantle and the earth becomes like a fucking balloon with a hole in it and just goes flying around the galaxy? What if it lava shoots out of it? Like a balloon? You know how you go in your blob of balloon and you let it go? How about that? What if the earth becomes like that? Like a balloon that doesn't, does not tie it off at the end. And the earth flies around the galaxy. I'll fucking pass you the leaf like a balloon. What if we find out the earth is really made out of rubber? This whole mantle and all this other bullshit, this is just outside the balloon. This is like the decoration on the balloon. But if you pop that motherfucker, it will just fly around. Yeah, we slam in a Jupiter and shit, we slam in other planets. That's the most fucked up thing about spaces that occasionally planets hit each other. God damn, son. Could you imagine what kind of chaos there would be in this world if we saw a planet come in our way? If you saw Mars, like for sure Mars is coming, it might take five years, but it's gonna hit the earth and we're fucked and there's not a goddamn thing we can do to stop it. There it is, you see it in the sky, gets a little bigger every night. By the time it got real close, people would be losing their fucking mind.

It wouldn't be a party.

It would be like that scene in event horizon. You remember that movie event horizon with Lawrence Fishburn? You don't remember that? Bad ass fucking science fiction movie. Sam Shepard and I think it's Sam Shepard and Lawrence Fishburn and it's about a spaceship. that punches a hole through a wormhole. They travel to a distant part in the galaxy by folding the space and time together, like two pieces of paper, punching a hole through it and arriving on the other end. But when they did that, they didn't realize that they actually went to it. So these guys get to this event horizon ship it comes back everyone's dead and they get a video of the the crew and the the captain and everything like they find out later in the movie what happened to them and they're pulling their own eyeballs out and screaming shit and Latin and killing each other and biting each other apart and cutting each other open that's what it's gonna look like It's not gonna be like, everyone's like, we're gonna be fucking. You're not gonna be fucking, okay, when there's bars, it's like a hundred times bigger than the moon. Maybe a thousand, I don't know what the fuck I would do. I think I would fucking kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself.

I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself. I would kill myself.

Now, I want to hear you. I want to hear what you would do. I want to hear what you would do over that song.

Guys with helicopters who'd just be pissing in your head out of their helicopter laughing at you where you're stuck in a stupid grid.

Yeah, you know, it's interesting. People didn't really learn about human behavior from the Rodney King riots. But that's what you should have taught you. This is what's possible with something so simple as a verdict for someone who you don't even know who you saw get beat up and they let the cops go. And these motherfuckers were going crazy throwing rocks at white people smashing their fucking, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a racially charged issue. I understand that people have this feeling of an unfair society and it's said