Transcript for #997 - Pauly Shore

and we're live. Dude, you survived. What's up, buddy? Horan. He survived.

It was like part of it, right?

And I got some that I had to leave. He's got some that are like 500 milligrams, which is just insane. So you probably had half of that, which is like 250, which is fucking insane. That's an insane amount of weed.

Yeah, well, that's Uh, to the risk of repeating myself over and over again, which I do all the time, but when you eat marijuana, it's processed by your liver and it produces something called 11 hydroxy metabolite. It's a totally different psychoactive substance that's four to five times more psychoactive than THC. So that's why it hits you like that. And that's why people think they've got dosed because when you smump pot, the 11, it's not psychoactive. But when you eat it, it's processed by your liver. It's something called a one pass. And that's how it produces that.

You can understand Joey Diaz found his mother dead on the kitchen floor when he was on acid when he was 13. He would let you fly a fuck and plain on those things. He doesn't give a shit. He's just like, you'll figure it out. So when did it hit you? Like you did a podcast, like how how did he put into it?

Did you ever release the podcast?

Yeah, but wouldn't that be funny? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I would like to see myself that fucked up where I can't even talk. Yeah, those, those adibles are fucking terrifying. They're going to happen.

He's a different type of human. Well, there's a lot of those people now because the adibles and marijuana has been legal for so long. There's so many medical patients in California that you get these people that have insane tolerances. And they're just doing dabs and eating cookies and just like, Jesus, they go down.

I think it's good because it's just like drinking is normal. You know, you walk by the bar of the comedy story. You see a bunch of people having a couple of drinks. It's so wrong with that. Yeah, it's all good.

Yeah. So how did you, this, this impression you're doing to this White House character? What's his name again?

Yeah. That's, first of all. Everyone's doing Sean Spicer. They weren't until you got fired or all they did goes.

Yeah, we're in too. Yeah. But Melissa McCarthy was doing Sean Spicer. She killed it. Yeah. It's hilarious. You know, it's funny. Trump thought that it made him look weak that a woman was doing an impression. Oh, what should go and do an impression? Trump now because of that. Yeah.

Well, what scare is that Donald Trump is saying, shit, like fire and fury that the world is never known, like Jesus dude, like this isn't a movie. This episode is brought to you by Zippercruder. Look, patience is good at all. But if you're just sitting around waiting for everything good to come your way, well, You're going to be disappointed and you're going to miss out on some amazing opportunities like your dream vacation. You have to work, save that money and actually plan it out. It's never going to happen if you just sit on your couch at home thinking about it and the same applies to your company. You don't want to miss out on hiring the best people for your team and luckily there's an easy solution that you can use. It's zipper cruder. Try it for free right now at zippercruiter.com slash rogan. They'll find you qualified people for your role quickly. And once you find someone you like, zipper cruder can help put you at the front of the pack. Just use their pre-written invite to apply message to connect with your favorite candidates ASAP. So, let ZipperCruiter give you the hiring hustle that you need. See why, four out of five employers who post on ZipperCruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to zippercruiter.com slash rogan to try it for free. Again, that zippercruiter.com slash rogan. This episode is brought to you by Robin Hood. You want financial security for you and your family? Well, you gotta make it happen. The world doesn't owe you a living and that's how I've always approached my finances. and you can too with Robin Hood. Robin Hood pioneered commission-free stock trading over a decade ago, and they continued to offer innovative products to help you maximize your money's potential. With over 23 million funded customers, Robin Hood is helping people build a better financial future. Robin Hood gives you complete autonomy to make investments to pursue your future goals, whatever they are. Maybe you want to look towards investing for your family's future, investing for retirement, or even a vacation to the Bahamas. We all have some bucket list items to cross off and Robin Hood has tools to help you pursue them. Investing a small amount now could make a big difference 30 years down the road. Take control of your financial future with Robin Hood. Download the app or visit Robinhood.com to learn more. Disclosure. Investing involves risk and loss of principle is possible. Returns are not guaranteed. Other fees may apply. Robinhood Financial LLC member SIPC is a registered broker dealer.

Well, I think Guam is only like 2,000 miles away from North Korea, something like real close. So they're talking about him possibly bombing Guam, and that's what they're saying now.

But that would be a death sentence. I mean, if we decided to attack North Korea, it would be a death sentence for them.

Look at that picture.

Maybe you should be like, uh, a liaison.

communication communication they're not communicating right you know yeah well there's language barrier obviously but isn't he young isn't Kim Jong-un like in his 30s holes he yeah he's pretty young it's I mean imagine running a military dictatorship in your 30s and he's already murdered a gang of people yeah he already and the thing that's so crazy about the whole thing is that like you think of ISIS and you think of that whole you know how that those people like

Well, if you lived in a shithole like North Korea, where every day you're under the oppressive view of a military dictatorship, maybe you'd be ready to die too. You're like, see, they're escaped to South Korea or die.

No.

There probably is a way to chill everything out. This is not the way. Like launching test missiles and saying fire and fury and all that shit. That's not Not chilling anything out, but, you know, I don't understand what the conflict is about in the first place. I'm not exactly sure where everybody's angry about it.

I think that we're going to bomb them.

They sure are in this career. Well, North Korea, no, Hiroshima was Japan.

I don't know the different part of the world, but that's cool. They'll be super psyched. Conflate the two of them. Yeah, we did horrible things during the Korean War, to the North Koreans. I mean, that's literally the cause of all of this. All the anger, all the, you know, but that's when North Korea and South Korea were split in North Korea went communist and, you know, it's all a by-product of that. You know, you could read about it and actually there's a really good book called Dear Reader from Michael Malice, he's a guy who was on my podcast and The history of that part of the world is really fucked up, but it's interesting because you have North Korea, and then below you have South Korea, South Korea, you have a thriving economy, amazing electronics, Samsung, they make all kinds of great shit over there, and spies probably. Yeah, quite a plastic surgery. And then North Korea is just right next door to them, terrible dictatorships fucked up, man.

Yeah. And probably won't be able to mean how do you resolve that? One of the things that Malis was telling me that makes it so fucked up is that everybody has to rat on everybody else. Like, say, if you and I were working together, we would have to go somewhere and tell someone what each one of us did wrong. like maybe you didn't cry hard enough when somebody died or maybe you weren't excited enough with something good happen, you didn't cheer loud enough and they'll they'll rat you out for that and then you know you have to be accountable and then so they have like a culture of rats everybody's ratting everybody out sounds fun We don't realize how lucky we are. You know, to live in America, it's one of the reasons why people complain so much about stuff. Because we're so soft. Any slight little thing that's wrong?

No. Never. Well, I went to Alcatraz, but just to visit it. Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

These people are incarcerated.

Yeah. Well, I'm flying in from DC. Oh, that's on Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can do that.

Yeah, I'm in. I'm in.

I know. And then they have to somehow and other figure out how to sue to get some compensation for the fact they were wrongly imprisoned.

And there's people that are imprisoned for like killing their mom and stuff like that. Imagine someone kills your mom. It's not you. And then you get arrested and go to jail for it. Yeah.

You're like, I can't. I can't wait 15 minutes.

Don't tell I see. Sorry. Yeah. I'll pull that guy across the border. Bring him back. Yeah. So, how did you, what was the thought process behind doing the impression of this dude? It's become viral. It's over a million hits now, right?

I did the makeup for you. How did they do up here?

Is that him back in the day? That's him now. Yeah. He doesn't look like that now, though. He's way more bald than that, no?

No, I did.

That's how the winner thing to weiner. I think weiner's a comic hilarious I think he's a comic. He doesn't know it. I mean, he's still committed to being the, I mean, he tried to be the mayor and he can't eat. If it was a late, latest scandal, he would have come close.

Amazing. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. Yeah.

I'm not going to give him any edible.

I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible. I'm not going to give him any edible.

Well, the numbers that Joey puts up. No, the very few humans can handle it. But don't you think like it was up back to Anthony Weiner? I think that guy should have been a comic. Like he's got this idea about what's good and what's bad, but he's also a pervert. And like the guy's a comic. Yeah. He's a great speaker. He's hilarious. He's hilarious. Yeah, obviously loves pussy. I mean, he's a fucking character. I mean, I just think that he's trapped in that suppressed world of being a politician, where he obviously doesn't fit those standards. There's no standards of behavior that they demand of you that are all bullshit anyway, but he's too fucked up. He's too crazy.

I mean, if you be clean about it, if you could come clean about all of it and tell like the, but still, in the day of Trump, things are way different, right? Because Trump got elected a month after that grabbed them by the pussy thing came out. Everybody thought that was going to sink his boat like that's it. And he still wins. So, I think the world is different, but I don't think weiner has the constitution that Trump has. Trump, say what you want about him, but the motherfucker has Teflon for skin. Think you're saying bounce right on the phone and doesn't give it shit.

I did spring break in 2000 for an MTV. Okay. Right when it was sort of like on a workout. Right.

I know, it's not bizarre. So what is Donald Trump like when you're hanging around with him?

Yeah. I would definitely talk to her. Yeah. Does it feel weird though to be connected to them now?

That was more like the guy that hooks it up. Yeah, they can't be public about it. This episode is brought to you by Vivo barefoot. Let me tell you something you might not know. Ever wondered why your feet are shoe-shaped and not foot-shaped? All that fancy underfoot technology and conventional shoes is actually making our feet weak and shoe-shaped, which ultimately restricts natural foot function and can cause all sorts of injuries in your knees, hips, back, which all funds an orthotics industry worth over $3.5 billion to question is, how do we break the cycle? The most advanced technology ever to be put in a shoe is the human foot. It's a biomechanical masterpiece. meet vivo barefoot. They don't make shoes. They make footwear that lets your feet be feet naturally. Studies show that wearing vivo barefoot improves balance and increases foot strength by 60% within six months from wearing them. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. How much do you think you're paying in subscriptions every month? The answer is probably more than you think. Over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. Thanks to Rocket Money, I'm no longer wasting money on the ones that I forgot about. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. Monitor your spending and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. With Rocket Money, you have full control over your subscriptions and a clear view of your expenses. You can see all of your subscriptions in one place, and if you see something you don't want, Rocket Money can help you cancel it in a few taps. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year, When using all the apps features, stop wasting money on things you don't use, cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash JRE. That's rocketmoney.com slash JRE. Rocketmoney.com slash JRE. And talk about it. So if you talk about it, you're going to fuck it up for him. Oh, that's true. Right now you fuck it up for him. Okay.

Oh, they're happy for him.

Do you think so? How do you think there's like a basement that they have in the White House?

So none of them do you think none of the presidents like with modern presidents like I guess like bush on right bush Obama now Trump there's no way they can right I don't think so clean kind of fucked it up Yeah. Who's it, Linda Trepp? Is that the lady who wrapped that Monica Lewinsky girl out at poor girl? I feel more bad for her than anybody. Like she did some article about her word. That she said the shame sticks to you like tar. I was like, you imagine.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But so what does Trump like those? You know, a good guy to talk to? Like what does he like? I didn't want to run for president back.

Oh, yeah, me the press. Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually was watching that today where he was talking about North Korea. It was a little clip where he's talking about North Korea for 1999.

Yeah, I was supposed to do celebrity apprentice. They asked me to do celebrity apprentice when they had the second iteration of fear factor when fear factor came back and like, what is it 2011 or 12 or whatever it was? And I just was like, I don't want to do it. I just want to be in New York for three months. I don't want to work on this show. They just seems kind of gross. And now that I think about him, like, it's probably a good move. Because, like, what if I did it? And then I got an argument with him, like, what if he hated me? And now I have this fucking feud, like, Rosie does. Because Rosie O'Donnell, it seems like it consumes her. Like, her fucking Twitter feed. Is it still? Oh, my God.

She's always tweeting about Trump being a piece of shit and a loser. And he tweets about her.

Like, and they're grown people. Yeah, it's more right there. Look at that. Oh, Donald, looking bad, honey. Wow. Take time to take care of you. It's only Wednesday. Golf, sweetie, golf. That's hilarious. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. But how can she say anything about anybody looking bad? That's what's even more dumb. There she is. Yeah. I mean, she's crazy. I don't know. It's just like feuds like that. They're not healthy. They consume you. Not good. Not good at all. So are you going to continue doing this dude? What's his name again?

Yeah, you could do a whole bunch of things with him, right? And him explaining things to different people.

No, but I've seen it on TV when they show it from the back of the room.

I'm sure. It's so weird. You know what's weird? It's how close it is to the street. I was by it, I drove by it, but that was back when people had like muskets, you know? Like they really couldn't, when they built that stupid fucking thing, they didn't give their self enough space. Like somebody just pulled up at a high-powered rifle. It's right there. It's just weird that people, like you watch house cards? It's a great show. But it's so, it's weird because they're engaging in all sorts of illicit activity and there's windows everywhere. It's probably unrealistic, but... How many people have lived in that fucking house? That's what's even weirder, you know, 45 different presidents all living in this one spot.

Look how close it is. Look in the left side and the right side. Look how close it is to the street. Like, I guarantee you, I can hit that with an arrow.

I like working there. Yeah, because they feel like they need to blow some steam off like they're kind of wild. They're kind of fun.

Well, was it a long time ago? I did, did there's some places, but it's probably my, it's also changing in 2009. That's the night. I did a comedy central special. Spike TV first and then it's five TV and then comedy central. Yeah, I started doing bigger places then I started selling out theaters of like two thousand seats in some some markets But you know, it'd take me like a few months and then Then there was the next comedy central special that was another big bump then I was selling out places like the Belko and Denver, which is like 5,000. Wow. But it takes, it would take a little longer to sell out. But now, with the Netflix special, it changed everything. Wow. Netflix is just a completely different thing. Wow. So many people have Netflix, man. I know. And if you, like, they're on a special, you know, and you really put together something good, they can say, oh, you know, this guy, he actually is a real comic. He really actually is funny.

It's great. It's fun and everything it's a different kind of show though It's like there's more pausing. It's more theatrical. It's a bigger stage moving around more. This is really good to it. But I wouldn't say it's better. It's just different. It's better financially. Yeah, but it's just different.

Yeah, I like playing clubs, though. Yeah. You're connected to the people. It's intimate, you know? Yeah. How often do you turn?

That's true. That's true.

If I might not know, so I think we should suck and dope. Your mom's probably one of the most important, if not the most important characters ever in the history of standup. like her running and owning the comedy store in the glory days of kinsan and prior and now today even you know like she she said the stage you know I mean at all the people that helped me and like we're important to me in my career your mom was pretty uniquely significant you know she she yeah she um she created you know my dad and mom started the place in 72

So in his day, do you ever talk to him about what it was like to tour back then? Because it wasn't really comedy clubs back then, right? No, it was more like. But it had to be a real trip to go from that to being a part of the original comedy club. I mean, other than like the ice house right now is the oldest comedy club in the country. But because that's because it started in like 1960. But the store was at 72, so it started. It's incredible. Really stop and think about that. How long ago that was. But before that, there wasn't really- Well, the universe was actually- Yeah, the improv in New York. Yeah, there was catch rising star in New York. It was that. That was sort of round that time. Yeah. Yeah. There was a new thing. Yeah.

90 years old. Did when you were when you were like growing up, did canneson really babysit you?

See, when I came around in 94, I don't think the Westwood Club was around now. When did it die? I think 84. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's too bad. I heard that place was wild.

They would like go there and it was like off the beat. Yeah. And they'd work out there.

Yeah. Yeah. Howie Mendels even back down. It's not crazy.

Huge. It's weird, you know, seeing him on all these game shows and stuff like that. He went up on comedy sort of the other night and I heard someone say, he does comedy. And I was like, wow, it's so weird. Like people, they don't even think about it. You see him on television as a host of a game show. You kind of forget that he was this huge, huge, huge. Before ever, you did it. Yeah, huge. Before he's to be my glyce. Yeah, put a glove on his head and blow it up with his nose. He would play that little kid. Bobby. Yeah, Bobby was great.

Yeah, you were the first celebrity. You and like Dennis Leary, like Dennis Leary became a big celebrity off MTV, too.

But growing up, like, in the store, like from the time you were as old as you could remember, being a part of the comedy store, and then also being 20 and being famous on MTV. It was when MTV was gigantic.

Why doesn't make you sad?

It was like Why can't you still do that because I don't feel like it? You know, why doesn't make you sad that you don't feel like doing those things? What do you feel like doing?

We'll just do that. That's what I do. So why is that sad? That's what's confusing.

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So what happened? Like why did that dry up?

So financially. So it was when the movie started to drop maybe poor choices. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I just one movie didn't do so good. The next movie didn't do so good. And then they eventually just stopped coming.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'd love that show. I'd love working with those people, but I've done some other acting. I was like, it's okay. It's not my thing. Like stand up comedy to me is more fun.

I don't, I mean, I like doing the UFC. like working for the O.C. and doing stand-up comedy and doing commentary for the O.C. Those things are fun, doing this is fun. But acting to me was like long hours waiting around. And then also a lot of actors are cool. But there's like 10% are just fake. They're just weird sociopaths. They care what themselves, they're complete narcissists. They don't have, I just can't connect with them.

That sounds like torture, really. Yeah. You're saying that I'm like, well, yeah, you're stuck on a set. Yeah. I mean, you just don't enjoy it. You just don't enjoy acting. One of the, yeah, one of the things that was appealing about fear factor was no actors. That's what I was like, oh, I don't have to act, but I could still be on TV and make some money. Okay, let's do it. You know, and I felt like it was going to be canceled. I was like, this is just to be some horrible disaster. And then I'll go have some jokes about it. And I'm like, I'll definitely get like, at least 10 minutes of material at this fucking show. You know, huge hit. Yeah, one up hit. Doing 154 episodes or something. You get with something. When did you get something? You don't get the same residuals that you would get for a sitcom, though.

Yes. It's in Cindication. You got Cindication money. Well, Cindication money is not what everybody thinks it is. Cindication money like news radio and syndication. So I got Cindication money from that. But it's not like Jerry Seinfeld's Cindication money. See, he owns a piece of the show. Then you get the real money. But you get, I mean, you can't complain. It's a lot of money.

The original one?

Oh my god. I would imagine as soon as he goes over 100, you just go, yes! Oh my god, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, Kevin James, a buddy of mine, he can't Queens went over 100. Oh wow. And when it goes over 100, you long as you don't fuck up, you're pretty much set. Well, you don't go crazy. You know, start doing math and find yachts. Yeah. Yeah, so maybe stuff like this will bring you back to films, you know?

I wonder how would be the strategy to get back to it? I guess like to kick ass out of comedy special, be a good way to do it. Put together like a really good comedy special. I'm sorry about that.

So I saw Lenny Schultz in Montreal, like 1992, like way back in the day. I saw him at the comedy works. The Montreal comedy festival.

Yeah, in a lot of ways. He was one of the original guys. But he's still around.

As a comic or is he as the one right above Billy? click on the one. Yeah, right there. That's Lenny.

You people have, like, your hearing is, they're not getting it. You have to, you have to, you have to see how manic and, like, psycho he was on stage.

Well, I was just talking to so many about that recently, those guys don't exist anymore. Like it used to be a genre. It used to be prop comics, but like Carotop is what he can.

Well, he was, he was huge in Long Island. All the guys from Long Island loved him. Yeah. They loved him. Yeah. He was like, when I first moved, there was like, who's Lenny Schultz? No, like, you never seen crazy Lenny? Like, he would hold up a bear, you know, that only the fucking smoke of the bear. And he would, he would hold that up big row. Only you can prevent forest fires and then go fuck you punch the bear. It didn't make any sense, but you would laugh your ass off. You're like, why am I laughing at this? I'm not sure what, but he was so funny.

You know what I mean? That happened with a lot of those guys that never, you know, really got mainstream exposure. Like, you know, like, I remember I want to see Kinnison after his HBO special. And he hadn't quite figured out that you had to have all new material. Because the HBO special had come out and people were yelling out bits, like while he was doing the bits. You know, and it's like, it was that transitionary period because when the guys would do HBO specials, There was nothing like that before then. We're someone to do an hour on television. Usually we do it tonight show. You do like seven minutes. Then you would go perform. People actually probably wanted to hear those seven minutes again.

Yeah, I mean, that's fucking insane. You know, well, it's did it. Richard Jenny, Richard Jenny worked at East Side Comedy Club in Long Island and he did a different show Friday 8 o'clock show a different show Friday 10 a different show Saturday, eight o'clock show and a different show Saturday, 10 o'clock show. All the comics were sitting around scratching their head. I remember I was backstage with a good idea. I was an opener back then, you know, it was just starting out. When I was backstage with all these guys who were like local headliners and they were just like fuck, we're terrible. It was just confronted by how good he was. Yeah. He was a fucking genius. I thought still to this day that he's one of the most underrated comedians ever.

Well, he, um, he always wanted to be Jim Carrey. That was his thing. You know, he wanted to be Jim Carrey. He wanted to be the comic that transitioned from doing stand-up to doing these gigantic movies. And he had a show for a while and he probably had the platypus. And he did actually do the mask with Jim Carrey. He was in that movie. He was great. Yeah, but he just didn't get a lot of roles. Didn't get a lot of parts. But I still maintain that a steaming pile of me. If you're listening to this and you're thinking like, let me go watch some of that. You can get it on iTunes. A steaming pile of me is one of my all time favorite standup specials. It's fucking great. Wow. It's a lot of it's relevant today because it's 2007, but he does this thing about the difference between people and the left and people on the right and people in the middle and it's fucking brilliant. It's brilliant. I got to hear that. And he was like a guy that I saw when I was starting out where I really realized watching him how important it is to really go in depth on a subject. because he didn't just scratch the surface. Like when I was an open-micre, one thing you see about open-micres is they'll touch a subject and then they move on to an ex-subject. But they basically just scratch the surface of it. Jenny would dig a trench. He would go deep and he would like get everything there was to get out of that bid and then he would move on to another subject. And by the time he did, you were fucking howling and laughter and holding your sides and he was it was amazing yeah he was he was he was so good he was yeah he and I agree with you though when you see him in the clubs you really got to see what he's really all about yeah that's really the problem with like specials right it's like trying to figure out how to translate what you do when it's a Friday night in the OR how do you get someone to experience that magic of like a perfect club set and

There's a little bit of that because Richard had a weird face and he did, he had his plastic surgery and his plastic should go on. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I like clubs, too, as in terms of like filming. Because I film it.

If you're in a big theater. Yeah. Yeah. There's good things about a big theater. It's like you hear a huge roar. You get to see the place and everybody's like, wow, Paul, he sure must be gigantic. Look at all these fucking people in the audience. But when you're at home, You're on a couch, and you're in front of the TV, it's very intimate. So you don't feel connected to this big giant place. So that's why my comedy central special from 2014, Rocky Mountain High, I did in Denver at the comedy works. And the reason why I did it there was like, this is an intimate room. I want to have an intimate show, and if I'm here, this is the place to do it. It's like, it's nice tight.

No, it was more than 10 years in. I probably 10 years in. I felt like I was confident. But I feel like I'm better now than I've ever been before. But it's just work. It's just constantly working at it. Like I feel like stand up is one of the unique things that requires, it requires rigorous attention and detail. And you have to be paying, and you have to be enthusiastic. And you have to be disciplined. And it's almost contrary to what a lot of us are. A lot of us aren't disciplined people, which is why we're funny in the first place, because we're silly. And we're impulsive. And we laugh about things, joke around about things, and think about things in a fucked up way that's outside the box of normal thinking. So I think that a lot of times that mindset is contrary to the mindset that's required to be disciplined to write.

No, no, we're divorced. My mom got divorced when I was like five.

No, no, she hooked up my stuff down and they've been together ever since.

You know how I got into the comments making people laugh when we were doing martial arts because we were like going to fight in tournaments so we would we'd all be nervous and it was like I would be the one that made everybody laugh like when we'd be on a bus to go to a tournament that's like for real. Let's talk about this Not really, I mean, maybe I've brought it up before, but it's funny. It's funny, but it's funny.

Yeah.

Well, one of them to this day, I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to my friend Steve Graham and my other friend Ed Shorter. They're the other guys who talked me into it. If it wasn't for them, and Steve Graham is still a dear friend to this day.

It was kickboxing or Taekwondo back then.

I grew up in Newton, Newton Upper Falls, which is a suburb of Boston. Is that, like, by Springfield Mass? No, I'm in Newton. It's like, it's right off a route nine. So it's like, a native, like, in that area. It's pretty close to Boston. You know, it's like, not a far drive at all. And I would drive into town to train my Taekwondo schools in Boston. Wow. And we would travel around the country. We'd fly to places and compete, you know, it was like a giant part of my life.

Yeah. And so we were always nervous because, you know, guys get knocked out. Guys get kicked in the face. It's terrible. I'll read you. I started on 15. That's when I started.

Yeah, so by the time I was 21, like I was like very successful at it. I was a four-time state champion and I was competing constantly. I won the US Open. I won a bunch of these like big tournaments like the base state games. Did you ever go against black guys?

Was it scary?

Did you pick the first black I thought I knocked out? That was a huge alleviation of my worries.

Well, it's interesting, and boxing that was always the case, right? But now you see in Russians, like, Granati Galafkin, you know, and like, I mean, it's really just a matter of the economic situation. Because in the early days of the 1900s, it was a lot of Jews. Because like, Slapsy, Maxi, Rosenbaum. There was a bunch of Jewish fighters because, you know, there were Jewish immigrants and they faced a lot of hostility and poverty and this was a way out. And then it became Italians, like Rocky Marciano, Rocky Graziano. There's a lot of Italian boxers, and then it became like Puerto Ricans and blacks. And it's mostly, it's a lot of it is disenfranchised people that are looking for some sort of an escape from it.

I mean, that's their way out. It's their ticket out of poverty.

You're joking around with your impressions of people like doing impressions of our friends having sex.

My friend Steve said, you know, you're funny. Like you're really funny. And you know, I was like, look, I make you laugh because you're my friend. I'm like other people are going to think I'm an asshole, right? Especially in Boston, which is like really conservative place. My sense of humor was very fucked up because I would these people or fighters, you know, so there's all these black belts who are competing on a national level, traveling all around the country, like they were very intense people. So you could say fucked up things to them to make them laugh. They're their borders. They're their boundaries were very different than the average person because they were experiencing such a like a assume cops would be a lot like that too and maybe even soldiers cops I talked to like a lot of cops that I would train with too. They had the most fucked up senses of humor. They would be seeing gunshot wounds all the time and you know and there was You know, a lot of jokes that would tell like NASA guy was dead, you know, it would like be over the guy's body making jokes when no one was around. And, you know, people would think it's disrespectful, but a lot of it is like the human brain is not supposed to experience that kind of stress of that a cop or soldier experiences and gallows humor as it were. You know, that's what a lot of them turn to for some sort of a relief. So what I did is I went to an open mic night and I watched. And this is actually a Richard Jenny quote. It's a great quote. And he's right. He said one of the great things about terrible comedians is they inspire other people to try it. Because you watch them and go, well, this guy's fucking terrible. At least at least if I suck, I won't suck that bad. So my idea of stand up is I would go to some place and I would see like Robin Williams and Richard prior and all these people that works just like, God's and I'd be like, There's no way I'm going to be able to go up there and do that. But when I went to an open mic, not a real. I said, oh, no, these people was just like being a white belt in martial arts. Like they're starting from the beginning. And so that's why. And this is at which club was it?

That's funny. I started my first one in September, 25th, 1985.

Time to just keep moving on, Paulie. It's not cool. It's definitely weird. Yeah. Yeah. It never ends. It's not going to keep going. But you have to work family now.

Three. Wow. I know. Is it nuts? How come you don't have no desire? None whatsoever? Um, yes. Yes. Yes. But you gotta find the right gal. Or guy. I'm feeling it more now that I'm getting older because of the bottom line, you know, I don't want to, well,

Yeah. If you get in like right now. There's anyone listening just tweet there.

It's time to start free.

Might as well just talk to her and see if that's something she'd be interested in. I would imagine she would not be interested. She wouldn't, right? Yeah. She wouldn't want my scene in. I get up talk to her to be clear. I wouldn't want to decide for her or it could be Eliza. I think she's getting married. Yeah, but I think we made it before. Ooh, I don't know.

I know you are. But why would you want to get married to a community? I know you are. I know you are. But why would you want to get married to a community? I don't know man. It's like there's pros and cons. You know, like, uh, Ari's one of my best friends and Ari travels the world and he experiences a life that's very I mean he did you know what Ari just did? We took three months off actually four months and just vanished didn't talk to anybody Yeah, didn't bring a laptop. Yeah, he did this chip elf thing more than that. Yeah, he went to Vietnam and Cambodia and I don't know Cambodia Thailand Yeah, he went all over the place, but he did it by himself like with no one and just met people experience things and just no one knew who he was I mean, a few people recognized him and they took pictures with him and put him on Facebook and it's how we found out he was still alive. Yeah. But it was weird. But he just decided like, hey, I'm just want to just have an adventure. That's something, obviously, is out of the question we have children. You can't do that. So there's, there's pros and that I wouldn't want to. That's not me. I wouldn't want to disappear for four months. No kids or kids. It's just like, I don't have that desire. But for But the desire to do an adventure to just go someplace for a couple of weeks is cool. But when you have kids, especially if you have little girls that wait for you and then you know you talk to them on the phone and they can't wait to see you. It's a different world, you know? How do you know? I'm almost 50. I'll feed 50 tomorrow.

Thank you, Paul. That's amazing.

Thank you.

No. No. No. I think birthday parties are bullshit. But 50. It's like, look at me. I went to a friend of mine's birthday party. It was his 50th birthday party. It was so annoying. They played a video. We had a watch of video and it was like 20 minutes. And I was like, Jesus Christ, when is it over? And then when it was over? his fucking family members and his friends got up and told stories with a microphone and they held everybody captive with their shitty stories. It was death. It was death. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

It would be kind of hilarious, but it's kind of gross, too, because like whenever I see people that have their kids on these reality shows, you're not even letting that kid choose. You don't even give that kid a choice to be famous, like Honey Boo Boo, or anything else fucking people. You're just putting your kid on TV before your kid even understands the consequences of it. I mean, at least when you got on television, you were in your 20s. Like you kind of were a adult, you kind of got it. I mean, it was young, and I'm sure it was weird to grow up in the spotlight like that, but at least you were a grown-up. When you see people that have their babies on TV and children on TV, like, what the fuck are you doing? Do you not know as a person who's on TV? Yeah. This could be like... That's how emotional I am. The devastating. Just if they read the comments, because if they went to Instagram or YouTube and read the comments, like Jesus Christ, you know?

Val Kilmer's throat kid. Yeah, dude.

I didn't know Val Kilmer had throat cancer. That sucks. Oh yeah. He's not old. I mean, he's like 45 or something like that. Does he? Yeah.

Dude, Val Kilmer is the shit. And Tombstone was to say spotted with a breathing aid. Oh, wow.

Fuck, man. Yeah, it's a fucking, it's terrible. Well, he's had some crazy ups and downs with his weight to the point where he got to go, like, look at those pictures of him on the far right. Look at those pictures. Wow. Like, that was in the massive alcoholic days. I mean, there's nothing that does that to you like that other than mass evading an alcoholism. That's so sad. It's weird, man. People just abuse it, shit out of their body like that. What about size row cancer?

Yeah. He was like, he was a great actor, right?

Like a bummer. Well, you have a good sense of humor about the demise of your film queer. Yeah, I've seen you joke around about it on stage about like, you know, trying to get TMZ like, hey, potentially attention to me man over here.

Yes.

No.

Why do you like about silver leg?

I know, right? Isn't it weird when they like when they chop down the house of blues? Yeah, it's weird. The cool thing is the view now. The view from the store is sick.

It's never been doing better than it is now. It's amazing how packed it is. I mean, it's sold out every night. It's constant.

I mean, what would you think? Well, it's suck for comedy for sure. But the laugh act is probably not doing so high. You're probably taking that motherfucker over.

No, but you might be able to do something else. Well, the thing is the comedy stores perfect. That's part of the problem. I've been in literally as perfect. You have three different, like Wednesday night, I did the hat trick. I started out in the belly room. I go Tuesday night. I started on the belly room. I did a set in the main room and I did a set in the OR. You know, there's not a place in the country where you could do that. We can perform in front of 90 people, 400 people, and then 150 people. I mean, and every show was sold out, too. I have fucking Tuesday night, man. Tuesday night, three sold out shows in Hollywood, you know? And for me to work out my material, like it's so invaluable, you know? I like to do the ice house. I go to the ice house last night to like 35 minutes, and I did it with Andrew Santino and Tom Segura and Tom Papa and Frank Castillo. And you know, it's just these killer lineups. And you get awesome shows the people get to have a great time get to work out and fuck around and like these these clubs around here are so critical there's they're so important someone came along and bought the comic store i mean it would be the end of a giant era would be devastating what do you think about it

Well, who would be responsible? Who who who who who is in charge now? Well, I'm not in charge.

Yeah. Well, the good thing is that the comics first make a money now and a lot of money. It's doing really well. You know, hopefully that's the guy's like, you know, coming around for sure. I hope it keeps keeps coming and I keep your hope. I mean, look, it's the most iconic comedy club in the history of the universe.

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Well, you know, no, no, no, no. No, the dohini house for a month. And never went to that, but I almost bought Crestill. Okay. You know, when Crestill is for sale for years back, I want to look at it.

It was just, I lived there could have come into living right there. I was like, this is just too derelict. I've always been the guy who likes to live away from stuff and then come in and then get some quiet and peace. This might be too much to be right above the comedy store. I might be like, I might burn out. I'm saying, but like that room, it's interesting because that back bar is a new place, but it doesn't feel like a new place. It feels like probably because of that bar and also blows it's in the store.

That bar is amazing. That vibe. Yeah. It's a cool place. You go back there. Ron was. It's a point to the old and there.

I mean, it's a great crew there now. I mean, there's so many funny comments here. It's really an amazing time. Yeah.

What's the reasons why? Because back then, there would have never been anything like that. You know, I mean, you think about prior before prior came around. Who fuck was like prior? No one, you know, and kinnison kinnison was a completely unique kind of talent. There'd never been anybody like him before. And so now you've seen so much since then, they'll never be that uniquely innocent time where people like Jesus.

Dozer Genius. Yeah. Like a real comedy genius. And you know, probably one of the most influential stand-up comedians ever. Him and Kinnison. I think Kinnison, I mean, I think obviously prior was before my Kinnison learned a lot from prior. Yeah. But Kinnison was Very groundbreaking in a lot of way. I didn't never been anybody like him.

Yeah, nobody can sustain that, especially. I mean, did you ever read his brother's book? for the Sam I didn't read no I didn't it's great book yeah and in it is brother sort of talks about how Sam just kind of stopped stop writing because he was partying all the time and his material suffered and you could really feel the difference and Nobody could live that rock and roll crazy drug life and and still be an awesome creative force like creativity demands your attention.

Yep. He was fucking genius dude. I got to get out here unfortunately. No, it's all good. He's just in today to get you on, but I want everybody to know about it. And so tell people where they can see this on funny or die.

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