Transcript for Memory and Forgetting

SPEAKER_19

00:01 - 00:30

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SPEAKER_18

00:34 - 01:44

Hey, it's Latif. I have now worked here so long that I sometimes forget about entire episodes. And it feels especially ironic that I forgot about this one, memory and forgetting from 2007. On re-listening, it was so good that I'm kind of shocked that I did forget it. The reason it came up recently is that one of our producers is working on a story about something extraordinary and surprising. She found out about her own brain and memory. I want to say more, but I can't, the episode will come out soon. It's super fascinating. I cannot wait to share it with you. Anyway, as she was reporting, she dug up this episode, which we're gonna play for you now. It is as classic radio lab as it gets. It has cow brains, Oliver Sachs, a 1967 Chevy Nova. Everything you could possibly want in a podcast episode, obviously. Okay, so listen to this, dig it. And when the new episode comes out, don't forget that you remembered it here first. Yeah, wait, wait, you're listening.

01:44 - 01:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_07

01:45 - 01:49

Okay. You're listening to Radio Lab.

SPEAKER_23

01:49 - 01:58

Radio from... WNYS.

SPEAKER_13

01:58 - 02:05

This is Radio Lab, I'm Chad, I'm Rod. And I'm Robert Crowwich. And today, our program is about memory.

SPEAKER_15

02:05 - 02:05

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_11

02:06 - 02:08

Hey, look at the radio people.

SPEAKER_00

02:08 - 02:09

Yes, please, you want to see the furniture.

SPEAKER_15

02:09 - 02:19

I think most people think about their main crane alike. A filing cabinet in your brain. I'm looking for a fairly large capacity.

SPEAKER_00

02:19 - 02:21

There's a traditional style.

SPEAKER_15

02:21 - 02:22

Something happens in your life.

SPEAKER_00

02:22 - 02:25

Yeah, there's a little wooden files.

SPEAKER_15

02:25 - 02:54

And file it away. Oh, this is pretty good. Yeah. Then later, when you want to remember something, you flip back through the files. And here's the one. And pick it up. Oh, yes. I recall. And there it is. That's the memory. Can you lock it? Can you have the key? Sure. Sometimes you forget where you find it. Let me see if I can. But it's there. I can't. Somewhere. However, when we ask scientists about this analogy, they pretty much almost said.

SPEAKER_11

02:54 - 02:59

No, no, no. The filing cabinet analogy is just completely wrong.

SPEAKER_13

02:59 - 03:21

Period. Well, maybe that's because your metaphor is a little outdated, frankly. I think of memories more like a hard drive. Here we are, about to go into B&H. You might find it a tech store? Ah, so much gear. Can you show me your hard drives? Like your brain is basically a biological disk drive.

SPEAKER_14

03:21 - 03:23

This little one is 320 gigabytes.

SPEAKER_13

03:23 - 03:37

How big is big these days for a hard drive? And everything you do, everything you see, that I put all the images I've ever seen in my life, could it go onto this hard drive? Somehow, all that experience could store it in your head in some kind of neural code.

SPEAKER_04

03:37 - 03:39

Digital information is stored in 0's and 1's.

SPEAKER_13

03:40 - 03:51

Then later, when you want to go back to it, you just find the right file. Good read. Call it right up, but there it is. Top on your computer screen. Your memory. Just as you left.

SPEAKER_14

03:51 - 03:54

The way you put it in, the way you take it out, it's all the same.

SPEAKER_13

03:54 - 03:55

Never changes.

SPEAKER_14

03:55 - 03:57

Never changes. Zero's in one.

SPEAKER_13

03:57 - 04:01

But again, if you ask scientists about this analogy, they'll tell you.

SPEAKER_10

04:01 - 04:06

Nope, no. Wrong. Memories like that. Memories not in a nerd stack of, you know, zero's in one.

SPEAKER_03

04:06 - 04:09

System is shutting down.

SPEAKER_15

04:11 - 04:17

Well, if neither of those metaphors are an apt description of memory, then what? How should we think about memory?

SPEAKER_13

04:17 - 04:21

Well, maybe memory is more creative than that. Creative?

SPEAKER_10

04:21 - 04:26

Yes. On a literal level, it's an act of creation.

SPEAKER_02

04:26 - 04:28

We're reconstructing those memories.

SPEAKER_10

04:28 - 04:33

Construction. It's more like painting. Or sculpture. Everyone's constantly their own artists.

SPEAKER_02

04:33 - 04:35

We take bits and pieces of experience.

SPEAKER_10

04:35 - 04:41

Something's got sharpened on things, levels and infused with imagination and... Out of that, construct and structure.

SPEAKER_02

04:41 - 04:43

What feels like a recollection.

SPEAKER_10

04:43 - 04:46

It's a beautiful process. It's unbelievable.

SPEAKER_13

04:49 - 05:03

Let's begin, simply as we can. What is a memory? Where do you find a memory? Where do you go to find it? There's a scientist, we met Joel to do, works at NYU, who started looking when he was very young in the most obvious place.

SPEAKER_11

05:03 - 05:19

As a child, I worked in my father's meat market. The way the cows were slaughtered in those primitive days was with a 22 rifle. They shoot him in the head, shoot him in the head. My job was to clean out the brains.

SPEAKER_13

05:21 - 05:44

This makes a convenient beginning to the story, because perhaps the texture of the brain is very fun to play with. While the young would do had his fingers in the cow's brain, maybe he was also thinking, where in that mess are the cow's memories? These rough membranes over it and just stretch it. Can I touch a memory? Can I pinch it? between my fingers?

SPEAKER_11

05:44 - 05:55

One bullet. One tiny little bullet, my job was to go in and find it and remove it, because if you were eating brains, you didn't want to chunk down on lead.

SPEAKER_13

05:55 - 07:05

In any case, Lidou developed a thing for brains, and many years later in college, he'd get another chance. Taking courses in psychology, but Professor of his asked him to come into the lab. Studying the brain mechanisms. And work on rat brains. And no bullets involved. This time he really would be searching for memories. And I got hooked on it. You with me? Yep. All right. So it was the sixties, right? The dude was in school and it was an interesting time for the field he was about to enter. Scientists had just discovered this drug. They found that if you give this particular drug to, he was probably done in Goldfish first. Yeah, give it to a Goldfish. Squirt a little in the tank. Into the water? Suddenly. The Goldfish can't make a memory. After Goldfish has learned something. They'll smile out and have all kinds of experiences, but later, remember nothing. They won't form a long-term memory. What is the goldfish learn? Ah, actually I have no idea. But apparently they do learn stuff except when they have this drug in their system in which case to learn stuff and forget it immediately. And the implications of this were huge. Oh, yeah, according to a science writer journal there. Absolutely. Because now for the first time scientists could say that a memory

SPEAKER_10

07:06 - 07:17

What's a real thing? It's a physical thing. It's not simply an idea. It's a physical trace left in your brain. A trace made largely of proteins. You know, proteins are the building blocks of memory. Well, how do they know that?

SPEAKER_13

07:17 - 07:23

No, because that drug called an SMICEN. The amnesia inducing one. What it does is target proteins.

SPEAKER_10

07:23 - 07:27

It prevents new proteins from being formed. It busts some up.

SPEAKER_15

07:27 - 07:29

And that means what exactly?

SPEAKER_13

07:29 - 08:00

Well, no proteins, no memory. Well, let me give you an example. Okay, have held this work. And this is something we'll do ended up doing after college. Your methodology, can we start there? Sure. You would take a rat, put it in the box, then play it at a tone. It's the five killer hurts pure tone. It's like, boom, it's up there. Now imagine you're this rat. Your entire world is in this box and suddenly a sound as if from God. And then the sound stops and you're like, what? What is this? Oh! Hey! He shocked me on my feet!

SPEAKER_11

08:00 - 08:03

The shock is, you know, a mild electric shock.

SPEAKER_13

08:03 - 08:26

I mean, it's less than getting static electricity. Disguise who works in Lidu's lab. I'm David Bush. He actually demonstrated it for me. All right, so what? Or on me. What I'm gonna do is have you put your fingers on there. Okay. He made me touch the bottom of the cage. I'm putting my fingers on the bottom of the cage. I'm a little scared. Yeah. Yeah. It's really not that bad. It's like static electricity, really. How?

SPEAKER_15

08:26 - 08:31

If you're you, if you're a rat, it might be a whole other thing. Even for a rat. But what's the point?

SPEAKER_13

08:31 - 08:47

What's the point? Why are we doing this? Oh, well, they're trying to make the rat form a memory. Oh. And here's how we now know that that works. From the rats perspective. The moment it hears the tone and then feels the shock inside its head, a bunch of neurons start to build.

SPEAKER_10

08:47 - 08:50

Action. Whenever you create a memory, It's an active cellular construction.

SPEAKER_11

08:50 - 09:01

What we're talking about now are sociable memories. Associations between two things in the outside world, between. And those two events have to somehow be connected.

SPEAKER_10

09:01 - 09:02

Because if you're building a bridge over a chasm,

SPEAKER_13

09:04 - 09:37

And a connection with what's basically a memory. A memory is a structure that connects one brain cell to another. So the next time that the rat hears that damn tone since inside its brain tone brain cells are physically connected to shock brain cells, it's going to know that after this, Come's this. And so instead of just listening passively, it's gonna freeze. The back is hunched and they're frozen solid. Bracing itself for what is about to happen. Exactly. When we're doing this team C, the rat freeze like that. They know it isn't the midst of remembering. They'll do that the rest of their life.

SPEAKER_10

09:37 - 09:53

However, if you inject the chemical into the brain that prevents these neurons from building this new architecture that a new member requires, The rat will never form a memory, because it's never on to prevent it from forming all these new proteins, which a new member requires.

SPEAKER_13

09:53 - 09:57

And so whatever the rat was doing during the injection, it'll never remain.

SPEAKER_10

09:57 - 10:06

Play it the noise, and then shock it, and then play it the noise, and then shock it, and then play it the noise, and then shock it, and then shock it, and the rat never learned. It'd be like, hey, what's that?

SPEAKER_13

10:07 - 10:10

Ooh, what's that? Wow!

SPEAKER_10

10:10 - 10:13

Ooh cool, what's that? Wow! Propetually surprised by the shock.

SPEAKER_13

10:13 - 10:30

So the basic rule is that if you get to the memory while it's being made, you can bust it up by inserting the structure. So the memory never is actually formed. Right, never committed to memory. But if the memory gets made, and the protein bridge is there in your mind, it's built and built for all time.

SPEAKER_15

10:30 - 10:34

So if you have the memory in there, then you cannot erase it.

SPEAKER_13

10:35 - 10:47

Yes, it's about timing. If you get their first, you can erase it, but if you get their after, no. Okay. And that's what everyone thought. Until 2000, one day, Lidu is in his office, and a guy walks in the door.

SPEAKER_11

10:47 - 10:51

The person who walks through the door that day is Korean-nader. Korean-nader?

SPEAKER_14

10:51 - 10:53

I would often go in Joe Slav and just tell him ideas and stuff.

SPEAKER_11

10:53 - 10:54

This is cream.

SPEAKER_14

10:54 - 10:59

Post-docs in the lab. I went at the Joe's office and said, Joe, what do you think would happen if?

SPEAKER_13

10:59 - 11:11

What do you think would happen if instead of giving the drug while the rat was making the memory? What if, way after the fact we gave it the drug while it was remembering the memory, you remembered something? Could we mess with the memory then?

SPEAKER_14

11:11 - 11:18

I just thought we wouldn't be cool if that happened. I said, well, that'll never work. He said, that's never going to work. Don't waste our money. It was just a very naive question.

SPEAKER_13

11:18 - 11:26

Yeah, I mean, because the memories are already there, right? You can't erase a memory that is already there. I mean, have you ever seen that movie eternal sunshine in the smallest mind?

SPEAKER_09

11:26 - 11:26

No.

SPEAKER_13

11:28 - 11:32

Well, that's essentially what it was proposing. Yeah. I mean, it was crazy.

SPEAKER_15

11:32 - 11:39

Here at La Cuna, we have perfected a safe, effective technique for the focused eraser of troubling memory.

SPEAKER_11

11:39 - 12:04

In this movie, Jim Carrey has all these memories he wants to get rid of. I'm here to erase Clementine Christians. And so he goes to this company that... Good morning, La Cuna. Performs this service. And so they have him in this room. He's trying to focus on the memories. And he's retrieving all these memories. This is the day we met.

SPEAKER_14

12:04 - 12:06

Hi there. Hi. I'm Clementine.

SPEAKER_11

12:06 - 12:13

And each time he retrieves one, they's at his brain. Got it. I love you. Got it.

SPEAKER_13

12:14 - 12:21

Could we zap a memory that was already there? Could we go in and erase old memories?

SPEAKER_14

12:21 - 12:26

That was Karim's question.

SPEAKER_11

12:26 - 12:35

Joe thought he was crazy. I didn't think the experiment was going to work. He said, okay, I didn't say he went away and he did the experiment without telling me. A couple months later, Nadir walks back in the door.

SPEAKER_14

12:35 - 12:38

He said, Joe, this is really crazy, but it actually worked.

SPEAKER_13

12:40 - 13:07

Cream said he took a rat, played it at the tone, and he gave them a while to chalk to the feet. So it could form a memory. Tested it, just to make sure and sure enough, when it heard the tone, it froze. Yeah, which means it had the memory good. Then, he waited a long time. 60 days. Yeah. Two months later, he played the rat the tone, and as it's frozen, thinking, oh no, no, no, I know what's about to happen right at that moment, while it was remembering, he gave it the drug.

SPEAKER_14

13:07 - 13:19

And in the next day, we just put them back into the box. And we just gave them some tones to see how afraid they were of the tones. And the ones that got the drug, they behave as if the tone doesn't mean the other thing gets after anymore.

SPEAKER_13

13:19 - 13:26

All of a sudden the rat had been sent back to square one. Now it was like Ooh, what's that? Ow! Memory was gone.

SPEAKER_15

13:26 - 13:28

There's no memory. No memory at all.

SPEAKER_10

13:28 - 13:43

No? That was the shocking result of the Dunedare experiment. That's Chona again. The rat is already terrified of the shock. But if you inject the chemical as the rat is remembering what the sound means, the memory disappears. It's as if the memory had never been there in the first place.

SPEAKER_14

13:43 - 13:51

Yeah. Chona looked at me and he just looked very surprised. What exactly did you say to him? Yeah, holy, bleep. Take a look at this because it's so bleep crazy.

SPEAKER_11

13:51 - 13:57

It took me a while to really kind of believe that it was all true.

SPEAKER_13

13:57 - 14:04

Plus, Joe and others had a concern. Maybe the strike isn't a racing A memory. Maybe it's just giving the rap brain damage.

SPEAKER_11

14:05 - 14:11

and erasing everything. So we designed an experiment that would test the specificity of these effects.

SPEAKER_13

14:11 - 14:38

He wondered, could he pinpoint and extract one single memory of many? So in his latest study, what he did was he taught the rat to be scared of two tones. Not just one. So one's like a... And he teaches the rat to be afraid of both of these tones. Each one results in it. Only this time, when he plays the tones 45 days later, he picks just one of them, maybe for instance this one, to pair with the drug.

SPEAKER_11

14:38 - 14:45

And then the next day you test both. And only the one that was paired with the drug is affected.

SPEAKER_13

14:47 - 15:00

So you raised tone one, but not tone two. So do you raise me? You can just erase Ray? That would be the idea. Wow, that really is a eternal sunshine of this pop song.

SPEAKER_11

15:00 - 15:06

Well, that movie came out about two years after we published the study that really got all this going. Do you think they stole from you?

SPEAKER_13

15:06 - 15:11

I think they stole, but maybe they were thinking one of these lines, and they must have read it and been like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_11

15:15 - 15:20

There was a ride up in the science times, and we proposed this would be a treatment for PTSD.

SPEAKER_14

15:20 - 15:31

The most dramatic stress disorder. People who go to war have been through trauma. People haunted by really bad memories. They just can't escape the thoughts of the memories they keep you living.

SPEAKER_13

15:31 - 15:33

How would that work in a therapy situation though?

SPEAKER_11

15:33 - 15:47

Suppose you have a Holocaust victim who has lived for 50 years with these memories and You would say, well, let's talk about what went on in the camp, and the day you saw Mary and the line to go to the chambers.

SPEAKER_14

15:47 - 15:48

You say close your eyes and just imagine.

SPEAKER_13

15:48 - 16:15

Relive it. And right as you're talking about it, you swallow a pill? Yeah. More or less. And so in fact, we've done that. They've done that. They have cream-nater networks that McGill University in Montreal, and he has teamed up with a clinical psychologist to try this on people, and it seems. that when you give this drug as a person is remembering or reliving a traumatic event, the memory is eroded somewhat. The next time they think about it, it's not quite as painful.

SPEAKER_14

16:15 - 16:32

One woman, she had been raped as a child, but a doctor, and then when she told her mother, her mother said she was making up stories. Apparently she never spoke to anyone about this. When she gets undressed in that drug, and forever has been well. And so she came in to the limit.

SPEAKER_13

16:33 - 16:39

He says she took the drug while thinking about the trauma. And then a week later, she told the story again. And this time, it wasn't nearly as hard.

SPEAKER_14

16:39 - 16:45

She improved dramatically. To the point where she was telling the story on TV. On TV.

SPEAKER_13

16:45 - 16:52

Wow. So she went from telling no one about this, including herself, to being so open that she could tell thousands of people.

SPEAKER_14

16:52 - 16:56

Yeah, she just felt that the emotional part that was no longer overwhelming her.

SPEAKER_11

16:56 - 17:07

Some methods to say that it's wrong to mess with memory. But that's what therapy is, too. It's a process of changing your evaluation of situations, learning new things, storing new things.

SPEAKER_14

17:07 - 17:09

At one point, she said, you know, we've given her back herself.

SPEAKER_15

17:12 - 17:52

I know that she feels better, but there's something slightly creepy about this. Yeah. That she feels better because something is now missing in her. Something troubles her, but she's been in a way a part of her has been deleted. I mean, look, I think of myself really, I'm Robert Crowwich and I'm, you know, certain age, but really what I am is I'm a string of memories. Yeah. I mean, that is as close to a way of describing the real me as I can find. I own those memories and they define me. But you're saying that you can come to me when I'm already formed, when I'm already there, you can give me a shot and you can

SPEAKER_13

17:54 - 18:27

fundamentally change me. There's an assumption in what you're saying, which is actually kind of wrong. There really isn't anything like a real memory. I mean, think about it. If you can erase a memory while it's being created, that's how we started. And now we learn you can erase a memory while it's being remembered using the same drug. What that really means is that every time you were remembering something, you're actually recreating it. That's the other reason the drug works. And so if you're recreating at each time, then each time you're remembering something, it's a brand new memory.

SPEAKER_15

18:27 - 18:35

Well, though, but I've always kind of assumed that underneath all this re-memoring, there's some kind of special, absolutely original memory locked in the vaults.

SPEAKER_13

18:35 - 18:38

No. No. That is the crazy implication of this experiment.

SPEAKER_10

18:38 - 18:45

The act of remembering on a literal level, it's an act of creation. Every memory is rebuilt to new every time you're a member it.

SPEAKER_13

18:45 - 18:50

And not only is it an act of creation, as Jonah says, cream would say. It's an act of imagination.

SPEAKER_14

18:50 - 18:55

Every time you remember something, you're changing the memory a little bit. We're always changing the memory slightly.

SPEAKER_10

18:55 - 19:03

You think you remember something that took place 30 years ago. Actually, what you're remembering is that memory reinterpreted in the light of today in the light of now.

SPEAKER_15

19:03 - 19:20

So does that mean that there's no such thing as a memory for all time that hides in the secret vault somewhere that all you've got is the most recent recollection of the experience. Yes. Well, how do I know that any memory is verifiably true?

SPEAKER_10

19:20 - 19:31

You don't. You don't. And one of the ironies of this research is that the more you remember something, in a sense, the less accurate it becomes. The more it becomes about you and the less it becomes about what actually happened.

SPEAKER_15

19:31 - 19:59

So let's do something, imagine a couple of them well when it's their first kiss. He kisses her and she kisses him back. She remembers the kiss, of course. He remembers the kiss, of course. As they go through the rest of their romance, and the next 36 years together, the kiss will essentially become replaced by two independently re-embroided and increasingly dishonest kisses, assuming they think about the kiss enough.

SPEAKER_10

19:59 - 20:00

That's kind of what the theory implies.

SPEAKER_15

20:00 - 20:09

But certainly, there's got to be somewhere between the man and the woman. There's got to be some true kissers that kiss just gone.

SPEAKER_10

20:09 - 20:27

That true kiss vanished the minute their lips separated. As soon as reality happens, it begins diverging in all our different brains. On a very synaptic level, here's where you cue the really sad music. They just grow slowly farther than farther apart.

SPEAKER_15

20:33 - 20:57

Well, let me do it a different way. Let's suppose that Joan and Bob kiss, and then they park. It's a great kiss. And then they never think about it again. I mean, it was a great kiss in the moment, but they never think about it. Yeah. Thirty years later, Bob is in a real-road station, Joan comes out of a train, their eyes meet. Bob sees Joan, sees her eyes and remembers suddenly that kiss.

SPEAKER_10

20:57 - 21:05

That memory is more honest than if he'd been thinking about the kiss every day of his life since. You know what, but it's true.

SPEAKER_13

21:11 - 21:12

That's what scientists say.

SPEAKER_11

21:12 - 21:26

Absolutely. We had a conference last week and Yadine Dudai was here and he proposed that the safest memory, you know, memory that's uncontaminated is one that exists in a patient with amnesia.

SPEAKER_21

21:27 - 21:30

What I meant is that there is a sort of a paradox.

SPEAKER_13

21:30 - 21:32

This is Yadin. This is Yadin.

SPEAKER_21

21:32 - 21:34

I'm a professor in Israel.

SPEAKER_13

21:34 - 21:36

Reporter Anne Hepperman tracking down for us.

SPEAKER_21

21:36 - 22:01

Intuitively, you'll think if you use a memory, you know, you know better because you remember it better, you call it better, you know, the details better and so on and so on, but this is not what science shows. If you have a memory, the more you use it, the more you're likely to change it. So if you never use a memory, it's secured. So taking it a bit further, The safest memories are the memories which are in the brain of people who cannot remember.

SPEAKER_13

22:24 - 22:26

OK, well, I guess we should go to right now.

SPEAKER_15

22:26 - 22:32

Oh, yes. And if you need more information, do you want to hear anything again? One word, radio lab.org.

SPEAKER_13

22:32 - 22:36

Radio lab will continue in a moment.

SPEAKER_19

22:36 - 25:55

Radio lab is supported by Mint Mobile. This spring, cleaning up your wireless bill is easy thanks to Mint Mobile. Right now, Mint Mobile is offering affordable premium wireless plans with unlimited talk, text, and data plans when you purchase a three month plan. To get this new customer offer and your new three month unlimited wireless plan options, go to MintMobile.com slash radio lab. That's mintmobile.com slash radio lab. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month for first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes fees and restrictions apply. Seem mintmobile for details. Maybe a lab is supported by Babel. Sometimes self-improvement can feel like a pretty overwhelming journey. So what if this year you just got a tiny bit better every day? When you're learning a new language with Babel, that's exactly what you're doing. Babel is a science-backed language learning app with quick 10-minute lessons that have been handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. You can learn everything you need to have real world conversations, cafes you've played from vocabulary words to culture and more. And if Babel can help you start speaking a new language in just three weeks, imagine what you could do in a few months, or a full year. Here is a special limited time deal for radial abolitioners, right now get up to 60% off your Babel subscription. But only for our listeners at Babble.com slash radio lab, get up to 60% off at Babble.com slash radio lab spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash radio lab rules and restrictions may apply. 3D lab is supported by Zbiotics. If you've been looking for some help waking up refreshed after a fun night out, Zbiotics pre-alcohol probiotic is here to help. Zbiotics is a genetically engineered probiotic invented by scientists to help tackle rough mornings after drinking. This probiotic is the first drink of the night for better tomorrow. As it works to break down the byproduct of alcohol, which is responsible for rough mornings after. Go to zbiotics.com slash radio lab to get 15% off your first order when you use radio lab at checkout. Zbiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee if you're unsatisfied for any reason. They'll refund your money. No questions asked. That's zbiotics.com slash radio lab and use the code radio lab at checkout for 15% off. Radiolab is supported by better help. Bottles. They're great inventions. They hold liquids. Allow you to transport them. Drink them easily, but they're not necessarily great when it comes to emotions. Bottling emotions can mean you keep them inside and they slowly stress you out more and more making you feel worse and worse. Therapy is a safe space, or you can get things off your chest and figure out how to work through whatever is weighing you down. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Therapy can arm you with the tools you need to live your best life. You learn things like positive coping mechanisms and setting effective boundaries. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash radio lab today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. HELP.com slash radio lab.

SPEAKER_13

25:59 - 26:17

This is Radio Lab, I'm Chad, I'm Ron. And I'm Robert Krullwick. And today on Radio Lab, we're looking at memory. And, uh, forgetting. Forgetting. Forgetting. And we're looking at how these two processes, remembering and forgetting are intertwined. And writer Andre Codrescu, has an idea about this.

SPEAKER_12

26:17 - 28:23

The other day, a friend of mine was explaining how she had to move these pixels around her computer and had to add 20 megabytes of memory to handle the operation. I had the describing thoughts that all this memory shows adding had to come from somewhere. Maybe it was coming from me because I couldn't remember a thing that day. And then it became blindingly obvious, all the memory that everybody keeps adding to their computers comes from people. Nobody can remember a damn thing. Every time somebody adds memory to their machine, thousands of people forget everything they knew. Americans are singularly devoid of memory these days. We don't remember where we came from, who raised us, when our words used to be, what happened last year, last month, or even last week. School children remember practically nothing. I take the greyhound bus every week, and I swear, have the people on there, don't know where they got on, or where they're supposed to get off. The explanation is simple. Computer companies are stealing human memory to stuff their hard drives. Greyhound, I believe, has some kind of contract to the IBM to steal the memory of everyone riding the bus. They are probably connected by a cable or something. Every hundred miles, poof, another 500 megabytes gets sucked out of the passengers' brains. The computers thirst for memories, bottomless, the more they suck, the more they need. Eventually, we'll all be walking around the glazed looking our eyes, trying to figure out who it is we live with. And then we'll forget our names and the dresses, and we'll just be milling around trying to remember them. The only thing visible about us will be these cables sticking out of our behind, feeding the scraps of our memory to computer central Samarin Oblivion USA. I think it's time for all these memories sucking companies to start some kind of system to feed and shelter us only to forget how to eat, walk and sleep.

SPEAKER_13

28:23 - 28:58

I'm Drika Drescu, with an essay from the book 101 Damnations. Anyways, Robert? Yes. One more. Andre is trying to make a point about his historical amnesia in America and whatever. But what if we were to take what he's saying literally? I think we're to an explorer. Like we know you can subtract a memory, but what if you can add a memory? Like actually add a memory in back into a brain. What do you mean by add memory? In plant the false memory.

SPEAKER_02

28:59 - 29:08

Count, okay, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. My name is Elizabeth Loftus. I'm on the faculty at the University of California, Irvine.

SPEAKER_13

29:08 - 29:20

Depending on who you talk to. Elizabeth Loftus is either a hero or a doctor evil. Her research, which goes back more than two decades, has completely changed how we think about memory.

SPEAKER_02

29:20 - 29:20

Well, for many

SPEAKER_13

29:21 - 29:22

I spoke with her recently about it.

SPEAKER_02

29:22 - 30:27

For many years, I and other psychologists were doing experiments in which we distorted the memories of events that people had actually experienced. So we would take somebody who had seen a simulated auto accident or a simulated crime. And we would alter the details in their memory report. We'd make people believe that they saw a car go through a stop sign instead of a yield sign. And we found it was not that hard to alter people's memories of these previously experienced events. But more recently, we've gone even further and shown that you can plant entirely false memories into the minds of people. Memories for things that didn't happen, like what? Well, we planted a memory that when you were about five or six years old, you were lost for an extended period of time in a shopping mall. You were frightened, you were crying. And ultimately, you were rescued. Are you lost by an elderly person? We find you mother. And reunited with the family.

SPEAKER_13

30:27 - 30:32

And how did you implant that memory?

SPEAKER_02

30:32 - 30:39

We told them that we had talked to their parents and that we'd learn some things that happened to them when they were a child.

SPEAKER_13

30:39 - 30:58

They basically interview the subjects about their past. They'd say, hey, do you remember that time when you were on the bike and you fell? No, no, no, they would start with a true story. They'd start with true story and then they'd say, do you remember that time? It was true. Remember that other time? Which was true. And that other time, which was true. And somewhere in the middle of all of those true stories, they would slip in the lock.

SPEAKER_02

30:58 - 31:11

The false made up story about being lost and frightened and crying. And in that particular study, we found that about a quarter of our subjects fell sway to the suggestion and they adopted it as their own memory.

SPEAKER_13

31:11 - 31:18

Quarter of her subjects, when she checked with them later, now had in their head a memory of being lost and then found in the mall that never happened.

SPEAKER_15

31:18 - 31:21

I would have been the number one guy in that quarter.

SPEAKER_02

31:21 - 31:55

What is happening in this situation is people take their image of an actual shopping center actual family members and they construct an experience out of these bits and pieces. Investigators in this field of made people believe that they had accidents at family weddings or that they were a victim of a vicious animal attack or that they nearly drowned and had to be rescued by a lifeguard, even with these pretty traumatic ideas. You can make people believe that it happened to them.

SPEAKER_15

31:55 - 32:41

Actually, we had this very same experience. I mean, I was in law school. We had this professor as a professor of property and he was doing a lecture. And in the middle of the lecture, this was not, you know, in any way we were not prepared for this. All of a sudden, guys, zips into the class. And every friend of the class grabs something for the professor and then runs out. I don't even remember what it was, but it happened so suddenly. And Professor Berger said, oh my God, any of you see the curly hair dye? Just sort of threw it in? The curly hair dye. But it turned out that what he called the curly hair dye when the man came back later to present himself was not a curly hair dye at all. He was a straight hair dye. to the whole thing with stage. Yeah, we were all eyewitnesses and we all had been coached inadvertently to see something that wasn't true. And we all saw it.

SPEAKER_13

32:41 - 32:57

What I find interesting is why that kind of suggestion worked so well on memory and cream later got we heard from earlier scientists. He puts it this way. Suppose you witness a crime and the police ask you some questions later and they say, did you see a red Camaro leave the scene?

SPEAKER_14

32:57 - 33:01

And you're thinking about if you're thinking about going Yeah, not, you know, no, right, Cameroon.

SPEAKER_13

33:01 - 33:22

No, didn't see one. But then maybe the policeman asks you again, are you sure you didn't see one? And suddenly you're like, well, I think well, maybe there was, maybe I forgot. You start to question it because as he puts it, when you are remembering something, the memory is unstable. Memory comes back up to this unstable state. It's being rebuilt, recreated. And in that moment, someone without even meaning to consulate something new in.

SPEAKER_14

33:22 - 33:32

And so as a memory gets like restored with the image of the right Camaro, The next day when the judge asks you, was there something with it? Was it a red Camaro there? From your perspective, it's a real memory.

SPEAKER_13

33:32 - 33:48

Yeah, but what's so fascinating to me about that phenomenon, assuming it's true, is that the red Camaro that is now in your head is a vivid technique color. Yeah, Camaro. You can see the light bounce off the hood. It just feels real. You can taste the air.

SPEAKER_14

33:48 - 33:49

It's amazing how detailed these things can be.

SPEAKER_13

33:50 - 34:24

which is why when someone contradicts your memory says that didn't happen that way. You're like, yeah, it did. Screw you. Well, it's also, it feels like a robbery. Right. They're taking it from you. And in fact, this got Elizabeth lofty sent a line of trouble back in the mid 80s. There were a lot of people. I don't know if you remember this coming forward with repressed memories. Like, I was abused by a shakiness to cult and perform rituals and whatever, all that stuff. We know a lot of those memories were imagined. And she says at the time, she was one of the only people to raise her hand and say, Uh, excuse me. And you got no trouble.

SPEAKER_02

34:24 - 34:38

I've never really seen anything like the wrath of hostility when I began to write articles and publish on this subject. It was pretty amazing. The, the vitriol.

SPEAKER_13

34:38 - 34:40

What kind of things would they do or say?

SPEAKER_02

34:40 - 35:20

Oh, that, you know, my life was threatened. Arm guards would have to be hired at universities where I was being asked to speak. I had the bomb squad at my house on one occasion. One day I was taking an airplane flight and when the woman sitting in the seat next to me learned who I was, she started to swap me with her newspaper. And it was kind of hard to extract myself from her. Because airplanes are crowded places. You know, the fact of the matter is memory is malleable. And we might as well face the truth.

SPEAKER_15

35:20 - 35:35

Well, now it's, it's, this isn't to say that you could have a repressed memory and it might, it just might be true. All repressed memories are false. Sure. Sure. And in that regard, this next story you're going to hear, um, I can't, I don't tell you much about it. I just tell you that it's about a painter.

SPEAKER_13

35:35 - 35:40

And it's produced by, uh, native meringue.

SPEAKER_05

35:40 - 35:57

The first thing you notice in Joe and his studio is horses. A big milky one straight ahead, CPO wants to the left and right, staring at you like they don't care about you, but they don't mind you either. They're really like dreams of horses.

SPEAKER_06

35:57 - 36:08

I never paint painting. Horses that are being manipulated with a bride or anything, must have just hanged now. He comforts me to have paintings of horses around.

SPEAKER_05

36:08 - 36:13

Over the past 10 years, the horses have multiplied, and Joe doesn't even know why he keeps painting them.

SPEAKER_06

36:13 - 36:24

I guess it's kind of like, I just kind of tuned it in or something. Like you're tuning your guitar, you know, you're being, being, being, being, being into, you know, two strings resonate, you know, you know, it's in tune.

SPEAKER_05

36:26 - 36:48

In a Manhattan studio surrounded by stacks of these animals, you start forgetting you're in Chelsea. Maybe you're in a stable instead. Sometimes even the gesso starts to smell like mulch and hay. When Joe got here in the mid-80s, no galleries were offering solo or group shows and like all the other hundreds of artists in New York, he was struggling.

SPEAKER_06

36:48 - 37:24

I've been in New York for about six years and nothing was happening. I was getting into thinking nothing was going to happen. And I was, you know, I had a kid and I was married. So I stopped painting for a few months, which is a long time for me. And I missed it. So I started painting again for myself. You know, after the dishes were done, all my domestic chores were fulfilled. I'd sit down at dining table and paint.

SPEAKER_05

37:25 - 37:40

and what showed up on these canvases were pastures. Lush and open. The kind of pastures you'd see on a postcard from somewhere in Wyoming, or in this case, Tulsa, Oklahoma, where Joe grew up.

SPEAKER_06

37:40 - 37:51

Well, like I showed you somewhere with pain. Me and my buddies, we'd park out here and we'd get high in the evening. Like this is a summer evening, you know?

SPEAKER_05

37:52 - 38:01

Joe runs his hands through the air in front of a massive painting, leaning against the wall. It's of a field at dusk. It's like he's showing me property.

SPEAKER_06

38:01 - 38:11

And we would trip and we would conquer play the universe, you know? What do you think's the stars? What's back? What's behind them?

SPEAKER_05

38:11 - 38:20

It's one of those fields with thick grass that's matted where people might have laid down. There's some trees to lean against, separating the grass and the road.

SPEAKER_06

38:20 - 38:41

Our high school sat on Route 66 right on the edge of Tulsa and you know you pull out of school at lunchtime and you take a left and you could drive right down Route 66 to the heart of Tulsa and you could take a ride and you could go out to the there's farmland. You know this was in the early 70s and we would of course take a ride.

SPEAKER_05

38:47 - 38:56

So when Joe stopped trying to pay for anyone else, he drifted backwards into his adolescence. All those breezy right turns out of the school parking lot.

SPEAKER_06

38:56 - 38:59

And ultimately this is what people lined up for.

SPEAKER_05

38:59 - 39:16

Joe had one show and then another one studio visits from private collectors. Then calls from the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Whitney. Even sitcom art directors. All the while he kept on painting his deserted landscapes. Then, as he describes it,

SPEAKER_06

39:17 - 39:23

About 10 years ago, horses started showing up in my repertoire, so to speak.

SPEAKER_05

39:23 - 39:34

The pastors were an empty anymore. They started to draw mirrors and folds to themselves. Some in the far distance, some so close that they're out of focus.

SPEAKER_06

39:34 - 39:39

And then, about a year ago, I started painting girls.

SPEAKER_05

39:39 - 39:50

Joe's first attempt at the human form. The girls are all on their own campuses. They're undressed, stepping out of a darkened space. Some of them look like they're about to say something.

SPEAKER_06

39:51 - 40:06

And I'm just following my gut, I'm paying these pictures, so I really know why. You know, after a few months, I was sitting back and I was sort of reflecting, I was looking at all these things. And I noticed that they all look the same. They all look like the same girl.

SPEAKER_05

40:06 - 40:16

Looking over all the paintings in the studio, they clearly are the same girl. But in a dozen different angles, she has the look of a 16 year old in 1972.

SPEAKER_06

40:19 - 40:25

Like my first love kind of thing. Her name was Kay. It was like my first soulmate. The first you had the first time you feel like you're not alone.

SPEAKER_05

40:25 - 40:33

She's beautiful, oval face, almond eyes that look right into you.

SPEAKER_06

40:33 - 40:38

And then I remember this moment with her and me in the horse in the car.

SPEAKER_05

40:38 - 40:46

Joe realized he'd been painting a memory. The fragments of one afternoon, 30 years earlier, each ingredient emerging slowly.

SPEAKER_06

40:46 - 42:55

We were parked. in the back seat of my Nova, 67 Nova, in this pasture, and we were in the back seat, and a horse looked in the window. It was just like this moment, it was just like, you know, the horse is there, she's there, and I was in love, I had a Beautiful naked girl with me in the backseat of my car. You know, you just ain't getting better. I wouldn't, I was skipping out of school so I wouldn't have to speak. I wouldn't have been in class. You know, I was on easy straight. I probably had $5 in my pocket. You know, enough gas to get home and it's my cigarettes. I think I cheated on her. I think that's why. I think that's what happened. I went to the lake and I did something I shouldn't have. Right, you know, friend of somebody she knew. She moved away. It's been a soda for some reason. And she called me one day And we went to, went out dancing and we drank beer and danced. And I took her home to a place you stay. She was staying with some some friends in this old house behind a appliance store. dropped her off and she looked at me like this so there aren't you coming in and I says no I have to go see somebody else I forget her name new girlfriend and she let a cigarette slam the door and she died in a fire that night called the next morning

SPEAKER_05

42:57 - 43:09

A card or slams, a girl turns and looks over her shoulder. At a guy, she won't be seducing that night. A fragment of a moment frozen in time.

SPEAKER_06

43:09 - 43:19

I mean, the thing is, she was so spirited. If anybody was going to come back and haunt me, she would. How old were you? 21.

SPEAKER_05

43:19 - 43:21

How old was she?

SPEAKER_06

43:21 - 43:22

She was probably 19.

SPEAKER_05

43:25 - 43:40

That day in the car, with his girl in the horse looking in, Joe thinks the memory of that one afternoon in Tulsa might be some sort of post-traumatic pleasure syndrome, an echo that bounced off Jupiter and caught up with him again.

SPEAKER_06

43:40 - 43:46

And then again, they're just paintings, too. They're just color, and these are just excuses for me to make another painting.

SPEAKER_05

43:48 - 44:14

There's something alluring about Joando's paintings. They draw you in. Maybe that's why people pay big money for them. But the only thing that anyone who wasn't there in the field with Jo, K and the horse can do is look from the outside into an impenetrable past that's finished. That memory, that story, is self-sustaining and whole, looping endlessly in an alternate universe.

SPEAKER_06

44:14 - 44:28

This was an old title these and there's no, there's no. There's no ending. There's no beginning. Just every day and stir it up again.

SPEAKER_15

44:28 - 44:33

Joando has a new memoir. It's called Jubilee City and it is published by William Maro.

SPEAKER_13

44:33 - 44:34

We will continue in a moment.

SPEAKER_19

44:37 - 46:12

Radio Lab is supported by Mint Mobile. This spring, cleaning up your wireless bill is easy thanks to Mint Mobile. Right now, Mint Mobile is offering affordable premium wireless plans with unlimited talk text and data plans when you purchase a 3 month plan. To get this new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless plan options go to MintMobile.com slash radio lab. That's mintmobile.com slash radio lab. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 a month for first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes fees and restrictions apply. Seem mintmobile for details. Maybe a lab is supported by Babel. Sometimes self-improvement can feel like a pretty overwhelming journey. So what if this year you just got a tiny bit better every day? When you're learning a new language with Babel, that's exactly what you're doing. Babel is a science-backed language learning app with quick 10-minute lessons that have been handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. You can learn everything you need to have real world conversations, cafes you would play from vocabulary words to culture and more. And if Babel can help you start speaking a new language in just three weeks, imagine what you could do in a few months, or a full year. Here is a special limited time deal for radial abolitioners, right now get up to 60% off your Babel subscription. But only for our listeners at Babble.com slash radio lab. Get up to 60% off at Babble.com slash radio lab. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash radio lab. Rules and restrictions may apply.

SPEAKER_20

46:12 - 46:17

This week on the New Yorker Radio Hour, Congress has passed a law that will ban TikTok. But why?

SPEAKER_01

46:18 - 46:33

If you are going to take away an app used by 170 million people, I believe that lawmakers and the government who ostensibly work for us, the American people, owe us more information about why that divestiture is being moved forward.

SPEAKER_20

46:33 - 46:40

Debating the TikTok man, that's the New Yorker Radio Hour from WNYC Studios, listen wherever you get your podcasts.

SPEAKER_13

46:43 - 46:46

Ready? This is Radio Lab. I'm Jada Boomeran.

SPEAKER_15

46:46 - 47:17

And I'm Robert Koolwich. And on this show, we've been talking about memory. Remembering and forgetting. Yes. And this next story is about the most drastic version of this particular back and forth that I can think of. It just can't get any worse than this. This is a story of a man named Clyde wearing. It was told to me by the famous neurologist and writer Oliver Sachs. At first of all, who was Crive wearing when he was well?

SPEAKER_04

47:17 - 47:31

He was a gifted musician and musicologist who was really a pioneer in Renaissance music, especially the music of Orlando's Lassus.

SPEAKER_08

47:31 - 47:34

And he had a group called the London Lassus ensemble.

SPEAKER_15

47:34 - 47:36

This is Deborah Crive's wife.

SPEAKER_08

47:36 - 47:42

And in every concert, his signature tune was music a day, don't a music the gift of God.

SPEAKER_15

47:43 - 47:50

By music, the gift of God, that's sort of interesting. Exactly. And then what happened?

SPEAKER_04

47:50 - 47:57

Then, rather suddenly, in March of 85, he became ill.

SPEAKER_15

47:57 - 47:59

It began, she says, with just the headache.

SPEAKER_08

47:59 - 48:05

And he often had headaches because he often overworked, so it was nothing out of the ordinary.

SPEAKER_15

48:05 - 48:06

But it didn't go away.

SPEAKER_08

48:06 - 48:12

We called the doctor and the local doctors pronounced that it was a very bad flu bark.

SPEAKER_04

48:12 - 48:17

And each of the illness was not clear. No, it's gravity.

SPEAKER_08

48:17 - 48:26

Yes. On the fifth day of the headache, he was suddenly out of it.

SPEAKER_15

48:26 - 48:28

Suddenly he couldn't remember it.

SPEAKER_08

48:28 - 48:32

He didn't know my name, didn't know his home address.

SPEAKER_04

48:32 - 48:37

When the diagnosis was made of a herpes and cephalitis, the damage had been done.

SPEAKER_15

48:37 - 48:42

He was left as Oliver, but the most severe amnesia ever document.

SPEAKER_04

48:45 - 48:52

This is a man who, at least when things were very severe, would forget something in the blink of an eyelid.

SPEAKER_15

48:52 - 49:15

It's very hard to imagine what this must have been like. His wife Deborah wrote about it though at a book her own, and she says, his ability to perceive what he saw and heard was unimpaired, but he didn't seem to be able to retain any impression of anything from more than the blink, the view before the blink, utterly forgotten. Each blink each glance away and back brought him an entirely new view.

SPEAKER_08

49:16 - 49:26

Well, every moment is his first waking moment. There is no other moment for Clive, except this one.

SPEAKER_16

49:26 - 49:28

This is Clive from a documentary filmed a year after he got saved.

SPEAKER_15

49:41 - 49:45

If Deborah, trying for the umpteenth time to explain to him what happened.

SPEAKER_07

49:45 - 49:48

This is one of the things that's wrong with you.

SPEAKER_15

49:48 - 49:50

All you can feel is that he's not there.

49:50 - 49:54

It's like he's not there. It's been nowhere. I've been blind to open.

SPEAKER_07

49:54 - 49:59

I've been dead for a whole time. No sense of touch. You've been conscious that the brain hasn't been able to stop.

SPEAKER_16

49:59 - 50:04

I'm concerned that the unconscious actually means the person to involve is actually connected with it.

SPEAKER_07

50:04 - 50:12

Yes, and it doesn't happen. You're not being able to store. Or everything that you're experiencing. It's being lost, it's feeling rain.

SPEAKER_16

50:12 - 50:13

It's not a dangerous dream.

SPEAKER_07

50:13 - 50:24

It's not registering. That's right. It's not making any impact. It's not leaving a trace or an imprint on the brain. So it happens and then it fades.

SPEAKER_04

50:24 - 50:54

Proust has a wonderful description of waking up from deep sleep in a hotel room, a strange room, and perhaps feeling confused and not knowing where you are, what's around you, or not even knowing who you are. He says that memory comes like a rope let down from heaven to draw one out of the abyss of unbeying. No such rope is available for Clive.

SPEAKER_15

50:54 - 50:57

But the staff at the house will try to help.

SPEAKER_08

50:57 - 51:12

We put a diary by his bed and we initially wrote in it. You are in St Mary's Hospital Paddington. It is, etc. And then we encourage Clive to write things down.

SPEAKER_04

51:12 - 51:22

So he starts to keep a journal. He is extremely intent on trying to document his state. He is very, very precise.

SPEAKER_08

51:22 - 52:00

He would look at his watch to see what time was this momentous event occurring, a first consciousness. And so he would write down 10-06 awake first time. And then have the same sensation in 10-07. A wake, first time, truly a wake, first time. Ignore the last entry. Now I'm awake. This is the first real awakeness. And so the diaries are lined by line, a succession of astonished awakenings. People's entries in the diary are rubbish.

SPEAKER_07

52:00 - 52:02

What does that mean? Did you write that?

SPEAKER_16

52:02 - 52:07

I've never come just to concentrate on a little bit. For sure, no, no, for the first time.

SPEAKER_08

52:07 - 52:08

Is it your handwriting?

SPEAKER_16

52:08 - 52:09

Yes, but I know nothing about it at all.

SPEAKER_07

52:09 - 52:16

So how do you think it got there? I did. I just knew the doctor didn't know. But you must know. No, I haven't. Have you seen the book at all now?

SPEAKER_08

52:16 - 52:17

No, I'm all I've said.

SPEAKER_16

52:17 - 52:24

No, that's me. That means I haven't seen it. I haven't known it over the thought. That's all. There's no knowledge of that book. It's entirely new to me.

SPEAKER_08

52:24 - 52:26

But you put, who would put that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_16

52:26 - 52:31

No, no, no, no. Oh, they have said you didn't tell me just then to say, I've been the same thing.

SPEAKER_15

52:32 - 52:35

It seems as about as horrible as anything I could imagine.

SPEAKER_04

52:35 - 52:42

Clive gets the sense of deep horror many many times a day. Same as death.

SPEAKER_16

52:42 - 52:43

No difference in day and night.

SPEAKER_04

52:43 - 52:48

No thoughts at all. No one quite knows what to do with someone with amnesia.

SPEAKER_16

52:48 - 52:52

I've never seen any human beings since I've been able to. I don't remember sitting down on this chair for you.

SPEAKER_04

52:52 - 52:55

They're not mad, they're not retarded. This is precisely like death.

SPEAKER_15

52:56 - 53:01

The Clif has now suffered with this total hemnesia for more than 20 years.

SPEAKER_16

53:01 - 53:12

Can you imagine how one night, 20 years long, with no dream? That's what it's been like, just like death. In this sense, it's been totally painless.

SPEAKER_15

53:17 - 53:40

And yet somehow, some things have sustained. The love he has for his wife Deborah, remained part of him. But even though he doesn't remember, for example, his children's names, he doesn't remember anything about his immediate past, or even his relatively distant past, when Deborah walks into the hospital room. And he sees her, what happened?

SPEAKER_04

53:40 - 53:56

He, um, golf stalling. With relief and excitement. and they hug and he kisses her with enormous passion. He is suddenly being rescued from the abyss. There's suddenly something and someone familiar.

SPEAKER_15

54:08 - 54:11

She goes home, and the phone is ringing.

SPEAKER_04

54:11 - 54:18

She's just visited. Yeah, and she may find, she might find 20 calls on the message machine.

SPEAKER_15

54:18 - 54:21

From a man who doesn't know she's been there.

SPEAKER_16

54:21 - 54:27

I don't know if you don't find here. I'm afraid to anybody in this place. I don't know anybody in this place. I don't know anybody in this place.

54:27 - 54:28

I don't know anybody in this place.

SPEAKER_16

54:28 - 54:35

I don't want to speak to you, please. Can you tell us immediately that it's possible we can? I don't care, everybody else in the world to you, please.

SPEAKER_15

54:37 - 54:38

Fourteen minutes later.

SPEAKER_16

54:38 - 54:48

This is five here. I don't want to speak to anyone else. I want to do you, darling. Can't come and see me, please. I haven't seen you yet, and I want to. Please come, darling.

54:48 - 54:49

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_15

54:49 - 54:51

11 minutes later.

SPEAKER_16

54:51 - 55:04

This is five here. I have no idea what's going on. Anyway, you can get to me tonight to teach you a comment. I don't see you here. This can't be found, darling. It's five here. I just care about anyone else.

55:04 - 55:05

This is five here.

SPEAKER_04

55:07 - 55:23

He does not remember her in every way. He may fail to recognize her if she just passes. He cannot describe her. He may forget her name, but he does not forget her embrace, her warmth, her love, her kisses, her caring for him.

SPEAKER_15

55:32 - 55:44

So the question is, what happened here that he could forget everything it seems, but not her? Well, when I asked Oliver, he referred to an experiment, a particular experiment.

SPEAKER_04

55:44 - 55:54

Well, this was a famous or infamous experiment done by Clapper Ed, who was a French neurologist at the beginning, and this was done at the beginning of the 20th century.

SPEAKER_23

55:55 - 56:01

And there's this famous patient who basically had a version of the memory problem that was in the film Memento.

SPEAKER_15

56:01 - 56:01

That's right.

SPEAKER_23

56:01 - 56:53

That's right. She couldn't remember anything longer than kind of five or ten minutes. It would just disappear. And every day she would go see her doctor and he would greet her and she would say, hello, and then introduce herself and he would say, well, we see each other every day, but she wouldn't remember. And then one day, this is kind of a funny story because it's not exactly what you want your doctor doing. One day what he did was he concealed, as he was shaking your hand, he concealed a little thumbtack in his palm. and reached and shook her hand and prick her hand, and she, you know, recoiled and said, well, you're a terrible doctor. And then the next day, when she came back again, didn't know who he was. Didn't recognize him at all, as usual, and said, hello, and introduced herself, and then he reached out to shake her hand, and she paused. And she had this instinctive feeling like there's some kind of threat here. If she had no memory, if she could remember who this guy was, how could she somehow remember this threat, the threat posed by the pin prick in the palm?

SPEAKER_04

56:54 - 57:06

Well, this is Oliver's notion. And I think memories of pain and joy, I think are sort of primordial deep down in the oldest parts of our brains, all of our things.

SPEAKER_15

57:06 - 57:21

It may be a place where the memories that matter the most. And I like the idea of a sort of sub-cortical, safe vault for Clive, protected in the vault out of reach from his amnesia, was love for his wife, and one thing more.

SPEAKER_08

57:22 - 58:05

Yeah, I taken him off the ward to get some peace because he was hypersensitive to noise and the most peaceful place happened to be the chapel and we picked up an old hymn book and Phil wants of it anything better to do and because Clive talked jumble most of the time at that stage I began to sing and all of a sudden like he was the most natural thing in the world he joined in He could sing. I was amazed that he could still read music and sing.

SPEAKER_15

58:05 - 58:11

It was a tentative sort of stumbling, just like falling off a lock. Full voice, strong everything.

SPEAKER_08

58:14 - 58:16

And I was so thrilled.

SPEAKER_15

58:16 - 58:17

Did you want to sing another? Who are you back?

SPEAKER_08

58:17 - 58:18

And another?

SPEAKER_15

58:18 - 58:22

Yeah, absolutely. And if he could do that, she wanted what else could he do?

SPEAKER_08

58:22 - 58:24

We even brought his choir in.

SPEAKER_15

58:24 - 58:25

The one he used to conduct in London.

SPEAKER_08

58:25 - 58:49

To the hospital chapel, I had a hunch that if we stood Clive in front of them with a piece of music, he would be able to conduct. And it happened just as I hoped. His singers were flabbergasted. There was their old conductor bringing them in completely and utterly himself.

SPEAKER_15

58:49 - 58:58

And almost the instant it was over, it was over. He had no memory what he just done. In fact, later on she showed him a tape of that very performance.

SPEAKER_07

58:58 - 59:09

What would you say if I told you, you conducted the Lafuscans on the street? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

SPEAKER_16

59:10 - 59:10

I don't know.

SPEAKER_09

59:10 - 59:17

You're meant to prove it to me.

SPEAKER_16

59:17 - 59:23

This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_15

59:23 - 59:24

What in the speech right in front of him?

SPEAKER_04

59:24 - 59:41

There he is, all the pedestal, the turning hand, and he's conducting his fully in the music, fully himself. So music at a way becomes this Christian rope from heaven, which will record him to himself.

SPEAKER_15

59:41 - 01:00:10

And no one really knows you. What music does that makes this possible, not just in Climb and many others, maybe it's something about music itself that it's so richly organized, that every time you're in a song, you can feel what has been and what's about to be. Maybe Clara was just carried along in the architecture of music.

SPEAKER_08

01:00:10 - 01:00:20

But when the music stops, he falls out of time. Music gives him a piece of time in which to exist.

SPEAKER_15

01:00:20 - 01:00:59

Out of time, out of memory, out of himself, there's two things left. There's love, and there's the joy of music. Everything else is gone, but for some reason, those stay. Thanks to Deborah Waring, she's written a book about Clive called Forever Today, a memoir of love and amnesia. Thanks also, once again, to Oliver Sachs, who's included a piece about Clive in his new book on music and memory called Music or Felia. And thanks to Uden Associates, producers of the 1986 Jonathan Miller documentary, Equinox, Prisoner of Consciousness.

SPEAKER_13

01:01:12 - 01:01:25

Yes, radiolab.org. Or go to iTunes. Oh, one more thing home. You can send us an email, too. Please radio lab at WNYC.org. That's the email address. I'm Chad Appamrad. And I'm Robert Willwich. And this was radio lab.

SPEAKER_22

01:01:28 - 01:02:11

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SPEAKER_03

01:02:12 - 01:02:33

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SPEAKER_00

01:02:33 - 01:02:56

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SPEAKER_03

01:02:56 - 01:03:01

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SPEAKER_07

01:03:02 - 01:03:11

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SPEAKER_17

01:03:11 - 01:03:39

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SPEAKER_20

01:03:39 - 01:04:01

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